Authors note: I made a quick chapter here, it's a little tamer than the previous chapter, so not as much swearing or suffering from Dipper, but I will work on those chapters later on. This is a different game so there's more variety in these little stories, I'll actually work on this game for a bit before decide which game Dipper and Wendy play next. Not much else to say except enjoy the chapter, and review as always.
Chapter 2: "Realistic Hunting"
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Back in the Mystery Shack, Dipper and Wendy thought that yesterday was quite a fun experience, at least Wendy did, Dipper just went through torture but it was actually kind of fun, and when they gave the footage to Soos to help upload to the internet, they already had a few thousand views. It wasn't much, but the two friends liked the fact that people were entertained by their antics and decided to continue with Disneyland Adventures, although Dipper insisted that there should be some more variety of games on the channel they called Gravity Gamers, mostly because he REALLY didn't want to play that game again.
Dipper was now waiting for Wendy in the living room, he was expecting her to come by early morning even though she didn't have work today, and it took some convincing and the rest of his allowance to convince Stan to let Wendy come over even when she didn't have work. Dipper also knew that Wendy was going to come over with some other games to play for their new channel, though she didn't say what games she would bring over, only that she would go to the mall and get some games at a bargain bin, so Dipper wouldn't expect much from those bins, that was where the Kinect came from.
Just then, he heard his sister across the room call out to him. "Dipper! Wendy's here!"
Dipper then walked over to the front door to see Mabel with Wendy carrying a plastic bag with the games she bought.
"Sup dude." Greeted Wendy in her usual cool demeanor. "Got the games I promised."
"Good. Then we don't have to play THAT game again." Said Dipper, mentioning the game that reminded him why he and Mabel never liked anything Disney related.
"Oh no, that's too rich to pass up. We're still playing it." Said Wendy, making Dipper anxious about the game. "But because I feel sorry for you, we'll play something else today."
Dipper then sighed with relief, while Mabel snickered as she remembered the video Soos helped uploaded. "I saw the video with Soos by the way, we've never laughed so much before."
"Oh you uh, you saw it?" Asked Dipper, embarrassed that his sister saw the video. "So you even heard all the, you know."
"The swearing? Yup." Answered Mabel happily. "I thought it was hilarious at how mad you got since you really don't like Disney."
"I thought you wouldn't like it. It's not like me to do that." Said Dipper as Mabel put a hand n Dipper's shoulder.
"I did. Which brings me to this. Can I watch you guys play today? I want to see how funny you guys are myself." Asked Mabel, eager to hang out with Dipper and Wendy today.
"Sure. There's always room for one more." Agreed Wendy as the three went into the living room to set up the recording equipment and start a new game.
"I'm gonna warn you right now Mabel, we act like different people when we play these games. I don't know why we do, but we just roll with it." Warned Dipper.
"I can handle it." Said Mabel cheerfully, holding a thumbs up as Wendy inserted one of the games from the bag into the console.
"You guys are gonna love this." Said Wendy, talking about the new game she just put in and started the recording.
That game in question was called "Cabela's Dangerous Hunts 2011"
O-O-O
"Here we are. Cabela's Dangerous Hunts 2011." Introduced Wendy, showing the title screen on the T.V.
"Really now? I've heard so many good things about this game." Said Dipper sarcastically, knowing full about this game's reputation even though he never played the game.
"I've played through the entire thing at Thomson's place with my friends." Admitted Wendy. "I think that it's so good, I won't spoil anything."
"Oh joy, I can't wait." Said Dipper as he pressed start.
There was an intro cut scene for the game since they were playing the story mode, story mode of a supposed hunting game, which didn't have anything interesting except some small tutorials and some strange beast thing no one cared about. After the intro, the game was on a loading screen while the main character Cole began a monologue.
"My father was never an easy man to get along with, but I know how much this hunt meant to him." Said Cole's monologue.
"So I gave him a thirty minute lead before I started tracking him." Said Wendy over the monologue, getting a few chuckles from the twins.
The screen was now doing a passing shot while the main character's father began describing the environment around him and how much it meant to him with his two sons.
"This land, is in our blood." Said the father.
"Just like the booze." Said Wendy imitating the father's voice, making Dipper chuckle. "We drank before we came out here."
