Chapter VII- Never

(12 out of 40 weeks along)

"I'm going into town with Keith and Ben. Anything we need?" Gary asked, leaning against the kitchen doorway.

"Um, let me make a list up real quick." I answered, abandoning the breakfast dishes to dry my hands on a dish towel, "Do you know how much we have left?"

I was referring to the Estate Card. Each couple got one. The amount you got each month depended on how many people were in your house, age, education, level, and other factors. Of course, we didn't need to worry about food, any paper products, dish soap, or cleaning supplies. The card was for clothes, shower soaps, baby stuff, kitchen utensils, sheets, towels, and a limited amount of sugary substances that the Estate wouldn't provide (soda, decent ice cream, candy bars). Of course, awesome as that sounds, it wasn't free money. Once off the Estate, we'd have to start paying it back. Adults couldn't stay on the Estate longer than six months after the birth of a child, so chances of just continually freeloading were slim.

"We have around $350 left." He answered, following me around the house.

I was coming out of our bedroom when I paused. The door across from ours. I had only opened the door once, when we first moved in. After that it had remained closed. The baby's room.

I opened the door and walked in. The carpet, walls, crib mattress, and the lace curtains hanging in the window were all white. As was the bassinet that was in a corner. The crib, changing table, dresser, and rocking chair were all a rich, glossy mahogany. It was nice and clean, but decidedly bare.

"We need something for in here." I said.

"Like?" he prompted.

"I don't know." I admitted.

"Don't people usually hold off on buying things?"

"A few things won't hurt. A couple blankets or bottles? We just have to keep it gender neutral."

"I could look for something at the store."

"You're lucky you can leave." I sighed, leaving the room to finish off the list.

I wasn't allowed off the Estate while I was pregnant. The doctors thought it was too risky.

"I hate shopping," he countered, "And that's really the only reason I get to leave."

"I suppose that's true." I admitted, handing the list over.

"I'll be back later."

As soon as the front door closed, I headed for the phone. I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity to call Jimmy.

I dialed his cell and sat on the couch. He picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

He didn't know the number, so the questioning tone in his voice was to be expected.

"Hey. It's me." I murmured.

"Pete." He clipped out.

Oh, good. He was still mad. Just what I wanted.

"You're still mad."

"You think?"

Sarcasm. Original.

"I told you I was sorry."

"And I'm still angry."

I supposed I should be happy he was even talking to me. When I had told him that Gary had impregnated me, he had been furious. The words from that argument that stuck with me? 'All my hard work for this-!"

I could feel my heart sinking. Jimmy was really my only friend. I didn't want to fight with him.

"I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry. I just thought we could talk." I whispered, fighting to keep my voice steady. My hormones weren't being kind to me these days.

There was a short pause.

"What's he done?" Jimmy asked, sounding tense.

"Nothing. I- why do you think I want to talk about him?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable. The last thing I wanted to talk to Jimmy about was Gary.

"You sounded, I don't know, sad."

"I'm sad because I don't want to fight with you, Jimmy."

I heard him sigh.

"I can't say I'm not pissed. I am."

"I know." I whispered, my voice wavering despite my best efforts to keep it even.

"Look, I'm not so much mad at you. More the situation. I just don't understand how it happened."

"Which part?" I asked, knowing what he meant.

"The Why-You-Had-Sex-With-Smith part."

"Things happen." I answered, face heating up.

"Not between people like you and him."

"Apparently sometimes they do."

"Just tell me the truth, do you like him?"

"Way to put me on the spot there, Jim." I stalled.

"Just be honest."

"I don't know. I don't hate him. There are times he grates my nerves but he's not horrible to be around. Most of the time." I added, remembering how he had acted those first few weeks.

There was a long pause on the other end.

"You sti-"

"Yeah." He cut me off.

Another pause, shorter this time.

"You fucking like him." He accused.

"How do you get that out of what I said?!" I asked, indignant.

"How stupid do you think I am?" he asked.

"I don't like him, Jimmy." I insisted.

"So why is he there with you then?"

"Because he's the father. He wanted to be here." I reasoned.

"I highly doubt that, Pete." He replied, coldly.

"He's the dad, Jimmy." I said, angry.

"That's not what I meant! The other part." He sounded exasperated.

"Oh." I whispered.

There was a short pause as that sank in, my throat swelling.

