He found me later Saturday afternoon while I was on patrol. I felt the pull to him as soon as he phased in. It wasn't the same sexually charged draw I had felt earlier—or any other time I was around him for that matter; it was easier to be around him wolfed out. It was comfortable—something we hadn't been around each other for a while; it felt right somehow.
'Is it okay if I run with you?' he asked. His uneasiness was easy to read in his mind.
'Yeah, that's cool.' My projected thoughts may have been aloof but I let him see how comfortable I felt with him there and he relaxed.
I slowed my trek South, waiting for him to catch up and take his usual position at my right flank. Throwing a glace over my shoulder and seeing him there, where he'd always been, solidified the feeling of rightness. We continued South until we came out at the top of the cliffs at Strawberry Bay.
I sat on the cliff edge and looked out over Second Beach below, Embry still at my side.
He broke the comfortable silence after a few minutes. 'I'm sorry about this morning.' His thoughts were full of regret over his lost control.
'Do we have to talk about this?' I asked, casting a sideways look his way. I hated the idea of losing the calm companionship we'd found running together.
'I think we should. It might be easier to do it this way,' he suggested. Being mind-linked was always a fucking trip. Sure, you only really picked up what the other person was actively thinking about, but knowing someone else's thoughts so intimately at all was something that really took some getting used to. Especially when those thoughts were about you—specifically what they wanted to do to you.
Embry let me see glimpses of the struggle he felt around me: how he'd been holding himself back from touching me for weeks; how he felt when he broke down and did touch me—even if it was to hit me; how empty he'd felt when he hadn't seen me for five days and the relief he felt when I came to him last night. I knew he was still holding a lot of his thoughts back, only letting me see a little of what he'd felt. That was enough; it fucking hurt.
I couldn't help the soft whine in the back of my throat when my eyes met his. He hung his head low, his ears flat to his head, his eyes looking up to me. I turned my head more and nudged his shoulder with my muzzle. His submissive posture was completely at odds with his attitude from this morning. It fucked with my head. I was the more dominant wolf, that wasn't the issue; he was only showing me the respect the pack hierarchy dictated. I didn't want it.
'Knock it off,' I snapped, not even bothering to hide the confusion it was causing me from him. I nudged him again and he sat up straighter and shuffled forward a little. His wolf was bigger than mine now too; why hadn't I noticed this? Fuck.
'I can't really explain it, Paul. I just...' He watched me carefully a second before letting his mind open to show me what he'd been struggling to put into words. He let me see how he fought with the instinct to overpower me every time I was near. Then he showed me how much worse it was when I put myself in a position to be overpowered, like I had this morning by letting him touch my neck—and how it had been nearly impossible to hold himself back when I kissed him. He showed me exactly how he wanted to dominate me and claim me. He wanted me to be his in every sense; he wanted complete submission from me.
'Fuck. Emb, I...' I couldn't think straight. Jesus, that's fucking hot, and completely fucking terrifying at the same time; I couldn't block either thought from him.
'If that's what you want, great, but I need you to be sure. If you don't want that, that's fine; I can do this, I can handle being just friends if that's what you want, Paul, but you needed to know what you're dealing with.' He studied me for a moment before trying to lighten the tense mood. 'Just...stop throwing yourself at me, okay, man? I can't fucking take it.' His joke only thinly veiled the request which I knew was really the truth of the matter.
'So, do you think you could handle us hanging out as friends again?' he asked after he'd let me digest everything for a while.
'Yeah,' I agreed. What the fuck else was I supposed to do? I couldn't avoid him, it hurt us both—knowing how badly he had been hurt was just about killing me—and I couldn't even get my head in a space to think about what would really happen between us if I were to accept the imprint the way he wanted. That left being friends as the only option; friends that were fighting the instinct to jump each other.
Yeah, this was going to work out just fucking great.
We finished up with patrol, neither of us feeling all that chatty after the big revelation but still enjoying the company of each other. We decided to go together to talk to Sam; we needed to let him know we weren't avoiding each other anymore at least.
