THE AFTERMATH OF iCARLY
Sam: until it becomes something else
A kiss it just a kiss. Until...
Trouble may be the word that we could use to describe what she was in right now. But there was no turning back now. She was kissing Brad, the nice guy. He was kissing her back.
Despite her guilt right now, she felt like they fit together nicely. Nice! NICE! She hated "nice". Nice could go to hell.
His hands slid down to her bare waist, beneath the water's edge. Yeah, they were still standing in a lake when they were meant to be attending his sister's wedding reception. But who cares about that right now? Sam could tell that the only reason that Brad had asked her to go with him, was his undeniable crush on her.
And here they were, kissing. Like nothing was even wrong with it. Like she and Freddie were nothing. But that was a lie.
Her hands softly stroked his bare chest, as their lips moved against one another. This kiss seemed to go on forever. No sparks or fireworks. But she couldn't complain. Nope, not even a little. She couldn't pull away either.
"Sam," mutters Brad, in between kisses.
"Mmm?" Sam replies, not fully focused on talking.
"We should... probably... get out of this water..."
"Five ... more minutes?"
Even though they'd probably be ice-cubes by the time five more minutes had gone past.
The girl felt the guy's smile and nod his head. He was enjoying this a little more than she was - apparently. He had a point though. The lake's water had gone from not-so-cold-anymore, to a-little-more colder-than-you-realise, to oh-em-gee-I'm-freezing-my-butt-cheeks-off-in-here!
So despite their "five more minute" thing, they decide to move.
Sam and Brad walk out of the water, still locked in an embrace, until they find where they had left their outer-clothes and helped each other get dressed again.
It was not the time for a fancy dress, thought Sam. She needed trackies and a sweat-shirt! ASAP! If only fairy god-mothers actually existed.
Like, seriously. That would be completely cool. You could totally get away with anything, and ask for anything you wanted. Within reason, of course. But, man. If you had a fairy god-mother, what would you wish for?
Before she knew it, his mouth was on hers again and they stumbled across the - well what may have been the car-park - and found his fancy car. He opened the door to the backseats and let her climb in before closing it again.
"It's warmer in here," says Brad, like he didn't just state the obvious.
"Mhmm," agrees Sam with a nod of her head.
"You're amazing."
If anyone else (coughFreddiecough) tried to give her a compliment, they'd find themselves with a broken limb of some kind. But since it was Brad, she couldn't begin to hurt him. He was just too NICE.
Nice was just nice. Not good. Not bad. Nice. Haven't we had this discussion before?
God damn it! Why?
"Why?"
"Well, you're an amazing person for one thing. And I've never seen a girl as strong-willed as you are. And you kiss like a pro..." A 'pro'? Really, Brad?
"No, I mean... Why'd we kiss?"
"You told me you wanted to. You wanted to, right?"
Yes. Yes, she wanted to kiss him. Yes, she liked it, sort of. I mean, he's nice. It was nice. Nice! Goddamnit!
Sam looked at him. Brad looked back at her. His eyes searched her face for an answer she might never even give. Because it's Samantha Puckett. And she has never rolled that way. Nor will she ever roll that way. Typical.
A kiss is just that. A kiss.
Until...
"Listen, Sam. I like you. A lot."
...until...
"I mean it. I don't care if you feel differently about me. But-"
...until...
"Say something. Anything!"
...until it becomes something else.
There's a reknowned silence.
She can't say anything. She kind of had a sneaking suspicion, but that was all. She wasn't too sure of his feelings for her. Just like she's never been sure of her own feelings. Aside from loving Freddie.
And man did she love Freddie.
Brad was there, and it would have been oh so... SIMPLE to date him. It made it easy to get married with him, have children with him and "live happily ever after" just like in the movies. But this wasn't a movie. It was screwed up, that's what it was. And she messed it all up by kissing Brad.
"I'm in love with Freddie."
There. She said it. Right to his face. His face crumpled. And actually, she felt bad now. Which really, never happened.
"I know."
"What?"
"I know you are in love with-" he's cut off, instantly.
"Don't repeat it!"
"Why not?"
"Because!"
