Title: Good Friend Chouji
Pairings: Shikamaru x (undecided), Sai x Naruto, Haku x Zabuza, Kiba x Hinata, Neji x Tenten (more will be announced at a later date. Pairings will change.)
Warnings: child abuse, self mutilation, bullying, references to sex/sexual acts, homosexuality, underage drinking, and rape. And stupidity, but that's a given.
Author: Drinking Acid
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If you hadn't figure it out until now, I seriously pity you.
He could not believe what he was seeing. It was as if he'd walked into a nightmare, a horrible, ironic, insane nightmare. It simply couldn't be possible, it just couldn't be. The sheer idiocy of the whole thing was ludicrous and he knew that, should he ask, it all would have been planned so as to make his life far more troublesome than it needed to be.
"C'mon, it's just a little make-up. It'll look good on you!"
Haku held the costume make up to his face, his eyes watering with crocodile tears and his bottom lip quivering in a way that was to portray innocence. Shikamaru was not fooled.
"No."
"Please? Just for tonight, I swear."
"No."
"Oh, come on! You wouldn't pick out a costume, so this is what you get!"
He crossed his arms, glaring Haku strait in the eye.
"I am NOT wearing make-up."
"Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?"
"I don't like cherries with sugar."
"Fine, cherries and chocolate. Will you wear it?"
"No." Haku threw his hands up in frustration.
"Ugh! You're impossible!"
It was Saturday, the day of the party, and they were standing on the curb across the street from Tenten's house, huddled around Sai's van as Haku tried (vainly) to get him to wear make-up. Chouji had caved fairly early on in the debate, allowing the sophomore to paint bright red swirls on his cheeks (why Haku considered this a costume, he had no idea). The others, of course, were already dressed in their costumes, and were hovering around so as to see what he'd be "dressed" as. Not that they had anything to laugh about.
Kankuro had come as "a puppet master" or what ever the hell he'd called it. Basically, he was just dressed in an all black outfit (kitty-ear hat and painted face included) with an unreasonably large puppet strapped to his back (it looked kind of creepy, really). As promised, Zabuza was a samurai (complete with one kick-ass sword), Haku was, oddly enough, a geisha, Sai was an assassin, Kiba was a werewolf (surprise surprise), and Shino had come as a "moth" (all he'd really done was strap a pair of nylon wings to his back). Hinata was an angel (with actual feathered wings), Naruto had tapped a cereal box to his shirt and held a large spatula, a pot resting on his head ("I'm a cereal killer!"), and Gaara had decided to come as himself, except with a (fake) decapitated head on a rope. Sasuke had donned a cape and fake teeth, calling himself a vampire and wacking Naruto on several occasions with his skull-grip cane. Although, he had to admit that the creepiest and strangest costume of all had to be Lee's.
The normally bowl-headed teen had jumped into the van with his hair dyed bright red and spiked with gel, sloppy eye-liner drawn in around his eyes, and his green jumpsuit and orange legwarmers replaced with a black, gothic outfit found at any Hot Topic, complete with chains, hooks, belts, and, strangely, a letter opener. Rock Lee had come as Gaara Sabaku.
Gaara had not been pleased.
A good chunk of the time dedicated to Haku trying to convince Shikamaru to wear make-up had also been spent with Gaara chasing Lee around, wacking at the poor lookalike with his decapitated head. It would have been funny if Lee hadn't kept tripping over his own pants; or rather, it would have been funnier if Lee hadn't kept tripping over his own pants. Kiba and Naruto couldn't stop laughing, and whenever the chase started to dwindle, they would do some inane tactic to spur in on again. It was rather like watching a clip on America's Funniest Home Videos.
"Please, Shikamaru? Just for tonight, would you wear it? Look, Chouji's wearing it!" tried Haku, pulling Chouji over so as to stand by his side. The swirly-cheeked boy was munching away at a bag of candy corn, not at all upset with being used as an example. Mostly because he didn't much care about the swirls, but nevertheless, he wasn't getting all riled up over it. If only so much could be said for Gaara.
"—GODDAMMIT LEE I GONNA GUT YOU, SPEAR YOU, STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR INTESTINES AND HANG YOU UP BY THEM ON A FLAG POLE, CUT OPEN YOUR LIVER, SPLIT OPEN YOUR BRAIN, FEED YOU YOUR OWN LUNG—!"