"Sometimes I do too." I murmured, tears stinging my eyes.

"So why do you defend him?" Jimmy asked, his voice calming.

"Because he's making an effort. Which was more than I was expecting."

"Don't let him fool you, Pete. Don't forget how he is."

I sighed. I couldn't deny it. Gary was more than capable of deceiving me. As much as I wanted to believe in him, I also couldn't afford to let my guard down. Given the circumstances, I had to be extra vigilant. The last thing I wanted to do was put the baby and myself in a bad situation.

"I know. Thank you, Jimmy."

"For what?" he asked.

"For looking out for me. You're a good friend."

"I try. How is everything there?"

"It's different. I usually just stay around the apartment unless we have something we need to do. Everyone's really nice." I explained.

"That sounds nice. Everyone here is still a bastard. What about, you know, the baby?" I could hear the awkwardness in his tone.

"It's good. Healthy. I'm three months. I'm due in February. How is Zoe?"

"She's… being Zoe. I guess things are good. Not fighting, so that's something."

"Good. Did you ever get in touch with your mother?"

"Yes. We kind of ended up yelling at each other." He admitted.

"Jimmy… you shouldn't yell at your mom." I said, exasperation creeping into my voice.

"… Is this a thing? You have to lecture me now or something? 'Because you're a Mommy now too?"

I thought about that for a moment, ignoring his attempt to rile me up.

"No. I would have said it even if I wasn't pregnant."

"It's a trip every time you say that." He said, sounding awed.

"You're telling me. You won't ever have to deal with pregnancy quite like I am."

"How are you getting through this though? I mean, it's gotta be a lot to process. Are you really okay?"

Hearing the concern in his voice made me smile.

"Everything's… good." I said, trying to be reassuring.

-Thirty Minutes Later-

I was just finishing up the previously abandoned dishes when Gary arrived back at the apartment, lugging shopping bags. To my surprise, Ben followed him in with a box of diapers.

"Hey Pete. How are you?" he asked, grinning.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"Good." He said, setting the box down on the kitchen table. "I have to get back to Casey, though. See you guys later.

He saluted us with two fingers and left.

"So what did you get?" I asked.

"See for yourself."

I saw the corner of his mouth twitch up for a fraction of a second as I started rummaging. I pulled out a couple packs of bottles. Each had three. They were all clear plastic. Each bottle had a different decoration. One pack had bottles decorated with ducklings, puppies, and kittens. The other had bottles decorated with dragonflies, turtles, and koi fish. Setting those aside, I pulled out a soft, fluffy, dark brown teddy bear. I smiled as I ran my fingers over the soft faux fur. Putting it down on the table I pulled out a package of four plain white 0-3 month onesies.

Following that, a set of three receiving blankets. All were white. One plain, one with pastel baby hand prints, the last with pastel baby foot prints. There was also a thicker, fuzzy lime green blanket. The last thing in the paper sack was a bib. It was white and lined with purple piping. There was a picture of a furry purple cartoon monster wearing a red shirt. The monster had mismatched eyes, one red and one blue, and nubby little white horns on its square shaped head. It was rather cute, holding up its arms and baring teeth in a mock growl. What made me swat Gary's arm were the red words printed above the little monsters head.

The Monster.

"What?" he asked, lopsided smile on his face.

I was giving him a look.

"You like it. Stop acting like you don't."

"It's cute but it's mean."

"It's not like the kid can read." He said, loftily.

I was fighting a smile. It was just… so Gary.

"Besides, I couldn't pass it up."

"I'm sure you couldn't. What about the diapers?"

"What about them?"

"Why did you buy them?"

"Keith suggested we start stockpiling. These are size one diapers."

"Why do we need to stockpile?" I asked.

"They just said we'd thank them when the time came. I'm guessing it's because we'll need them."

I guess we would. Babies went through diapers pretty quickly, didn't they? Sudden anxiety overtook me. I inhaled sharply, turning to Gary.

"Gary, I don't know how to change a diaper! Do you?!"

I was suddenly panicky. Ever since the previous evening, my hormones had my emotions all over the place.

He stared at me, eyebrow cocked. He looked reluctant to answer me.

"No. But we'll learn. Don't… worry about it. We have moms who I'm sure will be more than happy to show us."

He turned to leave the kitchen.

