Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended. All credit goes to JK Rowling. If you see something you remember from the books or films, it does not belong to me. You can't sue me, I don't have any money.
Authors note: I'm so very sorry for the lack of updates... Please let me know if you find any mistakes, I'm always happy to fix them. There should be another two or three chapters to this story, I'll try to get them up some time in the new year.
Sirius sat in one of the darker corners of the kitchen. He didn't feel like taking part in the meeting, it wasn't like he had anything to share anyway. Hestia was going over the reports of the last ten days with a bored expression on her face, but Sirius managed to tune her out completely.
A storm was raging outside. The rain was pounding the high windows and Sirius could hear thunder somewhere close. Christmas was just around the corner and winter had brought some of the worst weather Sirius had seen since his escape from Azkaban.
Sirius studied the group of people who showed up for the meeting. He knew most of them well. He'd lost count of the number of times he fought side by side with Moody and Dedalus. He'd been in the same year at Hogwarts as Hestia Jones, but she was in Ravenclaw. Sturgis Podmore joined the order just before the Potters went into hiding. Tonks, his baby cousin. He couldn't remember ever meeting her before, but he took an instant liking to her. Remus.
It was the first time in weeks that Sirius had even seen him.
He drifted back to that night Remus agreed to stay with him after his nightmare... He slept well that night, but when he woke up Remus was gone. The sheets were still warm and Sirius hoped the other man just went to the loo and would be back soon, but after five minutes he gave up and got dressed. There was a note for him in the kitchen. Remus had been called in for a meeting with Dumbledore and he wasn't sure when he would be back.
It turned out Dumbledore had sent him undercover to look for a werewolf who was suspected to be in Voldemorts pocket, and in the last few months Sirius had only seen him a few times, and never for more than five minutes. On two occasions Sirius only found reports on the table, Remus having left them there without coming to see him.
Sirius could tell his old friend wasn't doing very well. He knew the full moon was just a few nights ago, but things shouldn't be this bad. Remus was pale and he looked like he lost weight. There was something in the way he sat that told Sirius he'd hurt his back and when he walked the limp on his left side was more pronounced than usual. He also striped of his cloak the moment he got inside and his jacket was unbuttoned, leading Sirius to suspect he was running a fever.
He knew the lycanthropy took its toll, but it seemed so much worse now than it did when they were younger. Sure there had been bad times, mornings when he and James found him asleep on the floor in the bathroom, long stays in the hospital wing and nights when the moon's pull was so strong that even their presence didn't help and he ended up broken and torn with no memories of what he did to himself, but in those days he seems to recover much faster than he did now. Perhaps it was just because he was growing older, but Sirius suspected that a lack of proper care had a lot to do with it. At Hogwarts madam Pomfrey looked after him as best she could, he had friends to look after him, three square meals a day and a warm bed to sleep in. He also had far less to stress about, no need to worry about a job or where he would get the money to pay his rent at the end of the moth.
Even after Hogwarts when they joined the order and started to actively take part in the war he still had people to look out for him. There were nights when they didn't have any other options and Remus had to face the hell of the full moon alone, but he could always come home to him. Sirius would heal his wounds to the best of his abilities, help him to take his potions, bath him, and then help him to bed, slipping in behind him, holding him tightly until he fell asleep...
His eyes were swimming with tears, but he didn't dare let them fall, not with so many order members in the room. Something was wrong. One moment he and Remus would be talking, laughing together almost like old times, and the next moment Remus would be avoiding him. It was almost like Remus was afraid to be alone with him, and he couldn't understand why. On a few occasions it felt almost like they were lovers again, partners in everything, and then he would be out in the cold once more. Surely he couldn't have misread the signs that badly?
The meeting seemed to have ended without him noticing. People were getting up to leave, calling goodbyes to each other before filing out of the kitchen, going back to work, or, if they were lucky, to warm beds.
He sighed and made to get up and retrieve the whiskey bottle from its shelf in the pantry when he noticed that one order member hadn't left yet.
Remus was sitting with his face in his hands, tiredly rubbing his eyes. Sirius reached out and gently touched his arm, but the other man jumped like he'd been shocked.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."
Remus didn't respond, he simply let his head sink back into his hands.
"Remus, are you alright, my old friend?"
"I'm fine, just tired, I haven't had much sleep lately."
He was lying to him, and it wasn't even a very good lie.
"Remus, when was the last time you saw a healer?"
Remus laughed, but there wasn't much mirth in it.
"I'm a werewolf, Sirius, do you have any idea how my kind are treated at St Mungo's?"
"But surely there has to be a way? Perhaps a private healer?"
"I can't afford a private healer, Sirius, and even if I could, I don't know anyone who would willingly treat me."
"Then let me pay for it. I'm sure we could-"
"No! I'm not letting you pay for anything. If I can't do it on my own, I don't need it."
"Don't lie, Remus, you know it's not true. Please let me help you, I'm worried about you. Please, my old friend, let me help you. I can't stand seeing you like this."
"Then I won't force you to."
Before Sirius could do anything, Remus stood up and crossed the kitchen in three big steps, leaving him alone again.
Remus slammed the door behind him, waking his mother's portrait up again, but he didn't have the strength to get up and close the curtains.
He couldn't hold the tears back any longer, so simply let them flow, sobbing quietly with his mother screaming in the background.