Amy Cahill has never felt so ungodly cold in her life. It was literally like all the warmth in the entire world was sucked away once the devil came in and stayed out.
She never shook so much in her life.
She never felt so icy in her life.
She never thought this would be the end of her in her life.
She clinched closer to her furry sweatshirt that seemed as helpful as nothing at all. She hugged herself tightly, even breathing into her hands and rubbing them together to get some warmth, but it never lasted long. It was like the coldness was a starving beast the devoured any bit of warmth that it could happen to find. The coldness was like a beast, with the way it bite her with frost coated teeth and maned het with freezing claws. The wounds it left were forever lasting, incurable. So she could just simply left to slowly and painfully die in the wintry absent of it. It achingly inching upward in her blood stream and already fragile nerves, just taking Amy whole.
She shook and shivered for most of the time, until the man comes in. Then she froze complete, unable to move in any sort of way, even her eyes, that were set so firmly onto the man it was a miracle he didn't look at her.
That man... The devil...
That was his secret mental nickname from her. That was what he was after all. If not worse...
It had been a long while since the last confession. Atticus had calm down by then. He cried for a long time afterwards, possibly hours, and didn't stop until he finally just gave out due to a lack of physical and emotional energy. Amy knew she should be mad, down right furious at the young boy, but she couldn't bring herself to it. She couldn't hate him or be discussed with him. She could raise her hand up the slap or hit him-mainly because she was too cold and scared to do that-because she knew how that felt. How it is to be so desperate to bring a brother back to the way they were before. How, after going through and barely surviving a life changing occurrence, they just completely transformed into something worse then they were before. How, at first, they were so happy and carefree and childish, but then just...disappear. She was still struggling with it.
Her eyes stiffly turned towards her brother. Its like making a clone that looked the same way but the personality was extremely polar to the original. Amy wanted her original brother back, and the closet she ever got to that was whenever her brother was with Atticus. Now she wasn't sure if that was possible now. She could tell by Dan's eyes, that were watery and casted down from everyone's sight, that he was hurt by Atticus's secret betrayal. That his one and only friend had gone behind his back for years now and hasn't even said a peep about it. Amy was hurt too, but she understood so it wasn't as painful to her as it was to Dan. Dan and Atticus were great friends and had been through everything together, but this just might have just ended that.
Right then, her little brother was about two feet off from her on the other side, making her the board between the two of them. It was Sinead and Jonah who helped Atticus over and out of the center, half walking, half dragging. The boy, once they let go of him, curled up into a ball and didn't move from that position until a little while later where the boy put his head up, his face still hidden, and then back down.
After what felt like a lifetime later, Amy found herself the only one in the room that wasn't sleeping. In normal circumstances, she would find this odd, but that's the way it's been for her the whole time she had been in that room. She hadn't slept once since she has been in that damn room, and it really wasn't a mystery why.
Amy found herself starting at the door again. The door was right in front of her, like it was the man itself staring at her and into her soul. It was so bright, the entrée way. It was like the gates to heaven in that dark cold room. It looked as if it radiated off warmth, and Amy was so desperate to dash off to it to finally be warm.
She was so sick of the damn cold.
Amy looked around the room some more, finding all of the other Cahills either seating or laying down, sleeping as much as they could. They needed to, before they're put to sleep permanently by the man himself that had a soul just as cold as that damn room.
Amy shivered more and she snuggled farther into herself, into the sweatshirt. She used to love that comfortable shirt, the one with her school's crest on it, on the top left of her chest, over her heart. Harvard was the school of her dreams, always was, and she so happy when she got in. The shirt was a present from her guardian/older sister, Nellie who was present when she first got her acceptation letter and squealed along with her when they read it. Amy hugged herself, her fingers rubbing against the thick fabric. She wondered if she'll ever see Nellie again, only with left with an used-to-be warm sweater to remember her by. She wanted to cry then, at thinking of the single fact that's she'll probably never see her again before she died. Well, at least she had her brother...
