The Life of a Sinner
Chapter 4:
I had just enough money with me to get another train ticket back to central. Half way to Central I had cold feet about the entire thing. I eventually snapped myself out of it. There is no going back now. It took me an entire day just to get back. It was night time. I let myself slump against the wall of an alleyway. I was hungry but that was going to change very soon. Soon I won't need anything as trivial as food.
"Sister. Why is Mama in the ground?" said Mirai softly as she tugged on my sleeve.
"Because, she, she's went to visit someone alright?" I said not knowing where she is myself I had to lie to her. I held my sister's tiny body. All I could think was why me? What did I do to deserve this? I have to make it right. What kind of God if he loved me at all would make me feel such pain?! Mirai and I made our living selling fruit in the main city of Xing. It was a horrible way to live. Our brother did nothing with all his money and all the people he knew.
I hated him immensely for that. I lived for my sister. In turn she lived for me. I had no idea how to be a role model but I improvised and went all with it. Mirai always used to ask me, "What is in my name? And what is in your name?" I would always answer her with, well you are my future and I am the gentleness that dwells within you. I never knew what I meant by those words. It just felt so right, so true to me.
On the night I became a sinner, I felt like my soul had been ripped from me. It was a stormy night. The flower shop keeper had lent us her home. That's where I met my husband. Or at least who I thought was my husband.
"No. You can't take her from me! Not now! Mirai!" she was dying of tuberculosis. I didn't have the money to get her medicine or even a decent Alchahestrist. Her body was long cold and I still held her close to me. My husband suggested that I bring her back. So on that same night I tried. The cost of my sin outweighed every bit of knowledge my father taught me. That was five years ago. The first time I passed through the gate was an eye opener.
At that moment I knew death could never be undone. I carried my sin with me everywhere I went. I can't remember how I got back to our world but I made it. I kept running from the King and his newly appointed general, my brother Jin. Every year I would go back to the slums where our little hut used to be. We weren't rich enough o own pictures so I just remembered both Mirai and my mother. Even though my thoughts were hazy and I could only remember bits and pieces I kept them as close to my heart as I could.
I have learned now to keep a distance from people. They lie, cheat, and steal. They also love, cherish, and heal. Too many people in my life were unforgiving. It is hard to trust people I do not know but that is the part of madness I have within me. I will blindly go wherever you lead me.
Nostalgia flooded my mind as I woke in the alley. It was a steady rain plip, plip, plipping on my head and soaking into my clothes. Ed and Al are bound to be hot on my heels. I rose and saw that no one had yet woken. Or was it that no one would walk outside in the rain? This street reflects how lonely my life has turned. The coldness in my fingers reminds me of the bitter-sweetness in my heart.
I let myself descend into the catacombs of Central. I wasted time wondering the tunnels. Thinking and Re-thinking about Mirai. Her life, death, and her morbid rebirth. A light blinded me as I took the last few steps at the end of the tunnel. A familiar voice greeted me.
"See I knew you would join us my dear." Said Envy.
"Where is Father?" I requested.
"Candidate, Come here." Said Father. I willingly joined his side and fell to my knees. I looked up at his eyes. I saw an ancient power in them. Father cupped my jaw in his palm raising my head. I have waited for this moment for eons. Father shifted in his chair to speak to only me.
"Take what you have earned my daughter, the rage that echoes within me, now echoes within you." He said. I was crying but my eyes gave sorrow no satisfaction. A steady lifeless rage welled up in every fiber of my being. I let my laughs echo through the tunnels.
"Your wish will be granted momentarily Father." I said as I breathed my first breaths as a Homunculus.