He left me standing there, so fucking turned on it felt like I might spontaneously combust, and walked out the front door. Twice in one day he'd left me hanging like that; my brain under a cloud of pure, undiluted longing.

The fog left anger behind as it dissipated. Imprint or not, that was just fucking cruel. Sure, I'd outright asked him how he wanted to see things go from here, but, seriously, he couldn't just fucking tell me? No, he had to get me all worked up and then fucking flee the scene again. I could see that it was tough on him to be around me; Hell, it was becoming increasingly difficult from my perspective too.

I leaned my head back against the wall and tried to focus. He'd made a good point, one that was right at the root of why I fucking hated imprinting so damn much. If he fucked me, I was his. There was no grey area there. He fucked me; I was his, end of story. No going back on something like that. It wasn't like there was a way out once the imprint was accepted. Not that anyone knew of anyway.

I honestly had never thought of the logistics of what would happen between us before. I'd just come to terms with the simple, yet rather vague, truth that I wanted him. What that entailed hadn't really been at the top of my mind this afternoon when I'd kissed him, but it was now; with a vengeance. Reality came crashing in again. I turned my back to the wall and slid down it to sit on the floor.

He wanted to fuck me, he wanted to claim me, he wanted to fucking possess me. That was something I was just not okay with. It wasn't the physical act that I had a problem with, although I hadn't really imagined it going that way, as much as the meaning behind that act. I was my own man; I didn't answer to anyone for my actions, I didn't ask permission, I didn't...Okay, well, to some degree, I did answer to Sam. That was different though. Sam was like my boss or a Sergeant if we were military instead of supernatural wolves; really we were basically an army. I didn't have to answer to him for all aspects of my life like I knew I would if I were to accept the imprint.

I knew from the legends and from the other imprinted couples—couple? Fuck, I couldn't even think about that right now—that the choice was mine. I wasn't locked into the imprint until I decided I wanted it and accepted it. I also knew that I got to dictate what form the imprint took, although I was a little fuzzy on how that exactly would work. Say I decided I wanted the imprint, but not the sexual side of it; would the pull I felt toward him go away or would there always be a struggle between us? In which case I wasn't really making a decision after all, was I? How did one go about accepting the imprint if they only wanted friendship rather than a...lover?

Oh fuck.

I needed to move again or I was going to go fucking mental. I paced the floor of the living room as I thought through it again. Just thinking the word lover in connection with him did funny things to me. Things that it really shouldn't; especially after the night I'd already had with Pam.

Shower—I needed a cold fucking shower. Then I needed to get some fucking sleep, and then I needed some answers.

I headed straight to Sam's when I got up the next morning. I had a head full of unanswered questions and he was the first stop in trying to get some of them sorted out.

"Hi, Paul," Emily greeted me as she pushed open the screen door for me. "You're up bright and early this morning," she joked.

"Hey, Em. I was hoping to talk to Sam, is he around?" I hadn't thought to just pick up the phone to see if he was even home before I headed out the door.

"No, he's on patrol," she reminded me. Patrol schedules really weren't being given priority with everything going on in my mind over the last 24 hours however. "Do you want to come in and wait? I've got a pot of coffee brewing." Emily always looked out for us even though it was usually a pretty thankless task.

Coffee was tempting—I hadn't managed to get much sleep—but I really wanted to start figuring this mess out. "Uh, thanks, but I think I'll go see if I can track him down."

She stepped out on the porch and put her hand on my shoulder, her eyebrows pinched together in concern. "Okay. Come back with him for breakfast after if you want to," she offered. I hated when she got all motherly like that; I didn't really know how to respond—it's not like I had a lot of practice.

I muttered my thanks, left the porch and headed into the backyard and through the trees beyond.

'Jesus, Paul, did you even go to bed last night?' Sam joked in greeting as I phased in. It was pretty usual for me to not make it back to the Res. until late on weekends, and even less normal for me to be up so early the next morning. His humor faded away after he realized just how tired and agitated I was. 'What's up?' he asked instead.

'We talked last night after I got in,' I began, focusing on where Sam was running through the mind link and heading in that direction. 'I need some answers, I guess, Sam. I know this isn't, well, normal, but I need to know whatever you can tell me about how this works,' I pushed myself, my paws digging into the damp earth under foot, running to catch up with Sam. I could sense him slow down.

'About imprinting, you mean?' he clarified. I still couldn't even bring myself to fucking say it, which of course he picked up on in my mind—I fucking hate the mind-link almost as much as fucking imprinting itself. 'It's going to be a tough road if you can't even say it without freaking out, Paul. What all did he tell you?' he asked, leaving his mind open. I waited before answering; catching the snippets of details he was wondering about in his mind.

'Yeah, all of that. He said you ordered him not to think about it? What the fuck is that about, Sam?' I shot out at him.

'He practically begged me to, Paul. The kid was a fucking mess the night he came to me. He was freaking out that you would just shut him out completely. He asked me about how it was when Emily had first rejected my imprint on her, and he panicked. You've made it well known that imprinting isn't really something you're that keen on, so he asked for some time to figure out how to tell you about it,' Sam explained. I was almost caught up to where he was and he stopped to wait for me.

'Four fucking months, Sam?' I snarled.

'Three. He didn't come to me until almost a month after he phased.' Sam corrected me.

'Whatever. It's still a long fucking time to sit on something like that, don't you think?' I asked, slowing to a trot and stopping in front of Sam in a small clearing on the Northern edge of the territory.