"IT IS NOT YOUTHFUL TO KILL ONE'S PEER, GAARA! PLEASE, BE YOUTHFUL AND STOP CHASING ME!"
"YOU WANT YOUTHFUL? I'LL GIVE YOU YOUTHFUL— I'LL CHASE YOU SO GODDAMN FAR YOU'LL PUKE OUT YOUR OWN FUCKING STOMACH!"
"THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT YOUTHFUL!"
"YOU THINK I GIVE A GODDAMN FUCK WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK IS YOUTHFUL? GODDAMMIT LEE I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
"Man, poor Lee, huh?" said Kankuro, shaking his head. "He really shouldn't poke fun at Gaara like that."
"Aren't you going to do something about it?" asked Sasuke, rolling his eyes as Lee tripped again. "I mean, he is your brother."
"I'll wait till he drops that head and then I'll try to cool him off."
"But he's got a grip like a bear trap, doesn't he?" asked Sai, absently fiddling with his pseudo blade. He almost sounded amused, but then, it was hard to tell with Sai. Even his smiles seemed fake.
"Oh. Right." Kankuro scratched his head, peering out into the darkness at Gaara and Lee running around, the former swinging the decapitated head. "This could take a while."
"Thanks for stating the obvious there, Kanky," said Haku drily, rolling his eyes. Ever since last Saturday, they had all taken to calling the junior by the nickname Deidara had used. Kankuro hadn't been too pleased by that development, but compared to Gaara's "not too pleased" attitude, Kankuro had been down right cheerful.
"Why don't you just throw something at them? You know, distract them," suggested Naruto giddily.
"What, so we can have the psycho red-head trying to kill us instead? No thanks." Naruto sent Kiba a glare, who responded easily by sticking his tongue out and whacking the "cereal killer" on the head.
"Let's just go to the party," grumbled Shino. Kiba and Naruto leapt to their feet, the blonde almost knocking his pot against Shikamaru's jaw. As he glared at the pot-wearing idiot, Haku took the chance to draw on his face with one of the green make-up crayons.
"HOLY—! Haku! Don't draw on me!" he snapped, shoving the giggling boy away. He was very much tempted to wipe it away immediately, but he stopped short. If he wiped away the make up, there would be residue and then he'd look even dumber than before. Damn Haku.
"Damn you, Haku," he growled. The brunette smiled sweetly at him, tossing the make-up kit through the front passenger window. Sai frowned slightly, opening the door to roll closed the window. No point in tempting thieves, right?
"Alright, well now that that's delt with, let's par-tey!" sighed Kankuro, adjusting his hat and grabbing up his 'puppet'.
"Hell yeah!"
"YES!"
"Finally!"
Kiba and Naruto snatched up their wolf gloves and spatula respectively, scampering off after Sai (who'd taken Hinata by the arm and led her along like a gentleman, Kiba seething all the while), with Shino trailing behind, his wings flapping aimlessly. Sasuke sighed and grabbed up a stray empty soda can, tossing it in his hand for a moment before chucking it at Gaara. The offended whirled around, halting the swing of his head-on-a-rope.
"What the FUCK Sasuke?" roared Gaara, eyes glinting far too dangerously to not take him seriously. Sasuke glared back, though Chouji and Haku ducked around Zabuza (Shikamaru had to be pulled, though; "He's not actually going to do anything, Chouji", "We don't know that!"), who simply grunted at them and crossed his arms. Gaara stomped forward, dragging his head-on-a-rope along with him, heading strait for a smirking Sasuke.
"You can stop running now, Lee," called Sasuke. The lookalike skidded to a stop, panting heavily as he doubled over. He flashed a thumbs up at the vampire, which Sasuke ignored, and then came back to life and bounded after Sai and the others.
"Sasuke, I'm going to kill you," seethed Gaara, swinging his head around like a yo-yo doing "around the world". Sasuke didn't bother moving, instead sneering in that "holier than thou" way of his that served as a sort of trade mark. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.
"This could get messy," he said, turning on his heel to circle around the van and walk sedately across the street. Chouji followed after, munching on his candy, his scarf flapping aimlessly in the wind. He wasn't quite sure why he'd need the scarf, since it wasn't that cold out, but Chouji hadn't seemed to mind it, and it didn't really bother him, so he let it go.