"You have a mom?"

I had blurted it out without thinking. I blushed as he turned to give he a 'really' look.

"I do have a mother. Her name is Kaylyn. She's married to my father, Baxter. Oh, what else? I have an older brother. Oh, and a grandfather. Were you assuming I lived alone under a rock in the woods or something?" he sneered.

"No. Just. You've never mentioned them before. Well I… ever meet them?"

He stared blankly at me before frowning.

"Why would you need to? We aren't an item."

He started to walk out of the kitchen again when realization hit me.

"You haven't told them, have you?" I asked, my brows furrowed.

He stopped, but did not turn around.

"They have no idea where you are? Or that… that you're going to be a dad?!" My voice shot up in pitch.

Still, I got nothing out of him.

"Answer me, Gary."

His voice was low, bordering on dangerous.

"No. I haven't told them a damn thing. Why would I need to?"

"Because this baby is just as much part of your family as it is mine. They have a right to know."

"I think that's a matter of opinion." He replied smoothly.

My fists clenched, anger well established.

"So, what? You're just... not going to tell them? Or are you stalling?"

"I don't know."

It was barely audible, but I caught a slight waver in his words. As if he was scared, maybe uncertain. It softened my heart a bit.

"You know I was scared to tell you. But I did." I offered, trying to be supportive and comforting.

He looked my dead in the eyes. His eyes showed frustration and annoyance.

"Sometimes I wish you hadn't."

A pang in my chest brought back my anger and sent tears streaming down my cheeks.

"If you didn't want to be here, why did you come?!" I shrieked.

When I didn't get an answer I averted my eyes from his, shaking my head in disgust.

"Jimmy was right. You're just using us aren't you?"

I refused to look at him, but the aura in the room suddenly went from tense to murderous.

"You've been talking to Hopkins?" he hissed.

I chanced a quick glance at him. God, I'd pissed him off. The intense anger brewing in his eyes dissipated my anger and sadness, activating my flight instincts. But with him standing between me and the doorway, flight was not going to work.

"Yes. I have." I clipped as I crossed my arms, getting defensive.

I literally heard his teeth grinding. I shot back against the counter when he began advancing towards me. I was tensed up, began shaking when he stopped in front of me. I closed my eyes tight, hoping he wouldn't hit me.

"Hopkins doesn't know anything. Use you? I'm here trying to help you, stupid. The next time I hear something so fucking idiotic come out of your mouth, I'm going to hit you. Pregnant or not. Look at me."

I timidly looked up into his eyes. He was still pretty angry.

"I know I need to tell my parents, okay? I'm just… not ready to yet."

"Why not?" I croaked out, my throat dry.

"Because I haven't figured out how yet. I mean… it would be easier if you were a girl. But you're not."

"You don't know how to come out to them?" I asked, remembering how hard it had been to tell my parents.

"That's just it. I don't think I'm gay."

"Why'd you sleep with me then?" I asked, offended.

He grew uncomfortable.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm just confused. I don't feel like I'm gay though. I just feel like me." There was a short pause. "Are you gay?" he asked, almost like an afterthought.

I was taken aback. Was I gay? Perhaps. MY sexuality had never been at the forefront of my mind. I understood how Gary felt. Why should it matter? I was me either way, wasn't I? But I was also still trying to figure out who I was as a person. But then again, I had always had more of a thing for guys. Maybe that night had been an experiment for both of us to see what we liked. An experiment that had gone horribly, horribly wrong, I thought bitterly.

"I think so." I finally answered. "Kind of late to change my mind."

Apparently, I feel like being bitter all of a sudden. He stood considering me for a moment.

"This isn't your fault. Neither of us had any idea this was going to happen."

I sighed. He was right. Science and what we thought we knew to be fact had not prepared us for this particular curve ball.

"I know." I murmured.

I wasn't aware I was still crying until I felt his hands cup my face, his thumbs wiping tears off my cheeks.

"Stop listening to Hopkins. He's just as paranoid as I am."

I sniffed. My desire to believe him wanted to swell and fill my body, but my doubts of his words constricted my chest painfully.

Perhaps he saw pain, or my doubts in my eyes, because he began kissing me gently. That only caused my chest to ache, and before I could get lost in him, I pushed him away.

"You're not gay, remember?" I pointed out, before stepping around him to retreat to our bedroom.

