Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. (Check chapter 1, 2 or 3)
Then New York it is." He winked.
"But I want our kids to go to Hogwarts" Lily whined.
"They will, don't worry. The war will be over by then" James assured her.
"It totally makes sense Lily" said James.
"Yes it could be. I pretended to leave to avoid suspicions.But we stayed and she could bhere in New York."
"It will not be hard to find her. " said James happily.
"How?"asked Lily confused.
"There's a spell. I am sure it will work, at least now I am" and he squeezed Lily's hand three times.
Chapter 9 – Only hopeEvery time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
(Bizarre love triangle-New Order)
"Are you positevely sure it will work?"asked Lily as she watched James desperately look for something in his room.
"I hope it does" said James "Got it" and he took a little bag out with powder. " Remus knows the spell he performed it a year ago. Remember the mission Adam talked about?"
"Yes the one that almost killed him, what does that have to do with the spell?" asked Lily confused.
"Sirius was in that same team. And he went missing, we were all desperate especially Nelle. So Remus found the spell, it needs two people who share a really strong bond with the one missing, and a third person who performs the spell."explained James
"So Nelle and I made the link and Remus performed the spell, we found him before it was too late" said James with a darkened expression and Lily clasped her mouth in horror "Oh my..."
"He was too hurt , but everything turned out fine" assured here James.
"How..." said Lily fighting back the angry tears "everything just took a turn for worse, Jane died, Alex and sirius almost did...it just won't stop"
"I can almost understand why you did, what you did"said James sadly and took Lily's hand but she got up as his touch had suddenly burned her.
"Don't" she warned him.
"Lily...please" James pleaded.
"No, James. You can't just take it back" Lily strated feeling vulnerable again, it had been too long since she had spend this much time James. And after what happened at the castle and on the plane, she just couldn't deal with it. "I told you because ultimately you had the right to know, but that's all" said Lily taking a step back and trying to act cold.
"But we are in this together." James said confused by her sudden change of tone.
"Okay, this isn't going to work" Lily stated, she should've known better than to tell him.
"What isn't?" asked James not knowing what she was talking about. And it unnerved her how he was clueless, hell wasn't it obvious. Suddenly she couldn't believe him, did he had memory problems or was it some game for him.
"What had I done to you?" she asked or maybe more like yelled.
"Nothing" he answered honestly. "I don't have a problem with you, Lily where is all this coming from? A minute ago we were okay"said James getting up and taking a step closer to her
"No, no, no. That's where you are wrong. We are not okay" she said stepping back from him. We? Was he serious...there was no we...
"Did I offend you in some way? Disrupt the perfect little life you had going on? "asked Lily clearly upset by James amnesia to their whole problem.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" he asked starting to get desperate, she was acting all mad and angry and he hadn't said anything, he had been supportive, or at least trying to.
"You didn't said anything in weeks to me"She said with a broken voice, her true emotions beggining to surface "You acted like I didn't exist all of a sudden, at the office, at the meetings, at our missions, even with our friends... So don't say we are in this together." And James looked clearly hurt by her accusations but he just listened " the fact I told you about our daughter doesn't change anything between us."
"I am sorry but it does, she is my daughter too, and you kept it from me" he said angry too.
"Because I had to..." Lily yelled back and James felt like shit. When she saw the tears running down her face. "James I couldn't..I.."
And then in a lower tone of voice she added "I've done everything that I can to try to make this ridiculous situation work,but...I'm done."
And she turned away but James grabbed her by the arm and brought her face to face to him."Yeah, and I have tried to walk around with this fake smile on my face, pretending everything was fine, just the way it used to be.And it isn't working for me anymore" He said but to stopped to catch his breath. It hadn't been such a good idea to pull her this close. He could feel her breath all over his face just like two days ago at the castle, when he had kissed her.
He moved to kiss her but she turned away and in a hoarse voice said "No, James you can't keep doing this to me... I.." .
"Lily?" he asked letting her go and Lily sat in his bed and looked down.
James felt a wave of guilt but at the same time regret. He ruffled his hair and started pacing in the bedroom, trying to find the words. This was hard on him too, he had shed his deal of pain too, but here he was willingly to go back to her and he needed to tell her, to know he wanted to make it up for everything.