The whole house was lit up, the windows spilling artificial light onto the lawn, which was decorated with fake ghosts and goblins, a row of Jack-'o'-lanterns grinning deviously at them from the front porch. There were streamers taped to the edges of the house roof and a straw-stuffed "corpse" hung by the front door. The driveway was predictably empty, proving that Tenten's parents weren't home at all and ensuring a night of rule-braking and house-trashing.
"Looks like fun," mumbled Chouji thickly, blinking at the shadows on the windows of people dancing and mingling.
"Looks like a mad house."
Chouji laughed, popping a few more candy corns into his mouth. He pulled open the front door and stepped into the living room of a normally lush house, with designer furniture and art work, state-of-the-art electronics blasting out music that would've made even a deaf person cringe. It wasn't even that good of music, either, and it was pretty much drowned out by the thud of bodies moving over carpeted and wooden flooring. Through a door way strait ahead, he could see someone dancing on the dinning room table, a crowd of people standing around and cheering. Shikamaru half hoped they'd bang their head on the chandelier.
"Where'd everyone else go?" asked Chouji loudly, trying to make himself heard over the noise.
"Let's try the kitchen." He started to make his way to a swinging door across the living room, where he assumed a kitchen of some sort would present itself. No one aided in their quest, of course, and several times he found himself pushed off balance and thrown into to someone else. Chouji was a rock in the sea, though, and managed to stay fairly upright through the whole thing. Lucky Chouji.
Entering the kitchen, they found a group of pot smokers hanging around the kitchen counters and island in a haze of thick, putrid smoke. He coughed and then grabbed Chouji's scarf to guide him to the set of stairs leading to the basement. There was no way he was going to hang around drugs, not without being asked first, at least. Not that he'd want to; he could barely stand Asuma's smoking, and all that did was cause cancer while this stuff caused brain damage. Of course, those guys probably lost their brains aeons ago.
Chouji closed the stairwell door behind them, crumpling up his candy corn bag as Shikamaru continued to lead him along by his scarf. At first it was quiet, but as they reached the basement it became obvious that they weren't the only ones who'd wanted to get away from the tightly packed living room and smoky kitchen.
The room wasn't as richly decorated as the upper story had been, but it had all the essentials: a couch and chairs, a TV and DVD player, two stacks of DVDs, a pinball machine and a foozeball table. A table across the room held several different bowls and plates of food, as well as a few bottles of soda and plastic cups. A dart board hung off to the side, a forest of pin holes surrounding it, proving it'd been played very often by someone with horrible aim, and there was a stereo fitted into the wall near the TV, though it remained silent.
As nice as it was, he couldn't honestly say he wanted to stay down there, but since his options were pretty thin, he decided it would be okay. Besides, there was food, an empty chair (he was lazy, there was no way around it) and there were even a few people he knew. Albeit, not very well, but still, there was Naruto at least.
"Pineapple head! Nacho boy! Nice ta see ya, yeah!" called Deidara from the couch, waving his hand frantically as if they couldn't see him from just a dozen feet away. Beside him sat Sasori, a game controller in his hand (a video game of some sort was playing on the TV screen, a fighting game as far as he could tell), and at the foozeball table in the corner were four other people, two of which were Naruto and Sai, playing fiercely (Naruto was the only one getting worked up; Sai didn't look as if he cared) against two other people, both of whom looked to be seniors, though he couldn't be sure.
One of them was absolutely gigantic in height, his spiked blue hair only inches from the ceiling, and he had to bend down to turn the poles of the foozeball table. This wasn't the oddest thing about him, though: the fact that he was entirely blue was what defined him as being "odd". His eyes, too, were odd in that they were unnaturally pale (as if that skin color was natural) and stood out on his face like a beacon. A fake plastic fin on the back of his shirt and gills painted on his cheeks told him that this blue person was supposed to be a shark.
The other guy didn't look very strange, really. He had his light brown hair combed and gelled away from his face, which was painted black and white to look like a skull and his clothes were dyed so that they resembled a skeleton. A very typical Halloween costume, actually. If it weren't for the costume, he might have considered this one to be an adult, but that might have been pushing it.
Sighing, he took the empty chair, letting go of Chouji's scarf so he could seat himself next to the hyperactive blonde. Deidara smiled brightly at Chouji, now candy-less, and waved his game controller in front of the other boy's face.