The human crossing line looked over to her brother to find him with his head on his knees, breathing softly, for once. He was so calm and peaceful when he wasn't scared out of his mind. She looked around the room. She guessed everyone was calm and peaceful when they're not scared out of their minds.
A little more time went by as everyone slept and Amy stayed wide awake. She sat there and wondered about everything-anything except the cold, the fear, and dying. She lean her head against the wall behind her and closed her eyes, knowing that sleep wouldn't be as merciful as it has been to the others and come to her. She hugged herself tighter, trying to ooze out the fear and cold from underneath her skin without causing blood.
That's when the random sensation of a warm peaceful calmness slowly bloom inside her and grew throughout the rest of herself. She found herself no longer being scared, not even noticing what was happening around her. Like the wall and the floor vanished without her acknowledgement. It was like falling onto soft, cotton like clouds without realizing your falling in the first place. It put her off guard but it was pleasant and heavenly to where she liked it. It was like she was sleeping without even realizing it, but still had the ability to think while she slept.
And then she shattered it all before she got too close.
For the millionth time in that room, Amy thought about going back there. Her shell. Her hiding hole. Her escape... Escape away from the cold and fear... Away from the devil... Away from her sins...
She mentally slapped herself again. She snapped out of her trance, sitting straight up, eyes open. No. No, she couldn't go back there. She just couldn't. She couldn't go back there and leave her brother again. She couldn't just go back there and slowly lose herself along with her mind like she almost did back at the Vesper War. She just couldn't...
Amy tried to calm her breathing that had rapidly speeded up. She started to shake more as she felt the ungodly coldness start to lower down in temperature more. She laced her arms over her legs and hugged herself tighter and closer. She desperately started to think of ways to distract herself from going back there, like counting numbers on Spanish or remembering lyrics to a long forgotten song.
The coldness suddenly grew stronger then, like the icy air was forcefully blowing into her bare skin instead of the fabric of her clothes. She hid her head behind her knees then and not down her life, as if she was trying to bite back a scream. She hated that she shook so much, that she was always so damn cold. She hugged herself closer as she shook more, like all the bones in her body were vibrating uncontrollably. She hated it all.
That's when a large, strong hand was place into her knee.
Amy almost squealed out in shock and fear. She almost pranced back to get away from the hand. She thought it was the devil's hand finally coming out to get her and to pull her into the center. Finally taking her, making her spill all her secrets and wrong doings to her family. All the people she let down in her loyal promise and those she even let die on her damn watch. Amy looked up, excepting to face the man and have him take her into her feared fate. She did so, opening up her mouth and letting go of her bottom lip from her teeth. She was ready, excepting to scream... But she didn't.
Instead, Amy Cahill met the eyes of Ian Kabra.
Amy let out a silent breath of air, full of relief. She shook as she did so again, but it was for more of shaking off the fear then the coldness. She felt her bottom lip and chin start to crouch up and tremble as the feeling of tears start to rushingly come to her eyes. She looked back to the Lucian crouching in front of her. Her voice was weak and almost soundless as she snapped at him. "Don't do that to me!"
That's when the tears flew unwillingly from her face, like raindrops rolling down a window. She didn't mean to start crying like a baby. She didn't even mean to snap at him. It just all came out, like a waterfall. It had such a light yet harsh force and a quiet adrenaline dash that Amy didn't expect it coming at all and she couldn't stop it once it was already there.
She, embarrassed and emotionally unbalanced, just broke down there, covering her mouth with both her hands and closing her eyes tight shut, as if it will stop the tears from falling and push them away, back to where they came from, but it didn't work. The tears came down anyway, followed by the sobs that she was trying to cork up in silence with her teeth and hands.
Amy let her head fall back to her knees and try to pull herself together. She even try to count in Spanish but she could even get pass 'cinco'. She finally had a sob break her down leave her into a broken mess like all the other Cahills were when they were in the center.
