Darlig UlV Stranden - Norway
John Tyler walked along the beach slowly approaching the figure slowly. He wasn't sure what exactly had led to it this time, but when he woke up this morning to see his wife gone knew there was only one place she could be. It had been a few years since he and Rose had been left in Pete's world by his doppelganger and they were good - fantastic even - for the most part. But, there were times when life proved to be just a bit too much for his wife and whenever she needed to escape; there was one place that she was sure to find her.
Her back was turned to him and he knew instantly that something was wrong. There was something about her that looked so small, so vulnerable and those were two things that words that he would never use to describe Rose Tyler, "Rose sweetheart, are you alright? Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"
She looked up at him and he was shocked at what he saw. Her eyes were glowing bright gold and he instantly felt the fear so sharp it was as if someone had plunged a knife deep into his chest.
"Rose? Are you alright Rose?"
"Oh Doctor my Doctor, it has all come to pass and it will continue to pass the mad one has returned and he will return again. He will knock four times and our song will end, in its place a new one will begin. Again and again all the songs which weave together, but we are mere notes in his symphony. I want you safe, but even I cannot protect you from this, even I cannot stop that which must come to pass. The only water that runs in the forest is the River. He knows and he has told you You. Are. Not. Alone. Now we are the only ones who can save him."
The glow slowly faded from her eyes and Rose slumped into a heap on the sand.
Rose woke up with a splitting headache, but that was almost negligible due to the sheer knowledge that she now had. Everything that ever was, ever will be, must not be, it was all running through her head, a million different possibilities revealing themselves to her like an open book.
She knew that the Doctor was worried about her; she could feel his hands gently stroking her face as if he thought applying too much pressure would break her. She could see the worry in those eyes which were old with wisdom but at the same time so unbelievably young, yet she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't assuage the countless worries that were running through his mind and she knew very clearly each and every one of them because she could hear them. She could hear him. His every thought, every feeling, they were as clear as if he were announcing them to the world; at the moment she knew everything: open book didn't even begin to describe what this was.
The problem was that at the moment she couldn't concentrate on any of those things, not his thoughts or feelings, not even her new knowledge, because at that moment with all of the new things she was experiencing she was also awash with memories. Memories so strong that they were threatening to overpower her and take her away; replace her with someone who was her, but not at the same time. Rose remembered this other being so clearly, this entity as old as time and yet also bursting with a vitality that could only come from youth. She recognized now that it had always been there, waiting for her to be ready, waiting for the right time to make itself known.
She didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tears land on her closed fists. It simply wasn't fair, hadn't they been through enough? Her new memories proved that. They had all experienced enough for a lifetime, sadly as they were all meant for longer than that the possibilities were endless and with her luck it could very well mean an eternity of suffering.
John didn't know what was wrong with his wife, and he didn't like not knowing. He had brought Rose back to the TARDIS promptly put her into one of the cots in the med bay and begun scans, all the while reprimanding other him. He had been so thick, so incredibly and unquestionably thick. How could he have taken the solution at face value? One kiss and a quick regeneration and everything would be right as rain? He should have known that nothing in his life was ever that easy, he should have known that things were never that easy. But he wouldn't panic; one thing at a time. He had already done a quick visual assessment to ensure that there wasn't anything wrong with her exterior, now he had to begin ensuring that there wasn't anything wrong internally.
He was just about to begin a brain scan when she began to cry. Since her speech at the bay she had been in a semi-catatonic state but it was as if something had all of sudden been released from inside of her and it was all pouring out now at once. John wanted so badly to comfort her, but he didn't know why she was crying, it could very well because she was in some sort of excruciating pain and so he started his scan. What he saw on the screen scared him so much that he could literally feel his heart sinking in his chest in dread.
Her brain was completed lit up; the whole thing was emanating a strong gold glow, synapses firing a top speed. It's commonly known that humans only use a very small portion of their brains while the rest is simply there to remind them of their untapped potential, but the rate at which Rose's mind was working was well beyond 100% for a human brain. Frankly, it looked to be beyond what would be what the maximum capacity of a Time Lord's brain could handle and that was so very not good.
He was just about to scan the rest of her body to make sure that there wasn't anything else wrong when he heard her whimpering. He quickly dropped the scanner and grabbed her hands – which were clenched into fists- and held them tightly in his.
"Rose, please Rose just talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. Does something hurt, what is the matter? What do you need? What can I do for you? Just tell me Rose, please tell me what's wrong so I fix this, so I can make this okay."
When she looked up at him, her eyes were still bathed in gold, but they had dimmed to the point where they were no longer glowing. It was at that moment that he understood, he knew the look in her eyes. He knew what it was because what he had seen looking back at him in the mirror for the past 900 or so odd years. He finally thought he had figured it out when she spoke. She only said one word and it was barely above a whisper and almost overwhelmed by a sob; but he had heard it and it confused him even more.
