Chapter Eight
Sasuke sits in a hard wooden chair inside of Ambassador Akiyama's hotel room. He drew first watch, so it's his duty to wait in the dark, listening to an old man's thunderous snores, and look out for intruders. His Anbu teammates sleep nearby, and soon one of them will wake and take his place. Sasuke has been sitting still for hours, and he is so bored that he would welcome enemy shinobi, if only for a chance to get out of this chair and do something.
He accepted a long, B-rank mission escorting an annoying Fire Country ambassador across the five great nations for one reason only: to get some much needed distance from Sakura. He had spent the last days of his suspension with her. Sleeping together, mostly, but also talking and sharing meals. Washing dishes and training. He finds an odd sort of comfort in engaging in the most mundane activities with her. He doesn't know what to make of this. And then there is the intensity of their sex to consider.
Sasuke has fucked two women before Sakura. His first, Manami, was a civilian a few years his senior. They met on and off for a few months the year he turned eighteen. Theirs was a simple arrangement, pleasurable enough, and the relationship ended outside of the bedroom. Manami did not ask him about his clan or why he abandoned Konoha, and Sasuke did not ask her about the child he saw in pictures on her wall but not in her house. They parted on good terms as summer turned to autumn, and whenever Sasuke sees her around the village he nods in greeting.
His second was over a year ago. He met Kazue at a mid-scale bar on the outskirts of Konoha. A pretty kunoichi, middling height with dull red hair and blue-green eyes. If he's honest, her coloring and her build reminded him of Sakura. They fucked on the couch at her apartment, quick and rough, and Sasuke did her the disservice of half-imagining another woman beneath him. He isn't proud of that, and they haven't spoken since.
Sasuke is no stranger to sex, but what he's experienced with Sakura is so different from his past encounters that it's pointless to compare them. Sometimes she touches him with reverence, like a thing nearly, but not quite, too precious to hold. Sometimes she touches him with passion, and her hunger for him, for his body, shows itself in every caress. But really, she doesn't even have to touch him at all for Sasuke to feel her adoration and respect. Sakura's love is evident in the curve of her smile, the upward tilt of her chin as she waits for his kiss. It's in her eyes every time she sees him, so obvious that Sasuke wonders how he was blind to it for years.
With Manami and Kazue it was easy to keep his emotions divorced from his body. To fuck and not want anything else. But just a few short days with Sakura, and he's already confused. Physical intimacy feels truly intimate for the first time in his life. And after three weeks away from Konoha he's craving her touch. Missing her bright laughter and the quiet conversation they shared over dinner.
Akiyama coughs, rolls over, and grumbles in his sleep. Then he begins to snore again.
Anyone who believes a shinobi's life is never dull is a fool. A ninja's work is two parts waiting and watching to one part action, and Sasuke doubts he's going to come across any action tonight.
The door opens, silent on its hinges, and he turns toward it, wary and alert. Light spills into the room, across the floor, framing the shadow of a man. It's one of the Anbu, here to relieve him.
The shinobi wears the mask distinctive to his order, but Sasuke knows who he is regardless. Kenji walks with an arrogance of motion. He carries himself like a person who believes he cannot be killed. Sasuke does not need to use dojutsu to notice these things, and so he has no trouble identifying the man who took Sakura's virginity and then disrespected her.
"Your watch is up," Kenji says.
Sasuke stands and walks past him without saying anything. He refuses to waste his words on an idiot like this unless it's strictly necessary. Working with him throughout this mission has tested Sasuke's patience, since he would like nothing more than to snap Kenji's conceited neck.
The next day, he escorts Akiyama to the town of Nagosai, and once the ambassador is delivered safely home, he and the Anbu head toward Konoha. Back to Ichiraku ramen lunches with a knuckle-headed Hokage and nights with Sakura.
The Fire Country is all green forest and humid heat, and they jump from tree to tree, Sasuke in the front, Kenji and his partner flanking him. The miles go by quickly, and by mid-afternoon they're at the village gates. The two chunin posted there look at Sasuke suspiciously, as if unsure that he means Konoha no harm, before they let them through.
They go directly to the Hokage's tower and report to Naruto, who then dismisses the Anbu, but tells Sasuke to stay. He stands before the wide desk, hands in his pockets, tired and ready to go home.
"So how was the Lightning Country?" Naruto asks.
"Fine." He had escorted Akiyama to political centers, not to any of the hidden villages, so he was never close enough to Kumo to garner the Raikage's ire.
"Great," Naruto says. "Have you seen Sakura-chan yet?"
