You try to pretend you're not listening to his conversation on the phone as he sits right next to you on the bed. You look away, you look towards the radio that you had put on mute when his phone had vibrated, you try to to focus on the dirt hiding under your chewed up nails; but you're sure that if he tried, he would notice you are actually listening to every word he is saying with your ears perked up as far as they can go, figuratively. You can't help but look his way when he starts to raise his voice just a little, enough for you to begin to worry. He glances your way before looking down to his crossed legs, and he begins to play with the fabric of his jeans. You swallow hard, because he had looked at you for long enough for you to notice the moisture starting to build up in his eyes.
And you hate it so much.
You hate that he has to put up with this shit, you hate how he is so damn passive and doesn't even try to stand up for himself, and you hate how she is giving him hell over whatever the fuck he did or said by accident, only because she had found it to be annoying. Had it been a joke? If you remember correctly, you are pretty sure that had been it. A harmless text message, that was probably one of his rare attempts at making her laugh and get her to be sweeter for a change.
It's a shame how she doesn't even get how his humor works, asides from every other damn thing she doesn't even make an effort to understand.
"I'm, sorry Vriska. Yes... Yes, I am, very aware of that, actually." He sounds like he is trying really hard to not give into the temptation and hung up. You don't think he wants to cry anymore, though; he is probably far more annoyed and ticked off than anything by this point, which is kind of a good sign by your books.
You lean forward on the bed to reach the radio sitting on the messy bedside table, and you turn up the volume just enough for you to hear a faint beat and some mad sick lyrics being whispered. You chuckle lightly at the thought of turning the thing all the way up for Vriska to hear over the phone, and then you shake your head. You decide not to do it, since you already did that once, and she had made it very clear just how shitty you guys' music taste was. It hadn't been as fun as you had expected, and Tavros had looked a little bit worried for some reason.
You turn your head towards him again when you hear him sigh and throw the phone to the side, making a light thud as it landed on the soft mattress. You wait a moment before speaking.
"You alright, bro?" He looks at you and purses his lips, nodding a little bit before letting out a weak chuckle.
"I'm fine." You look at him for a few moments. "You can, turn up the volume, if you want." You nod and do it right away, keeping it at a moderate volume. One specially wicked song by the Beastie Boys is now filling the room, and you see him smile as you sit up right beside him again and lean your body against his just slightly. He loves that song. You love the way he smiles when he hears it come on the radio.
You breathe out a quiet giggle as you keep your eyes on him, and you lift a hand to his face to brush a stubborn strand of straight hair back where it belongs, lying among the rest of his fluffy mohawk.
You puff out your cheeks and exhale sharply, running a hand across your forehead to get rid of some of the moisture sitting there. God, you hate summer. You can't even wear your makeup in days like this, just because it simply doesn't last enough to make it until 2 PM. You couldn't stop sweating even if you tried. And the fact that you are currently under the stinging afternoon sun, sitting on the uncomfortable bleachers at your school just make it all the most horrible.
You watch the players throw the football around a few times, not really caring much for who was winning. You really only came to this game because of Tavros, who was right beside you, who came for Vriska, who was getting ready to start cheering with her team. It honestly impresses you how she managed to ascend to Cheer Captain in only a few weeks since she decided she wanted to be a cheerleader. The girl had determination, and you had to give her that. But it also made you feel even worse about yourself, seeing as you are now even more boring and unimpressive as you were before. She was going places, that was for sure. You? You were stuck here on the bleachers watching some sweaty jocks run around and hit each other, the only highlight of your evening being the prospect of hanging out with Tavros again, and your only recent goals in life are having quit alcohol as a whole, and maybe even passing science class. Maybe if you were in the football team you'd be more interesting. It would also probably add some muscle to your scrawny frame, something that maybe Tavros would find attractive. Maybe he would finally find you hot and would agree to go out with you, if you asked. But something tells you that he prefers the way Vriska's short skirt wraps around her hips and reveals her long legs, her feminine curves getting all the attention.
You looked down at your old, mistreated sneakers, and tried to focus on the heat of the sun.