"Do you want to play? Sasori's too mean to me, yeah." Sasori snorted, his fingers pushing madly at the buttons as he beat Deidara's guy to a pulp. Chouji squinted his eyes before taking the controller, testing out the buttons randomly. The blonde turned to Shikamaru, grinning toothily.
"You didn't dress up, yeah," commented Deidara. "And scribbles on your face don't count, yeah." He could feel his mouth curl into a frown.
"Neither did you."
"Yeah, but I came with Sasori, so I can get away with it!" laughed the blonde, his ponytail bobbing like a bobble head again.
He just eyed him oddly, wondering if this Deidara was going to be as illogical as Naruto. If he was, it might be a good time to tune him out; listening to random babbling would kill his brain faster than marijuana. This wasn't a proven fact, but he was willing to bet that it was true.
"Hey, I don't even know your name, yeah," said Deidara suddenly, tilting his head to the side. He sort of looked like a bird. Or a dog. Nah, more like a bird.
"I'm Shikamaru. He's Chouji," he said, gesturing to his friend. Said boy was focusing solely on the game on the screen, his tongue poking out slightly in concentration. Sasori's eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked irked. Chouji seemed to be winning.
Deidara pouted. "Pineapple head sounds so much better, yeah." Then he smiled, craning his head to look back at the foozeball table players. "Like your name, right Whiskers?"
The reaction was immediate. Naruto swung his head around, glaring daggers at the now laughing Deidara as he roared at the top of his lungs.
"MY NAME IS NOT WHISKERS, YA BLONDE BIMBO!"
"Whatever, Whiskers, yeah!"
"WHY I OUGHTTA—!" Sai nudged the enraged freshman in the arm, speaking levelly.
"The game, Naruto, we're playing a game."
"Oh, right!"
Naruto turned back around to table, playing with much more gusto than he had before, twisting the poles more than they needed to be in his exuberance. Deidara laughed, leaning back on the couch with a grin. He seemed far more pleased with himself than he should've been, especially since it was such a childish way to win a fight. Adults weren't the only immature people, it seemed. But then, blondes tended to be that way. Or at least, all the blondes he knew tended to be that way. Chouji, of course, was a very tolerable person, but he'd never seen his friend as a being a blonde. He'd always seemed too sedated for it. Sasori let out an angered sigh, dumping the controller in the blonde's lap and throwing his hands up in aggravation.
"Hey, hey, what happened, yeah?"
"I lost."
"To him, yeah?"
"Obviously."
"Seriously, yeah?"
"Yes."
Deidara turned to Chouji, surprise on his face before squealing like a girl and hugging him. Chouji looked startled out of his mind, and he couldn't help but laugh as his friend tried to free himself from the ecstatic blonde's grip.
"Yay! Now I can get some ICE CREAM!"
"No, you don't," corrected Sasori. "I said I'd buy you ice cream if you beat me. Having someone else do it doesn't count."
Deidara pouted, releasing Chouji (who gasped for breath immediately afterward) to cross his arms moodily and hunker down in the cushions of the couch. Sasori raised one eyebrow, not looking at all worried about Deidara's sudden mood change. Chouji got up quickly, loosening his scarf a little and casting the blonde a small scowl.
"I'm getting a snack, want anything?" asked Chouji, blinking down at him.
He shrugged indifferently. "Sure."
His friend padded away, reaching the food table just as Sasori spoke, his voice sounding almost amused. He was reminded of Sai, though without any of those fake smiles. Sasori would have to actually smile before he could claim them to be fake, anyway.
"You know pouting doesn't work on me."
"I'm not pouting, yeah!" Yeah right. He could tell the red-head didn't agree with Deidara, either.
"Then what are you doing?" Deidara sniffed, raising his chin defiantly.
"Sulking."
Shikamaru snorted, letting his feet rest on the coffee table. Deidara swung his head around to glare at him, his face scrunching up like a pug's would. Sasori blinked, though his face remained impassive.
"You don't think I'm sulking, yeah?" snapped Deidara, his one visible blue eye narrowed. He frowned, staring back at the older boy with as much boredom as he could paint on his face, pun not intended.
"No."
"Well, I am, yeah."
"No, you're pouting."
"Sulking, yeah!"
"Pouting."
"Sulking!"
"Fine, sulking," he conceded, rolling his eyes. "Jeeze, you're acting like a woman."
