So, I've gotten thirty-two reviews in just three chapters. Oh man, I love all of you. Keep giving me reviews and I shall love you and update faster and no I probably won't but I will still love you.
Merry early Christmas!
Okay, so I may have lied when I said that it would be up soon. I'm a procrastinator by nature, but I may have actually started four more stories. Only two will be added, I think. Both Naruto, both KakaFem!Naru. I may seem like I'm homophobic with all this switching of genders so the couples are male x female, but I know for a fact that I'm absolutely terrible at writing male x male. I need more practice writing it if I want to post something like that on here. I won't scar people with my writing until I'm sure that the scarring is done on purpose.
Sooooo, do you guys like my new summary? I think it's better. More flow to it, yeah?
Okay, for some reason whenever I listen to this one song, I think of this pairing. It's really weird, and it honestly has nothing to do with either of them, but I was probably reading a KakaNaru fic when I first heard it.
I don't own Naruto. Some things in it are insanely complex and there is no way in hell I could think up stuff like that.
And now that the authors note is finished, how about we get onto the story?
When they got back to the Hokage's office and the Sandaime had shooed the ANBU away, Nauko started talking again.
"Both Asura and Indra were wrong," Naruko stated.
"What do you mean? You just went on a spiel about how they both wanted peace!" Sakura protested.
"Asura was right in the way he went about getting peace. A person can only be truly strong if they're protecting a precious person. But somehow, he did it wrong," Naruko said firmly.
"How?" Kakashi asked.
"Asura believed in friendship and the power of unity, but he still failed to work with his own brother. Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara worked together, and look at what they did," Naruko said, eyes blazing as she gestured around her, "Fighting to bring peace is pointless. If Asura had worked together with his brother, none of this would have ever happened. I'd probably be a mom by now."
"You were going to have a baby?" Sakura asked.
"Yeah, it never got to see the light of day though. I got stabbed in my stomach, nobody could do anything to save it," Naruko said wistfully, "Then again, if it had never happened, then my dad and mom would be alive and he would have killed my fiance while mom egged him on."
The Hokage narrowed his eyes at Kakashi, vowing to send him on the most awful missions ever for knocking up Naruko.
"I can kill him in his place," Kakashi offered.
"Nah, you know him pretty well. I don't think that you would want to kill him. You mess with his head though," Naruko offered, not showing her amusement.
"Hn," Sasuke grunted his sympathy.
She sent him a small smile
Naruko continued summarizing the events that had lead up to the war, along with the war.
Naruko's story was indeed a long one, as she had said before. The closer it got to current timelines, the more interruptions there became. Kakashi had to take an hour to digest the fact that Obito was alive and had caused the Kyuubi attack, along with so many other things.
Sasuke refused to believe the true story of the Uchiha massacre and pretty much erased everything involving it from his mind. He smirked arrogantly at gaining his sharingan, but Naruko could detect a glimmer of relief in his eyes. He frowned at his defection and everything he did until he died. Then he frowned some more, just because he was a teme.
Sakura objected to the fact that Naruko's father was the Yondaime, her marrying Lee and everything in between. It got annoying fast.
She had ended with: "I'm sorry Sasuke-teme, I'm afraid I don't know if you have a true love, but I'll find them dattebayo!" Naruko jumped up and struck her good guy pose, "I will scour the earth for them!" she crowed.
Sasuke glared, "No.
"Come on," Naruko cajoled, "I bet getting you laid will make you much less of a teme!"
The Hokage choked on his saliva.
"Well maybe not. You wouldn't be Sasuke-teme if you weren't a teme," Naruko frowned at him pensively.
A blushing Sakura moved to whack Naruko over the head, but when moving to get away from her, Naruko tripped over her own feet, "Baka!" Sakura said, looking down at Naruko, "Sasuke-kun isn't a teme!"
"Hn. Dobe," Sasuke pressed his lips together to keep from laughing at Naruko's frustrated look.
Kakashi rolled his eyes. Oh how his little genins were getting along, he thought sarcastically as Naruko jumped up and started yelling about everything.
"-And I am not short! Anybody who says otherwise will be my guinea pig for fuuinjutsu!" Naruko waved a kunai above her head, a crazed light in her eyes.
The four sweat dropped.
"Ah, yes, we all know you're a very tall for a twelve year old, Naru-chan," Kakashi said indulgently, patting her spiky blonde hair.
"Don't lie to me!" Naruko exclaimed, swinging her kunai around and almost taking out Kakashi's other eye.
