"You are a damn idiot," said Loki, after he slapped his brother on the head.
"Brother!"
"You were stupid enough to charge into Laufey's realm and demand answers...and to make matters worse you arrogantly attacked him? Is this how Asgard's future king is supposed to act?!" said Loki.
Thor was actually moping. It was bad enough he couldn't pick up his hammer at the moment, but the way Loki was speaking sounded far too much like Frigga.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!" came a disbelieving shout.
"What's that about?"
"I don't know, and frankly I am not going to ask."
Fury was quite literally banging his head against the wall. It was quite entertaining to watch. Some of the younger agents with phones were actually recording it for later.
Naruko was grinning with her hands behind her head while B moped.
Coulson looked equally irritated.
"You mean to tell me that this whole time all we had to do to shut him the hell up was slap him?" said Fury.
"Oh no, you have to do some actual damage. Shooting him in the ass might work," said Naruko, trying not to laugh. She wasn't doing a good job.
"I can't believe it was that simple," said Coulson. He was the one stuck with this idiot most of the time.
"To be fair, his older brother used to electrocute him when he got too annoying. He's used to corporal punishment, and he heals fast enough that it won't bother him too much."
"Oh good. Permission sir?" asked Coulson, he had a twitch in his eye.
"Granted."
"OW!"
Phil Coulson looked particular satisfied as he emptied an entire clip into B's ass. Naruko just started laughing her head off.
"Any chance he'll get lead poisoning?" asked Phil.
"Doubtful, but unless you want him to get picked up by metal detectors..." said Naruko grinning.
"You suck little nine."
"You deserve it. Either learn how to rhyme better or quit that poor excuse you call music," said Naruko flatly.
"You do realize that now they know I heal fast they'll be shooting me on sight, right?"
"Only if you piss off Fury too much. I don't think they want to explain why they keep wasting valuable ammunition," deadpanned Naruko.
"Bully," said B.
"Better me than Yugito. She would have clawed the crap out of you, remember?"
B winced.
"So little nine, where's your boyfriend," said B smirking.
"He's not my boyfriend just yet, you idiot. And Loki is currently with his brother, the blond idiot who charged in like a wild boar to get his hammer back," said Naruko rolling her eyes.
"Wait, that muscle head is his brother? Guy was about as bright as well.. Gai," said B.
Naruko snorted.
"Actually I would put him about the same level as Sakura in her fan girl stage," said Naruko dryly.
B winced.
"That bad?"
"Gai is a brilliant taijutsu specialist. Thor is a moron who thinks that smashing things with his hammer and acting like he owns the world is a smart way to get things done. And the worst part was that he was nearly crowned King of the Asgardians."
Loki came in looking very harassed indeed, with his idiot brother following him.
"Well?" asked Naruko.
Thor had the decency to look ashamed.
"Sir? There's a man outside who claims to know Thor," said Coulson.
Naruko listened in to this Erik Selvig and snorted in amusement.
"It's a good spin, but I'm afraid we beat you to the punch," said Naruko stepping out of the shadows. Selvig stared at her in surprise.
"Thor, do us a favor and try to think for once in your life?" said Loki with a sigh.
"And as for you, Fury, I suggest you give Ms. Foster her research back or I will take it upon myself to steal it from under you," said Naruko.
B winced.
"Naruko is a bit...vindictive. If you don't do as she asks you'll be pranked within an inch of your life," said B.
Loki ended up with the only woman who could claim to have beaten his brother not once, but twice. Loki was grinning widely, because there was no way in hell his brother was living down the fact he had been run over twice by a woman...one who then proceeded to stun him with his own element.
Erik seemed to be in shock when he realized who had followed them back to their makeshift lab. It was bad enough meeting Thor... Loki actually understood what they were doing and kept dropping hints on how to improve upon their knowledge without outright telling them.
Darcy, however, seemed to be enamored with Naruko, who kept cheerfully switching between a very hot man and her true gender. The two just seemed to click, to the amusement of Jane and Loki.