"No. I came directly here." Why would he ask that? Did Sakura say something to him?
"Well, you should drop by the hospital and let her know you're home." Naruto shuffles through the mess of scrolls and papers on his desk, finds something, and signs it. Without looking up from his work, he says, "I think she's been worried about you."
"Sure," Sasuke says.
He doesn't bow and doesn't say goodbye. He leaves Naruto's office and heads out into the bustling streets of Konoha. When he comes to a fork in the road—one way leading toward the hospital, another to his apartment—Sasuke stops. He stands still in a sea of civilians and thinks about Sakura, waiting to hear from him.
Sasuke finds that he wants to go to her. Rather than imposing the space he hoped for, the weeks away from Konoha have only made him miss Sakura with an intensity that troubles him. He told her he would find her when he returned from his mission, but Sasuke knows that if he does this now she will know, as soon as they touch, the desperation with which he has wanted to hold her.
It won't be the first promise he has broken.
"Sakura, hello? Did you even hear me?" Ino asks.
"What? Sorry. Something distracted me." Sakura gives an apologetic smile and sips her tea. It's too hot and it burns her tongue.
The shop Ino chose is small and modern, and everything inside seems slick, stainless steel, and meticulously clean. Sakura sits on the edge of an uncomfortable metal chair, tapping her foot to the rhythmless beat of anxiety. Decidedly not drinking the scalding contents of her pretty, porcelain cup.
Ino rolls her eyes. "You've been weird lately. What's going on with you?"
I've been sleeping with the man of my dreams.
"Nothing," Sakura says. "Really."
"Uh-huh. I don't buy it." Ino drinks her own tea (something flowery and ridiculous in flavor, maybe hibiscus, maybe jasmine) and raises one of her fine, blonde eyebrows. Skeptical of Sakura's bullshit, because when you've known one another as long as they have, it's easy to tell when your friend is lying.
"Are you still seeing the bastard?" Ino asks.
"No, actually." Sakura found Taro and had a quiet talk with him a few days after she and Sasuke started seeing one another, ending things for good. He hadn't been upset or angry. In fact, he laughed and said he understood completely. From the knowing look he gave her as they parted ways, Sakura worries that Taro may have guessed the truth of what happened after Sasuke's birthday party.
That isn't a concern she plans to share with Ino, though, so instead she asks, "How's your mom and Tetsuya?"
"Way to change the subject." Ino props her elbows on the table and leans forward, shoulder raised in a half-shrug. "They're fine. She really likes him and they're always going out together."
"That's nice." Sakura blows on her tea, and her breath causes ripples to spread out across the amber surface. "Are you feeling any better about the whole thing?"
"A little," Ino says. "He's still not Otousan, but at least he doesn't try to be my new father, you know? And he talks to me like an adult, which is more than my mother ever manages."
"Tell me about it. I haven't lived under her roof since the war ended, and Okaasan still tries to tell me how to run my life." Sakura shuts up, remembering a little late that she shouldn't complain too much about her parents to Ino. Since both her mother and father are still alive to complain about.
But if this bothers her, Ino doesn't show it. She nods and asks, "Have you seen Sasuke since he got back?"
"What? He's home?" Sakura feels the blush blossoming in her cheeks, and she isn't sure whether it's from embarrassment or anger.
"Yeah," Ino says, casual, because she has no idea what this means. "Shikamaru told me. I figured you knew."
"No, I didn't." Sakura tries to keep her expression neutral, voice steady, but it's hard.
Sasuke said he would come to her when he returned to Konoha, and instead she had to find out second-hand that he's even in the village.
He lied to her.
How long has he been home? A night, a week? What does this mean for the strange turn their relationship took before he left? It would be just like Sasuke to accept an extended mission on purpose, to distance himself, and then avoid her when he comes home. Like nothing ever happened. Sakura can understand if he wants to end it—she's prepared for that possibility—but she won't let Sasuke lie and ignore her and pretend they never slept together.
"Are you ok?" Ino asks. She's watching Sakura with something between concern and curiosity.
"I'm fine," she says, but the flush in her cheeks must give her away.
As soon as she finishes her drink, she makes an excuse to Ino about being short on time, pays, and leaves the tea shop. She goes straight to Sasuke's apartment—a twenty minute walk across the village, which Sakura makes in ten—and knocks on his door. Perhaps too forcefully, but she isn't much in a mood to hide her temper.