She sobbed into her hands, tears running down her face like mini rivers and streams. She shook more, to the point where it was causing her body extreme pain. She couldn't stop it, her self control and will power drowning under her fear, anger, and pain. She cried more as she felt herself began to slip again. Slip away into her quiet, peaceful shell, and she was unable to stop herself from going there that time. She was so close until she suddenly felt something on her knee and shoulder.
Something warm.
She took a few shaky breaths before opening her eyes, sobs still quietly pouring out of her open mouth, to see an olive brown skinned hand on it, grabbing onto it like it was in need of stabling. It was the holiest thing she ever seen in her life. His body heat that was planted onto her skin sent a blissful wave of pure sweltering warmth through out her whole leg. It was like setting ice to a flame, if that was even possible. But that didn't matter to her at the time. For the first time since she's been in that room, she was warm.
She felt the same amazing heat on her shoulder where another hand was place, clinging onto her flesh as well. She then felt a warm short breeze on her neck that made her shiver from the unfamiliar sensation. She turned to the source and became face to face with the Lucian beside her. She realize than he was trying to comfort her when she just had her sobbing fit.
"Are you okay?" He mouthed to her, his voice absent from the question. Amy realize her position then. She still had tears forming in her and slowly falling into her cheeks and her mouth was wide open now, no linger covered up. She couldn't find herself to have the strength or ability to even speak to him. She just gawked and stared at him like he was heaven-sent. Heaven-sent warmth.
His body was close to her's, but not right up against her. There was a good inch or two between them, but she could still feel the wonderful heat and was craving for more. She started to shiver then, the small amount of warmth causing her body to freak out to the new pleasure it was receiving.
She closed and open her mouth again to answer him but her voice was with the coldness, gone.
When she didn't say anything, Ian's face slightly fell. She noticed how his facial features looked heated. His eyes looked like hot, beautiful amber and his hair was the color of solid lava rocks. Amy inched closer to him for more heat.
"It's okay, Amy." He whispered to her. "It's going to be okay."
She was shaking again by then. His words terrified her, simply because she knew none of it was true. She inched closer to him, like she was a child reaching desperately for her safety blanket. She couldn't speak so she just shook her head, her greasy, unclean hair flapping beside her face.
"Yes, it is." Ian assured her. "I'm going to keep you safe, okay?"
Amy shook more inching closer to him, making her knee land onto of his. Goodness, even his knees were warm.
Amy would normally, and even considered, moving away. But she couldn't, her mind and body wouldn't let her. She was way to cold to do it and he was way to warm for her to even think about it for long. She wondered how she was able to stay so warm when the room itself was freezing. She guessed it was just her.
She shivered more from the heat and tried to speak again, opening her mouth to respond to him but her voice cracked like nails on a chalk board. Finally, feeling cold, miserable, and flat out defeated, she gave into her undying need and dove right into him. Her head was shoved onto the curve of his neck and her arms wrapped around one of his. She felt his place a hand on her shoulder, most likely from shock and not knowing what else to do. She never really seen Ian as the comforting type, so she understood how he reacted to her sudden action, how his body got really stiff and his breath became short.
"Ian, I never meant to do any of it. I never did, really. I never thought of it. Any of it. I never considered it. It was never my mission. I didn't even know it was happening until I happen and I realized that I was the cause of it." Her voice was shaky as she pleaded to him from her position on his shoulder. Her voice was almost dead silent but she could tell Ian would hear her, since she was basically speaking right into his ear.
"I'm a killer, Ian. I'm a killer. I'm a killer with no blood on my hands.
I'm a killer without even trying to be..." Her voice started to shake with tears then, but she tried to keep the firmness in her tone. "I'm suppose to be the leader. The Madgrical out of the group that always set a good example. The damn golden girl who always did the right damn thing. But no... I'm not. I'm a killer. I kill people, innocent people. It just happens around me, to the people I care about. It's like a painful parting that never ends. A sore recompense... A leader with a sore recompense." That when she cried but soon stopped herself to continued on with her tale. She needed to tell someone. She just needed to. She had to get all of this off of her chest or she just couldn't go on anymore. She needed someone to know everything she had ever done to all the people she cared for. She just needed someone to listen, to know, and to keep a secret. That's all.
