*Holds up white flag, comes out from behind wall*

I'm so sorry this has taken so long, I promised it would only be a few days but writer's block is an evil monster.

I have 2 weeks before I go to a new school so until then the chapters should come pretty quick. Hopefully :)

Enjoy!

He was a murderer.

A monster.

Not human.

Something Bobby and the Winchesters were supposed to hunt.

These were all the things that had run through his mind since he had woken up strapped to the bed in the panic room. Bobby was probably telling the boys and John everything about him and they were probably trying to figure out how to kill him before he hurt anyone else.

John could safely say that at this point, he would welcome it, hell, he would do it himself if he could. He had killed that girl, the one Bobby would have been able to save if not for him. She could have been exorcised just fine and returned to her normal life but oh no, John's angelic nature just had to go against everything he had ever been taught by his Father and as a doctor and burn out her eyes.

It was an image that would haunt him forever.

It would have been so easy to escape with his enhanced strength but he wouldn't, he had to face up to what he had done and he didn't want to hurt any more people, it would be better for everyone if Nephilim stayed extinct.

John was brought out of his musings as the panic room door was pulled open, he took only a moment to steel himself against the idea of one of his new family thinking of him as a monster but he supposed it was called for. It was these thoughts that then caused his confusion as Bobby was the only one to step through the door and empty handed at that. His face must have portrayed something as Bobby halted outside the devils trap (that had no effect on him).

"Well, this is a turn-up isn't it?" John's confusion only grew as Bobby remained totally calm, his face free of any disgust or fear.

"Bobby?" He tried to school his voice into sounding stronger, like the soldier he still wanted to be but he couldn't manage it and it sounded weak and resigned.

"Oh don't get all self-sacrificing boy, it doesn't suit you. Here." The older hunter stepped forward and was about to release John from his bindings but he was stopped by a wave of light. John was horrified that he appeared to have no control over his powers anymore and Bobby suddenly didn't look so sure of himself, in fact he even took a step back.

"John, come on, get a hold of yourself, I'm not gunna hurt you." The tone was gruff but wary as well and John couldn't take it anymore. He sprang up off the bed, hardly even noticing the leather straps snapping but he was soon charging towards Bobby and pinning him against the walls of the panic room.

The older hunter had never seen anything like it, John's eyes were glowing bright blue and the walls behind the shorter boy were getting darker and shapes were starting to form. John wished he could say the thinly veiled fear in his adopted fathers eyes didn't make him flinch but it did and it sobered him up. Very quickly.

John pulled his arm away from Bobby's throat and stepped away, his hands wouldn't stop shaking and he could feel the stinging in his eyes. "No Bobby! You won't hurt me but I could hurt you! I could kill all of you without even much effort." He could tell the hunter was shaking his head because he could read the disturbances in the air and the instinctual use of his grace was just making him panic even more.

"No! You don't know how hard it is for me to hold back! Even now, I can feel the power crowding in on my mind and it's driving me crazy. I'm turning into what all the books said I would!" John was grasping his head now and even though Bobby was trying to pull his hands away from his hair, he was too strong and he pushed the man away.

The only thing that broke through the panicked fog and made his mind clear was the groaning now coming from his friend. John's mind was reeling as he went to help Bobby up and stopped still when the hunter pulled away from him. It was with a guilt laden mind that he reached up two fingers to Bobby's forehead and healed him of the broken ribs and punctured lung.

Bobby slowly made his way back onto his feet but instead of coming towards John like he had before, he kept his distance and looked at the pained man in front of him with nothing but distrust. John tried to avoid his eyes and backed away to the other side of the room, dreading the hateful words that were surely going to come from the man he had come to care for greatly.

"Go ahead. Say it. I'm a monster. I need to be hunted, taken care of. Say it!" Clearly his emotions were all over the place, John had started speaking in a soft tone of voice and ended up shouting at him. He was just burning bridges left, right and centre.

"Is that what you want me to say? Is that what you want to hear? That we're going to hunt you? That you can just give up on everything because you made a mistake? Well you're in for a big wakeup call boy, I'm not going to tell you you're a monster because you're not. The vampires and werewolves and demons we hunt are monsters because they kill for pleasure or because they have to. You did it to say my life. You did it to save lives and that, is why you're not a monster. You might not be all human kid but to me? To Dean and Sam? You're family. You don't hunt family."

John could only stop and stare at the older man, his monologue had been the most he had ever heard Bobby say in one go and it was sinking in that they didn't hate him. Yes, they were wary but they didn't want to hurt him or see him hurt. That didn't mean he was okay with what had happened.

"I-I just wish-"

"What?" Bobby's voice was so much gentler than it had been before.

"I-I just wish I could be human." Even as John said them, the words didn't really register as blood started to rush in his ears and spots started to show in his vision. Spells were playing in front of his eyes like a film reel and it took him a while to understand the new knowledge in his head but when he did, he let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh. I can be human." It was clear Bobby had no idea what John was talking about but at that moment, he really didn't care. He strode over to the older hunter and grasped his shoulders.