Gender was always optional to Naruko. She didn't care which one she was.
"So why exactly were you banished from Asgard?" asked Jane.
"Thor was banished, not me. I went on vacation. I certainly didn't anticipate my brother being a more monumental idiot than usual, or that father would dump him on Earth as punishment," corrected Loki.
"Loki here underwent my own unique brand of therapy, and now we're picking up the pieces in a place where people won't bother him solely because of who he is," said Naruto cheerfully. Darcy was drooling over the red haired man until he switched back to Naruko again. Strangely Darcy didn't stop the staring.
Their attention was drawn to the window, and Naruko groaned openly.
"Dammit. Why in the cold depths of hell are they here?!" said Naruko.
It was the idiot trio. All decked out in armor and looking very out of place.
"Who are they?"
"A man-whore, a condescending she-witch and a hill barbarian," said Naruko bluntly. Loki snorted and Thor looked a bit crestfallen.
"They are the greatest warriors of Asgard," said Thor defensively.
"They're idiots," said Naruko, "And you're not much better. What sort of warrior thinks that charging in without a plan is acceptable?"
Sif finally noticed her and scowled.
Naruko cheerfully flipped her off, not that the woman knew it. Darcy snorted.
"So did Odin send you?" asked Loki.
"No. He is in Odinsleep and Baldur holds the throne. He does not know we are here," said Sif frostily.
"You went behind the king's back? Why?" asked Thor confused.
"We tried to reason with Baldur, to undo your punishment. But he refused to allow you to return until you have proven that you are truly worthy of your powers. We still do not know who set the Jotuns into Asgard, or into the vault."
Naruko snorted derisively.
"Breaking into that vault is child's play if you show enough patience. The guards are lax, the security is a total joke if you know what you're doing, and if you have enough patience you could easily find the old path into the vault. The only problem is the Destroyer, but so long as you can understand the spells behind it even he's not a problem. Hell, I could have robbed that place a hundred times over if I had the inclination for it!" said Naruko.
Seeing the horrified looks of Thor and his group, Loki chuckled.
"Naruko already broke in once and not only picked up the Casket of Ancient Winters, but didn't even set off the Destroyer. From what she's told me the spirit inside seems to have taken a liking to her enough that it imparted part of it's magic to her," said Loki.
Seeing the horrified looks of Thor and the others, Naruko laughed.
"Again, I could have robbed it if I felt like it. Frankly I didn't feel the need to bother just yet."
"That being said, I really feel like visiting this school your brother spoke of before my brain starts to die from being around my brother too long," said Loki. Thor took his insult with a grain of salt... he was used to Loki being much more cynical and cruel.
Naruko was about to say something when she stood up.
"What is it?"
"Didn't you feel that? The bifrost just opened," said Naruko, looking into the distance.
She had sensed the others before, but she hadn't known what it was. Now that she knew what the bifrost felt like when it was opened, she could pinpoint it from a good distance.
"What?"
"A few minutes ago. You don't think Baldur sent guards to drag you three back, do you?"
"I sincerely doubt it. He should have been informed I was here as well, so he would know I would send them back if they were too distracting," said Loki frowning.
Then Naruko's sharper eyes widened in shocked disbelief.
"We need to evacuate the town. Now," she said. It wasn't a request.
"What..."
"Someone just brought the Destroyer here!" explained Naruko.
Thor's eyes widened in horror when his eyes finally caught what Naruko had seen two miles away. The unmistakeable form of the Destroyer, heading for the town.
"Why would..." started Sif, but Naruko had long past quit hearing her.
She raced out the door, not even bothering to close it as her hands went into a long familiar hand sign.
"On the plus side, at least now she'll be properly entertained," said Loki dryly.
"Brother, should we not stop her?"
"Why? She's beaten both of us with extreme ease and I sincerely doubt she would appreciate us interfering in the first proper fight she's had since leaving her home world," said Loki flatly, before he noticed an additional fighter, "At least not one of us at any rate."