So he stopped in front of her and kneeled, grabbing her chin with his right hand and making her look him straight in his eyes
"The way it felt to be with you, how easy it was. Was the only thing I could ever count on" , then he looked down "and then it was all gone, taken away and I felt lost..." and he made a pause to look at her one more time and he smiled and said in a brighter tone " But now... " and he tried to take her hand in his but she moved away and stood up
She couldn't let him, she needed to push him away, he was married. She wasn't that kind of woman and she knew there was no way back now. "James, I.. I slept with Alex"
"What?!!" James immediately felt crushed, and his resolution fell apart with his heart. He was to tell her he was leaving his wife, but he was stupid and arrogant to think she would come running back in to his arms. But Alex?
"Last night, we got drunk...and we slep together" she explained still not meeting his gaze or turning to see his reaction. She was positevely sure, it was hurting him, and somewhere really deep inside her she felt glad it did, because subconsciously she wanted him to feel like she had...
"Why are you telling me this?"asked James in a trembling voice trying hard to hold back the anger. Why did she needed to torture him with something like this.
"I just want you to know that I'm moving on...Not with Alex, just generally." She waited a moment, but he said nothing back "I'll go owl Remus"
Lily had decided to go to the Ministry of Magic, this way it would be faster to contact Remus. Ministry owls had priority, and she had asked Alex help. He had made no questions and had pulled some strings. Now she was waiting for Remus to arrive.
She kept spinning around the events of the last three days, once again her life seemed more complicated, but at the same time, she felt the worse had passed now. The sole hope of finding her daughter kept her sane. Still she had to sort once and for all her feelings for James, but right now she had more important things.
"Lils" said Remus tapping her shoulder. Lily saw him and instantly smiled and reached up to hug him. "Thank you so much" she said.
"It's okay. We'll find her" Remus assured her. "Where's James?"
"At the hotel, come on" said Lily. Lily started filling him in in what had happened in the last days and what she had found out when she heard someone call her name "Lily.." she stopped and turned around. Lily approached Alex and Remus stayed behind so they could have a private goodbye.
"I've been looking for you. Are you feelinf alright?" he asked concerned for her best friend. He wished so much to help but he knew his presence would only complicate things between her and James.
"Yes.." Lily nodded. Alex gave ger a slight nod.
"Finding out what happened... I...I thought it would solve all my problems..You know, there'd be closure. But it's just as empty...as not knowing anything at all...there's nothing, it's horrible." She explained and Alex somehow understood better than she thought "The only thing is that I might be closer to finding my daughter" and her face enlightened as she said it. And Alex felt relieved.
"You know who knows you're still alive...what are you going to do when you find your daughter, move out of England?" asked Alex
"No...I'm not going to run anymore. I think I am going to stay in London. I don't what I will do when I get back for certain...I just want to find her first."Lily knew there was a lot to sort out. "What about you? Do you plan on ever coming back?"
"No, I think, I am staying. I might follow your advice and ask the pretty auror out" he chuckled. Lily smiled warmly and step forward to hug Alex tightly.
"Love you" said Alex pulling away from her and smiling.
"Me too" said Lily smiling back, and Alex turned to walk away. It was hard to let her go, but it was their thing he was her friend and he understood her more than he wished sometimes.
"Alex..."Lily called after him
"Yeah..."he stopped and midturned.
"We never talked about that.." said Lily
"Yeah. I kind of liked that" he said smiling
So Lily and Remus began walking out, but before going into the elevator she turned to take on a last look at Alex, and he looked honestly happy as he watched her leave, he nodded and gestured her to leave. Lily smiled back and a tear escaped her eye. They held eye contact until the elevator door closed.
"Aren't you curious?"asked Snape as he looked at a picture from Alexis' and James wedding. They were both smiling. She was such a good actress, sometimes he even wondered if she had not fallen for the so called Potter charm for real...
"Curious...about what Severus?" asked Alexis annoyed as she finished packing a suitcase.
"What Pott-head has been doing with the mudblood" stated Snape watching Alexis closely and try to read her face. She didn't reveal emotion.
"No, I am not." She simply stated.
"I would... but that is just me" said Snape laughing.
"Shut up Snape. We have no time for your stupid little games"said Alexis. "They saw Remus leave, it means they found something."
"What happens if James leaves you for her, if she tells him they have a daughter" said Snape ignoring Alexis' remark.
"She will not tell him, she isn't that stupid. Besides we'll get to ther daughter before her." Assured Alexis but she felt a wave of anger crash. She would do the impossible to keep James away from that bitch, she didn't love James, but he was hers and nobody took her things away.
"I certainly hope you are right. The Dark Lord will not be pleased if we fail" said Severus darkly.
James was carrying two glasses with a light blue liquid in it and what looked like a map.
"What is that?" asked Lily as James handed her a glass.
