Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Sadly enough. Why do I have to keep reminding myself? *cries softly*
Author note: I always loved Pendanski. Don't ask why, I just do.
I move over to him and pet his hair. It's longer and dishevled. "I'm sorry, Jacob. You know I didn't mean to raise my voice at ya'. I just...I don't like what you're doin' to yourself is all. You're my little Jacob Conrade." I say and wince when he glares at me with bloodshot eyes.
"It's Pendanski not Conrade." He hisses.
"Your my little Jacob Pendanski. I don't like seein' ya' hurt." I say and kiss his forehead. "You're my brother."
Pendanski's POV
I smiled when he said that, "You're my brother". It made me feel special to him. I guess I was. "Thanks, Marion." I whisper and he wraps his arms around me in a hug.
"No prob, Jacob." He says than kisses me again, this time on the lips. "I love ya', my little brother." He says.
"I love you too." I say and blush when the boys walk in.
"Mom?" Theodore asks.
"Mr. Sir?" Alan asks. The D-tenters give each other looks than burst into laughter.
"Mr. Sir and Mom, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes lo-"
"You boys shu'up before I make ya' dig three holes a day!" Marion said, glaring at them.
"That's harsh." I say.
"Whateva'. Meet me in my office, Pen-Dance-Key." He says in a angry tone. He always sounds like that when the campers are around. He walks out and leaves me alone with the boys.
"Mom?" I look up at Alan.
"Yeah?" I ask, allowing myself to smile.
"Your hair is pink." He says. I blush, remembering that my hair, was indeed, pink. "I know." I say and they laugh.
"I'll see you boys later." I say and they nod.
"Mom," Rex stops me before I leave. "Yeah?" I ask, turning to face him.
"Please, don't hurt yourself no more."
"I'll try." I say. I couldn't say I stop completely.
"Please, try real hard." He says. "Promise." Ricky said. "You have to promise." Theodore said.
"I promise." I say and leave their tent. It makes me feel good to know that they care.
"No! Jacob I don't care what ya' been through! You can't just cut yourself over it!" Marion screams at me. We had been talking over my self abuse for a while now. It turned into another fight.
"You don't understand!" I say. "It helps! I feel sooo much better when I do!"
"I don't give two shits! You are going to stop and that's final!" He screamed in anger. I frown at him.
"You can't tell me what to do!" I say to him, "You're not my brother!" I say and a look of hurt crosses over his features. I instantly feel horrible and his look of pain goes to one of anger.
"Really? I'm not your brother?! After all that I've done for you?! Everything I've given up?!" He screams.
"Marion, please I didn't mean-"
"You're a fucking brat, you know that? All ya' do is fucking complain and act as though no one wants to help ya'! Well guess what? No one does anymore! That's right! I'm done with ya'! Go fucking commit suicide! I don't care anymore! You are just a fucking nuisance to everyone!" He says and turns to leave.
I reach out for him. "Marion please-!" He spins around and punchs me in the face. I fall onto my butt and I find tears filling my eyes instantly. He brings his foot down on my stomach and than my head. He begins to beat me.
I think about half an hour passes and there is blood on the floor. "Marion!" I sob. He is breahting heavily when he stops and I'm holding my arm protectivly. I think he broke it. He looks at me, a sneer of anger on his face. But, realization washes over his features and he looks stunned. He looks at his fist, covered in my blood. He let's go of the collar of my shirt and I instantly bolt out the room.
"Jacob!" He calls after me. "Please, I'm sorry!" He says but I ignore him.
The only thing I can think is 'He hit me! He. Hit. Me. I didn't mean to make him mad! I'm a fucking idiot! I'm such a fucking nuisance!' I bump into someone, "Mom!" Ricky says.
"Not now." I say, tears are still trailing down my face and night time is approaching. "I need to be alone." I say and try to leave but Theodore comes out of nowhere, the other D-tenters with them, and he lets out a gasp. "Mom! You're bleeding!" He says.
"Leave me alone." I sniffle and walk towards the personal trucks. Before I can get in, however, Jose grabs my arm. "Mom, your hurt. You can't drive like that."
"It's just a nose bleed." I say and slam the door shut. I look at them, to see their worried glances. I sigh and put my window down. "I'll see y'all later. Maybe. I don't know. Be careful. Take care. You know, the good stuff." I say and drive off towards the desert. I drive pass a few holes and when I'm far enough from camp I stop. I walk over to a hole and jump in it. I take out a razor blade from my back pocket. I had learned long ago trying to shave with short showers didn't work out. I either ended up with a half a beard or a lot of cuts on my face.
I didn't mind cutting my legs. My face was something different entirely. I take the razor and pull my pants leg up. The cuts from a few days ago are still there. I grab the razor and think of something. I'm a nuisance to Marion. I'm a nuisance to everyone I meet. I decide on doing that. N.