"Jack."
He was just about to ask her what that was supposed to mean when the scanner that had fallen into her lap beeped. Instinctively John looked down to read the results on the screen and his heart stopped cold, he was almost impressed by the tenacity of his human heart as he was still standing and alive at this point, but he knew that this would be the final straw. In a day that had become far too much for his human body to handle, the results of the scan overwhelmed him and he could see the darkness begin to seep into the edges of his vision. His final thought before succumbing to unconsciousness was that this was so very absolutely not good, but at the same time he couldn't contain the joy that he felt.
The Doctor didn't like it when River hid things from him. He knew that it was a necessity with a relationship like theirs though and while he didn't like to think about it, he knew that they were currently at the best point of their relationship; the point in time where their timelines finally matched up and they both had the same amount of information. There would come a day when River would be contracted to lead an expedition to The Library and the Doctor knew that after that he would never see her again, but he planned to spend every day he had with her before that to its fullest.
He had never imagined that he would be able to feel this way about someone again. Not after he had lost so much. Not after he had lost what he had thought was his only chance at true happiness to another version of himself in a parallel universe. If he were being completely honest with himself the Doctor would be able to admit that though he cared deeply about River, to a point where he could almost call it a romantic sort of love – it still didn't hold a candle to what he had felt for his pink and yellow human.
No. He had to stop. This wasn't about her. This is about River. Sometimes the Doctor wondered how he had lived through the past few centuries, and if he wouldn't benefit from some very selected memory loss. He knew that he couldn't be able to do it though, he would never be able to erase her, and because he had long ago resigned himself to this fate he knew he had to push those memories away like he had so many times before and focus on what was going on in the present.
The only problem was his present problem was a wife who refused to tell him anything. He knew that he shouldn't be surprised considering how most of the beginning of their relationship on his end had consisted of the world 'spoilers' but he had thought that they'd gotten past that point now. Even if they weren't he couldn't for the life of him understand what River had to do with Jack Harkness. As far as he could see, there was no reason for them to meet - at least not at this point in their timelines, the Doctor had more than a few theories about where River's vortex manipulator came from.
"River stop being difficult and just tell me what you were doing with Jack!"
"Sweetie, you now I only ever have your best interests at heart so believe me when I tell you that this is something that doesn't and shouldn't involve you."
"So what? You're protecting me? What could I possibly need protection from? You know better than anyone how much I've been through and can withstand. We've been in enough dangerous situations for you to know how tenacious I am."
River looked as if she were experiencing some sort of overwhelming pain when she looked into the Doctor's eyes. It almost made the Doctor want to drop the situation because he had never seen River with that sort of expression even on that day at the Library when she realized that he didn't recognize her anymore, but he had to know.
"River just tell me. Aren't trust and relying on each other the two main characteristics needed for a good marriage?"
"They are Doctor, so you need to know that what I'm protecting right now isn't your life. It's your hearts."
River was a selfish person. This was something that she could confess about herself. She also knew that she was particularly selfish when it came to the Doctor, never in her life had she loved anything more than she had loved him. So it was possible, that what she was doing now – keeping her making contact with Rose Tyler and the metacrisis a secret – could be her own selfishness and jealousy rearing its ugly head but she honestly believed that there was some truth to her words.
She knew the Doctor loved her in his own way, but she also wasn't deluded enough to believe that how his having feelings for her would lessen the feelings that he had – has – for Rose Tyler. It was a bitter pill of reality that River decided to ignore most days but now she couldn't deny it, and because she knew, or at least she thought she knew, just how deep the Doctor's feelings for Rose ran; she had to protect him from it. She had seen how happy Rose and her Doctor were; they were so bright and alive that she almost couldn't believe that the metacrisis and the Doctor had once been one being. Her Doctor put on a show of zany happiness bordering on the edge of insanity, but at the same time there were instances that tipped the scales to the other side, instances where the look in his eyes was so dark that River would fear for the fate of the universe were the Doctor ever sent over the edge.
Every iteration of the Doctor had that darkness, from what she had heard the metacrisis had more than any other, but from what she had seen, he was completely free of that darkness now. Somehow the metacrisis Doctor had completely been freed from the darkness that clung onto the Doctor so closely that was a part of his identity. The Doctor was a broken soul fought every day to be better than what his circumstances dictated he become. It was the understanding that the Doctor lived that the edge that made River keep everything a secret from him.