He answers, and if she had expected contrition she would have been sorely disappointed. Sasuke stands before her as stolid and expressionless as ever. He moves aside without speaking, and Sakura steps into his flat. It's a little dusty, less painstakingly tidy than he prefers to keep his space, which tells her he hasn't been home long enough to clean.
"You lied to me," she says, without preamble. Sakura doesn't bother to clarify; Sasuke knows what she means. Besides, she's almost certain he did this on purpose.
He doesn't apologize or deny it or offer an excuse. He doesn't do anything except stand there, still and impassive, like some beautiful, haughty statue in the middle of his neglected living room.
"How long have you been back?" Sakura asks.
"Since yesterday afternoon," Sasuke says.
"Were you going to let me know?" Part of her hopes that she's wrong. That maybe he was just tired from his mission and hadn't yet found time to go to her. Sakura wraps her arms around her waist and waits to see if he'll take this out she's offering him.
"No," he says, and his voice is softer now, barely audible. "I wasn't."
"Why? Did you not want to see me?" She braces herself for an answer she won't like. Cruelty isn't beyond Sasuke, though he's only rarely been unkind to her (if you don't count the unkindness of absence, every day for the four years that he was a missing-nin).
He shrugs and says nothing, because when conversation grows pressing he often retreats to silence.
"I think you're scared," Sakura says, and she steps closer, puts her hand on his arm. He's warm, so impossibly warm, like there's a fever burning under his skin.
"Scared of what?" he asks, and there it is. That imperious tone he uses to deflect the issues he doesn't want to face.
But Sakura is not so easily pushed away. She touches his chest, and she can feel his heartbeat under her palm. Faster than she expected from looking at him, so emotionless and cool. He's nervous too. "This is good a thing, what we have," she says. "And I think you're tired of losing good things."
For a long moment he doesn't respond. Then Sasuke says, "What do you know about loss, Sakura? You still have your parents, your teammates, Kakashi and Tsunade."
"I know, I'm lucky. But that doesn't mean I can't understand. My home was destroyed in front of my eyes. I'm a medic-nin, and I've seen countless men and women killed, many who I knew and cared about," she says. "And there are different ways to lose someone besides death, Sasuke. You taught me that the night you left Konoha."
He stiffens and says,"Naruto forgave me for that as soon as I rejoined our team, but I don't think you ever will."
"Naruto's a better person than I am," Sakura says.
"What do you want from me?" Sasuke asks.
"I need to know if we're going to keep seeing each other." She reaches out, takes his hand. "If we are, you can't lie and you can't run away."
Sasuke puts his arm around her waist and pulls her against him. He cups her face, thumb caressing the curve of her cheek. "Fine."
They should talk more, but when he kisses her Sakura forgets what it is she needs to say.
It isn't fair, what he's doing. Fucking the woman who loves him when he doesn't love her back. Sasuke knows this, but he wants Sakura and he's too selfish to give her up.
He watches her sleep. Curled up on her side, short hair spread out across the pillow. Sasuke touches her lips. Pretty, pink, slightly parted, and he can feel her warm breath against his fingers. She had a long day at the hospital, a twelve-hour shift. She was too tired to want sex last night, but she came to him still. And now she lies here, in his bed, wearing one of his spare shirts, sleeping as easily as if she were at home. This should worry him, her comfort in his house, in his clothes. Like something of him belongs to her already.
It should worry him, but it doesn't.
Dawn light peeks through the blinds. They need to get up soon, he to meet with Naruto, she to go on a short mission with her genin. But they have a little time yet, so Sasuke kisses her awake. Sakura stirs, and her green eyes open. Then she smiles against his mouth and stretches. Her slender body presses against his, taut and warm, and Sasuke rolls her onto her back.
They fuck slowly, unhurried, with Sakura's arms wrapped around him, their bodies rocking together. He watches her. The way she bites her plump bottom lip to muffle her moans, then gasps when she can't keep quiet any longer. She clings to his shoulders and lifts herself against him, meeting his thrusts, and it's so sweet that it's hard to hold back, but he does.
"Touch yourself," Sasuke says.
Sakura blushes, a telling rosy flush that reveals her embarrassment, but she puts her hand between her legs all the same.
She's beautiful when she comes, and Sasuke kisses her so he can feel her staggered cries, not unlike the tremors of her body around his cock. Then she pushes him off, onto his back, and takes him in her mouth. Sasuke threads his fingers through her soft hair, guides her movements, and soon the pleasure overwhelms him.
Afterward, she says, "I love you, Sasuke-kun," same as she always does, and he lets himself revel in the warmth of her words. It's good to hear, just as good as the sex in its own way.