You become distracted enough that you don't realize when the game has ended, and that apparently your school was the one to win. You see Tavros get up from his seat beside you immediately, his feet carefully going down the stairs to greet Vriska with a hug. She was always extra cheery when their team won. She was pretty sure she added all the luck to the players by just being there, cheering, and you could smell the pride radiating from her.
She wraps her arms around his neck before pulling him down to her, and she planted a big kiss on his lips that made some girls around them start to wolf whistle and laugh. You clench your fists and purse your lips tightly. You can tell even from your distance that she just shoved her tongue in his mouth as she held onto the back of his head. He placed his hands on her waist instead.
You decide you're just not in the mood to fake a smile at the semi-happy couple today, so you stand up from your seat and go down the stairs on the other side, away from them, and jog towards the parking lot, knowing he wouldn't notice you aren't there in a couple more minutes. Some selfish, darker side of you wishes he felt bad once he realized this. You want to slap yourself after that thought.
You make your way home thinking about him.
You go up the stairs to your room and decide to lay down and take a nap to escape the annoying feeling of your permanently broken heart.
You dream of the day when he will realize that she is just not for him, when he will realize that what he has been looking for is right in front of him, when he will realize that the person that loves him the most also understands him better than anyone, or so you believe. You allow yourself the thought that he maybe, just maybe, belongs with you.
You welcome the cool summer breeze with a grateful smile. You close your eyes as you let it ruffle your hair, seeing the yellow patches of sunlight that filter through the leaves dance behind your closed eyelids. You place one foot in front of the other lazily as you walk with your eyes closed, each step you take filing the air with the sound of crunching pebbles. You shoot your eyes open when Tavros stops you with a hand to your chest, and you realize he is grinning.
"Careful." He advises you and you look down, realizing you almost ran into a park bench. Just how did you manage to walk in a beeline straight to it? Walking in a straight line through the path couldn't be that hard.
"Fuck." You laugh at yourself and decide to take a seat on the park bench, feeling just a little tired after your endless walk. Tavros doesn't hesitate before doing the same thing, and he sighs deeply as he rests his back against the backrest. The tree's shade must feel nice on his skin.
You openly look at him and admire his peaceful expression. You feel yourself grinning like an idiot at the sight, since you seriously haven't seen him this relaxed and happy in a few weeks. You have no idea why he is feeling so at ease, but you decide to simply not ask. You take a while to realize he is looking at you back, an eyebrow raised in what could be slight curiosity and amusement.
"Yes?" He asks and you turn you head away to avoid him seeing your face blush in embarrassment. Caught yet again. He begins to chuckle and you look at him just in time to see his hand go up to your head. He looks at your hair and pulls lightly, taking out two green leaves that had managed to get stuck there. "They, found a nest." He comments and lets them fall to the dirt under his feet, and you bite your lips before lifting a hand to his own hair.
"Holy shit, there's a huge motherfucing bug on your hair." His eyes widen and he tries to stifle a squeak.
"Get it-" You take a small, dried up leaf that was hanging from his mohawk, and you quickly throw it at his face. He out right screams, but you grab both of his arms and avoid him running away.
"I'm just kidding, just kidding." You tell him and begin to laugh, and he takes a moment before shoving a hand your side and poking you painfully hard, pretending to be tickling you while in reality he just wanted to make you pay.
"Don't, do that again." He tells you as he uses the rest of his fingers to poke every bit of your stomach that he can find, and you try to grab his wrists and stop the almost painful tickling at once.
"No!" Damn, is he strong as hell. You begin to laugh loudly and uncontrollably, your whole frame shaking and twitching with laughter, and you end up burying your face on his shoulder as you try to yell and tell him to cut it off while you choke on laughter. He eventually gives in and laughs at you, his arm deciding to rest around your back as you kept your face hidden on his shoulder. You nuzzle into him just a little, and you try not to move when he kisses the top of your hair softly. He hasn't done that before, and you're not sure how to react. You nuzzle into him again with your eyes closed, and imagine for just a moment that this is what it would be like if you two were dating. Laughter, hugs and caresses. Mostly laughter. It seems so easy.
