I haven't had a whole lot of funny chapters yet so…I man have decided to be just a wee bit goofy in this one. Hope you like pranks and violence. :D

Chapter 27

I'm reading in the kitchen and Cassie takes one look at me and laughs. I raise an eyebrow and give her a funny look.

"What?"

"You're weird." She laughs again and I smirk ever so slightly.

I'm the weird one? You created life through your cooking and forced me to eat it! That was torture!

"You're just catching this now?" I tease. "You know, you must not be a very good doctor." I laugh and bolt away as she sends a pillow at my head. Khan walks into the room and examines us both coolly in turn before rolling his eyes walking back out. "See? Your horrible observation skills scared him away." I say before rushing out the door with Cassie charging after me.

I don't run as fast as I could which, consequently, gives Cassie all the opportunity to tackle me to the ground. We mock wrestle for a minute, Cassie gasping slightly. Shoving her lightly in the shoulder, I jump gracefully to my feet and turn to walk away. She grabs hold of my ankle and sends me sprawling hands and knees into the brittle navy blue grass.

"I win." She says, her shoulders resting proudly on her hips and I roll my eyes.

"Do you now?" And then we're back on the ground, throwing up clumps of dirt as the fight is rekindled. I will not lose!

"And what, may I ask, are you two doing?" Spock walks up and we break apart instantly. Cassie turns red under the Vulcan's emotionless stare and she's covered, head to toe, in white dirt, her hair sticking up wildly in every direction and I must not look much better.

"Combat practice." I say smoothly and the Vulcan raises an eyebrow at me. "We are going over various mistakes that new fighters make in close combat situations and Cassie seemed to be struggling in that area."

"And so you offered to teach her?" He inquires, his eyebrow rises still higher—if it goes any further up, it'll be completely vertical. Cool.

"Affirmative, Mr. Spock." I raise myself clumsily to my feet and brush some of the white dirt off of my arms. "And she seems to have gained more understanding with the physical demonstration." He nods slowly as if he didn't quite believe me and walks away quickly.

"If that was an attempt to lie," Khan walks up. "I say it failed."

"Nah," I pick a few twigs out of my hair. "It worked perfectly. Now he won't suspect my malicious motives to take over the world. Isn't it wonderful?" I help Cassie up and she shoves me playfully into Khan. He shoves me away.

"And God help us all if you succeed." She says, jumping just out of reach before I can smack her.

"You two are strange." Khan remarks.

"Hm." I cock my head to the side.

"What?" Khan asks his expression now neutral and void of emotion.

"You're like Cassie." I say and he glares at me, "You'd make an awful doctor due to your poor observational skills, but's okay: your secret's safe with me, pops."

I run away from him and into the house, half expecting him to kill me. Quickly, I whip into the kitchen and crouch by the sink and very slowly start to rise up from the ground to peek out through the window before dropping down just as fast.

"What are you doing?" Bones questions me and I shrug.

"Pranking a serial killer—want to help? Nothing can possibly go wrong," I say innocently as I try to fight back a smile (I can't) and he rolls his eyes at me in silent exasperation. He looks up at the roof and mouths 'just kill me now. Please'. Before turning back to me. Apparently, he has the same exact level of hope in humanity as I do: none.

"Sure," He says sarcastically. Why not?" Another eye roll. I grin and press a can of shaving cream into his hands and his brown eyes narrow in confusion.

"When you see Khan come through the door, spray this at his face and then run." I say with a sly smile and he blinks in surprise as if I had just told him to do punch the president or something.

"Why?" He asks.

Oh, doctor. Helpless, naive doctor. You have a lot to learn, young grasshopper, about the ancient art of the 20th century American ideology called the 'YOLO'.

"Why not?" I shoot back at him. He shakes his head at me in more silent exasperation and sighs. "And where should I stand?" He says sarcastically-I decide to take it literally.

"By the door—where else?" Isn't this obvious, dude? Come on, I think. Use your head. "And don't forget to run!" I whisper before rushing out the room.

"Don't worry!" He calls back, "I won't forget!"

I'd hope not, not with an angry Augment trying to rip your head off.

"What are you doing, Mrs. Ze'eva?" Spock inquires with a slight nod to his head. He is sitting on the floor of the living room, lotus style, his eyes closed in concentration.

How in the world did he know it was me?!

"Something dangerous and completely reckless—want to help?"

"That does not sound logical." He answers.

"It involves getting revenge on Khan." I bait him and he opens his eyes to look at me.

"And what do you want me to do?" He asks. Yes! I knew it would work!

"Hold this." I press an air horn into his open palm, "And blow in Khan's face."

"And why would I do that?" Spock inquires emotionlessly.

"Because it would be funny, but after you blow it, you need to make sure to run…because he will try to kill you…just a tad."

"Is there a purpose to this outside of revenge?" Spock asks and I shake my head.

"It'd be humorous. Good luck." I turn to leave.

"And where are you going?" Spock asks and I smile evilly.

"Perhaps it'd be best if you didn't know."

…

Only five minutes have passed. He had expected Ze'eva to come back outside with a light smile and some kind of lame joke about something obscure or mundane…but she never comes back out. Yawning, he walks towards the house and opens the door.

That's when it happens.

Something white and thick rushes towards his face and he jerks back. Roaring, his eyes lock onto the doctor from the Enterprise. The man gulps and runs wildly from the room. Khan gives chase. He races after the terrified man like an enraged tiger. He runs into the living room and a loud noise assaults him to his left. He turns and sees the back of Spock's head as the Vulcan rushes out the door and outside. And enraged fire kindles in Khan's chest. With another heart-stopping roar he races after his foe.

Sunlight blinds him for a moment and something hard plows into his stomach and flies into his eyes. The air abandons his lungs and he wheezes on the ground.

"You should have seen your face!" Someone—Ze'eva—laughs and he cracks his eyes open to see the front of his shirt covered in white. He swipes a finger across his shirt and sniffed the powder experimentally: flour. Icy blue eyes narrow in barely concealed rage and Ze'eva doubles on the the ground, tears streaming from her eyes.

…

"What. Are. You. Doing?" Kirk asks. He sees Bones and Spock watching passively as Khan holds Ze'eva upside down by one leg and shakes her.

"We're just hanging out…" Ze'eva says, her face going red from the blood rushing to her head.

"And practicing close combat techniques." Khan adds with a smirk before dropping the woman unceremoniously on the ground and walking off, making sure to kick dirt into her face as he disappears inside. Spock raises an eyebrow at him in remembrance of Ze'eva's statement earlier about teaching Cassie how to fight and the corner of his mouth twitches upwards slightly into a small, secretive smile. Ze'eva simple laughs.

"Do I want to know?" Kirk asks and she laughs harder, shaking her head.

"No." She says breathlessly, "Probably not."