I needed a nap.

-Later-

I opened my eyes, looking up at Gary. He had just shaken me awake. Unamused, I rolled onto my side to face away from him. My silent way of saying 'go away'.

"Don't do that. Get up. You're going to make us late?"

"For what?" I asked, groggy and irritable.

"For school, dork."

I could hear the smirk. It only made me more irritated. And when he poked me in the side and made me jump, I could have kicked him. The sad part was, I had taken a nap in hopes that it would make me feel better after our fight. It hadn't.

"Fine. I'm getting up." I grumped.

I got out of the bed, ran my fingers through my hair, and changed my shirt. I went into the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water. I then put on my socks and shoes and met Gary at the door. We had to go to the therapy building. That's where our classes were to take place.

Our walk was silent, which was fine by me. I was still angry at him. It was odd. I hadn't really ever stayed mad at him for this long. Why was I still mad? Because he hadn't told his parents? No, that wasn't it. I could understand that. That was hard. I would have put off telling my parents too if I had had the chance. So then what? The only other thing I could possibly be mad about was that he wasn't gay. And why should I care? So what if he wasn't gay? What a stupid thing to be mad about!

Yet there remained a pang of betrayal festering in my chest. How could he do this to me?! I had gotten knocked up so he could experiment with his sexuality? That. That was why I was mad. He had totally changed my life on a whim.

I gritted my teeth, the desire to hit him setting into my bones. That would have to wait until later though.

We had been told that out classes would be taking place in Room 5, so that's where we went when we entered the building. The group room was 1, so we passed it and continued down the hall. He opened the door to Room 5 and I followed him in.

Inside there were two tables, each with one chair facing a white board and a teacher's desk that was positioned to the right of the board. Sitting at the desk was a man who couldn't have been older that twenty six. He looked up from a book he had been reading when we entered and smiled at us.

"Hey, guys. Peter and Gary, right? I'm your teacher. Gregory West." He spoke as he stood up and went to the white board and wrote his name.

He was tall. Sand colored blond hair. Truth be told, he was good looking. Strong jawline, cute smile, laughing eyes. Good looking, but my heart didn't speed up. There was no attraction there. Just eye candy.

Gary had already sat down at the table farthest to the door, so I sat at the other table.

"So. Who's who?" Gregory asked, putting his hands in his pocket.

"I'm Peter." I answered.

"Gary."

Gregory nodded.

"Alright good. That's settled. So. Both in 10th grade, right? Sophomores. That's exciting, right?"

"What exactly qualifies you to be here?" Gary suddenly asked, eyeing Gregory with malcontent.

"Good question. Graduated last year with a degree to teach general studies to high school kids. So math, science, history, English. I can do it all. I was contacted by the Estate early this summer because I was born here and they like to keep tabs on us. So I was a natural choice for them I guess. Instead of bringing in an outsider." He said, grinning.

"You were born here?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes sir, I was. Almost twenty-eight years ago. So, naturally, I'm asked to schedule a once a year check up here at the Estate. I actually lived here a couple times. I've got two younger siblings. So I'm familiar with how things work here." A pause. "Enough about my personal life though, time to talk school. Let me tell you about the program we're running. What we've come up with is a way to get you both graduated before the baby gets here. Hard, but not impossible. If it takes a little longer than that, it's okay. You'll be in here ten hours a day, Monday through Friday. 10 AM to 8 PM. We'll spend a few hours on every subject, and try to get you guys qualified for your diplomas. Of course, on days you have appointments, therapy, group… visitors, you won't have to come in. Just let me know a day ahead."

He paused to gauge our reactions. Ten hours of school a day sounded like hell.

"I know it sounds like it'll suck the big one, but it's in your best interest. And I promise we'll have lots of breaks a day. Today is only an introduction. We won't be here for very long. I'll start by giving you your text books."

Mr. West pulled in a cart that contained two copies of 15 different text books from a supply closet. History, Math, Science, English, Art, Health. Thankfully some were thinner than the others.

"We're starting with the sophomore books. That's Life Science, Algebra II, English II, Cultural Studies, and Health and Nutrition." He grabbed us each a copy of the titles and set it on our tables.

Five books each. Once he was done with the cart, he pushed it back into the supply closet from whence it came and returned with a cardboard box.

"And we have supplies too."

