Amongst all the turmoil of yesterday Ash had forgotten one obvious fact. He worked at Angelo's. And because Kyle practically lived there they were going to run into each other sooner rather than later. That was especially true because he had to work today. He thought about not going but the thing about caravans was that they didn't pay for themselves and he wasn't gonna touch that other money. Besides, avoidance wasn't really his thing. With that in mind he headed off to work early instead.
xxx
When Kyle showed up for work, Ash was waiting outside. He didn't know what to say, he'd never been kissed by a bloke before.
"Look," Ash said without preamble, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I know it's my issue, not yours."
"What? Being gay?" Kyle asked as he unlocked the door. "It kinda is mine when you kiss me."
"No, I mean my feelings for you." That made him look up.
"You have feelings for me?" That made this so much worse. Ash gave him a dubious look.
"I thought that was pretty obvious," he frowned. "What? You think I go around kissing randoms all the time?"
"No, I mean I just thought it was because you were upset."
"It doesn't matter anyway," Ash dismissed, "I'll get over them. You have my word it won't happen again." Kyle wasn't sure how he felt about that. Obviously he couldn't have Ash kissing him, but he didn't like the thought of Ash not having who he wanted either. That just seemed too unfair after everything he'd been through.
xxx
Things got kind of back to normal after that. Ash and Denny still weren't talking, but at least they weren't yelling either. He missed her but he didn't want to risk another blow up between them so he was giving her some space. He didn't have any more thoughts about attacking Brax which was a good thing. At work things with Kyle were pretty much how they had been, except Ash was aware of where Kyle was every second of the day and sometimes he felt Kyle watching him, probably wondering if Ash was gonna have another meltdown and assault him again. They didn't talk about personal stuff anymore but it was friendly enough between them.
One good thing about living at the caravan park was Nate. Ash had been careful to keep the conversation light between them. They talked about bloke stuff, like cars and sport, and any arguments they had revolved around whether Holden or Ford was better and just whether or not South Sydney could back up and win the premiership again.
"You and Nate seem friendly," Kyle remarked a few days later. Nate dropped by Angelo's for a feed sometimes and Ash usually took the chance to stir him up about whatever their latest sporting rivalry was.
"He's my new neighbour," Ash said distractedly as he pulled the ringing phone from his pocket. It was a caller he wasn't expecting. "I have to take this," he told Kyle before heading quickly out the door.
Ash hit answer on the way outside.
"Ash," came Denny's voice, "can we talk?"
"Sure."
"Can you meet me at the cemetery?"
"Now?"
"Yeah."
"Um, okay. You alright?"
"Yeah, we just need to talk." She gave him directions, he didn't need them though.
He met her at the front gate. She was surprised when he knew the way to Casey's grave.
"You've been here before," she stated.
"Brax brought me once. I think he needed someone it wasn't personal for."
They stopped at the foot of the grave staring down at the simple head stone. Casey'd been so young. Around the same age as Ash when his life had been stolen too. The difference was Ash had a second chance.
"Ash," she said, turning to him with an anxious look. "I wanted to say sorry. I never should have said those things to you. I never even asked you how you got on looking for Billie..."
"Don't worry about it Den, we both said some stuff we probably shouldn't have. I only want what's best for you."
"And Billie?"
"She wasn't there." Denny gave him a sympathetic look and sat down on the grass at the foot of the grave. Ash sat down beside her. She plucked at the grass as she spoke.
"In a way, I feel like I'm doing what Case would want when I'm with Andy. He believed in giving people another chance."
"You don't like him as more than a friend then." She bit her lip and looked up at him.
"No," she admitted, "I'm scared that I do. I think that's why I got so angry with you. How messed up is that?"
"Why hang around him then? If you aren't ready?"
"I'm trying to find a reason not to but he hasn't set a foot wrong since that night." She reached out and took a handful of dirt from Casey's grave, letting it fall though her fingers. "I loved him so much, it consumed me completely, it was like nothing I've ever known. I know I'll never have that again but that doesn't mean I can't still be happy again one day... What about you and Kyle?" she asked looking up at him.
"I don't know," Ash admitted. "I kissed him, I shouldn't have..." Her eyes grew wide.
"What happened? What'd he do?"
"I dunno, I took off. He doesn't hate me but it's weird between us now, I think I ruined it. And we were just starting to get somewhere. You should've seen him the night we got home from looking for Billie..."
"Is there anything I can do to help?" There wasn't, but it made him feel better that she'd asked. He shook his head. "What a hopeless pair we are," she said, attempting a smile as she wiped her teary eyes.
"You're telling me chickie," he said, wrapping an arm around her. Love was strange.
xxx
Ash was pretty late when he got back to Angelo's.
"Where have you been?" Kyle barked. "You just skipped out on your shift!"
"Denny needed me."
"I needed you. It's been hectic in here today." That pulled Ash up. The words bounced around in his head. I needed you... Na, this wasn't gonna work. He needed space to get over Kyle.
"You're right. It's not working out, is it?"
"What? I didn't mean it like that."
"Na, it's better this way. I quit. You don't have to worry about me anymore."