THE AFTERMATH OF iCARLY

Sam: things are definitely what they seem

The thing about love is that things are not usually how they seem. They appear better than they are, because everything is sugar-coated. That was not the case here.

Firstly, Brad ditched her for his family thing. Secondly, she kissed a nerd and liked it a little too much. Thirdly, after a fight she ran away from said nerd because she still loved him too. But she couldn't bring herself to say it to his face. And he laughed in her face. It was hurtful. It was humiliating.

The moment she got home, she stomped into her bedroom and glared at the iCarly photos stuck around her mirror. A happy looking Carly grinned her cute, girly smile.

"Oh what are YOU smiling about, Miss Prissy Pants?" Sam shouts at the photo, angrily.

Miss Prissy Pants said nothing. As expected.

It wasn't really useful yelling at something that obviously wouldn't respond. She needed Carly. The real Carly. She needed to tell her everything she was feeling, and that never happened in the history of the girl's life. Carly would listen though, and that counted for something in Sam's opinion. The brunette would comfort her just like all those other times in the past.

Carly wasn't here, and that made Sam angry. Freddie was a complete jerk, and that made her even angrier.

She wasn't sure if the kiss did anything. Sam sure felt like crying. But no tears came. Kissing him moments earlier, at the mall, felt like she could have been burning in a fire. Not that she'd experienced that kind of feeling before. That would be kind of weird, actually. Nope. That kiss meant everything to her, she put everything she had into it. Her feelings for him... all the pent up anger and frustration towards herself and him just exploding out of her.

Sam hated feeling sorry for herself. But that's how she was feeling. So right now, Sam hated herself. She hated Freddie too. But no surprises there. All the bacon in the world couldn't console her now. Whoa, things just got serious.

The knock on her door, startled her thoughts. She went to go and see who had the nerve to disturb her peace and quiet. And loneliness.

"Hey Sam," he says. "You never replied to my last text message. Is everything okay?" His timing was spot-on.

"Ye- No, actually. It's not okay." She decided to be honest with him. It's the least she could do for the boy who had done so much for her already.

"Can I come in?"

The girl nods and lets him in. She notices that he's had a hair cut, lost weight and quite possibly been working out. Most likely to try and get back with his ex-girlfriend, Tasha. Yes, Gibby Gibson was a fine specimen of boy currently. He'd changed his appearance just like that. Sam was actually impressed.

"So, what's up? Is Freddie being a jerk to you?"

How did he know this, she thought. It's not like Fredward would have been shouting it out to the world. They both sat in the living room, on the old couch and Gibby looked ready to pay Freddie a little visit with his mad boxing champion skills. And chances are, Freddie wouldn't have a chance. Gibby and Freddie actually had a fight soon after Sam and he broke up... Gibby was trying to be all macho and protective - he got the wrong idea when Carly told him the news. Freddie hadn't bothered but Sam kept in contact with Gibby, for some reason. She still didn't fully understand it herself.

"Can I tell you something that can't be told to anyone else?" Sam asks, looking at the boy. She always trusted the guy.

"Of course," he replies.

"I kissed Freddie."

There was a silence. Gibby grinned though, and Sam was kind of weirded out by his response. Before she slapped the smile off his face, he snapped back into a serious looking face and nodded in understanding. He cleared his throat, kind of like a professional shrink.

"...and you hated it?"

"No."

"So you liked it."

"Yeah..."

"What's the problem? You kissed him. You liked it. Chances are, you still have feelings for him."

The honest opinion cut through her sadness, and she could feel her stomach twist around uncomfortably. Gibby was right as usual. Sure the kid had his moments of complete and utter insanity, but this time, she couldn't escape the fact that he was speaking the complete and utter truth. Damn him!

"It's not exactly rocket science, Sam."

"I know but," she's about to say 'what if it fails again like last time?' or 'what if our friendship is over when Carly returns?' She couldn't let that happen.

"You're afraid right?" Gibby says, as-matter-of-factly. "And that's common. But you gotta get over that. Remember what I told you?"

"Live for the present, not the past or future. I remember."

"So take my advice. Tell him exactly how you feel. No denying your feelings, and absolutely no arguing with him."

Sam opens her mouth to retaliate but nothing comes out. All her thoughts disappear, and she's imagining the kiss she had with Freddie not so long ago. Gibby stands up, pats her head and lets himself out. Perhaps, she thought, it was time to put everything aside, and just go for it. Without checking the time on her phone, the girl grabs her purse and follows the boy outside of her house, locks up, says "goodbye" to him and makes her way to the Bushwell Plaza.

Gibby had given her some hope that not all was lost because of her stupidity. And it felt good, she wasn't going to lie. Maybe, just maybe things would be okay.

It's not long before she gets to the lobby, and the doorman is walking around, shouting to no one in particular.

"STAY OUT OF MY LOBBY!" He screeches to Sam, who pokes her tongue at him cheekily and goes to the elevator.

Sam's not exactly sure what she's going to say to him when he opens his door. Perhaps she should just come clean about everything, and try her best to not call him a 'nub', or 'dork' or 'nerd' this time. She just hoped that she wasn't too late. The door seemed so far away, and every step seemed to push it further.

The girl finally stood in front of the Benson's door, and raised up a fist to knock but froze when she heard a lot of giggling coming from inside. Uh oh, she thought.

"Stop it Freddie!" It was Angela's sweet sounding voice. "You need to... be serious!"

"You said you weren't ticklish..." says an amused deep sounding voice.

"I lied! I lied, okay! Just please... stop!"

"Never!"

She had forgotten about Angela. It was a fact that came into this complicated equation.

The hand she was about to use to knock, dropped by her side in defeat. Sam backed away from the door, visions of the two of them - Angela and Freddie, wrestling and tickling each other on his living room floor... maybe even in their underwear. She scowled and wanted to punch him just like she felt like she was punched in the heart. It hurt like hell.

No looking back as she turned and ran back to the elevator, ignoring another screech from the crazy Lewbert and ran as fast as she could back home.

"Sorry Gibby," she says to herself. "I couldn't do it. I was too afraid. Besides... I can't compete with her."

The emotions were overwhelming and the thoughts of what Freddie and Angela could be doing with or to each other were drowning her in misery. It was suffocating her, as she hated feeling so sad. But it was like she had no control over what she was feeling. She also hated not being in control of her own emotions.

Carly wasn't here to comfort her. Freddie wasn't here to... Freddie just wasn't here. Brad wasn't an option. She'd already seen Gibby. There was no one else.

There was no more chocolate covered bacon left. But it was just as well, since she didn't want any more reminders of the boy she'd now lost to a world of perfection, girliness and sweetness. That is, a girl called Angela. She couldn't believe that he would do something so stupid, she couldn't believe he was the same as all the other jerks. This was the very last straw. There was only so much heart-string pulling a girl could take. She was breaking her tough outer layer, slowly, but surely.

Everything was as it seemed right now. She stared at the photos of Carly and Freddie, smiling at her, without a care in the world. The people in those pictures had a much better life, filled with nothing but hopes and dreams for the future. It made her feel sick. That much happiness in one photograph? Seriously?

It was likely that she would never speak to Freddie again. It was even more likely that the two of them would never be friends again. And Carly would be so disappointed. It was all so hopeless.

For the first time in a long time, Sam Puckett threw herself on top of her bed and just... cried.