Reviews
Ah, reviews. The wonderful diddly-doddly world of reviews.
(I'm running out of intro ideas, okay?)
In this chapter we shall be discussing one key point, and basically mention another. The first is the thing you will be reading about after this line break.
There are four kinds of reviews:
1. Feedback
2. Flames
3. Actual Comments (examples: reminders that you're awesome, idea suggestions [mainly for series of oneshots], fan-girling)
4. Everything Else (examples: reviews that focus on the most little random things of an AN or mentions in the story, random tales of life, random words, things that have nothing to do with the story but are about the review itself, things that just don't have anything to do with the story whatsoever, and everything else that is completely and extravagantly random)
Examples of each:
FEEDBACK:
ThatAwesomeFanfictioner1756
Nice story, but there's this thing that keeps nagging me as I read… you use the word 'like' a lot, and it gets irritating after seven chapters. Just thought I'd let you know.
FLAMES:
ThatEvilFanfictioner1756
oh my god this iss such a dmub stry this wud nevre hapenn inn the sries your stuopid *finishes by spelling a bunch of other words incorrectly*
ACTUAL COMMENTS:
Example One:
ThatLoveableFanfictioner1756
I love this story! Keep up the good work!
Example Two:
ThatOtherLoveableFanfictionerThatHatesPiper4NoReason1756
Really good! Maybe there can be a chapter where Piper falls into a ditch and dies or something?
EVERYTHING ELSE:
Example One:
[Author mentions cookies in an AN.]
ThatRandomFanfictioner1756
Cokies? Ii luv coockys
Example Two:
HopefullyTheLastRandomFanfictioner1756
Splerch
Example Three:
OkayIGuessNotTheLastRandomFanfictioner1756
This is a review. I get cookies now
Example Four:
TheMostIdioticRandomFanfictioner1756
I AM TAKING OVER THIS WEBSITE ONE REVIEW AT A TIME
Now, we shall discuss them.
What is the difference between feedback and a flame? It should be obvious:
Feedback helps you be a better writer, may be harsh, but aren't rude or mean.
Flames just kick you in the butt and tell you to go die in a hole.
What "may be harsh" means is that feedback doesn't have to be downright kind, but it shouldn't be rude or disrespectful.
Example:
TheSameAwesomeFanfictionerFromTheFirstExample1756
There's this thing that's bugging me: you say "she boogied to the beat" twenty-six and a half times in the same chapter. It gets monochromatic. And watch Percy's OOC-ness.
THIS IS FINE.
It doesn't snap fingers in your face and say, "Hon, go find a new hobby."
It doesn't say either, "Oh, and PS… UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING TALENTED PERSON IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE GO HUG A TREE!"
It helps you… and that's what feedback is. I know some people will get hurt if they read a review like this, but there is no reason to.
-o-O-o-
…But what if you DO get flamed?
TheFirstEvilFanfictioner'sEvenMoreEvilTwin1756
This story is stupid. Delete it immediately or I'll report it for its stupidfullity.
FIRST of all… you can't delete a story because YOU don't like it. Shut up.
SECOND of all… 'stupidfullity' isn't even a word. Go back to grade one.
Best tactic: Ignore it. Pretend those evil fanfictioners don't exist. If it really bothers you, report the flame, and if it's a Guest review, delete the comment. I wrote this part of the chapter before I posted this story, and I can already foresee that SOMEONE is going to flame:
TheFanfictionerThatIsStartingToGetReallyAnnoying1756
ermahgerd you try to hard to be funny just stop your killing my brain cells owww
In which I respond as:
PUNCTUATION. ERMAHGERD PEOPLE.
-o-O-o-
Now, I turn away from the existent flamers to the future ones.
Don't flame. What's the point, even? A low-class subject of bullying from behind the safety your monitor?
Please.
Don't be a jerky bully.
Be a jerky polite person. The jerkiness and the politeness cancel each other out so that you are left as a person… which is what I hope you wish to be. (Unless you wish to be a dinosaur. In that case, I applaud you.)
Instead of flaming, give feedback.
And if a story REALLY bothers you, do Leo's Plan B.
RUN. FREAKING. AWAY.
The writer doesn't have a way to know whether or not YOU YOURSELF AS A USER read their story or not. If you have a problem with it—like, a not feedback problem but a real hate problem—just walk away. Pretend you never even saw the story.
This isn't an excuse not to review—it's an excuse not to flame.
-o-O-o-
Yeah, I know, I portrayed the "everything else" reviews in a pretty bad light, but not all of them are pointless.
Example:
OhGodsNoNotAnotherRandomFanfictioner1756
I can totally imagine this happening... for some reason when I read [THIS PART], I saw [THIS HAPPEN IN MY HEAD]. But this works better...
This is fine. So are the "just comments" reviews.
This is not fine:
TheMostRandomFanfictionerEver1756
poop
Now, I will shock you with a fact that will rattle your brain and shake the foundations of the world you live in.
It doesn't matter how many reviews your story has.
It. Doesn't. Matter.
*gasp*
Life at the Wilderness School got 400+ reviews, and I think that's amazing.
I thought The Blood of Olympus would be similar, but after twenty chapters I only had 66 reviews.
I didn't care. I enjoyed writing BoO, and that's what mattered.
If you're writing a story, and you hate it, you absolutely just LOATHE writing what you're writing, but you keep going for your reviewers… MAKE it fun! What's the point in writing if you're not enjoying what you're doing?
(But of course, this should NEVER EVEN OCCUR because of your pre-writing stage that we will talk about… as the last chapter.)
RECAP
1. Flames
2. Feedback
3. Comments
4. Everything Else
Reviews don't matter—just enjoy what you're writing.
Don't flame, and don't forget to be awesome!
-TheMostAwesomeFanfictioner1756