CHAPTER 6

So here I was, yet again, standing in front of their apartment door. The door that led into the stairway had been open, since there apparently was people moving in under their apartment.

Lucky me, I thought ironically. On the way here, every damn light signal had turned green, and now the building door had been completely open for me. It was as if something bigger wanted me here, pushing me forward. Still, now that I was at the end of the road, I couldn't make myself take the last, final step.

Okay fine, Levi had sounded genuinely concerned for me over the voicemails, but what if he had changed his mind? What if he had decided that he didn't want anything to do with me after all? He had had enough time to think it through, surely. I was afraid that he had come to a conclusion that didn't involved me. That maybe he had thought it for the best that I had cut him of. Of course, he didn't know that I had been thinking about him the whole time.

I froze on the spot, when I heard a voice inside the apartment. It wasn't loud enough for me to hear what it was saying, but the volume of the voice were increasing rapidly. I raised my hand nervously, making it into a fist so I could knock on the door.

I sadly never made it that far, because the door suddenly opened right in front of me, and I quickly started feeling like a deer in headlights.

" … Hi Hanji,"

She looked like she was in a hurry. Her glasses were a bit crooked, and she had a mobile in her hand.

She stood there only for moment, in shock, before wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Finally, Eren! You must have been quite sick, huh? I'm so glad you're feeling better," She didn't remove herself from me, but just kept hugging me, making me uncomfortable. I slowly raised my own hand, patting her on the back.

So she had thought that I was sick? Had Levi told her that, instead of the truth? I felt grateful. I didn't want her to know what had really happened.

"But you still owe me," She grinned, finally removing her body from mine.

"Sure," I smiled. "Next time will be on the house, if you still want me,"

She laughed, patting my shoulder.

"Of course, Eren! Don't be silly,"

I felt more at ease now. She clearly wasn't mad, as I had originally thought. Hanji looked at her watch discreetly, but I got the hint.

"Um, is Levi home?"

She nodded, a bit absent-minded.

"Sure, he'll be home from work in about 10 minutes. You can just wait for him inside," She started to walk past me. "I have to go, but I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay!"

Well that was easier than expected.

She was already running down the stairs, when I had closed the door behind me. I instantly remembered the smell of their apartment. A nice, familiar scent.

I smiled for myself, feeling at home already.

After 20 minutes though, I started feeling nervous again. I had walked around in the kitchen, making tea for him, but it was already getting cold. Hadn't Hanji said 10 minutes?

I pressed my sweaty palms against my pants, annoyed. I filled the kettle with water yet again, and then turning it on.

Right when the water had started boiling, the door opened out in the entrance. I didn't hear it because of the loud noises that the kettle was making, so when I turned my body around again, I was just as surprised as he was.

He was standing in the middle of the living room, with his keys in his hands and his eyes were staring right into mine. He was wearing black pants, a long, brown jacket and a big, black scarf. His cheeks were red, and his hair was a little messy.

He was in shock, the last thing he would have expected was me, standing in his kitchen, making tea for him.

"Levi," I said with a husky voice, before spilling half of the kettles content all over my hand.

This finally made both of us move. I opened my mouth, letting out a cry of pain, dropping the kettle on the floor and backed into the kitchen counter. He had rushed over by my side to grab my wrist and hold my hand under the cold water in the sink.

"F-Fuck," I mumbled, my whole body shaking. Levi noticed, quickly putting an arm around me. I sniffed like a little child, leaning my body against his.

I couldn't hide my face into his neck since the scarf was in the way, so I just rested my head on his shoulder.

We stood there for a minute or so, just listening to the sound of the water running over my head. The cold was starting to numb my hand, but I was afraid that if I removed it, it would start hurting again.

Levi hadn't moved either, neither was he talking. He was probably waiting for me to pull it together, but I didn't know where to start.

"Why are you wearing a scarf?"

"Huh?"

I removed my head from his shoulder, so I could look at him better.

"Your scarf. It's summer, aren't you hot?"

He rolled his eyes, but I couldn't tell if he was irritated or not.

"I'm sick, you brat."

"Then why were you at work?"

He took a step back, looking at me directly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that I had to tell you everything about my life?" He said, sarcastically. "Or are you playing 20 questions?"

His arm wasn't around me anymore, as he began to walk over to the entrance in a relaxed manner.

I didn't answer – I knew he wasn't finished.

He took off his jacket and scarf and hung it on the hangers. He then proceeded to take off his shoes, before turning around to look at me again.

"I think I'm a bit more entitled to interrogate you, instead of the other way around,"

My cheeks were burning, and I felt ashamed. He was right, of course. I had no right to attack him like this, when I was the one in the wrong.