'Alright, Speed, see if you can keep up with me, huh?' Embry taunted me as he took off at full speed. It was a game we'd played a hundred times before; the familiarity of the chase easing us into this new friendship status. I easily caught up to him and we ran the rest of the way back nipping at each other's heels and cutting one another off. By the time we walked out into Sam's backyard, we had fallen back into a comfortable banter with each other. It was almost like the tension of the past week hadn't happened—almost, but not quite.
I playfully shoved his shoulder as we broke the tree line and I could feel Sam watching us before I even looked up.
"You two sounded like a pack of Hyenas coming in," Sam chastised us; the smile on his face giving away that he wasn't actually pissed off at us. He watched us curiously as we climbed the steps and joined him on the patio. "Good run?" he asked, looking between us, clearly trying to figure out the change in our dynamic.
"I can't complain. Sun's shining, not a leech anywhere to be found...," I answered, catching Emb's eye on the other side of Sam as I added, "good company."
Sam, uncomfortable with the situation, looked between Embry and I sitting on either side of him. "You two have worked this out?" he asked, finally breaking the silence that had fallen.
I looked to Embry again before answering. It was obvious from the intensity of the look between us that nothing had actually been worked out; I felt like he was looking through me again. "Yeah, sure," I nodded in agreement to Sam's question.
"So, you're..." Sam hesitated again.
"We're friends, Sam." Embry supplied, giving him a look that an idiot could interpret as a plea for Sam to drop it. Thankfully he was pretty good at picking up on those things and let it be.
We finished up with Sam and I got up to head out. Sam asked Emb to hang back a second, and I knew that it was a conversation involving me, so I split. I didn't need anything else to think about honestly.
The whole pack spent the afternoon on the beach on Sunday, enjoying the treat of a warm day. Kim and Jared were off walking somewhere—fucking in the trees was more likely—and the rest of us were tossing a football around. Emily sat on a blanket up the beach watching us and laughing at the antics of the pack. I decided to take the opportunity to talk to her.
I grabbed a drink from the cooler and plopped myself down in the sand next to her.
"Hey," she said leaning into my shoulder with hers, a wide smile on her scar-lined face. "Not feeling the football?"
"Without Jared there aren't enough of us to play properly," I started. "And I was hoping I could talk to you, actually."
"Of course you can, Paul." She turned on the blanket to face me more, her expression taking on a seriousness and concern. Emily had fallen into the role of mother figure as the pack grew and she took care of us all. It was something she was well suited to, and seemed to do willingly even when Sam told her it wasn't expected. "What's up?"
Talking to her seemed to be a good idea when I was thinking about it, but now that I was sitting there I couldn't think of how to bring it up. It would have been easier if I knew if Sam had told her about Embry's imprint on me. I picked at the sand on the edge of the blanket willing myself into talking. Finally, she put her hand on top of mine, causing me to meet her eye.
"It's about Embry, isn't it?" she asked quietly. "Sam told me," she explained as her eyes darted to find him at the mention of his name. I followed her gaze and caught Sam giving me a nod. The next time the ball came to him, he threw it hard in the opposite direction, causing the game of catch to move further down the beach and further away from where Emily and I sat, effectively giving us some privacy from prying wolf ears. I caught Emb's eye and tried to give him at least a reassuring smile, but was pretty sure I didn't manage anything but a blank stare. I couldn't help but wonder what exactly Sam had told Emily about this fucked up mess.
"Yeah. I was hoping you could maybe...I don't know...tell me what it was like for you? You didn't accept Sam right away did you? "
She shook her head, "No, I didn't. I hated that I would be hurting Leah if I did...she's still hurt anyway though," she said quietly, lowering her eyes a moment before looking back up.
Imprinting seemed to have a pattern of causing trouble: Emily's cousin, Leah Clearwater, had been practically engaged to Sam before he'd imprinted on her; and Jared had basically done everything to avoid Kim before he'd imprinted on her because he didn't like her at all. Now, however, both pairs seemed to be completely inseparable. Embry and I were no exception to that trouble either; why the universe had decided a straight guy was the best choice for Embry's ideal mate was mind boggling.
