Older and Wiser

Part 3

His footsteps slowed as he reached the butler's room. Was he doing the right thing? Shouldn't he just leave it as an exchange of letters between two former colleagues and not meet him in person again? But he was here now. He knocked loudly on the door.

"Come in," called Thomas, so there was no going back now and he stepped through the door.

Thomas looked up from his work at the desk. His eyes were as bright and clear as ever, a contrast to his raven black hair, now with the distinguished touches of grey. He smiled and Jimmy smiled back.

"Thanks for all your letters, I love getting them," blurted Jimmy.

"Come in and shut the door then, you're making the place look untidy."

Jimmy obeyed, but hovered near the desk. He wasn't sure what to do with his hands, so put them in his pockets, then took them out again.

"I'll just finish these rotas. You can sit down, you know."

Jimmy remained standing. "You didn't tell me you were butler now."

"Well…I didn't want to make you feel badly. You sounded unhappy in your job."

"It's…okay there, I suppose."

"At least you've got Lady Anstruther to keep you happy."

"I haven't. I hardly see her, she's married now thank god."

Thomas looked up and stared at him. "So, you're wondering who's going to flatter you now?" He smiled a little. "Give you your daily admiration?"

"No! I—I just—I wanted to see how you were." This wasn't going the way he'd hoped. "I love getting your letters. No one else bothers with me, they certainly don't see any good in me or try to help me. Only you do that." He stood right in front of Thomas's desk.

"Now, you're standing in me light, I can't see what I'm writing."

Jimmy retreated. He'd been mistaken and Thomas had just been writing to him as a friend. "Well. As long as you're alright here."

Thomas looked up again. "I am alright, but—I was better when you were here. I had more fun. I've got friends here now, but—they're not the same as you."

"You're the only one who's ever believed in me, Thomas." He shrugged. "The only one who's ever seen anything good or attractive in me."

"Really? You haven't got a pretty young girl or two in the nearest village?" There was a light in his eyes now.

"Nah. Silly girls." His gaze locked with Thomas's and the butler stood up and smiled. Jimmy held out his right hand and took Thomas's left one. "I didn't forget that time you said you loved me."

Thomas snatched his hand back. "Don't make fun of me." He put both hands behind his back.

"I'm not!"

"Your Lady Anstruther clicks her fingers and you come running. She wanted to come to Downton so you thought you'd click your fingers at me and see if good old Thomas would still be keen on you."

"No! That's not it at all. You've got that wrong."

"Yes, I'm wrong as usual. Now go away. I must get on with me work." He went to sit back down in his chair but Jimmy grabbed his collar and forced him to stay standing.

"I won't! Listen! Lady A knew I was unhappy at her place. She knew why, too. She knew—she knew—that I wanted my friend back. My friend who's the only one to see through that stupid act I put on all the time, pretending not to care and trying to be Mr Big. You're the only one who sees the real me and the only one—probably—who's ever loved me."

They gazed at each other.

"So, you've realised that then. Good for you. What's good about it for me?"

"You're—you're the only one—I haven't found anyone I love as much as I love you."

Jimmy leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, a definite smacker with no room for misunderstanding. They stood in a very awkward position leaning over the desk though, so he walked round the desk and put his arms tightly round Thomas, who felt less sturdy than he looked, perhaps more vulnerable. Whereas Jimmy had put on bulk in the last few years—no longer the slender youth.

They held each other for a long time.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" said Thomas after a while, pinching his own arm.

"No." Jimmy mumbled into his neck. "Lady Anstruther said I was pining for you so she arranged this visit specially." He chuckled. "Pining. Sounds like Victorian lady."

"About time she made up for what she did to you."

They moved to sit down—Thomas in the armchair and Jimmy on the dining chair—and Jimmy took his hand. "Yes. She's even got a valet position vacant, if you—I mean—if you could—stomach a demotion."

"I don't know. I like it here now. But I could do with an under butler here. There's so much to do and so many servants to organise. I didn't know how much work Carson did. He was always so smug about it, I thought the butler job was easy."

"Would they take me on again after last time?"

"Maybe. Lord Grantham…he's pretty much senile now. Poor old bloke. Lady Cora turns a blind eye to most things. I bet I could persuade them."

"Lady A wouldn't be happy to lose me but I'd be bloody happy to leave her house. Miserable gits there."

Thomas laughed. "We're more cheerful here now but it would be even better with you here. The footmen are boring, the only one I have a laugh with is Mrs Patmore."

"Mrs Patmore? God! Scraping the barrel." He laughed too.

"What shall we do then? Shall I ask Her Ladyship if I can have an under butler?"

"Why not. Lady Wotserface can find another footman for her household."

"Lady Wotserface! Married to Lord Thingummy."

They giggled again, then there was a knock at the door. Jimmy leapt up and leaned against the desk.

"Come in?" called Thomas from the armchair.

Mrs Hughes opened the door and smiled from one to the other. "Oh good, you found each other then."

"Yes," said Jimmy. "We did."