"It all started when I was seven. My parents just came home from a mission for a clue in Australia. It was at night when they came over. Hell, I don't even know how they got inside. I heard them all from my bedroom. They were arguing over something and it sounded bad so I went down to see mom. S-s-s-she took me...she picked me up and I...I just told me!" Amy knew Ian understood who 'she' was. "I just told her like the idiotic seven-year-old I was... And it cost my parents' lives. They're dead because of me." She bite back the sobs that racked her chest and made it hurt for her heart to beat. Her undeserving heartbeat.
She realized of how her parents' tragedy and Jonah's story about him and his mother were just slightly similar.
"I ruined and ended their lives. Along with my own and Dan's. We were send off to live with that bitch Aunt Beatrice who did nothing but go out of her way to make our lives miserable just so she could feel some joy in herself. We only had Grace to look forward to and when she died we got thrown into the Cahill world and all hell broke loose for us then. Then the Vesper War came and fucked everything up even more..." She bite back her cries even more. It took a few seconds to get back to talking. Ian was still silent. "I didn't mean to ruin my brother. I didn't know the clue hunt would destroy him the way it did. I never meant to put him through all that, but it happen and I'm the one to blame for it. And I only cause even more damage by dragging him through the Vespers because I didn't realize he was broken enough, and with all the shit that came after that...I almost lost him completely...I tried to fix him, but nothing worked. Atticus helped a little bit but nothing really worked. Nothing brought the old Dan back that I shattered so carelessly..."
She realize how close her story was to Atticus's.
"I tried to get him out. I went as far as to leaving him behind on a damn boat in the middle of a sea just to go on a mission. I tried to get the message across that I wanted him safe and sound and sane. That I was willing to do all of this shit in this damn family, for him... But... But I also did it because I had my pride in a fragile place, I guess. I was a sixteen year old Madgrical Leader who couldn't do a thing without her younger brother. It was more of a dedication for myself, to prove to myself that I'm just as good if not better then the thirteen year old boy with all the clues in his head. I... I had to prove I was better, that I was of more value then the little kid that wanted to quick. That small mission in the Mesopotamia was the way to do it... I regret it so much. I hurt him so much by that. I only broke him more in my damn selfish action..."
That reminded her of Ham's rejection to join his sister for her training.
"And all the other people I hurt... So many... I can't count them all... Nellie, Fiske." She choked on her own sob for a second. "Irina, Alistair... Evan...I lead the boy that loved me to his own death... And I was cheating on him while he thought I loved him back... I cheated on him with a future thief... He loved me so much, enough to enter into that hellish war with the vespers, to risk and lose his own life for me! He loved me, He loved me and I basically killed him!" She sobbed into Ian shoulder more. Her voice was nothing above a whisper but she felt like she was screaming at the top of her lung.
She was disgusted with the fact that her love story sounded like Dan's and Natalie's.
"And when he died and just flunked myself to that damn criminal... We fought a lot and most of the time I swore to God I was so done with him... But I still hung on for dear life for us until the end, because I didn't want to realize...that I gave up the good guy who loved me for the guy that I thought did... I finally gave up after three years, long after he did and we parted ways... I didn't hear from him and I figured he didn't hear from until he found out I was after his ass, and of course, that's another life I screwed up... I got into that damn mess of stealing just by breathing the same air as him..."
Sinead and her love affair with Vesper One shoot into her mind like a firework.
"I ruined everyone's lives..." She finally slowly shoved herself onto Ian's shoulder fully. Her face planted into his skin, deep enough to feel his toasty, olive colored skin underneath the fabric. His strong hand was tight on her shoulder, but it was like hot coffee on her arm and she didn't want him to let go. He was so warm, so very warm... It was better then her shell, so much better... She could breath, finally she could breath...
Amy stayed there for as long as she could stand, and than even longer, a lot longer. Beyond the point of uncomfortable burning of the face and sweating. And Ian never backed away, keeping his hand in her shoulder. He didn't say a thing, not a single word, but his message to her was as clear as day and hell.