"Why did you change your mind? What made you accept the imprint?" I was eager for information despite being totally uncomfortable talking about it.
"I felt a really strong pull to Sam. I was drawn to him even though I tried to stay away. I just wanted to be wherever he was," she admitted, with a small laugh and a hint of a blush to her cheeks. After forcing the smile from her face and another glance in Sam's direction, she continued, "What about you, Paul? Sam said you're feeling a pull, too?"
It was my turn to laugh and be embarrassed. "Yeah, I am. It's totally fucked up, Em... Sorry," I apologized, remembering myself before she scolded me for my language—a nearly daily occurrence.
"It's fine. Can I ask you something personal, Paul?" she posed and looked at me in concern; I nodded. "You're not attracted to boys are you?"
"No," I answered quickly, shaking my head.
"And the connection you feel to Embry, it's...um, sexual, right?" Her voice was barely a whisper.
I wanted the sand to open up and swallow me so I could be out of this mess. I sighed and ran my hands vigorously over my face.
"Yeah, it is," I confessed with more nervous laughter. I couldn't bring myself to look at her. Clearly, Sam had told her everything.
"That's got to be tough. The imprint doesn't have to be about sex though, Paul. It can be what you want it to be. If you want to just be his friend, you get to make that choice. He'll have to learn to live with it," she explained.
"I know. And that's what's happening right now. It's just...it's so messed up, Em. I've never felt anything like this...and on top of everything, he could be my cousin or anything." I grunted in frustration.
Emily laughed and shook her head at me. "He's not your cousin, Paul."
"How do you know? He doesn't even know who his father is." I protested.
"Paul. Look at him." She insisted.
I looked down the beach to where he was tossing the ball around with Sam, Quil and Jacob. Each of them had the potential to be his half brother, but nobody knew for sure who it was except the man in question and Tiffany Call; neither of which had been forthcoming about it.
"Now look at Sam," she instructed. Sam is my cousin, and precisely the reason I'd been thinking about it. "Don't you think there would be some resemblance between them if Joshua were Embry's father?"
"I suppose," I shrugged. There was absolutely no commonality between Sam and Embry. Sam was broad and thickly muscled and dark skinned, Embry was more lanky and wiry, his skin much lighter. It was like comparing a wrestler and a swimmer.
Emily sat quietly for a moment as I watched Embry. I watched the muscles in his arm and shoulder as he threw the ball to Quil, the smile light up his face as Quil fell into the surf fumbling the ball. His eyes met mine and he smiled after a moment. I gave a small wave back.
"Now look at Jacob," Emily whispered close to my ear, clearly having witnessed the exchanged between Embry and I.
"Oh shit!" It was so completely obvious I wondered how I'd never noticed it before; where there had been virtually nothing in common between Embry and Sam, Jacob was a near replica of Embry, only a little taller. How Embry's father had been a question seemed ridiculous looking at them now. "Billy?" I choked in shock.
"It's pretty obvious isn't it?" she laughed.
"Yeah. Does he know?" I asked gaping at her.
"I don't know. He must suspect. He looks nothing like Quil either, in case you didn't notice," she laughed again. "Sam hasn't said anything to him—or to Jake or Billy—but we've talked about it. I think Sam would rather it had been his own dad than Billy, though."
I nodded in agreement. Joshua Uley was a pretty contemptible guy and his having cheated on Aunt Alison wouldn't have been unexpected, but thinking about Billy cheating on his wife was shocking, especially given that Jake was only a couple of months older than Emb. The whole tribe looked up to Billy—it made a little more sense now, why he'd never come forward and admitted that he was Embry's father. That didn't stop the anger that filled me at the knowledge though.
"So, he's not your cousin. Besides, it's not really an issue unless you were going to have kids, and...that's not really a concern, is it?" she asked with a raised, teasing eyebrow.
"No. It's not." I laughed.
That was just one less thing to clog my brain up with bullshit thoughts. Hopefully the more of those little nagging thoughts I could get rid of, the easier this whole thing would be.