"Bobby! I can do it, I can be human. There's an old Enochian spell that will separate my grace from my soul so that I cannot use it. I won't hurt anyone!" Even though he knew he was forgetting something, something important but that thought as pushed to the back of his mind as he started to list the ingredients he would need for the spell. He was so preoccupied in fact that he didn't realise Bobby was trying to get his attention.

"Woah John, calm down. Explain what's goin' on in your head." It took a moment for his eyes to focus on the man in front of him but he soon straightened and shook off the fog that had clouded his mind. John was much calmer after he sealed his excitement behind a calm façade and he faced Bobby with only a little impatience showing in his eyes.

"Bobby, there is a spell that can make me essentially human. I'll still have all my knowledge and fighting skills so I won't be defenceless but I won't have any supernatural powers so I won't go crazy and lose control. This would fix everything! I could go back to the army without having to worry about showing I'm more than human!" John knew immediately that he had said something wrong when Bobby's face started to go red and he looked livid.

Oh. Bobby hadn't known he wanted to go back to the army. Oops.

This was all happening too fast. A minute ago John had been convinced they were going to hunt him, then he was babbling to himself about some weird spell that would make him human and now he was talking about joining the army! Has the kid gone crazy?

Bobby could feel an ache building behind his eyes but he stared resolutely at John anyway. He didn't know what to say, he might not have known him for even a year but he was like the son he had never had and even though he knew the Winchesters were his family, he couldn't help but feel closer to John than he had to anyone in a long time. To be perfectly honest, he didn't want the boy to leave and as he thought this, he felt the anger drain away and his shoulders slumped.

"John have you even thought about this? I'm not talking about the army because I knew you wanted to do that anyway but could you really do that? Separate two halves of your soul?" John had been very clear about how he saw himself, the kid was the only survivor from a crash that killed his family so not only did he have a bad case of survivor's guilt, he had just killed a woman. He obviously wasn't in a good headspace and it made Bobby question whether he was of a right mind to make a choice as big as this one.

Luckily though, his words seemed to have some effect and John seemed more sober than he had since the older hunter had entered the room. He was back to being the perfect little soldier he had been raised to be and while it still irked him how much he resembled Dean, he ignored it in favour of listening to John's reasoning.

"Yes Bobby, I have thought about this and if you know me at all, you'll realise that my mind is set. I refuse to be responsible for more deaths and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you or any of the Winchesters." There was steel in his voice that Bobby hadn't heard for months.

"Alright fine. That I can agree with. If you are sure the spell works and will not do you any harm, then fine. I will help you get the things you need." John seemed to brighten at the show of support but as he opened his mouth to speak, Bobby cut him off. He was not finished.

"However, about you joining the army. Have you thought that through?"

Whereas John had seemed happier and sure a moment ago, he wasn't now. He faltered and turned away from his searching stare.

"You know that I wanted to join the army before I met all of you. That…hasn't changed. I thought it would be enough to help people as we have been doing but I wanted to be a doctor my whole life, that's how I wanted to help people. I don't especially want to leave but I don't think- I don't think I can stay." John's speech was halted but Bobby couldn't say he was overly surprised, the boy had seemed listless and restless whenever they weren't hunting and when they were, and it was almost as if he was spoiling for a fight.

"Fair enough, that I understand but what about the boys? I assume you wouldn't be telling them the truth about what you are so what exactly would be your explanation for the sudden exit? You think they wouldn't miss you? Dean and Sam have had enough heartache to last a lifetime and you leaving wouldn't really make things better for them."

John looked as if he was in pain but he knew it had to be said if he was going to make the right choice.

"It's better for them if I leave. I love them like brothers but if I ever hurt them for whatever reason, I couldn't forgive myself. Anyway, they're young, they would forget me eventually, it'd best if I just left and let them come up with their own explanation. Anything's better than admitting I'm not human and that I've been lying to them for the past 9 months or so." John seemed so unhappy and it hurt Bobby to see him looking so downtrodden but a small part of him agreed with his reasoning.

If the boys ever found out about John, they wouldn't forgive either of them for lying, if John was intent on leaving then this would probably be the safest way. It did not mean he had to like it and the look on his face must have shown his distaste as John cringed.

"I want to do this Bobby. I came here to be free of everything for a while but I always planned on going back some time. It's better I leave now rather than when they become too attached." Almost on the verge of tears, John's voice was strained. Bobby hated to see him in that state and roughly strode towards the boy and pulled him into a hug.

"You better stay in touch, you hear me boy? If you go to war and then drop of the face of the Earth, I'll find ya and I'll kill ya myself. Don't test me kid."

It took all of his willpower to keep his eyes dry but he felt a suspicious wet patch on his shoulder that he gladly ignored when John pulled away with a weak laugh.

"So, what do ya need for this spell?"

"Oh, just a few things, let's go check upstairs. Wait, aren't Sam and Dean upstairs?"

"No they're on a hunt with John. They'll be gone for more than a week so if we get this spell done and you away before they get back, it'll make things so much simpler."

John just gave a sad nod of agreement before making his way out of the panic room.

Comment and let me know what you think about the story :)

Even if it's just a smiley face. I like smiley faces :D