He held her as she wept, like she was in the center herself. But no. She was a heaven that was beyond more beautiful and amazing and homey then any other heaven out there. She was just so damn happy, so very happy.
Amy, after a very long time, finally pulled away for fresh air. She only moved her head to the left, facing the neck of the Lucian she was clinging onto. He brought his head down to her level, his nose over her ear. His warm breath breezed smoothly along her ear and all the way down her shoulder. It send shivers down and back up her whole body, but in a good way. A comfortable, open way.
She finally unhinged herself from him, when she hear some taking of movement. She didn't want anyone to wake up to her in that state with Ian, so she sat right up, on her own, but she still kept close to him. She didn't unhinged her hand from his arm though, she needed him still. She just needed him for a little but longer. She just needed him and his body heat and his silent comfort for what she knew was coming next. She knew she be next, it was just a feeling.
Sinead and the first up, she just open her eyes, keeping them straight, staring into absolute nothing. It wasn't until later when her steely green eyes moved over to the two. She just stared at them for a good while, then she smiled, looking straight at Amy. Amy wasn't sure what she was thinking, but she couldn't help but think of her friends as an old widow who grew up and been through a full life way too fast for her own good. For anyone's own good, in fact.
One by one, all the others woke up. They all saw the two close together. All of them gave the couple the same look, the one with the emotions no one could read. They all held that look many times before.
Soon, as more and more time passed in that damn hellish room, Amy became more nervous. Each second that ticked away made her blood rise more in uncertain suspension. Soon she was slightly shaking again, her breathing was slowly becoming unstable again. But she felt she wasn't to only one.
Suddenly, she felt her grip on Ian's arm being shook off, her hand only being apart from his for less then a second. Her palm soon met his and her tight grip on his body limb returned but her grasp wasn't as tight as his on her. She was off guard by the action, the random capture of affection. She slowly turned to him, her eyes meeting his after what felt like eons of waiting.
He held the same unreadable emotion filled expression. His eyes not amber nor blood red. They were broken, black, soulless... Just like the man's...
Amy didn't back away. She didn't feel scared with him. He would hurt her. She realized then that she wasn't alone in her crazy position in life. He needed her, just like she needed him.
Soon, their trance was cut off by the sound of an opening door. Amy's breath caught up in her throat, her body going stiff again. She squeezed Ian's hand again, and he squeezed her's back. She closed her eyes before she turned back to her front. She opened them to see the man, with the gun and blindfolds. The man was looking straight at her, his eyes like Ian's but meaner, crueler. Ian's were broken, shattered even. Sad really.
The man looked at each one of them like he always did, before he made his way to Sinead and tied the blindfold behind her head. He did it to all of them, like always. When he came over to Amy and Ian, he didn't seem to notice the two and their connection, but Amy could tell he saw it and slightly smiled evilly at it, like he couldn't wait to break it once he got a hold of her. Then everything went black behind the thick fabric in front of her eyes. It was just noises then. Noises of him blinding Ian and Atticus. Then returning to the center of the room, before going back in, taking someone and then doing what he seemed to love to do.
She heard the footsteps become louder and louder, until it towered in volume over her heartbeat in her ears. It was only a few seconds of silences before the grip on her hand went away, and the coldness came over her again, like the beast it was.
AN: I'm so terribly sorry for the long time span from the last update. School started and it been pilling my plate like mad. Im also sorry for this chapter being shorter then most of the chapters, but it was...different too, so it evens out, I guess. This chapter along with the last few, havnt been sent to my beta reader because of the long time it took to writing the chapter. So I'm sorry for all the grammar mistakes and all the weird sentences.
The next chapter will be the second to last chapter of this story that will be over before the end of Septmber... hopefully. If God himself is willing...
But thank you all for your paitence and your reviews and support for this story. It means so much and thank you all for it. I couldn't ask for better. I'm blissed to have you all in support and actually liking of my story. It means so much.
Thanks again.
-LF