It hurts like hell and I can't stand it. Damn, I'm weak. The pain shall teach me a lesson. Never again will I nuisance any! U. I.
I hear someone running towards me. It's like there is a lot of them. Five of them, maybe? S.
"Mom, stop!" I ignore Alan's cry. They stop above the hole. Looking down at me. Alan, Theodore, and Ricky have tears rolling down their cheeks while Rex and Jose look ready to cry as well. "You're hurting yourself." Ricky sobs.
"I told you I need to be alone!" I say. A.
"Please, stop!" Theodore says, wiping tears away.
N.
"Mom!" They scream at me.
C.
"Mr. Pendanski!" Rex says and I look up at him. They never called me by my name. "What?"
X-Ray's POV
Mom talks like we're having a casual conversation. I hate seeing him like...this. His leg is bleeding and his eyes are bloodshot, tears still stream down his face. He looks so helpless and sad. After everything he has done for us, we have to do something for him. "Please, stop cutting yourself." I say.
He contiunes. E.
"You are not a nuisance!" I say and he traces over the cuts, making them deeper and bleed more.
"You know I am now go!" He says, waving his hand for us to go.
"No!" We say. He looks up at us, a little shocked to hear us scream at him. "No." I say and hop down into the hole. Zig-Zag follows me along with Squid. "You are gonna fucking listen to us!" I say.
He frowns, "There is no need for you to curse." He says.
"Yet you act as though you have a reason to cut yourself!" I scream at him.
"I do." He says, a look of pain and shame coming across his face.
"Why than? Why? Tell us!" I say.
He frowns and stands, "You wanna fucking know?" He points at one of the things carved into his leg. Useless.
"I'm useless because my entire life, when my ma died, I couldn't do shit. She died alone in bed, when I was at school! I should've been there for her! I should've done something! But, I couldn't because I'm useless!" He says, than points at another word. Worthless.
"I'm worthless because even after my dad kicked me out no one wanted me. No one needed me! I lived in a cardboard box until I was ten!" He points at another word. Stupid.
"I'm stupid because I never go through with anything! Right when I'm about to make it big, I screw it up! Like I screw everything else up!" Weak.
"I'm weak because just look at my life. You kids treat me like dirt, Marion hates me, the other counslers think I'm an pansy freak, and you wanna know what I do? I cry! That's all I can ever do now!" Pathic.
"Look at me. I'm short as hell, I have no muscle tone, and I burn up like a snail in salt under the sun. I'm the ugliest thing in the fucking world!" Tears are streaming down his face and blood is all over the ground. He looks dizzy but we are too shocked to do anything. He points at his last scar, failure.
"That is the one word to describe me! I'M A FAILURE! I was here, doing nothing, while my wife n' little girl died in a fire! All because of me! I couldn't afford to get the fire dector fixed and than the fire started! They couldn't get out because they found out too late! It was MY fault! I failed them! I failed you kids! I failed Mr. Sir! I failed everyone!" He is stumbles slightly. Than points at his latest cuts, nuisance.
"Mr. Sir hates me! He was my only friend in the whole fucking world and now he hates me! It's my fault! It's all my fault! I shouldn't have been a brat! I should've listened to him! I-" His voice cracks and he drops to his knees, crying. He sobs hard into arms and we are frozen. We...never knew he felt like that. We felt horrible. Magnet came down and walked over to him, "Mom." He says quietly.
Mom sniffled and contiuned to cry.
"You haven't failed us." He says, placing an arm on Mom's shoulder. "We failed you. We're sorry. We love you. We care about you." He wrapped his arms around Mom, hugging him. "Mom, I love you. You are literally the closet thing I have to a real parent."
Mom lets out a choked sob and wraps his arms around Magnet, holding him tight. "I-I miss them. I miss them so bad. It's my fault." He cries.
"No, it's not." Magnet says. "It's not your fault."
"I'm so s-s-sick of be-being sad." Mom was holding to Magnet as though he were a life line. At the moment, he probably was.
Now, Mom and us were sitting around the hole. He was still crying and we said nothing. His whole body trembled and we felt horrible but at least he wasn't cutting himself anymore. He could later but he wasn't now. "Jacob!" Came Mr. Sir's scream. We saw him looking around. When he saw us, or rather when he saw Mom, he ran towards us and scooped Mom up in a hug.
"I am so, so sorry! I'm so sorry and ashamed of what I did. I had no right to hit you and tell you such awful lies. I love you and you're my little brother. I don't care if you think the same or not, I'll still love you. I'm sorry." He said, on the verge of tears.
So, that's it for this chapter. I hope you enjoyed and please review.