"So you admit that you are small?" Sasuke asked smugly.
"No, I can tell when he thinks he's lying! And he was thinking that he was lying 'ttebayo!" Naruko glared.
"Oh?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow. Or he raised both. It would forever remain a mystery (to the other three, as Naruko knew that Kakashi could never raise one eyebrow. It was something he complained about non stop when they were alone).
"And how would you know when I'm lying?" He asked.
"Because I am your fi - favourite student 'ttebayo!" She boasted, hoping nobody noticed that she was about to say fiancee.
"They're ninja's, Brat," Kurama's amused voiced rumbled from within her. He sounded a little sleepy, "They're going to notice."
Inwardly, Naruko blew a raspberry at him.
"And because I'm Kurama's host, I get special powers," Naruko quietly admitted.
Both Kakashi and the Sandaime filed away her mistake and her quiet words for later, though only one knew what she meant to say.
"You are not Kaka-sensei's favourite!" Sakura, who had always prided herself on being the teachers pet screeched.
"And how would you know?" Naruko raised an eyebrow tauntingly at her, making Kakashi rub his own eyebrows in frustration, "Can you see the future? That would be a very cruel thing to keep from us Sakura-chan," she scolded.
The only thing redder than Sakura's face in the Hokage's office was Sakura's dress.
"And maybe Kakashi-sensei is the type of sensei that likes awesome people, not boys with duck butt hair, or fangirls," Naruko continued, her teasing smile never wavering.
Sasuke's eyes narrowed in anger and Sakura's receding blush was brought back.
"Baka!" she yelled, hitting Naruko over the head.
Naruko blinked, confused for a moment, "Wow, you must be losing your touch - oh, right, you haven't gotten your touch yet."
"What do you mean?" Sakura demanded.
"Well, you get apprenticed to Tsunade-baa-chan, remember? I told you this. She teaches you everything she knows," Naruko grinned.
"And you get apprenticed to Jiraiya of the Sannin and I get apprenticed to Orochimaru of the Sannin," Sasuke frowned.
"Yeah, I'll try to teach you some of the stuff he taught you, we spared a lot and I picked up a bit. And Kakashi-sensei can teach you all that sharingan stuff, 'cause he knows more about using it than I do," Naruko brightly said.
Sasuke's posture didn't change, but his his face changed into what Naruko had dubbed Sasuke Facial Expression Number Five: Interested, shown by a slight raising of eyebrows and Sasuke Facial Expression Number One: Brooding Frown fading to just a frown.
"Me too! You have to show me what I can do too!" Sakura exclaimed.
"Sure," Naruko said easily, "But you're going to have to get a little dirty. I guess it's best to show you now that kunoichi's aren't all about seduction missions and love stories."
"Maa, we're forgetting who's the sensei here," Kakashi said, "Naru-chan has to get up her usual standards with her chakra and taijutsu before she can teach you anything."
"Hey! Even when I was-am-twelve, my chakra reserves are bigger than yours, dattebayo!" Naruko yelled.
"Are they really?" Sasuke asked, a gleam in his eyes. Sasuke was funny that way, he respected power.
"Course," Naruko said, "All Jinchuuriki have large chakra reserves. And that's without even counting the Biju's chakra. We also get awesome cool powers dattebayo!"
"Like?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"I'll go through them with you," Naruko said brightly, "Besides enhanced senses, and borrowing our biju's chakra, our abilities are unique to each biju. There's Sabaku no Gaara, I've already told you about him. He's the Jinchuuriki of the Ichibi, Shukaku, and he can control sand, dattebayo!
Then there's Nii Yugito, a Kumo Kunoichi, the Jinchuuriki of the Nibi, Matatabi, she breaths fire! Even better than Sasuke can!
"The Yondaime Mizukage, Yagura the Jinchuuriki of the Sanbi, Isobo can create coral. He's being controlled by Tobi. We need to save his ass soon, he 'outlives his usefulness' in a few months. He's adorable! He looks ten! We can't let him die, dattebayo!
"Yoton no Roshi from Iwa is the Jinchuuriki of the Yonbi, Son Goku, and he can manipulate lava. I don't know much else about him.
"Han from Iwa is the Jinchuuriki of the Gobi, Kokuo, and he uses steam for his attacks. I don't know much about him either.
"Utakata, a nukenin from Kiri, the Jinchuuriki of the Rokubi, Saiken can produce bubbles and corrosive alkali.