"I'm sorry,"

Was all I could say. He sighed, while sitting on the chair at the kitchen counter.

"Do you want to explain?"

His voice was softer now, almost whispering. All I could do, was shake my head.

There was a silence.

"Do you hate me?"

I was suddenly afraid to look at him, afraid of the answer.

"No." He paused, suddenly hesitant. "Do you hate me?"

I looked up, surprised. How could he ask such a thing? How could he possibly believe that – Oh …

Of course, he would think that. I had started crying after he had touched me, after all.
"No!"

After that, only silence. I was happy that we had settled that, but the air wasn't cleared yet. There was so much more that needed to be said. Was this the time to do it? There was only one way to find out.

"I don't understand," I finally said – whispered, more likely. "Why you want me to say it. I …. I don't think I can,"

He looked a bit confused at first, not really understanding what I meant.

"I said it back then, but … After I said it, you left me,"

My hands started shaking, and my breath became irregular. I bit my bottom lip, forcing myself to keep going. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to show him how broken I really was inside.

"I fell in love with you, and you disappeared. I thought it was all in my head … I thought …."

My voice became thick and husky, and I looked down, staring into the counter. My free hand was resting on it, but it had turned into a fist, pressing my nails against my skin. Even my knuckles had become all white.

And then he was there again, laying a flat hand over it. It relaxed immidiately. I turned my body towards his, throwing my arms around his neck.

"I trusted you …"

My voice was too far gone, so I wasn't sure that he even heard it. I started to sob, finally letting myself cry. His arms were around me in an instant as well, comforting me in silence.

"Shh," He whispered, his hands going in circles on my back. I pressed my chest against his, making the space between us minimal. I felt like I didn't want to be away from him any longer. I wanted to love him again, I just wasn't sure if I could.

"I didn't want to leave you," He mumbled into my ear, when I had finally stopped crying. "I wanted to be with you. But I couldn't. You know why I couldn't,"

I breathed heavily against his shirt that was a bit moist by the tears. I didn't have a proper answer for that, so I just stayed silent.

We stood there for a little while, until Levi finally had enough. He grabbed my arms, pulling me away from him. I stared down at his feet, not wanting him to see my face that was still affected by the crying.

"Eren,"

I bit my lip, but didn't move.

"Did you really have a girlfriend? Back then?"

I raised my eyes a bit to catch a glimpse of his face. A single eyebrow was raised, but other than that, his face was stoic.

"Yeah, I did,"

"Then why are you … Now?" I wasn't sure if I should lay all the cards on the table. Maybe he would be offended?

When he started laughing, my head quickly flew up.

"Oh my god, Jeager, you really have no idea, do you?"

I slowly shook my head from side to side, not understanding what he meant.

"Well then, I guess ... I guess you could say that you were my first, true love,"

He rolled his eyes, annoyed by how cheesy he sounded. But I didn't notice that. I was seeing stars then.

And black spots.

And then nothing at all.

When I woke up again, I was laying in a bed. I had all my clothes on, and the duvet was under me.

So I hadn't been sleeping, so to speak. I lifted myself up a bit with my elbows to look around the room. It was a darkened room even though there was no curtains.

Okay, so it was night, clearly. How long had I been out?

A mumble came from my side, giving me a light shock. I looked down, only to find Levi lying beside me, sleeping like an angel.

Wait, what had happened? I tried recollecting my thoughts, going back to before.

He had said that I had been his first love. His true love, even. My cheeks blushed just by the thought. Okay, so apparently I had passed out after that.

Great. How embarrassing.

I lay down on my back again, and rolled over so that I was close against Levis small body. I put my head on his chest, and lay an arm around his waist.

God, he smelled good.

I could feel his heartbeat, how relaxed and slowly it was beating.

Yeah, he was definitely asleep.

By using the word true, had he thereby meant that I had been his first experience with a boy? Had I helped him realise what he really was?

But then, why had he fleed, when I had tried to kiss him? And why had he quit his job to be with his fiance? The fiance being a woman, even.

I still had questions that needed answers, but that could wait for now. Right now, I just felt happy, being here with him like this.

He loved me, I thought to myself, after curling up in a ball at his side. My heartbeat started slowing down, and as I was losing consciousness yet again, my last thoughts were peaceful.

… And he still does.

If you thought that was sweet and nice and lovely, then you'll be excited for Chapter 7!

I'm gonna fluff the shit out of that chapter, haha. It's already written, so you'll get it tomorrow!

So you got a little more explained in this chapter, but there are still things to get out in the open. Are you happy with the story so far? Is there anything that you want different? Review! I'm always open for suggestions - It's great when you remind me of things that I had completely forgotten about.

Until next time - Have a great day! xoxo