Deidara let out an indignant squeak, his hands flying to his mouth in dramatized horror; he kind of looked like an anime character in that position. Sasori rolled his eyes and turned back to the TV, taking the controller from Deidara's lap and continuing his game. Chouji took this moment to return, carrying two plates of food in one hand (how did he do that?) and two cups of soda in the other, a bag of chips tucked under one arm. He handed one of the cups to Shikamaru, placing the other one on the coffee table and settled down on the couch with his "snack".
Chouji blinked, looking between Shikamaru and Deidara. "What's going on?"
"He called me a woman!" yelped Deidara, pointing an accusatory finger at Shikamaru, who only rolled his eyes. He took a sip of his soda before setting it on the coffee table as well, and leaned back in his seat. Sighing, he propped his head up in his fist, his elbow resting on the chair arm, and eyed the steaming blonde with very little interest. He reached over and took some of Chouji's chips, half listening as the larger boy spoke to Deidara.
"You mean you're not?"
There was a moment of absolute silence before all hell broke loose.
"WHAT, YEAH?!"
Deidara looked horrified beyond belief, his mouth gapping open so wide it should have hit the floor. The blonde had jumped up so that now he was towering (if it could be called that, seeing as he was only a few inches taller than Sasuke) over Chouji; said boy was blinking rapidly, his hand going absently to his ear so as to relive the ringing that occurred as a result of Deidara's outburst. He couldn't blame him, since even his ears were chiming with sound waves. Sasori had his hand over his mouth, his cheeks going red with the desire to hold in his amusement, and laugher started to bubble in his chest too, as Deidara continued to gape wide-eyed down at Chouji.
"Ha ha! Told you," laughed the blue senior at the foozeball table, his voice scratchy but deep. "You look too much like a girl, Dei."
"STAY OUTTA THIS, KISAME, YEAH!" yelled Deidara, his face going beet red. Ah, so that was Kisame. Well, his name, "demon shark," fit with his costume perfectly. How ironic that it would. Maybe he actually knew what his name meant, unlike most of the people he knew. Especially Ino. Who names their daughter "a wild boar" anyway? Although, now that he thought of it, didn't Sakura call her "Ino-pig"? Maybe there weren't that many ignorant people out there . . . . Yeah right.
"Yeah, Kisame, let Birdie wallow in his self-dug pit of depression by himself," smirked the other senior, his tone far to joking to be taken seriously.
"Ha ha! Wallow in depression, Birdie!"
"I'M NOT GONNA WALLOW IN ANYTHING, YEAH!"
"Huh, he didn't even call me 'Sharky'," said Kisame absently, spinning one of the poles forcefully.
"OI! I SAID SHUT UP, YEAH!" he roared. Deidara didn't look to happy at being ignored. It was rather funny, actually. In a Lee-tripping-over-his-pants-while-Gaara-chased-him-with-a-decapitated-head sort of way.
"The heavens smile down on you, Sharky," replied the skeleton smoothly. "God cherishes you."
"Well technically," started Sai, not even bothering to look up as he addressed the simmering blonde, "you said 'stay out of this' not 'shut up'."
"It's the same damn thing, yeah!" snapped Deidara. Kisame and the skeleton continued their conversation as if there was no interruption.
"You and your religious talk. I swear, how does Kakuzu put up with you?"
"The same way you do, Sharky."
"Don't call me Sharky, Grim."
"Don't call me Grim, Sharky."
"Hey, look at that, an impasse."
"Do you mean a wall?" asked the skeleton curiously. Kisame spared him a dry look, spinning the pole with finality, followed by the clunk of the ball falling into Naruto's and Sai's goal.
"No."
"Oh." The skeleton retrieved the ball and dropped it on the court absently, as if he weren't paying attention. "Then wait, what's and impasse? Is it like an intersection, or a crossroads?"
"Impasse: a noun, meaning inescapable predicament," came Sasori's voice suddenly, sounding eerily as if he were reading from a book.
"Thank you, Mr. Dictionary, for that lovely explanation," drawled Kisame, his tone sarcastic. Sasori didn't looked offended (not that he expressed any sort of facial emotion at all, but still) as he replied tonelessly.
"At least I know what it means, unlike Hidan." The skeleton (Hidan) scowled and shook his fist in the red-head's direction, his face skewed oddly from the face paint and his expression. He did sort of resemble a Grim Reaper, but with no hood or scythe to speak of, he didn't look nearly as frightening as he could've.