"In fact, that's .75 of our blood that hunting is in." Said Dipper, adding to the booze quip.
"I thought I heard the wind say something about picking up a sandwich before heading out of town." Said Cole's brother, making Dipper scoff at the dumb joke.
"I don't know what passes for hunting with those yahoos in town." Said the father.
"Those fucking small town slash big city folks." Said Wendy as the father continued talking.
"No eating. No drawing-
"And no hunting…uh." Interrupted Wendy, who continued to give her own version of the father's dialogue.
"I'm not the one who needs a hunting lesson here. Cole here, can't remember the last time he chased anything without a skirt." Said the brother to Cole.
"He's right father, I only chase the ladies. EHAHA! *snort*" Said Wendy, acting like a nerdy brother, making Mabel laugh at the imitation while dipper just smirked.
The game then gave control to Dipper as the screen zoomed in on a flock of geese.
"Here comes a flock of geese. Let's see how you handle that shotgun." Said the father as the screen zoomed out and gave Dipper the chance to aim and shoot.
"Here comes some fucking geese. Let's see how you handle that shotgun." Said Wendy, attempted to do a gruff voice similar to the father's.
"Oh god, uh. Can I aim with the shotgun?" Asked Dipper, not able to aim with said gun.
"Shoot the fucking geese." Said Wendy, making Dipper just shoot a bunch of geese.
Dipper learned the controls quite quickly, definitely better than the Kinect since it was a controller, so he managed to take down plenty of geese and reload very fast.
"Oh my god." Exclaimed Mabel, seeing Dipper take down a dozen geese while reloading extremely fast, making the girl's jaw drop. "Most realistic hunting game ever."
When Dipper was done, the game then went into another cut scene with the dad. "That's twelve geese dad. How's that?"
"Not bad." Said the dad, making the three friends laugh at the response. "Of course, you'll never be the better marksman like your brother."
"When I was your age, I took down at least sixty geese. Then I drank their blood." Said Wendy, imitating the father again which made Dipper laugh a bit.
"You favor your mother's side of the family. She was never cut out for this kind of stuff." Said the father.
"Dad is kind of an asshole." Said Dipper, surprised at the father's mean attitude.
"Hell, I expect she's much more comfortable down south, with her shopping malls and tofu salads." Said the father, making the twins laugh at the comment.
"Yeah, because all we eat down south is tofu." Said Mabel sarcastically. "What a jerk."
"What about you boy? You turn vegetarian yet?" Quipped the father, making the brother do an awkward laugh as he punched Cole's shoulder, the weird laugh was enough to make the twins laugh at how dumb it was.
"AHAHA, yes father. Ouch." Said Wendy, imitating a nerd again as the game gave freedom of movement for Dipper, while Wendy commented further. "Father, wait for me. I'm weighed down by this backpack full of tofu."
This made the twins laugh at the quip, as the game went into another cut scene.
O-O-O
"Every son in this family has proven his manhood by a hunter's rite of passage." Said the father.
"There was one guy who proved his manhood by jumping off a cliff and falling three hundred feet and surviving, but we're not gonna do that." Said Wendy, as the game gave movement to Dipper.
The game controlled okay for the most part, although there was a delay in movement and the guns were not visible on screen, just the cursor for them, the graphics were crap as expected, and there was a choice between three guns, a revolver with infinite ammo, a rifle, and a shotgun.
"If you're wondering why you can't see the gun, this game in particular came with a light gun package so you could aim it at the screen, but I don't have it because it's garbage." Explained Wendy.
"Can I hunt Mickey in this game?" Asked Dipper, eager to get vengeance on the mouse for yesterday.
"No. but you can hunt fruit from trees and icicles, some of man's most dangerous prey." Answered Wendy. "They're also collectables."
"Do I gain any special powers from getting them like more heath or something?" Asked Dipper, walking through the bland, linear landscape.
"Better. Hunting galleries. They have photos of sexy men posing with dead animals." Said Wendy, which made Dipper frown.
Dipper eventually got a tutorial on something called hunter sense, which asked him to press the LB button to use. When he pressed it, his vision became blurred with red and blue color, only making it worse to see.
"What the fuck?" Exclaimed Dipper, surprised at the blurred vision
"Oh my god, I'm so high right now." Said Wendy, which is what she thought was happening with the game.