B had joined the fight. Lightning and wind were thrown about with disturbing frequency, all while they drove him back away from the town and into the desert where the damage would be minimal.
Thor wished he had his hammer upon seeing B's lightning attacks.
Suddenly they all heard the sound of metal being utterly destroyed by a swirling vortex of wind held in Naruko's hand...and gaped as the Destroyer was completely obliterated.
Naruko cheerfully walked back to the former car dealership with her 'brother', looking very pleased with herself. Seeing the looks everyone but Loki was giving her, the first thing that came out was "What? Did I get a piece of that oversized tin can on me?"
Loki snorted.
"I think they're simply in a state of shock over the fact that you so badly outclass them it's ridiculous. Coincidentally I think Thor has developed a man-crush on your 'brother' over there when he used his lightning," said Loki dryly.
Naruko would have nodded before a thought occurred to her and she paled.
"Oh dear Inari-sama, may B never infect Thor with those kami-awful rhymes..." she whimpered.
"Come on little nine! You know the great and powerful Kirabi is sublime!" rapped B.
Darcy grimaced at that poor excuse for a rhyme but laughed when Naruko immediately slapped B on the head to shut him up before Thor tried to rhyme like that.
"B, I swear to Inari if you somehow convince that those damn raps of yours are the source of your power I will unleash the full brunt of the Youthful Man Hug on your ass," said Naruko flatly.
B paled.
"Anything but that!"
"With an obese Gai and A," she confirmed.
Seeing her deft handling of her brother, Loki snickered. If only he had such an experienced hand at dealing with idiots.
That was when B noticed Loki, who fit the general description Naruko had given of her latest 'victim'.
"So you're Naruko's latest victim. From the look of your eyes, I think she hit you hard and fast," he said.
Loki flinched.
"A victim?" said Thor, really wishing he had his hammer.
"Little nine has this vicious technique we call a Shatter Mask. It basically means she broke through whatever persona your brother used to hide his real feelings and nature behind and forced him to see the true nature of himself. It's got a perfect hit rate, and she's never failed to break someone and convert them to her side."
Naruko helpfully brought out her page from the last medical journal made by Tsunade. Loki read it.
"Shatter Mask- the ability to break through the self-made illusions about one's true self and convert enemy units into allies through shared pain and empathy. Has a one hundred percent success rate.
Warning: if the patient is suffering from a tragic past or has been shunned or hated for an extended period, effects can be devastating to psyche. Recommended that such persons be removed from duty until a new mask is created to shield patient from outside influences."
Thor, for the first time since Naruko had known him, actually showed a bit of understanding when Loki read the last passage. Apparently he wasn't as oblivious as he made everyone think.
B looked at Loki.
"So how did she break your mask? A spar, a beat down or just a shoulder to cry on?"
"A spar. She was interested in how magic worked so we fought it out on the Dark Elves former world," said Loki automatically.
"I wasn't interested in Thor coming after me for breaking his brother," deadpanned Naruko, who then turned to said idiot, "Now Thor you have two options. Either get your head out of your ass or remain stuck on Earth as a human. Frankly it's all the same to me, because we're going back to our vacation once someone comes to pick up this idiot."
"Oi! Don't diss the Killer B!"
"Why not? You're an idiot through and through!" she taunted.
"Them's fightin' words little nine!"
"Bring it on," said Naruko grinning evilly.
"Best out of three?"
"Hell yeah!"
Loki was among the few who dared to go out and watch the brawl.
Naruko and B immediately dove into an all out war against each other, cackling the entire time. If he hadn't had time to get used to his possible girlfriend's true nature, Loki would have sweatdropped. Despite her calm way of knocking Thor and the others several pegs down, or dealing with his snarky whit, Naruko was very much a battle maniac.
She just learned to channel it when necessary...which was why Loki was very glad he had learned through a rather painless sparring match how strong she really was rather than have her beat him senseless.
Without warning, an entire wall of sand hit both the cackling idiots.
Gaara had arrived to play.