"Don't go dissin' on me, man," warned Hidan heatedly. There was a clunk, and Naruto leapt into the air with a shout, a wide grin spread across his face. Sai smiled in that artificial way of his, not at all as excited as Naruto.
"Hell yeah! Point for Team Uzumaki!" he crowed, laughing loudly. Kisame growled, sending a glare at Hidan as the other stared blankly at the court.
"See what your distraction caused? Pay attention for once in your life, Hidan!"
"This wasn't my fault! It's all yours! That's your side of the court, not mine!" retorted Hidan.
"Take that! Now we're up a point, so you'd better watch out!" laughed Naruto, flashing a toothy grin and a thumbs up.
"Watch out?" snorted Hidan. "You're ten points behind and you're telling us to 'watch out'? Who are you? Deidara?"
"Hey!"
"Cool it, Birdie, it was a joke," called Kisame automatically. Deidara sunk down in his seat, glaring moodily at the wall. Sasori remained collectively unresponsive to the rooms occupants, his focus fixed to his game (his character was beating the shit out of the other one; maybe he wasn't so calm after all). Chouji continued munching on his food, not bothering to turn his head to view the conversation going on at the foozeball table.
"Having fun?"
Chouji looked over at him in surprise, swallowing quickly before answering.
"They're fun to listen to."
"Like a sitcom?"
"But with out the laugh track."
He smiled, laughing a little as he took a few more chips from Chouji's plates. The bickering in the corner continued, broken up with the occasional comment from Deidara and even once from Sasori. It was rather peaceful, actually, like sitting in a class room, but with no rules or homework.
Peace never lasted long, of course, so he wasn't very surprised when he heard the bang of someone blazing down the stairs only moments later.
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod—!"
"Uh-uh, K-kiba, whu-what's wr-wr-wrong?"
"Ohmygodohmy—!"
"Get a hold of yourself, Kiba."
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod—!"
"Is he okay?"
"Ohmygodohmygodoh—!"
"He will be."
From the stairwell stumbled a white-faced Kiba, his mouth slurring out a continuous "oh my god", while the rest of his body tried to keep itself from falling over. Behind him came Shino (wingless) who grabbed the werewolf's arm to steady him, his brow furrowed in assumed annoyance (he couldn't exactly tell, with his high collar and sunglasses), followed by Hinata, who kept worrying her lip and fiddling with her fingers uncertainly, and two other people he didn't recognize.
The first one to appear was a boy, probably a sophomore or junior, draped in a black cloak, an orange, spiral mask (the spiral centered around his right eye; there was no other eye hole) held onto his face by a dark band that wrapped all the way around his head. His hair looked mused, as if he'd been sleeping recently, and his head was tilted to the side.
However, the other party-goer was far more spectacular to look at than anything Shikamaru had ever seen.
Like the orange-masked boy, this one was cloaked in black, but instead of just a head protruding from the neck hole, there were these jaw-like things as well (it sort of looked like the jaws of a Venus fly trap, actually . . .). He seemed far too old to be in high school anymore (maybe college), but Shikamaru couldn't be sure. His hair was a pale sort of tan and the right half of his face was painted black, the left side painted white, with eyes that were this very pale hazel, yellow almost. He stalked into the room, and the moment he entered it, it was as if a black cloud had followed with him, hanging over all of them like a broken mirror or spilt salt. To his left, he saw Chouji shiver, and he knew that something was very, very wrong.
"Hey, what's wrong Kiba?" asked Naruto, who'd turned around to face the five of them. From the calm attitude he displayed, Shikamaru guessed that Naruto didn't feel the chill that came from the looming flytrap; maybe it had just been him and Chouji who'd felt it. No, that wasn't it, because Sai had gone oddly rigid and was eyeing the new-comers with an air of uncharacteristic hostility. This wasn't imagined; it was just selectively felt.
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod—!" babbled Kiba, as if he hadn't heard Naruto at all.
"Talk sense, dog-breath!" growled Naruto impatiently.
"He's having a mental breakdown," supplied Shino, dumping Kiba on the couch next to Sasori. Said boy didn't look too pleased, shoving both Kiba and Deidara away so as to have more room.
