Davesprite/Jadesprite: Ku Xiao Bu De (Chinese): An Awkward Situation In Which Both Laughing And Crying Are Inappropriate
Warning for discussion of death and emotional trauma in this story
You don't know what to do. You've been running on pure momentum ever since you and Rose decided it was time for you to go back and fix things, just one long flat-out sprint to the finish, only somewhere along the way you ran straight into a brick wall, and you're sitting on your ass, dizzy, disoriented, and yeah, you think you wanna be sick. You're just chilling on Skaia like the useless fucker that you are because you're out, you are completely out of ideas and you're not sure you 'fixed' anything so much as 'prolonged the suffering,' and oh.
You know she's not your Jade, strictly speaking. But you're not real Dave to her and all Jades are the same Jades until things branch and your Jade died without a chance to even say goodbye and this Jade is crying, fuck, and what if that's the way your Jade went out—No. You need to relax. She's freaking out bad enough without you making things worse. You've always been proud of your self-control, and this sure as fuck isn't the time to let it slip.
It takes you a moment to get past the crying and process the green and the tail and fuck, it hits you all over again. You. You're the sprite. You're the one who wrecked his world to maybe give everyone a chance at saving theirs, and. And you lost John and Jade the first time around. You were so close to losing John again, and you're gut-clenchingly aware that it's mostly luck that you were able to keep him alive. It's not easy when you've been downgraded to 'fake Dave,' but. You can deal with that. It's all worth it, all this shit is worth it if you can make things better. But here's Jade with her life reduced to 'life,' and everything's slipping out of your hands and you can't tell if it was all worth it at all.
She smiles, just a bit, when she notices you, and that's enough to take some of the bite out of the situation. She's still crying though, and that's the worst. You try to think of something that could cheer her up. Like a joke. Haha, so my bro's dead, strongest fucker I ever knew and I was always pretty sure he was some flavor of immortal, but a corpse is a corpse, and isn't it funny how fast a body cools? Or. Well. When you put it that way, you just kinda want to let her hold you and cry into her shoulder for a while, because your bro's dead, he's fucking dead and you let it happen, and if you were stronger it he'd still be alive and you're numb and icy cold all over and all you want to do is cry, but you can't. You can't do that to her right now.
Instead you're left awkwardly hovering, and maybe it would be protective if you had anything left in you to protect with. You might say something to her, but your throat is tied up tight and you don't think you could string words together anyways. You and she gradually drift closer and closer, and eventually she just looks up at you reaches out the smallest bit, and your heart clenches. Because you're so selfish, you never realized that this might be something she needs too, it's not just you being an ass and demanding shit from her, and you both might need each other, and you maybe can help her without fucking things up worse. And you still can't figure out words, but you reach out for her too, and she's so gentle when she reaches around your fucked up wing, and you try to be as careful, but you hold her so tight because. Because. And she's crying into your shoulder and you're there for her, and maybe, somehow, you're helping. And you've got your face buried in her neck but her hands are so fucking gentle and she strokes your head like you're the one who needs comfort here, and. She can't see your face anymore, so there's no need to worry about what you might or might not be doing, and the two of you just. Are.