Author note: I have left these stories for some time and am now getting back into it. Hopefully none of the original humor has been lost.

The Gypsy Dancer - 10 tips for a happy existence.

Of all the potential housemates, friends or (hopefully) lovers, the Gypsy Dancer may be the easiest to accommodate, depending on where you live. Chances are you will not have to learn a new language to communicate and she will be able to teach you quite a few. However, being that literacy is a concern, some education will be necessary.

1. Fabric is an absolute must. Esmeralda is familiar with colours and knows what to do with them. It is likely that she will think of combinations that you've never seen before. Depending on local style and artistic venues, this could be a good or a bad thing. Bring home randomly coloured remnants from various stores and let her have fun. Think about directing her to quilting. Do not let this individual loose in the fabric store, as you will go broke.

2. Goats are highly intelligent and adorable. They are also destructive and require a lot of care, such as hay, salt & mineral, a fenced escape-proof paddock and veterinary care. Given the opportunity, Esmeralda will acquire at least one pet goat. Be vigilant if you do not have an acreage. Ensure you establish a no-hoofed-creatures-in-the-house rule before Esmeralda sets foot in your home. If you have been raising goats for meat, you don't anymore.

3. Large flamboyant dresses, while beautiful for the performing arts, have fallen out of favor as street wear. Jeans, shorts and simple dresses and skirts are acceptable and Esmeralda must know this. Discourage the wearing of tights as pants, as this fashion sin should never have been. Tell her she looks like Clopin and the tights will not appear again.

4. Esmeralda must become literate if she is to succeed. This is the one factor holding her back. Once she knows this, she will likely learn very quickly. Do not use the internet to teach Esmeralda reading or about society, as Frollo/Esmeralda fan sites and shipping may scare her badly. Stick to library books.

5. Dance studios are a must. With the recent rise in the popularity of pole dancing and other dance-based fitness programs, finding an outlet for her artistic abilities is easy. It is possible that full-time employment could be attained at a local gym or studio. Ensure that Esmeralda does not enter the wrong circle accidentally and end up working in a night-club.

6. Concealed weapons are neither necessary nor legal in Canada. Ensure Esmeralda understands that while it is nice to have a knife for cutting fruit or bale twine, a dagger is considered unacceptable. A small Swiss Army knife or other multi-tool may be a happy-medium.

7. Personal space is likely not an issue. If your apartment is very small and cozy, be aware that you may have to permit re-decorating. Embrace it. If your space is larger and has housemates, pets or an annoying sibling, it will be fine.

8. Camping trips will be a blast. Go often and travel far. Be aware that you will be encouraged to pack light. Educate Esmeralda on the need for a sturdy camper, calling it a modern caravan if needed, rather than a tent. Tents are ziploc bags for bears, and sleeping bags are a wrap.

9. Social events will be very important to Esmeralda. Events must be chosen thoughtfully, as to avoid the expensive legal challenges, broken restraining orders and inevitable arson, should Esmeralda contact the Minister of Justice. If an encounter arises between the Gypsy King or the Bellringer, long-term positive friendships are likely to result.

10. There are still outcasts in every part of the world. While there are relatively few Romani people in Canada, there are a lot of other groups that are persecuted and hated for no foreseeable reason. This will bother Esmeralda quite a bit. Show her what is being done to help those in need. Allow her to help out somewhat, without losing herself entirely.

This individual is hardy, talented and beautiful, both inside and out. Given the right outlets of expression, you and the Gypsy Dancer are likely to enjoy many years together.

For more information, see the following guides:

- Poncho or Parka? Winter clothing for the Bellringer

- Raising goats on a small acreage

- Too dumb to breathe - the paradox of Phoebus