"Is a relaxing potion, it is supposed to make it less painful for you" explained James in a monotone voice and he drank the whole glass, and Lily followed him. James sat next to Lily and clasped her right hand putting a map of the city between themselves and Remus.
"Well, I guess I'll start then, " said Remus. Neither James or Lily moved, so Remus cleared his throat and pulled out a piece of parchment of his pocket, where apparently he had written the long spell. He took a white cristal and placed it on the map.He drew his wand from his robes and raised it, to his chest level.
And with a swish he began.
It felt like an eternity for Lily, who was her first time. Powerful, burning spell words came tumbling out of Remus mouth as he read. He moved his wrist in so many motions, but it was all automatic. James and Lily were in a sort of trance. And Remus got in.
First there was James, he had seen him before. There was pain, but also a lot of strength. He was powerful as Remus had always know, but there was now a lot of anger and rage in him too. And as he went deeper he found where his childish memories were preserved, his friends and surprisingly so Alexis. But as he went deeper he found it, but greater than last time, his love for Lily. It was ignited again and he found this time two links connecting him to Lily.
Lily was different from James, She was powerful too, but used to pain. He could feel it. Sadness and a sorrow clouded almost all. Everything on her was pretty much stained by the pain and hurt, her parents, her friends, but not as much as the love for James. It was almost dying and Remus felt like crying when he sensed it. It was consuming her, but behind it he found...light and hope.
After exploring and finding their links, he concentrated to focus just on them and he was amazed by what he saw, perplexed. The first link was thick covered in gold and red, but stained and broken. Lily's part was dull and muted, as if someone had place a screen over it. And he sensed the poweful love in it.
But the second link was silvery white, it shone brightly, it was so pure, untouchable .Lily's part was thicker than James' and when he touched it he sensed love and hope in the most pure way. This was the link he was looking for.
He concentraded and continued to swish his wand evoking as much as he could the power of the emotions deposited on the link and pour them into the white cristal, as he ended the spell and completed it with one last flick, Lily and James sank to their knees.
It took them several minutes to come back to their senses. When they felt conscious again they both saw Remus smiling. And Lily felt relieved and happy, the spell had worked.
"Moony?" asked James hopeful. And Remus nodded and smiled handing him the crystal.
"Will it work?" asked Lily nervoucly and excited at the same time.
"It must" said Remus assuringly "It is a very powerful crystal" he said looking at each other knowingly "more than the last one I did" he added.
James got up and hugged his friend. "Thanks moony" he said with a bit of a broken voice, he was so excited but at the same time so scared.
Lily followed and hugged him real tightly she was crying but for the first time of happiness. "Thank you so much Remus"
"Go, you've been waiting for this for a long time" he said stepping back. James smiled and Lily tried to wipe her tears and smiled too. They linked their hands holding the crystal, and Remus swished his wand again and muttered some words. And with a faint pop they dissappeared.
When Lily opened her eyes, she saw green all around, they were in a park, and there was a playground with benches just in front of them.
James hadn't let go of Lily's hand and he squeezed her three times before they started walking towards the playground. They noticed several baby strollers, but none of the babies in them was their daughter, until she heard a little girl cry, they spun around and saw a girl that must have been a year and a half or so walking with towards a woman.
Lily immediately clasped her mouth, there she was. She was so pretty, she had hazel eyes like her father, and red hair like hers. She closed her eyes and prayed it wasn't a dream. But when she opened them the little girl was still there. James turned to look to her as if asking her if it was okay to approach, after all it was her call. Lily nodded and left James behind to approach the woman.
"Hello?"said Lily carefully to the woman.She has black wavy hair and white skin, she must have been in her mid twenties. The woman was surprised when she saw the couple "Marissa?"she asked tentatively.
"Yes it's me" said Lily.
"Your hair is different. I am presuming this is the father?" she said sadly.James nodded and took a step to hold Lily's hand.
"She's beautiful" he breathed out as he watched the little girl play in the sandbox.
"So...why are you here?" asked the woman afraid of the answer.
"We came here for her" said James seriously.The woman seemed to alter, and her breathing rate started to increase "You..you...said" she said pointing Lily. Lily was confused she had no recollection of she had said or agreed with this woman.
"Miss..." said Lily trying to calm her down "I don't, I can't remember anything" she said simply.
"Lily.."said James interrupting her "I am not sure how safe is for us to be here. Mam, is there any place where we could go and talk?'" he asked politely.The woman nodded and got up and took Christina into her arms placing her in the stroller. They walked a few blocks without saying words until they reach a building. What did they didn't notice was the couple that had followed them into the building.