'It wasn't my place to tell you. And just what would you have done if he'd come to you three months ago and told you that he'd imprinted on you, Paul? You would have freaked out, that's what. Do you remember what he was like when he first phased?' Sam was calm, but the memories he let slide into my mind were anything but. 'None of us had expected him to phase, remember how freaked out he was? He hadn't even heard many of the legends before. I didn't think we were ever going to be able to get him to calm down enough to phase back that first night. You should remember well enough, you sat with him until it was almost light out,' Sam's mind flooded with flashes of that chaotic night.

He had been so much smaller when he'd first phased than he was now; I'd forgotten he was just a skinny kid then. And I had sat with him all fucking night; Jared was running patrol, and Sam had been meeting with the Elders about what to tell his mom. She hadn't witnessed the phase—Sam and I had managed to get him out of there before she knew what was going on—but she knew there was some fucked up shit going down and that her son was somehow involved in it. Nobody knew who his father was, and since his mom was Makah, nobody had warned us that he'd be joining the pack soon—hell, nobody had known.

I saw through Sam's mind, Embry's memories of that night; specifically his memories of me from that night. I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming gratitude and admiration that filled my own mind about me. It made me feel sick and dizzy.

I forgot for the time being that I was still linked to Sam and he could hear everything I thought. I marveled at the fact that anyone could see me that way. Regardless of a fucking imprint or not, that wasn't me. I wondered how the fuck he had kept that hidden.

'That's looking back at it, Paul. He didn't know that night. That's why he came to me, though; because he knew you wouldn't want to see that.' Sam explained. He sat and looked at me across the clearing as I felt like I was coming unglued. I had seen the impact of an imprint in Sam and Jared's minds, but having that same intensity directed at you is a completely different ball game than watching it directed at someone else. 'You should be talking to him about this, not me.'

'Fuck, Sam. There's too much I don't understand. I can't be around him,' I sputtered. I didn't have a hope of keeping anything locked down in my mind; I was too overwhelmed. Sam caught an eyeful of just why I couldn't be around Embry, as I remembered what had happened between us yesterday. I hadn't lied to Emb when I told him I didn't care if the others saw, but that didn't mean it wasn't going to be uncomfortable.

'Oh,' Sam cringed only slightly. 'Yeah, okay, that's pretty fucking intense.' To his credit he didn't freak out, which I half expected him to. I tried to concentrate on keeping my mind focused in the present. Sam got to his feet and turned to continue his patrol, indicating that I should come with him; running always seemed to help to keep my mind where it was supposed to be.

I could feel Sam trying to figure the situation out. He seemed to think that my wanting Embry with such intensity wasn't a normal reaction to the imprint, but couldn't be sure because he'd never been inside the mind of an imprint before.

'What do you mean it's not normal?' I ventured. I wasn't sure I really wanted to know, honestly. I couldn't fathom the idea that there could be a normal in this situation. 'None of this is fucking normal, Sam!'

I could sense Sam struggling with how to put it. He was uncomfortable with sharing too much about him and Emily for her sake, but wanted to help smooth out the situation that two of his pack members were in. 'Emily said there was a pull, but it wasn't like that. At least not that I knew about. I don't know, Paul, that's…'

'Fucked up? I know,' I scoffed. 'Okay, can we just forget what happened yesterday? What if I don't want that?' I needed to start getting some fucking answers

'You don't have to accept the imprint, Paul. You get to make that decision' he tried explaining.

'Right, I know that. But what will that do to him? Emily rejected you at first, right?' I didn't need to ask anything more or for him to answer. He let his mind open to how it had felt when she had sent him packing; the empty void he felt inside: the loss and longing for something unattainable; the physical pain. I knew instantly that I couldn't do that to Embry.

'Okay. I can't do that. I can decide how this works though, right? Like, it can just be a friends thing?' I questioned Sam. He had worked with the Elders to get as much information on imprinting as he could for himself as well as Jared. It was the opinion of Old Quil and some of the others on the council that imprinting was to create the ideal pairing to carry the gene forward; so much for that fucking theory.

Sam stopped short and rounded on me, his head full of disbelief. 'Seriously? No offense, Paul, but who the fuck do you think you're kidding?' he derided.

'What?'

'Dude, it's pretty fucking clear that it's beyond that already.'

'Yeah, well, it doesn't have to be. I don't want this. I can't be someone's fucking imprint! And what if it happens to me too, huh? What the fuck happens then? How am I supposed to deal with being tied to someone forever? Possibly two fucking people?' I was starting to panic.

'Jesus, calm the fuck down. It's not the end of the world. Billy says that the imprint is the ideal person to complete the wolf, I can't believe the spirits would find your ideal mate if you're supposed to be his,' Sam attempted to placate me.

'But what if that's not what this is, Sam? What if Billy doesn't have a fucking clue what he's talking about? What if...'

'What if? What if? What if you had a square asshole? You'd shit bricks,' he scoffed. 'Paul, you can't live your life wondering what if? You've got to have a little fucking faith, man. Maybe you should go talk to Billy or Old Quil yourself,' he suggested, turning to head back to the Res. after reaching the edge of the patrol route.

I followed him, thinking over what I'd learned—which wasn't a fucking lot. He left me to my thoughts all the way back, only saying anything to me again once we had phased back and were headed toward his house.

"You coming in?" he asked, already half way up the back patio steps.

"No, I'm going to go see if Billy is around." I couldn't even think about eating. "Thanks, Sam," I said as I headed off toward Black's house. Hopefully I would have more luck getting some answers out of the Tribal Chief than I had with Sam.