River had heard about Time Lord Victorious. Not from the Doctor - he sometimes mentioned his previous lives, but never the one that preceded his present self. River suspected it was because everything was still too fresh, the multiple losses he suffered in that life too much for him to handle so him simply chose to forget. It was the TARDIS that would show her the things that the Doctor refused to disclose, she had never shared anything such as the Doctor's feelings for Rose with River, but she had shown River what he was capable when he let his dark side take over, so River could keep a look out for the signs and pull him back from the edge if she needed to. The TARDIS was after all a way her mother, and the two of them would do everything in their power to protect their Doctor.
River Song would not let her Doctor be ruined by this. She would not let him become the hurt and broken man that she knew he could be if he were to see Rose Tyler and to actually see that she was happy with someone who was himself and yet not. To know how close he had come to having the life that he'd always wanted. She knew how catastrophic it could be for him because she had experienced it once before. The saying that it's the ones closest to you are also the ones that can hurt you the most is true and River would always carry the scars that she had given herself as a reminder to be a better person for him. To try and become someone that he could believe in.
It had been very early in their marriage when River had been made aware that her husband had been in love once before. She had known that he'd loved many people in his long long life but she hadn't expected him to have ever been in love with anyone before her. At first she hadn't believed it, didn't want to believe it but whenever she would ask the Doctor about it he would completely shut down and ignore her for days while he shut himself into the room that she wasn't allowed in.
It was that room that made her the most angry because she knew that it had something to do with the secrets he was keeping from her. She knew that room had to have something to do with all the secrets he was keeping from her so once, while the Doctor was at a market haggling for parts that he would use to fix the TARDIS she sneaked into the room. The TARDIS had buzzed unhappily at her but hadn't hidden the room, River could tell that the TARDIS was telling her that she would regret going in, but if she was determined to find out the truth then she wouldn't be stopped.
When she turned the handle of the door which was had a bouquet of pink and yellow roses painted on the front she was hit by and explosion of pink. The room was practically completely pink with the walls painted in soft baby pink and the bed covered in hot pink sheets. The only parts of the room which were not pink were those which were covered with clothing strewn all around the room carelessly which showed that whoever had inhabited this room was been comfortable enough to think of the TARDIS and her room there were permanent ant therefore she could afford to leave her things knowing that she would be able to return to get them at any time she wanted.
The thing that caught River's eye though was the vanity. She glanced down at the tabletop to see a large jewelry box filled with different baubles from all across the universe from cheap wooden bangles to rings set with precious stones from the far ends of the universe which had probably cost the Doctor a lifetime's worth of savings to buy. But what held her attention wasn't the jewelry, it was the pictures which were stuck haphazardly around the mirror all featuring what looked to be a very young couple the girl (because that's what she was, she was so young that she couldn't even be considered a woman yet) was a pretty blonde and the man was impossibly tall and skinny with a mess of crazy brown hair on his head.
River knew that the man had to be the Doctor and that the girl would have been a previous companion. There were two other people who were in a few of the pictures, a young black man and what seemed to be a handsome soldier dressed in a WWII era greatcoat, but it was mostly just the other two. One of the pictures of two, which looked like it probably had been taken by the TARDIS featured the Doctor in his orange space suit and the woman dressed in a purple jumper and jeans hugging to the point where the woman's feet could no longer touch the ground and they both looked so happy and in love that River almost couldn't believe that this man and the Doctor that she knew were the same person.
It was at that point that she did something very stupid. Later she would say that it was a bout of insanity brought about by seeing the Doctor doing something so out of character, but in the moment she had been taken over by an overwhelming wave of jealousy and she knew that she just had to know the story behind the picture. So without giving it another thought she set her vortex manipulator to the date written on the back of the picture and the coordinates to track wherever in the Universe the TARDIS was.
She realized early on that something very wrong was occurring here, but she knew that both the Doctor and Rose would survive it so she put on a perception filter and followed them as they explored the impossible planet and found the demon. She stayed with the Doctor until the very end; until she saw his figure disappear behind the TARDIS doors. After that she promptly made the back to the TARDIS in her time, not more than a minute after she had left and stonily walked through the halls until she had gotten as far away from the room with the roses as her legs would take her.
She slid down towards the floor as a battle between jealousy, shame, and regret was wrought inside of her.
"If they get back in contact - if you talk to Rose - just tell her... tell her... oh, she knows."
" Except that implies - in this big grand scheme of Gods and Devils - that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi gods and would-be gods - out of all that - out of that whole pantheon - if I believe in one thing... just one thing... I believe in her."
He had never actually said the words, but it had been so clear in the words he had said and the way he acted. It was so painfully clear to River that the feelings the Doctor felt for Rose Tyler wasn't some passing fancy as she had hoped but instead he had been – and in all likelihood still was – completely in love with her. It also wasn't the type of love that went away, it was the type of love that stayed with you, imprinted onto your very soul and affecting every decision made; it was the type of love that cleaved one's existence into three clear pieces: before, during, and after.