As soon as they reached the safety of the woman's appartment Lily had explained how she had suffered an accident and had amnesia , she hadn't given her much details just the basics so she could understand. "And so we found you..."
"We had been looking in every park for weeks Mrs. Danes" James lied.
"You can call me Elizabeth" she said to James, then she turned to Lily. "The last time I saw you, you said you were never coming back, you were very upset.."
"Marissa?" asked Elizabeth. "Are you okay?" she said as she opened the door, and Lily was crying and very altered. She entered into the appartment carrying her daughter in one arm and a big suitcase on the other.
"Take her, please" said Lily placing her in her arms. "In this suitcase is everything she needs" and putting the suitcase down
"Marissa, what are you doing?"asked Elizabeth alarmed by her neighbor's behavior.
"I am giving you my daughter" said Lily who hadn't stopped crying. "Christina is better off with you"
"Stop, what are you talking about?" She said putting the baby on the sofa.
"She's not safe with me. And I don't have much time" she said exasperated She was making the hardest thing she had ever done, this was worse than walking out on James.But she had to, there was no choice.
"Nothing can be that bad for you to leave Christina" reasoned Elizabeth "I can help you, I can tell John, he can.." trying to calm her down.
"No, no, no! You don't understand, you couldn't..." said Lily throwing her hands in the air "I...I wish there was another way, believe me I have thought about this a million times, this was my last option. But I have no choice, please Elizabeth" she begged."I would die for her if necessary, but what good would it do, she needs a stable home, a family, and protection and..." she paused at that " I can't give her that"
"Are you coming back?" asked Elizabeth, truth had started to sink. Sure she had always expressed her great desire to have a baby, and that she and her husband had tried.
"No, take care of her please. Love her as your own, I know you will" said Lily trying to clean the tears from her face, and sitting next to her baby. She looked so peaceful, she wondered if she would miss her as much as she would. She kissed her forehead,and placed a little gold bracelet on her right hand, that had a lily and a little stag dangled in it. "Goodbye Christina. Be a good girl." And she wiped her tearsMommy loves you" she whispered to the girl's ear, she sighed and stood up knowing there was no way back. She had to leave soon.
Elizabeth knowing that she was serious, pitied the young girl, and felt a pang of sadness. From the few months she had known Marissa, she was a great mother and she was sure she loved Christina more than anything, and that whatever reasons were putting her in danger must have been pretty bad, for her to make such a sacrifice. "I will"
"Promise me!" demanded Lily sobbing.
"I promise" said Elizabeth hugging the young girl in a motherly way.
"I..." said Lily, but she didn't even got a chance to say anything else. When they started to hear screams, and people running. Someone was here, they had to leave.
"James" said Lily alarmed instantly drawing out her wand, James was already at the door casting spell "Fortem Protego"
"Lily you need to take the out of here, this will not last long. Take them to the hotel with Remus and owl Alex and Dumbledore." yelled James. Elizabeth had already taken Christina into his arms an was afraid, the man had called Marissa ,Lily, they had wands, she had a million questions, and the screams were getting closer.
"I can only apparate one at a time" said Lily.
"What is apparate?" asked Elizabeth.
"Take Christina first" said James and then he turned to Elizabeth who reluctantly gave the girl to Lily. And with a faint pop they were both gonee"Mrs. Danes, there is no time for explanations, but you life and my daughter's is in danger" said James. "Lily will come back to take you to a safe place."
"Lily?"asked Elizabeth."That's her real name?"James nodded, he was sure the attack was not a casualty.
Lily apparated into the room "Remus is owling Dumbledore" she said to James and turned to Elizabeth "Come on, we have to go now!"
"Take them to some place safe. The hotel room is too risky" said James. "I'll try to distract them and take down as much as I can"
"No, I'm coming back to help you. Remus can take them" said Lily stubbornly she wasn't going to let James in here alone. "Elizabeth grab my hand and close you eyes try to relax" she did as told. "I'll be back" and with that she dissaparated.
"No, Lily!" said James exasperadetly but she was gone. Damn her!! He lifted the spell of the door, and went out into the hallway. He wasn't going to hide.
"Chaos followed the green curse. The muggles were screaming, running out of their appartment James ducked behind a pillar hus as red curse blasted the wall in front of him. He wasn't fool he had seen about four death eaters so far, and he was pretty sure there were more in the lower floors. And then he heard a pop, and some steps. Lily was back...
James saw her and grabbed her, he felt her mouth open to scream, but he closed over her mouth. She struggled frantically until James said "It's me.Stop moving, there are four death eaters."
James released Lily. "You shouldn't have come back" said James sternly. And Lily dismissed him and asked him" How many?"
