Listeners, I have just gotten a call from Old Woman Josie. We exchanged pleasantries, you know asked how each other's lives have been, the latest chants for blood stone circle sacrifices, the usual. Then her tone became serious.

"Cecil?" she asked.

"Mmm?"

"Are you still seeing that scientist boyfriend of yours?" I chuckled a little at this and responded,

"Of course Josie! He is actually doing some important experiments involving some of those "angels" of yours." And when I said angels I threw up some quotation marks with my hands, which she of course could not see, so I simply emphasized using the only mean available through audio representation, my voice.

"I know. The angels don't like that. They don't like him. Well, they don't like him, but I heard them talking Cecil. They say they have a plan for him. Now normally I will agree with the angels on just about anything, what to have for dinner, paint color for the new Old Nightvale Opera House, but Cecil, It doesn't sound like a fun plan. I think it has something to do with those visitors you were talking about on the show earlier. I'm worried for him. I'm worried for you." There was a long pause as I sat in pure terror listeners. Then regaining some strength I began slowly,

"Did you hear exactly what they were planning?"

"Yes, I did actually. They plan to make him-" Then the line went dead.

"Josie? Josie can you hear me? What are they going to do to my Carlos?" No response. And although I know I shouldn't get so worked up over something as unbelievable as angels, but Nightvale, I'm afraid. I'm afraid for my perfect scientist. What has he gotten into this time? And now as I try to regather my wits, let's go to the weekly horoscope.

Aries- Look out at the sky. Isn't it beautiful? And deadly. Better stay inside today. In fact, better stay inside everyday from now own Aries. You can never be too careful you know.

Taurus- You have met some people recently. Perhaps they are good people, with lives maybe some what comparable to your own in some way. Perhaps they are not. Taurus be safe today. Be on the look out for things that don't exist, such as faeries, unicorns, angels, and mountains. Even if you do believe in them, which you should not.

Gemini- Today Gemini, you will face an existential crisis. You will ponder the meaning of life, yours and all those around you, and question if it all really matters anyway. Good luck on your quest.

Cancer- Cancer, today you should have fun. Go out, flirt, and be happy. Then in the midst of your fun realize something seems off. Go home, shower, and be concerned. You'll be thankful you did.

Leo- There are many who fear your power Leo. Go out and show those puny cowards what it truly means to be afraid. You know what to do.

Virgo- Nothing is real. That man coming after you with a knife. Psh, figment of your own subconscious. The terror you feel as he catches the back of your sleeve and whips you around for the final plunge of the cold steel blade? Nope. Go on with your day as usual Virgo. Nothing can stop you.

Libra- Shh, you hear that Libra? Oooh they are almost upon you. Why do you think what you did was a good idea? Don't worry though! Your punishment shouldn't be too painful. Unless... oh well. Doesn't matter now that they are right behind you.

Scorpio- Scorpio you fool. You should be ashamed of yourself. What would your mother say? You know exactly what she would say. For shame Scorpio, for shame.

Sagittarius- Have you ever though about becoming an astronaut? All alone in space, with no one else around. No one to help if something goes wrong. No one to hear your screams as the dark void surrounds you, engulfs you. Have you ever though about becoming an astronaut? Neither have I.

Capricorn- Silly Capricorn, how many times do we have to go over this? Your supposed shampoo then condition your hair. Reversing the order can lead to dire and often fatal consequences.

Aquarius- Today was a decent day. Up until your significant other met a couple of strangers and is now threatened by creatures that may or may not exist and have a vengeful and awful plan for both him and the universe. Expect the worst Aquarius, expect the worst.

Pisces- The stars say nothing Pisces. Are you guys not talking anymore? What did you do to piss them off? Oh that old argument again Pisces? Oh come on, the stars said they were sorry. It was that one time and you all were drunk not just the stars. I say give them another chance.

And that concludes the horoscopes.