"Hey don't push me, yeah!" snapped Deidara, swatting Sasori on the shoulder. Sasori gave no indication that he'd felt it. Chouji grunted slightly at having been upset from his position, though he didn't voice it, swallowing his food before speaking in a polite tone.
"What happened?"
"The Hotta twins happened," replied Shino, as if this explained everything. Hinata stuttered to life, twisting her fingers nervously. It took a moment for her to actually get her sentence out, but luckily no one tried to interrupt or spur her on, since that would've just prolonged an explanation.
"Uh th-the H-Hotta t-tw-twins w-were ju-ju-just be-being fuh-fun-ny," she mumbled, her cheeks flushing as she ducked her head. Kiba gave a moan, sounding like a kicked puppy.
"I can't believe they did that!" he wailed. Shino cuffed him on the back of the head.
"Get a hold of yourself, Kiba."
"But– but– !"
"Seriously, what happened?" spoke up Hidan, not looking particularly happy.
"Well—" stared the orange-masked boy.
"Not you, shorty. I was talkin' to Zetsu." The boy seemed to stiffen, but he didn't fight Hidan on it, instead stepping away to allow full attention on the duel colored man behind him. Zetsu blinked owlishly, his face blank as a board as he stared dazedly at them.
"Ah . . . well, I think the little blue heads . . . what now? . . . oh, the Hotta's, they were drinking . . . or something, and Miss Hinata got kissed by them."
"Aha-ha-ha-ha! Your girl got kissed by TWO other guys before you even asked her out!" laughed Naruto none too nicely. Kiba was up in a second, snarling fiercely as he charged the gleeful blonde. They collided, becoming nothing but a snarling, hitting, kicking mass. He was reminded of the girl fight in the mall a week ago, and he imagined their faces if he told them they were acting like fan girls. What a funny thought.
"Take it back, you damn bastard!"
"Screw you!"
"Fucktard!"
"Shitwad!"
"Brain-dead!"
"Lap-dog!"
"Butt-licker!"
"Butt-sniffer!"
"Why you little—!"
Shino grabbed the back of Kiba's sweater and yanked him back. Sai wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist and held him away from the still flailing Kiba, both teens continuing to spew insults at each other. Kisame laughed and ruffled Naruto's hair.
"Jeeze, you're little firecrackers!" he said to Kiba and Naruto both. "Better not let you near the matches, eh?"
"Let me at 'em Sai! I can take 'em!" growled Naruto, fighting Sai's hold. Sai just held tighter.
"Like hell you can!" Kiba roared back, thrashing about. Shino didn't look as if he was even trying to hold Kiba down. Things didn't look good for either of the fighting freshmen.
"Calm down," ordered Shino, jerking Kiba back to stand beside him. "You're being stupid."
"Hear that blondie?" yelled Kiba, a cocky grin on his face, "You're being stupid!"
"Yo blackie, I'm a pot!" retorted Naruto with a scowl.
Shikamaru couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lungs. "That's not how it goes, Naruto. You're supposed to say: Hey kettle? I'm the pot— you're black. Really, you should pay more attention when Gaara's insulting you."
"Oh, shut it, Shikamaru," grumbled Naruto.
"There was something else," mumbled Zetsu absently, his head tilting to the side, eyes blinking lazily at the floor. Some how, he was able to draw everyone's attention to him without raising his voice. "Ah, what was it? . . . . that? No, it was something else . . . . . oh right." He looked up at them, blinking slowly. "The boy with the tattoo . . . Sabaku?. . . I think he's going to do something rather stupid."
Naruto snapped out of his anger almost immediately, his face becoming a mixture of curiosity and worry. "What? You mean Gaara? What's he gonna do?" His voice was anxious, and for a second —no, half a second— he swore Sai looked jealous.
"How do you know?" asked Kisame sensibly. "What makes you think he's gonna do something stupid?"
"Hmm well," said Zetsu thoughtfully, "he seemed . . . no it was more he felt mad . . . angered . . . yes, and he was holding . . . holding. . . ."
"Mister Gaara is going to stab someone," cut in the orange-masked boy.
There was a moment where no one moved, they simply stared at the oddly dressed boy in utter shock. And then it was like the damn splitting or the clouds breaking, pouring out a horde of emotions and actions in a thunderous tycoon. And the one thing that was shared between their thoughts, almost in sync, was:
Gaara's going to kill someone.
To be continued . . . .