"Fuu, a Kunoichi from Taki is the Jinchuuriki of the Nanabi, Chomei, and she can fly!
"Kirabi, or Killer Bee, the awesome rapping ninja and the brother of the Yondaime Raikage, the Jinchuuriki of the Hachibi, Gyuki can like, make ink out of nothing!
"And I, Uzumaki Naruko, the Number One Hyperactive, Knucklehead Ninja, the Child of the Prophecy, the Savior of this World, the Hero of the Hidden Leaf-"
"Get on with it already!" Sakura snapped.
Sasuke grunted in agreement, reluctant to side with a fangirl.
Naruko continued as if she hadn't been interrupted, "-Konoha's Miracle Girl, Konoha's Orange Hokage, the Nanadaime Hokage, the Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, Kurama, can heal really fast and can detect negative emotions! Sasuke is like a well of emoness."
Sasuke gave her Sasuke Facial Expression Number Two: Annoyed Scowl.
"Detect negative emotions?" Kakashi raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah, it's really useful when people are trying to trick me. Or kill me. Or try to steal from me. Or are traitors," Naruko small speech ended on a bitter note, obviously remembering all of the people who had yet to do that.
"That was nice and all, but I'm bored. Let's go kill someone," Kurama suggested.
"Kurama! I can't kill someone! I'm trying to gain the villagers trust, not any chance I have of getting it!" Naruko scowled at him inwardly, "Besides, I'm all clumsy now. I keep on thinking I'm taller and my limbs are longer, my muscle memory is non-existent, I hardly have any useable weapons, I used the only ink I had on my prank and Kakashi's tracking seal, and I can't use any Jutsu's that I'm not supposed to know. I probably couldn't even kill a rabbit, let alone a person."
"Oh woe is you," Kurama grumbled, "At least you don't have to stay in a sewer. You'd die of boredom in here."
Naruko blinked, saying aloud, "Right, I should fix that place up for you."
Sakura, who had been trying to talk to Sasuke (hey, she may know that she'd marry Lee in Naruko's future, but that didn't mean she had to marry him in hers) when it became obvious that Naruko wasn't going to talk for a while. Sasuke, who had been ignoring Sakura, instead choosing to stare broodingly out the window both turned to look at her oddly.
Hokage-jiji was sitting behind his desk making notes or doing paperwork, which he had a lot of, Naruko noticed. More than she had ever had, but then again, she was apparently the only person who had thought of using Kage Bunshin for doing paperwork. And people called her baka.
Kakashi was reading porn. Nothing unusual there. She absentmindedly wondered how long it would take Sakura to notice and start screaming at her new sensei.
Not really wanting to be as close as she was when that happened, Naruko wandered over to the Hokage.
"So, Jiji," Naruko said, sitting on the only paper free part of the desk, "What'cha doing?"
The old Hokage wiped at his face, already tired with the paperwork, "Catching up on the paperwork that I didn't do yesterday."
Naruko studied him for a moment, well aware that he was making pitiful old man eyes at her, in hopes of her giving him her secret to paperwork, "Fine, lets make a bargain."
The Hokage perked up, "You don't give us Tora the Demon Cat mission, and I'll tell you the secret to paperwork."
"Deal," the Hokage said without hesitation.
"Oh, and I want lunch with you on Thursdays and Sundays," Naruko added.
"No problem," was that a hint of desperation in the old mans voice?
"And you have to go clothes shopping with me," Naruko wheedled.
"Just stop the torture disguised as paperwork! I'll do anything!" the Hokage finally begged.
Naruko glanced around to see if the others were eavesdropping. Sakura was too absorbed in Sasuke to notice and Sasuke was too absorbed in brooding to take any notice. Kakashi was reading porn. By the way he wasn't moving his eye, it told her that he was listening in, but she had just glanced for show. And to build up tension. The old man looked ready to burst in anticipation. Naruko cackled evilly on the inside.
"Okay," Naruko said, her voice quiet and leaning in close the the old man, "The secret to paperwork is-"
"SENSEI! WHAT ARE YOU READING!" Naruko wondered if people in Iwa could hear Sakura's voice.
Immediately, Naruko covered her ears in some last ditch attempt to protect them. Sasuke, Kakashi and the Hokage had done the same. Despite that, they could all hear Sakura's screechy voice.
By the time she was taking a break from ranting about porn, perverts and how much she hated both of them, Kakashi was pitifully rubbing his temples hoping to ward off the headache that Naruko knew that all of them would get anyways.
