Bro & Dave: Vater Werden Ist Nicht Schwer, Vater Sein Dagegen Sehr (German), Becoming A Father Isn't Hard, But Being One Is
You're not a dumb guy, but taking care of your little dude is way more trouble than you could have possibly anticipated. Babies, you know, they're fine in theory. You see babies all the goddamn time, and the worst you ever spot is crying. You could deal with crying, but Dave shits like you never thought someone that tiny could possibly shit. And some of that poop is colors that were not meant to come out of a human body. Diapers. You're still kicking yourself that the first thing you did when you brought him home wasn't to haul out in your car and pack the thing floor to ceiling with diapers.
And diapers and all the shit, okay. That's unrelentingly awful. But then there's other stuff that keeps hitting you out of goddamn nowhere and you'd never had nine months of pregnancy to prep you for handling a baby. You need a car seat for the little man? Okay, how are you supposed to drive out to buy one when you don't have any way to strap him into the car? Your driving is fucking peerless, but your car… isn't, and you're single-parenting this gig up, so you don't even have someone to watch the dude at home. Formula, you've got that on lock, and baby food, but turns out you don't have bottles to put the formula in and even your smallest spoons aren't really the right size for a baby mouth. You don't even realize until about five days in that the little guy needs more than the one outfit he came with.
You call up Roxy for advice since she happened to find another random-ass meteor kid at about the same time, but she's just as lost as you are, with a totally set of different problems. Apparently her baby likes to eat. She really likes to eat. She likes to eat so goddamn much that she makes herself throw up, but then she starts crying because guess what, now she's hungry again. Roxy sounds completely frazzled, but she's a master of taking weird shit in stride, and she'll probably get the hang of this a hell of a lot faster than you will. You end up calling each other practically every day to complain and ask for advice and share cute stories. You can't help it, because even if he's a pain in the ass, the little dude's adorable as shit and you can't blame Roxy for talking about Rose forever when you love Dave so fucking much. You've already decided your kids are going to be best friends when they grow up, and you make all kinds of hilarious plans to introduce them to each other and laugh together when you realize they'll never believe it when you tell them you orchestrated the whole thing.