You lift your face a little bit, just enough to take a peek at his face. He is looking at you, and you can't read his expression for the life of you. You turn your attention to his shoulder again and plant a rough bite to his flesh before basically jumping away from him, laughing again and beginning to run away, knowing he would not like that at all.
"Ow!" He whines and covers his shoulder with his hand, and soon stands up to run after you as fast as he can. He catches you after only a few minutes, and he grips your arm to bite you as pay back.
You are looking at the ceiling above you as you rest your back on the bed, seeing all kinds of weird shapes and creatures high up there on the designs of the wood. You can't sleep, just like so many other nights, and you blame your meds. The other ones used to make you very sleepy, but these have the opposite effect and it's freaking you out. You make a mental note to tell your doctor about it next time you see her, but then you force yourself to get up and write it down, knowing that you would forget.
Just as you put the cap back on the purple sharpy, you hear a car starting to pull up into your driveway. You know your dad is already home, and you think that maybe it's Kurloz. You take a peek at the window anyways, and realize it's Tavros' car that's parked outside your house, and he is slowly getting out of it and walking towards your house. He looks up towards your window before he gets far, and you wave at him to let him know you can see him. He nods from what you can see, and you get out of your room to go down the stairs and open the front door to see what he needs.
You are extra careful to not make much noise.
"What's up?" You ask him with a smile as he arrives to the doorframe, and your stomach drops to the floor when you notice he is trying very hard to hold back tears. "Shit, motherfucker..." You breathe out worriedly, and you grab his arm to pull him inside before he can speak. You leave him standing by the dining table while you go get him some water, and he hesitates before taking the glass from your hands and taking a few sips. He leaves it on the table shortly after.
"Can we, just..." He pauses and points upstairs, and he licks his lips over and over anxiously. His eyes are so damn red already.
"Yeah, sure motherfucker, come on." You start to walk towards the stairs and make your way up to your room, and he sits on your bed with a heavy sigh. You close the door behind yourself, and you quickly take a seat right beside him. You don't know what to say. You want to ask what's wrong, but you know that that will make him start crying once and for all. You decide to wait.
His voice cracks when he tries to speak, and he clears his throat before trying again.
"It's Vriska..." He beings, and makes a great job at keeping those tears in line. "She..." He pauses and looks intently at his fidgety hands. He takes a deep breath. "We broke up."
You shake your head and lift a hand to rub his back.
"...Sorry motherfucker." You say finally, and he lets a tear roll down his cheek before he quickly wiped it off and swallowed thickly.
"No, it's fine, actually. I know it is, probably for the best, most likely..." He doesn't look too convinced. "I mean, I wasn't making her happy..." His voice cracks. You become angry, but you try to not show it. It was her that wasn't making an effort to make him happy. It was her. "Besides, she said she already, had someone else she wanted to be with, that was not me, obviously." He controls his voice at this last bit.
"Fuck..." Was the only thing you thought of saying, and after a moment you decide to move and crawl over the bed to lay down, pulling him towards you so that he was resting on his side as well, facing you. You were sure that was at least a little bit more relaxing for him. "Everything's gonna be all kinds of fine, bro." You assure him, your head laying on the pillow as you look at him. He closes his own eyes and begins to cry softly, his tears just falling from the corners of his eyes and onto the pillow. He nods.
"I, think so." He whispers, and you can't help but bring a hand to his face and stroke his cheek. He opens his eyes again to look at you, and he hesitates before getting closer to you and resting his forehead against your chest.
"Trust this here motherfucker, bro." You tell him after a moment, and he nods again, this time against your chest.
"I do." He says, and looks up at you. His glassy eyes are still dripping tears like crazy. You wish you could make it stop.
You watch him cry as he looks at your face, your eyes going over every detail you can pick up, from the unfair smoothness of his tan skin, to the red blotches that are appearing from his crying
"I'm not, sure why I am crying." He whispers after a minute and you frown.