"Sakura, shut up," Sasuke demanded the moment Sakura opened her mouth again.
"Okay Sasuke-kun!" Sakura giggled like she hadn't almost deafened half of Konoha.
Naruko, Kakashi and the Hokage sweat dropped at Sakura's mood swing. Sasuke smirked at them like he had just discovered all the answers to life.
Feh. Even as a chibi he's a smug bastard.
"Ano, Sakura-chan, perhaps lower your voice a little," Kakashi suggested. "All the best ninja's know how to be quiet."
Sakura glared daggers at him. If older Sakura was wearing this expression, Naruko would've made a break for it, leaving Kakashi to his horrible fate without any qualms. But, dare she say it, it was cute on this Sakura's face.
Naruko giggled, imagining what her Sakura would say if she was here. Younger Sakura would sure get an Iruka-worthy lecture about the importance of silence in their line of work. But her Iruka was dead. Her Sakura was dead. Her everybody was dead. Some of her precious people hated her. Others didn't even know her.
Naruko took a deep breath, calming her panicked thoughts. It wouldn't do to have a panic attack in the presence of her chibi teammates, Jiji and Kakashi. She couldn't show her weakness in front of these people who were yet weren't her family. She could deal with this later.
One skill a shinobi develops over time is shoving their emotions into the back of their mind to examine when they weren't in danger. Showing emotion would get shinobi killed or captured in some circumstances. Naruko used every bit of this skill she could muster and put off her panic for latter.
"Naru-chan," Jiji said pitifully. "You were telling me about your paperwork killing technique?"
"Oh yeah," Naruko said absentmindedly, "I'm really surprised that nobody thought of it before. I mean, it's so obvious. I was only thirteen when I thought of it, and everybody knows I'm a baka," The Hokage was gaining a desperate look about him again, and Naruko wondered whether she should torture him longer, but decided against it. She never wanted to run after that stupid demon cat ever again, "Kage Bunshin. It cuts down your paperwork by half, or a third, or a fourth. Depends on how many you have running around."
"Kage Bunshin…" Sarutobi mused. Then, as if a simple facepalm wasn't enough, the Hokage slammed his head onto his desk twice. He just laid there after, looking lifeless.
"You killed the Hokage," Sakura said blankly.
"Jiji," Naruko poked at the back of his head, "You can't die yet. You have to survive to see Konohamaru make jonin, dattebayo!"
"I'm fine," Sarutobi said, and reached behind a secret panel in his desk. He pulled out a bottle of sake and didn't even bother to pour a glass, drinking it straight from the bottle.
"Should you be drinking like that if you're so old?" Sakura wondered.
"Kami dammit, I'm the Hokage! I can drink as much as I want," Sarutobi cried.
"Yeah," Naruko nodded, "Baa-chan said that a lot too. She always had a bottle of sake by her side. Until Shizune-nee raided her secret stash. Then she had to be sober for a week. It was horrible. I got thrown through the wall twelve times," she sulked for a moment.
Sarutobi slammed his head back down on his desk.
"Come, my cute little genin," Kakashi eye smiled at them, "It is time to go home! The old man is taking a nap right now."
"What time is it?" Sakura wondered, "My mom will get mad if I'm not home by 10 o'clock."
Naruko gave her a slightly bittersweet smile, remembering the days after Sakura's parents had died. The poor girl had been lost, and nobody could console her, not even her, Ino or Lee. She had never gotten over it, using the war as a distraction from her pain as so many others had, "It's a good thing that it's 9.56, then, isn't it?"
Once the newest team 7 made their way out of the Hokage's office, Sarutobi lifted his head, a weary smile fixed in place, "Oh, Naruko, what am I going to do with you?"
Naruko dropped the henge the moment she walked into her old apartment. She had taken to form of a young woman with dark skin and black hair the moment the rest of the group had left, not wanting to be harassed by the villagers that were out of their bindings for her prank. Most of them were out and about due to the ninja who had gone around undoing all of the damage she had caused. She had even seen some walking around, completely orange.
Locking the impossible door, Naroko sunk into her impossibly uncomfortable couch in her impossible apartment.
This whole thing was impossible. Sakura being alive was impossible, Sasuke being alive was impossible, Kakashi and Jiji and everybody else being alive was impossible.
It was impossible to change the future. They were all going to end up exactly as they were, dead and mutilated. But this time it was going to be all her fault because she knew what was going to happen this time, but she couldn't stop it because it was impossible.
Naruko fell asleep with the faces of her deceased friends on her mind.