Sunlight streams through the windows now, bright and unwanted. Sasuke has no desire to leave this bed. He lies beside Sakura, breathing hard, and he decides he isn't going to meet Naruto after all.
He props himself up on an elbow and looks at her. "Stay with me."
"I can't," Sakura says. "I told my students to meet me at the gate ten minutes from now."
Sasuke pulls up her shirt and kisses her collarbone, breasts, and stomach. Lower and lower. He looks up at her and says, "Let them wait. It'll teach them patience."
"I—I'm not like Kakashi-sensei," she says. "I shouldn't—"
He spreads her legs and presses his lips to her inner thigh. Sasuke has never done this before, but for some reason he feels the need to taste her everywhere.
"Stay with me," he says again.
Her voice breaks on his name. Even as she grips his hair and leads him closer, she says, "This isn't fair."
No, it isn't.
But Sasuke has never much concerned himself with fairness and he takes what he wants anyway.
"You're late!" Izumi says. "We've been here for an hour."
"I had a long shift at the hospital yesterday and I overslept." Sakura feels guilty, lying to her genin and making them wait. But not nearly guilty enough to regret this morning.
Their mission is simple enough: retrieve a prized sapphire necklace from the men who stole it. Izumi uses the Uchiha's fireball jutsu on one thief, while Hachiro attacks another with gentle-fist. Saito hangs back, and when Izumi takes a mild injury he rushes forward to heal her. With a few strikes, Sakura brings down the remaining men, and they offer up the necklace, as well as a cache of other valuables they had liberated from unsuspecting people.
Team Sakura takes the lot back to Konoha. Naruto can deal with returning the extra items to their original owners.
"What am I gonna do with all this shit?" he asks, when she sets the bag of stolen goods on his desk.
Sakura says, "I have no idea."
Naruto shouts for his assistant, Cho. A rather harassed-looking young woman rushes into the office, a large stack of forms in her arms. "You called, Hokage-sama?"
Naruto waves at the sack and says, "Find out who all of this belongs to."
She picks up the bag, careful not to drop any of the precariously balanced papers she's holding, and says, "Yes, Hokage-sama."
"Thanks, Cho." Naruto turns to Sakura and says, "I'm done for the day. Wanna have dinner with me and Hinata and a really cute baby?"
"I can't, sorry. I've already got plans." She told Sasuke she would meet him at his apartment once her mission was over (and unlike some people, she keeps her promises).
"You have plans a lot lately." Naruto gives her a suspicious look, but he dismisses her without asking any questions.
Later that night she lies beside Sasuke, naked even though they didn't make love again. Naked simply because he likes to touch her bare skin. "What do you want for the future?" she asks.
Sasuke slides his fingers up and down her side. Dips and rises with the slope of her waist. It's soothing, so Sakura closes her eyes, and it's as if all the feeling in her body is restricted to the places where he touches her.
"To serve Konoha, to keep the village safe." For Itachi, she knows. "Beyond that, I'm not sure. I want to restore my clan, but it's hard for me to imagine myself married. And I don't think I would make a good husband."
Sasuke is taciturn, distant, mistrustful. Independent to a fault and jealous. But he's also brave and brilliant and capable of loving more fiercely than anyone she's ever met, save perhaps for Naruto. Sasuke might very well make a poor spouse, but he could just as easily be a wonderful husband.
"What about you?" he asks, and there's something careful in his tone, a forced reserve.
I used to dream about being your wife, she thinks. I used to hope for a future beside you.
"Well, I'll continue my work at the hospital and keep going on missions. Hopefully, I'll see my students make chunin, maybe even jounin someday," Sakura says. "And I want to be married, but—" She falters, takes a breath. "But only to someone I love."
Sasuke doesn't say anything to this. He pulls her closer, kisses her temple.
He falls asleep beside her, but Sakura remains awake and she allows herself to really think about what she's doing. Fucking a man who will never love her. Playing house and sneaking around, not telling anyone, and why does he want to keep it such a secret? Is he ashamed of her? Or is it simply Sasuke's obsessive need for privacy? Regardless, she knows this is a bad idea. Heartbreak waiting to happen.
Author's Note: Many thanks to my incredible betas, tall-girl-in-a-small-world and uchihasass for all their help. Thanks to these lovely ladies this chapter isn't a hot mess. I also appreciate all the reviews and PMs I've received about this story, as well as the follows and favorites. Every time I get an update with a new message it brightens my day. :)