He looks at her and even through darkness, she can tell it's one of those "are you for real" combined with "not a reason, Sam" looks. She's not an idiot.
It wasn't a reason. At least that's what Brad's face told her. But she had no good reason to deny her feelings anymore. Freddie knew. Brad knew. Heck, even Gibby knew. And for some unknown reason she had a strong feeling that Angela knew too.
"...I don't care, you know." Brad says, through the darkness.
"You should," she replies. "The kiss with you... it... it... meant..."
Nothing.
Sam couldn't bring herself to say it though. Her stomach somersaulted and her heart twisted painfully inside. Rejection hurts. She didn't have to. Brad could tell that she wasn't really into him like that. She knew he was hurt.
"I'm sorry," she says, meaning it.
"Don't be. It happens. People kiss. It happens."
"But I... lead you on. I hurt you."
"So?"
His lack of anger was very unsettling to her. He ought to be jumping up and down, spitting chips. Instead he remained cool, calm and collected. She turned to face him and reached out to touch his face. He recoiled and she dropped her hand again. She gets angry. She knows she's not really allowed to be angry. But she needs him to show it.
Maybe anger is one of those contagious emotions. Like sadness... or happiness... or love.
Love.
Love sucks, she thought. It got her into this mess in the first place. But hating love was pointless, she knew that since a long time ago. Carly was the one who said that to her and it stuck ever since. It was such a "Carly thing" to say though.
"Please yell at me. Or... or... or something!"
"Sam, I'm not mad at you. I won't ever be. I just wasn't quick enough."
The girl's eyes widen in realisation. How long had he been pining after her? Days? Weeks? Months? ...Years? Surely not!
"How lo-" she starts.
"Since the first time I saw you."
Firstly, uber cheesey. Secondly, just... whaaaaat!
That was insanity! Then again, she had been pining after Freddie, silently and violently, for... probably almost two years. In the middle of that they dated, broke up and... well, you know the rest (hopefully). But ever since then, she had not given up.
Now it was totally and utterly clear to her. Neither had Brad.
Carly was right. Again. Man, that's annoying, thinks Sam. Not even in the country and the girl is still being right!
"Brad, I am really sorry."
"Me too."
"No, I mean it."
"Me too."
Sam groaned and leans her head back on the comfortable head-rest of the back seat. This car, she thought. If ever I run into some cash, this car is definitely on the "to-buy" list. Brad also leaned back and let out a sigh.
They sat their, staring at the ceiling or roof of the car and absorbed the silence and darkness surrounding them.
"You know," says Brad, finally. "Freddie is a lucky guy."
"I don't know about that. I've been pretty horrible lately."
"But you had your reasons."
"Doesn't make it right!"
"True. But..."
There's a pause. Sam can feel a warming, sentimental speech coming on. A long one. She didn't want to tell him to shut-up. I mean, she wanted to tell him to shut-up but she couldn't. She knew it had to be said anyway. She braced herself for it.
"...if he loves you like you love him... nothing else matters, right?"
Nothing else matters. So much for the warm, sentimental speech.
Freddie had said that to her. But she rejected him when he said it. Only because she had made Brad a promise and was planning on sticking to it. Well... that was before... things happened anyway. Not that she could foretell what would be happening later on the night. It happened and she couldn't take it back.
Nothing else matters. She had to laugh bitterly. What else could she say? There were no words. No words. Brad had pretty much hit the nail on the head though. Despite him NOT being the first one to say it to her. Freddie did.
Freddie said it first. Freddie was always there for her, no matter what. Freddie was her first... was he going to be her last? Her forever? She didn't know. She didn't care. But she did. But she didn't. According to Freddie, it was all worked out. They would get married. Have kids. That stupid white-picket fence appeared in the picture too and she LIKED it.
Everything was going to "magically" turn out like his "grand master plan" or something. It was pathetic, she thought.
No. No it wasn't. Sam buried her face in her hands and cursed herself for wanting to cry. Because she was conflicted and now she was confused. Wasn't that the same sort of thing? She didn't want to know. She didn't want to care.
But she did care. Truly, utterly, unbelievably. Sam loved Freddie. And, like he told her before, nothing else mattered.