"I've seen four, but I am sure there are more" said James "Remus?"
"Yes, he had owled Alex already and he was going to owl Dumbledore. The american aurors should be here soon." Explained Lily.
There was a loud shout followed by a crash of window being shattered. And some running steps, James signaled her to shush and he listened carefully "There's four or five of them" he whispered directly in her ear. "On the count of three" James swallowed and Lily tightened her grip on her wand handle "One...two...THREE!"
Lily and James both jumped just enough to take aim and shouted "Stupefy!" at the same time. Two death eaters fell.So Lily and James went back behind the pillar " There's three I'll take two" said James and he stepped , Lily after him
"Snape!"Alexis yelled as she climbed up the stairs with Severus by her side.
"What?" said Snape irritated
"Rookwood forgot to cast the anti-apparition spell" yelled Alexis furiously "She's gone" she gritted out through her teeth.
"What about Potter and the mudblood?" asked Snape
"They're still here" spated Alexis "But the aurors will arrive soon".
"We should at least get them" said Snape. And as the floor came into there were two hallways, James was in one duelling with Rodolphus, and Lily was on the other hallway with Rabastan. Snape stopped for a second and then said lazily "Get your husband will you" and he smirked putting his mask on. Alexis only ignored and placed her mask as well.
"Stupefy" yelled James hitting the death eater's chest directly and as he fell he spun around and saw another one standing they yelled at the same time "Expelliarmus" but James spell was quicker and his reflexes were fast, he had the death eater's wand in his hand now.
"Incarcerous" He said pointing to Alexis oblivious, and he did the same to the unconscious form of Rodolphus he kneeled and took his mask off .
"Had to be you"and he laughed in a very dark way, and Alexis could see the fury in his eyes. He kicked Roldolphus unconscious body and then turned towards Alexis "Let's see which coward are you " said James "My guess is dear Bellatrix" he said bitterly
"Though you are awfully quiet today" he said jokingly as he approached Alexis, he heard a really familiar voice yell "Drop you wand" And James laughed this death eater was stupid or what,
"Come on Potter drop your wand" said Snape one more time. The idiot was too arrogant for his own good. "Crucio" yelled Snape pointing to somewhere Jame could not see and a little bit after, he heard Lily scream in pain.
"Put the wand down" said Snape again.
"No, James don't" yelled Lily as she tried to fight the curse.
"Drop the wand!" said Snape calmly "If you love her , you will put the wand down" he was having fun, he could've stunned James, but where was the fun in that. He was getting to annoy Alexis, he was sure of it. As she immediately turned to look at James.
James seemed to hesitate for a second and he heard Lily yell again "Aaah!! Dooon't" But James had already dropped his wand...
A/N: Chapter 9 finally...I haven't had much time as usual... besides my beta didn't like my past chapter, she said it's very confusing and that I should rewrite the whole thing.She's mostly right but I thought about it and decided to go on as it is. Because I don't have time and I really want to continue the story. Please feel free to ask anything, I'll answer any doubts you have about my chapters or things you don't understand.
To my beta: I do want to make it the best but right now I can't I'll keep up to see how it goes, I still hope you can keep proofreading my other chapters.
Something that might not be clear:
a)The links, the first one was the love they have for each other
b)the second the love for their daughter. I know it might seem unbelieavable for James to love her daughter if he just found out. But he does because is the "fruit of his love for Lily" (as corny as it sounds), besides he had time to digest it. She represents a new stage on his life...or so he thinks..
c)The spell mechanic. the link has to be strong (meaning full of powerful emotions such as love-sirius and danielle, lily and james-, friendship-sirius and james,) when combined with magic the power of the emotions that and captured into the crystal, the crystal becomes a magnet, so to speak, that works on a certain area( that's why Remus never suggested it to Lily ), and leads them to the person they're looking for. (I got the idea from charmed but it's different)
d)Lily and Alex are best friends!!! they had what some people call comfort sex. Alex doesn't love her the way James does.
e)Alexis is a death eater, has been all along, even before marrying James.
f)Elizabeth was Lily's neighbor-friend. And met her as Marissa Smith
g)And I know many of you hate me and say it's not viable for Lily to give her daughter in adoption. But the thing is she had no choice, she was willing to give her life but she knew the consequences, and that it wouldn't be enough for her to be safe. She wanted as every mother does ,what was best for her, and if having a normal, safe, life meant she had to be with someone else, it was worth the cost for Lily.
Any other questions, ask, and I'll promise I'll answer!!
Review please, this story has a long way to go
Ivy