I can't see anything." Said Dipper, squinting to see if there was anything on screen that didn't hurt his eyes. "Are those arrows?"
"No, those are LSD tablets." Said Wendy, as Dipper turned off the hunter sense while Mabel shook her head.
O-O-O
After that little incident, Dipper found what he was supposed to be looking for, the elk that he was supposed to hunt, but he only noticed it as he walked close to it.
"Oh god!" Exclaimed Dipper, not noticing the elk before until now and was surprised that the elk didn't notice either.
"Shoot it!" Shouted Wendy, making Dipper shot the elk dead, at its butt. "You shot it in the asshole."
This made Dipper laugh while the game went into a cut scene with the father and brother again.
"Good job son, that's a clean kill." Complemented the father.
"Right in the butt, good job son. That's how you do it." Said Wendy, now imitating the father again.
"Our family has been shooting elk in the butt for ten generations." Said Dipper, imitating a gruff voice that made Mabel laugh while Wendy continued it.
"You shoot it in the ass so the rest of the goods ain't damaged." Said Wendy, acting like the father as Dipper and Mabel laughed at the joke. "Nobody likes to eat the ass anyways."
Although they couldn't see it, Cole was now cutting the elk open and took out its heart, grossing out Mabel while Dipper and Wendy were too busy focusing on how much the game sucks.
"Whoa. That's uh, kind of gross." Said the brother.
"Gross? Boy-
"Don't you ever use that word around me, you faggot." Interrupted Wendy, imitating that dad which made Dipper laugh.
"What are we doing?" Asked Dipper, as Cole ate the heart by his father's orders.
"I ate the heart, father." Said Wendy, in the nerdy brother voice again as the father asked if it tastes good. "It's okay. It would be better as a heart salad."
All of a sudden, a mountain lion pounced on the father from his back, shocking the twins who did not expect it.
"Oh god! It's a cat." Exclaimed Dipper.
"Kill my father, please." Said Wendy in the nerdy voice while the twins laughed again as Cole shot the mountain lion and made it ran off.
"I think Cole just saved your life." Said the brother to his father.
"You never leave a wounded animal loose in the woods! When you shoot, you shoot to kill!" Exclaimed the father, not pleased with Cole. "No excuses, no exceptions!"
"I'm sorry father. I just wanted it to live and kill you" Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at the cruel joke.
O-O-O
After some more walking, Cole and his family got to a ruined campsite while in the middle of a blizzard, which looked like it was attacked.
"That mountain lion, you don't think?" Asked Cole's brother.
"No mountain lion did this." Said the father.
"No." Said Wendy, giving her own guess to what happened as the father. "This was the work of… maaaaan."
After saying in in a dramatic voice, the three friends laughed at the dramatic guess while Cole looked down to see a paw print.
"We've arranged a little "accident' for you." Said Wendy as the father.
"It's a grizzly bear. No doubt about it." Said the brother, noticing the paw print.
"We've paid a number of bears to come here." Said Wendy, giving her explanation to the paw print as Dipper chuckled.
"You won't be alone-
"Scum." Interrupted Wendy, imitating the father to Dipper. "I mean, son."
"You have a problem with that Cole?" Asked the father.
"Wendy, why are we such a pussy in this game?" Asked Dipper, making Mabel stifle a giggle.
"Because our father says we eat tofu." Answered Wendy, making Dipper snicker.
"We should write a strongly worded letter." Suggested Dipper, as he continued walking to his objective in the game.
"W-we should write a strongly worded letter. HAHAHA!" Repeated Wendy between laughter, with Mabel joining in, loving the banter between the two. "That would be awesome."
"He might actually appreciate that." Said Dipper, trying to contain his laughter.
"You wrote a letter, I like that son." Said Wendy, impersonating the father as the twins laughed. "That shows ambition."
The three almost did not notice the avalanche coming down on them in the game.
"Look out! It's an avalanche of negativity." Said Wendy, making everyone laugh at the joke as the loading screen came up.
Mabel was convinced, these two were a riot.
O-O-O
As the game loaded completely, Cole was walking out in the dark of night, the vision was blurry while Wendy decided that she would act like the father for the rest of the game, talking in that gruff voice.