"You guys were together for a long motherfucking time, Tav." You offer as an explanation, and you wonder if he was even asking for a reply. You hope you didn't just make him feel worse. But he chuckles lightly and takes you by surprise.
"That's true. She was also my friend, even if she wasn't all that nice, sometimes." You giggle.
"Sometimes?" He waits a moment before laughing softly, his eyes fixed on you again.
"Yeah, sometimes." You raise both eyebrows at him in mocking disbelief, and you manage to make him laugh again, even if his eyes are still very watery. He stops laughing after a moment, and you see new tears start to sprout.
"Smile for me." You say before he can continue crying, and he obliges after only a second. His smile is sad, but honest. "Hell yeah." He breathes out a half laugh and closes his eyes, but doesn't erase his smile. Instead, he gets even closer to you, his forehead against yours, his breathing mixing with your own. You quickly bring your hand up to your face and you start to bite on your nails nervously. He's too close.
He opens his eyes to look at you after what seemed like minutes, and slowly crept a hand of his own to yours and pulled it away from your mouth.
"I thought, you said you would stop, the nail biting." He scolds you, and you quickly take a peek at your fucked up nails. Yeah, you promised that. You let out a guilty chuckle. "It's not good for your teeth." He reminds you, and leaves your hand alone to bring his thumb to your bottom lip instead. You freeze in place as he rubs the pad of his thumb over your lip, and he pulls it down lightly as if he was taking a peek at your teeth. You're sure he's not really doing that though.
You try to stop yourself, you really do, but before you can do so, you pucker your lips and kiss his thumb softly, closing your eyes as you do so. He keeps rubbing your lips with his finger even after you did that, and he begins to frame them softly and methodically, and you simply kiss it again, and again, not daring to open your eyes.
He pulls his hand away shortly after, and you swallow thickly. You can feel your cheeks burning just a little under your makeup. You can feel some butterflies fly in your stomach and you are certain you should try to calm them the fuck down right about now.
Then you feel his full lips press against yours softly, and you open your eyes widely to make sure your imagination isn't playing tricks on you.
But his face is as close as it has ever been, eyes closed and a little puffy, and his lips really are moving against yours so sweetly it's making your insides melt.
He pulls away far too soon, and meets your wide eyes with his own reddened ones. You let out a gasp and you realize you had been holding your breath.
"...Sorry." He says with a smile that you are not sure if it's meant to look regretful or just sad. You are speechless for almost a minute, but you eventually force yourself to speak.
"No, no, motherfucker it's..." You try to say, but quickly decide to let your body do the talking.
You brush your hand against his cheek and brush his lips just as he had done with the pad of your thumb, and you lick your lips as you look at them. They are so full, and pink, and just look so... perfect.
"We can... do that shit again if you wanna." You try to shrug as best as you can, and he gives you this look that you wish you could decipher.
He smiles and leans in again, and you feel higher than any drug ever made you feel when he trapped your bottom lip between his and pulled softly, his mouth meeting yours and his hand going up to touch your side. You moan faintly in your throat as you feel his tongue gently lick between your lips, coaxing you to open up your mouth to brush it against yours. He doesn't taste like anything in particular, but you decide that his lips are the most delicious thing you have ever tasted nonetheless.
He breathes out a soft laugh against your mouth after a while of your kissing, and you smile at him as if to ask what was so funny.
"Your makeup..." He begins, and makes a face that gives you the message that he didn't like it. "Tastes funny." You giggle at that and lick your lips, but you honestly can only taste him on your buds. You maybe are too used to the taste of the creamy clown makeup you wear almost everyday.
"You get used to it." You say, and he begins to shake his head, wrinkling his nose.
"No..." He laughs then, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand to look at the grey smudge that he was able to remove. "Take it off... If you want to, that is." He looks unsure for a moment, as if you might not want to obey and go back to enjoying the way his lips fit so perfectly against yours after all this time of only dreaming of it.
"Be right back." You say hurriedly and get off the bed, making the mattress squeak and shake, making him jump a little on top of it and giggle.
"Okay." He says, and you see a smile creep on his face as he sighs deeply before burying his face on your pillow.
Can you guess the song?