Bucky dressed sharp, primped himself up nicely. He made sure Steve saw before he left, feeling his gaze burning into his ass as he sashayed past. Bucky was going out to have a good time, and hopefully irritate Steve when he got back barely able to stand and probably close to vomiting all over the place. He desperately needed a break from both Steve and his own head.

The music was loud enough to get lost in. The club was dark enough to disguise the poor judgements made by the alcohol fuelled people within. Bucky was intoxicated by the mere atmosphere of the place, but that didn't stop him from ordering a drink or two. Bucky had to admit that he liked modern dance places - almost as much as he had enjoyed the dance halls when he was younger. Not that they were in any way comparable; they were two totally different things entirely.

There was a pretty young woman giving him blatantly lusty stares. She was tall - almost as tall as him - and was all legs. He gave her his winning grin and went over.

They ended up at her place, wrapped around each other on the sofa. It was only when they were down to their underwear and she was beginning to slip out of those too that Bucky had to stop. He mumbled his apologies to the angered woman and hurried from the building.

It wasn't until he was outside in the cold air that he realised just how close he had come. He couldn't. He couldn't do that to Steve, no matter how uncertain things were between them. He loved the old fool too much.

He felt like shit.

Why had he even gone out in the first place? He went with the intention of annoying Steve, not this. This wasn't what he wanted their relationship to devolve into. But he realised that if anything his behaviour had been encouraging it to get this far. Steve's hands weren't exactly clean in this matter either.

He was such a fool.

An awful feeling settled in his gut, and it was all he could do not to vomit into the pavement. He would - he would go home, go straight to Steve and explain - no, confess all to him. And hope to god that Steve believed him.

-XOX-

The tower was quiet when he got off of the lift at the floor with all of their bedrooms on. He crept down the hallway towards the room he shared with Steve, his heart thundering loudly against the silence.

Steve was asleep when Bucky slipped into the room. He silently shed his clothes and wriggled under the covers. He doubted he would be able to sleep with the guilt of the night still hanging over him. He would tell Steve the moment the other man was awake.

As soon as he was settled, Steve curled next to him, pushing his face into the crook of Bucky's neck. Bucky felt his heartbeat falter. Steve tensed against his lover at the signals his nose was sending his brain.

"Buck...?" He murmured hesitantly; his voice thick with sleep but nonetheless alert. Bucky could feel himself shaking. He told himself it wasn't with fear.

"It's not what you think. I didn't...I couldn't...not when I still love you."

Steve exhaled heavily into the laden silence. "Go shower. I can't talk with you stinking of someone else."

"Okay." Bucky murmured in a small voice, pushing himself out of bed.

"And Buck? Be quick."

-XOX-

He had the temperature set to scorching, scrubbed himself until he was red and didn't take longer than five minutes to limit the simmering anger of his lover. He left his clothes in a neat pile on the side, knowing Steve would want to burn them at a later date. He pulled the largest towel from the rail and wrapped it tightly about his Shoulders. It covered him down to his knees - a stark contrast to the tiny towel he usually wrapped around his hips to entice Steve. He took a steadying breath and stepped into the bedroom, completely covered and yet entirely exposed.

-XOX-

"Tell me what's going on Buck. You've been...off ever since I got back."

"I..." Bucky wrung his hands in nervousness, staying close to the bathroom door to make escape easier. Steve looked pointedly at the bed next to him, and Bucky cautiously went to sit in the space indicated to him.

"I'm fucked Stevie. In the head, and now this." He indicated vaguely at his stomach. "We want different things and I'm trying...and struggling to come to terms with that. Just need a bit more time to accept it is all."

Steve had the confused frown on his face again. "What do you mean we want different things?"

Bucky's flesh hand began to tremble as the adrenaline shot through him. "I wouldn't...you have to understand Stevie, it's not that I want to, it's just that...it ain't likely to happen, y'know?" Steve nodded slowly here, responding even though the question was rhetorical. "So...when you got back an' used a johnny, I realised you didn't necessarily want it...if it did happen at all, which - let's face it – aint all that likely." Steve stared at Bucky's towel clad knees while he spoke.

He took almost an entire minute to fully process what he had heard. "Is this why you've been so distant?"

Bucky hurried to answer, "I'm trying to accept it Stevie, I swear! I'm sorry; I'll try harder from now on, promise."

Steve's head shot up to look Bucky in the eye. "No, Buck! I'm sorry. I thought...I thought you didn't want that. I saw the way you reacted when you found out...it seemed like your world was over the way you held me. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that without talking to you first."

Silence settled over the two men as they stared at their own knees. Bucky knocked his shoulder into Steve's, a wry smile spreading over his face. "We're a right pair, aren't we?"

Steve grinned back at him with boyish cheek, "That towel offends me."

Bucky caught on almost immediately. "I'd better take it off then, hadn't I?"