"Our imaginations were severely limited by an accident we had, with a rifle. It shot us all in the imagination." Said Wendy, explaining why her hunter dad character is an asshole while Dipper and Mabel tried to contain their laughter. "All we can do now is hate salad. And tofu. And big city folks who live in a small town."
As Dipper's character walked down the cliff, he decided to take up the act as the hunter's son, listening to his "dad" give him advice.
"Son, I'm going to guide you through this hunting experience. I'll help you in every different leg of it." Said Wendy, as Dipper walked through a rocky passage now.
"Okay." Said Dipper, acting like he was nervous like the character.
All of a sudden, a mountain lion tried to pounce on him, while the game told Dipper to shoot the mountain lion in the heart.
"Don't shoot that." Said Wendy, as the mountain lion pounced in front of dipper and got off.
"What the fuck?" Said Dipper, wondering why the mountain lion just ran away and took some health off.
"Good job, son. Congratulations. You just passed the first test." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at what just happened.
Then another mountain lion tried pouncing on Dipper, but he reacted quickly and killed the second one.
"No son. You just failed the second test. I'm ashamed of you." Said Wendy, displeased with what happened. "All he wanted to do was be your friend and you killed him."
"Friends don't try to pounce on each other dad." Responded Dipper.
"That's what my friends do." Replied Wendy, making Mabel giggle. "We always try to pounce and claw at each other's throats, it's our secret handshake."
O-O-O
Dipper's character found himself sliding down from the cliff, only to end up with some wolves feeding on an elk carcass.
"Oh god!" Exclaimed Dipper, as he began shooting at the wolves that tried killing them, even though wolves in real life would just run away from humans, and they weren't so tough to kill that you needed two shotgun shells to kill one in the game, which made Dipper ask Wendy a question. "Dad? Why are these wolves so tough?"
"That's because they're made out of salad." Answered Wendy, which made Dipper laugh.
After killing all the wolves, Dipper collected all their trophy skulls by holding the A button to attract them all at once, like some kind of wizard.
"Alright dad. I killed all the wolves made out of salad." Said Dipper, walking to the next section through a rocky passage.
"I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of you son." Said Wendy, making Dipper laugh as he went through some kind of abandoned ruins.
While walking, four wolves ambushed him from behind as he ran, going into a quicktime event to shoot the wolves in the heart as they attacked.
"Look son! Fifty more wolves! Are you excited?" Asked Dipper, trying to hit the wolves attacking. "Fifty more wolves to shoot!"
"That is a completely unrealistic amount of wolves." Said Dipper, making a few second silence before Wendy broke it.
"There is no such thing as an unrealistic amount of wolves." Said Wendy, as dipper struggled to hit the remaining wolves running around, who were hard to shoot since the controls were a little stiff. "Don't worry, there's only seventy more wolves left."
Dipper laughed at the quip, making him not pay attention to the wolf that just killed him, as the game asked him to reload the last checkpoint while saying that he died. "What? I died?"
"Isn't this fun? Now you can kill ALL three hundred wolves all over again." Said Wendy, as Dipper frustratingly reloaded the checkpoint, while Mabel giggled at Wendy's impersonation, which got better and better.
As the loading screen came up, Wendy quickly broke the silence. "This is just like my prom, son. There was seventy of them."
This made Dipper laugh as he let Wendy continue, while shooting the wolves all over again. "I had to shoot all of those women in the heart with… bullets of disappointment, son. They ALL wanted what your father has, but they couldn't have it."
Eventually Dipper ran out of the ruins into a small grassland area with trees surrounding it, while getting attacked by more wolves.
"I drive a Prius. I shop at whole foods. Animals should love me." Said Dipper, wondering why the wolves would still attack as he shot them.
"That's why you're going to die, son." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh.
O-O-O
"I can't contain the amount of fun I'm having watching you do this…son." Said Wendy sarcastically while getting bored, still in character as the twins kept laughing. "This is so exciting."
While running through the grasslands to some trees, Dipper suddenly got attacked by more wolves, the one that pounced him however was bigger and had black fur, and was now grabbing his leg with its jaws.
"Oh god! That's a big wolf!" Exclaimed Dipper, as he tried shooting it but kept missing.
