We spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach. It was good to spend some time with everyone and have things feel normal for once. When Kim and Jared finally came back from wherever they had snuck off to, the girls headed back to Sam and Emily's place to get dinner going and we played an actual game of football.
Emb and I wound up on opposite teams, which, given that we always played full contact, made for some tense moments. At one point he had tackled me and had me pinned to the sand under him. He stared down at me with such intensity that all I could think about was how much I fucking wanted to kiss him. The only thing that stopped me was the memory he had shared with me of how hard it was for him when I did shit like that.
"Embry, throw the fucking ball, man," Quil bellowed down the beach, jerking Emb's eyes away from me and breaking the spell. I shoved him off of me into the surf, scooped up the ball, and hurled it in the other direction at Jared.
I gave Emb a sideways glance as he stood up. His shorts clung to him in a way that should be fucking illegal. He smirked as he caught me looking and headed off to join the fray.
Yeah, being friends wasn't going to be fucking easy.
When we'd finished the game, we gathered up the items the girls had left behind and headed back to the house to eat.
I could feel Emb watching me from across the yard and I was amazed that Quil, Jacob or Jared hadn't picked up on the tension between us. Given that Jared could only really pay attention to Kim, and Quil was pretty self-absorbed at the best of times, I guess I shouldn't be surprised; but, I thought for sure Jake would have caught on by this time. I guess the privacy we'd all learned to give one another was a blessing after all, even if it had meant that I'd been oblivious to the situation Emb and I were in for months.
To be honest, I did my fair share of watching him, too. After Emily had pointed out the similarities between Embry and Jacob I couldn't help but wonder how I'd not seen it before. There was no way they weren't brothers. Emb's crazy growth spurt and how he'd been becoming more aggressive over the last few months made more sense now—maybe it wasn't all to do with the imprint; it could just be genetic.
Apart from being able to feel him looking at me, things were pretty comfortable over all for the rest of the afternoon. At least they were until we left to go home at the same time. It was such a habit from spending time together for so long that neither of us thought anything about it until we were walking along in complete silence. Without saying a word about where we were going, we found ourselves back on the now deserted beach. It was too windy for fires, and once the sun went down people didn't want to be anywhere near the ocean without one to keep them warm. The cold didn't really bother us though, one of the bonuses of running an extremely hot body temperature—that and it helped burn off infections making it virtually impossible for us to get sick at all.
"So, you're gay?" I asked, finally breaking the awkward silence we had fallen into.
He paused for a minute, his lips pursed as if he were thinking about it. I didn't understand what there was to think about, but he seemed to need a few seconds to do so. "Sure, I guess. When I'm with a guy."
I didn't know for sure that he'd actually been with anyone, male or female. He said he couldn't keep the pack out of his head, but he sure hadn't let anything slip regarding his sexual preference over the last few months. He'd shown me over the last week that he could at least talk a mean game though. Almost all of us had accidentally, or less so, shared fantasies or conquests—even moments that Emily and Kim would be mortified if they knew were common knowledge among the pack—but not Embry. As far as the pack was concerned, he didn't even think about sex, let alone get any. "Are you ever with anyone who's not a guy?"
He nodded as we continued walking along the water's edge.
"With a girl?" I blurted out.
"Yeah," he laughed, shaking his head in disbelief over the obvious question. I couldn't help laughing and rolling my eyes at my own stupidity.
"So you're bi then?" I surmised.
He's some sort of equal opportunistic bisexual? That would mean that he had an even broader range of people that he could have imprinted on; so why the fuck was it me the Spirits had stuck him with?
"Do you need to label it?" he asked with a shrug.
"I'm just trying to understand," I explained with a frustrated sigh.
We had stopped walking. I stood in front of him, with my hands in my pockets. The more I learned about him the more I wanted to, but it was like pulling teeth sometimes. I thought I had known him, but the last couple days had proven that I'd only scratched the surface.
"Fair enough. If you have to put a name to it, I suppose omnisexual would work..." he trailed off, and laughed at what could only be the blank, dumbfounded look on my face. "How about just sexual then?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at me. I waited for him to explain.
"I used to think that I didn't want to be limited to just one group—guys, or girls, or just people within a certain age range...or just natives, or whatever," he finished with another shrug. He seemed sure of himself when he was speaking but his body language undermined his words.
"You said used to. Now what do you think?" I'm sure I still looked confused; I sure as hell felt it anyway.
His unsure body posture vanished. He seemed to stand taller, shoulders back, head up. He looked directly at me, and I felt completely exposed despite actually being fully dressed for a change.
"Just about you," he stated simply.
The intensity of his simple statement sent a tremor through me, as my heart rate kicked up. I'd almost forgotten that detail. "Oh yeah," I huffed, trying to catch my suddenly short breath.
Fuck! How did he do that?
I could feel that he was thinking about kissing me. It wasn't like standing there with a chick; he didn't lick his lips, his eyes didn't flick down to my mouth—he didn't even break eye contact—but I knew he was thinking about at least that, maybe more; I was too, despite having put the brakes on just yesterday.
He'd said he wasn't going to push me, and that he'd be okay just being my friend if that's what I wanted—in that moment, friends didn't seem like nearly enough.
I have no idea how long we stood there just staring at each other before he finally spoke again.
"Come on. It's late, and I have patrol in the morning." He motioned with his head back toward the main road, and started walking. His shoulder brushed mine as he passed me, the light touch feeling like fire.
I fucking hated and absolutely loved the entire imprinting pile of shit. I hated that choice seemed to be completely erased from the equation—sure I had a choice as to how I had Emb in my life, but I would always have him in my life regardless—I couldn't cut him out. On the other side of it though, I had never experienced the level of intensity, with anyone, ever, the way I did every time I was with him, regardless of what we were doing. I'd certainly never had the connection—the sense of belonging— I felt with him with anyone else; it really did seem at times that I could read his thoughts, at least when they were about me anyway.
We walked in silence, our shoulders brushing again occasionally—I was unsure who instigated it, or if it was actually accidental. It wasn't unusual really, the pack all shared a close bond; feeling the need to be around one another, right down to playful touches, like real wolves I guess—even as humans we were closer than most groups of guys. But the casual shoulder bumps and random touches had taken on a whole new meaning between Embry and me.
He stopped again when our paths would lead us in different directions to get to our own homes. He stood in front of me again, and just looked at me.
"Thanks," he finally said quietly with a nod.
"What for?" Hopefully my confusion over every detail would soon end and things would start to make some fucking sense.
"For actually giving this some thought and not just shutting me down completely," he explained.
I shrugged my shoulders once. "It's not like you really had a choice. Maybe if you'd told me right away it would have been different, but I can't pretend there isn't a pull."
"Yeah, well, thanks." he nodded and pursed his lips. He reached his hand up and clapped it around the curve of my neck and shoulder. It wasn't a hug, but it was just as comforting. He held it there for a moment before releasing his grip and turning to walk down the road that would lead to his house.
I watched him walk to the end of the block and turn the corner, not really wanting to be alone after having spent all day with him. I needed to get my head straight. This mess was going to kill me otherwise.