"He's got your legs, son. You might want to kick at him." Suggested Wendy, while Dipper just laughed while trying to shoot the wolf.
"I'm trying, dad. Help me!" Asked Dipper.
"You might want to think about doing something. He's going to grab… your balls next." Warned Wendy, making the twins laugh at the possible outcome.
The wolves then suddenly stopped attacking, howling and running away into the forest.
"They're running now. That means the T-rex is coming." Said Wendy, coming up with the excuse of running that made the twins laugh even harder.
O-O-O
As another cut scene began, Dipper started to wonder where all of this was taking place for some reason, but to make the question more interesting, he kept in character. "Dad? Where are we?"
Wendy took a moment to think before responding. "Somewhere in Montana."
Dipper just chuckled until the cut scene showed the reason why the wolves ran, a grizzly bear, which stood on its hind legs and roared.
"Now son, that's what they call, a bear." Explained Wendy, while the bear charged at Dipper, which made his game character run onto a frozen lake, somehow the ice did not break from the weight of the bear and Dipper.
As expected, the bear turned out to be a boss battle, and not a fun boss battle either. Dipper just kept shooting at the bear while avoiding its attacks since there was no other strategy to it, so the battle became quite a drag, and the stiff controls didn't help make the battle end quicker.
"Oh my god. That bears has like, superpowers or something." Said Mabel, wondering why the bear took so long to die.
"That's because the bear is actually a Smoky." Said Wendy, still in character to make it funnier.
"Don't you mean he IS Smoky, dad?" Asked Dipper, still keeping in character as well while shooting the bear.
"No son. There's more than one Smoky in Montana. They're like firefighters but furry, and they hate people who eat tofu." Answered Wendy, making Dipper laugh so the boss battle was more entertaining.
Then Dipper accidently pushed some kind of x-ray mode that helped see the bear's weakness, which he proclaimed to Wendy.
"Dad, I think I found his weakness. His heart." Said Dipper, creating a silence between the two until Wendy broke it.
"No, that's wrong." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at the response. "Actually, his weakness is his tail. If you shoot his tail off, he'll lose the ability to control which direction he runs."
Dipper chuckled for a bit until he responded. "Dad, I don't think that's accurate."
'Their tails are similar to rudders. I know this, I've been on a boat." Assured Wendy, making the twins laugh at the response.
After being so close to killing the bear, the game dragged Dipper into a quick time event to shoot the bear, but the gun cursor was way off from shooting the heart, resulting in Dipper getting killed.
"Fuck!" Exclaimed Dipper, frustrated that he had to start over again.
"You might want to shoot the bear, son." Suggested Wendy, while the game told Dipper that he died.
"I did shoot him. Why was he suddenly on top of me?" Asked Dipper.
"That's what she said, son."
O-O-O
45 Minutes later
"Son, du- I love this… so much. Keep going." Said Wendy, barely managing to keep in character as she got bored, while Dipper laughed at Wendy's unenthusiastic attitude, while Mabel was pretty much asleep on the chair.
After forty five minutes of dying to a bear, Dipper finally won, and shouted his victory in character, waking Mabel up from her nap. "Oh yeah! WOOOO! I BEAT HIM DAD! I BEAT HIM!"
This pleased Wendy and Mabel, knowing that they could finally continue with the game, as Cole's brother came running from across the frozen lake to him.
"That was unbelievable!" Said the brother, amazed at Cole's ability to kill the bear. "I just got here. I wanted to help, but I couldn't get a clear shot."
'He really did want to help, but he couldn't do anything. Except watch you get killed over and over again by the bear." Said Wendy, now properly imitating the father which got a few chuckles out of the twins.
After hearing some dramatic whooshing sound, wolves started to swarm the lake surrounding the two brothers, which made Dipper intentionally shout "AH" in a wimpy voice for the sake of the character.
As the wolves began to kill Cole's brother, the black wolf from earlier looked at Cole before jumping towards him, which made the game stop and bring up the mission complete screen.
"Your brother is delicious." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh as the mission screen showed Dipper's stats.
O-O-O
Next Time on Dangerous Hunts 2011
"Welcome to Uganda son. They kill gay people here."
O-O-O
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or Cabela's Dangerous Hunts.