"Where are we supposed to keep this stuff?" Gary asked.

"There are a couple shelves by the door. And don't worry, the door stays locked when we're not here as a precaution." Greg answered, grinning as he set the box on his desk.

-After Class-

Out early, it was around five o'clock. Dinner time. I headed straight to the kitchen, wondering what to make. Getting to study for a bit and talk to someone who wasn't Gary had effectively smothered my earlier annoyance and frustration.

I decided to make half assed Salisbury steaks from ground beef, mashed potatoes with brown gravy, and green beans. Easy, and it would only take forty-five minutes or so.

The minute I got a whiff of the brown gravy, I was hit with a craving. I called Gary in to eat, as I took a bowl out of the cabinet and put gravy into it.

"Food?" he asked, popping into the kitchen.

"Yeah. Is anyone in your family allergic to peanuts?" I asked, getting the peanut butter out of the pantry.

"No." he answered, watching me as I opened the peanut butter and mixed a good amount in with the gravy.

I put this mixture on my mashed potatoes and joined him at the kitchen table, ignoring the look of disgust he was giving my food. I didn't care though. I enjoyed it.

But it was an awkwardly silent meal. After a while I couldn't stand it anymore.

"What did you think of class?" I asked.

He glanced up at me, eyes black.

"You're talking to me again?"

A smirk, that I tried to suppress, spread across my face. Suddenly I felt all… bubbly.

"What makes you think I wasn't talking to you?"

"The fact you weren't talking to me, maybe?"

"We always have to talk to each other? I wasn't aware you found my conversations that compelling."

His eyes were narrowed, suspicious.

"I thought you were mad at me…"

"Why would I be mad at you, Gary?" I asked, still smiling. Still bubbly. "Did you do something wrong?"

"I didn't think I did, no. But you've never turned down my kisses before, so apparently I did."

This was true. That was before he let it be known he wasn't gay. What business did he have showing affection for me?

"Just trying to save us a lot of fights down the line." I answered, pleasantness slipping.

"You're mad because I told you I wasn't gay?!" he asked, suddenly disbelieving.

"Not mad. I just don't see why you want to kiss me if you're not gay." I reasoned.

He sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair, eyes staring up at the ceiling and a scowl on his face.

We sat in silence for a while. I couldn't understand why he was frustrated. Wasn't I saving him from having to make himself uncomfortable? Or grossed out? I thought I was doing him a favor, but I only seemed to be irritating him. I had been staring at him, wondering at his behavior, when he looked at me. He sighed again and ran his hands down his face.

"Look… Damn it. Okay. I'm not going back on my words. I don't feel like I'm gay. But you… its different with you."

He was looking at his plate, fiddling with his fork. He was obviously uncomfortable, his face gaining a slight tinting of pink.

"What are you saying? Different how?"

"I don't know!" he said, exasperated.

"I don't understand, Gary." I said.

Neither of us did apparently. Whatever he was trying to say, he didn't know how or flat out didn't want to say it.

"Do you… like me?" I asked, doubtful.

"No!" he insisted, a little too forcefully. "I mean… I don't know!" he ground up.

"You don't seem to know much of anything this evening, do you?" I asked, bemused at his frustration.

"F- Shut your trap." He gruffed, staring at the ceiling again.

We slipped into another silence. I figured he just needed time to collect his thought. This was something he needed to figure out on his own. In the meantime, I wasn't going to allow him to confuse himself any further. I wasn't going to let him kiss me anymore. Maybe I shouldn't sleep in the bed with him either… Even though the thought of sleeping on the couch irritated me.

I stood from the table, beginning to clean up. I was rinsing the dishes in the sink when I felt him grab my shoulder and spun me around to face him, his lips clashing against mine, his hands gripping my hips forcefully. It took less than a second for my head to start spinning. Losing myself, I kissed him back. My wet hands sliding up his arms to his shoulders before my arms wrapped around his neck as he deepened the kiss.

Well, so much for that resolution.

When we pulled away from the kiss, we were both breathing heavily. I looked up into his eyes to see that glazed look. I hadn't seen it lately. My heart sped up when he began leaning in for another kiss, but I stopped him, pressing the fingers of my right hand against his lips.

"Stop." I whispered, halfheartedly.

The glazed look cleared when he blinked. He stared into my eyes as he released me.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Gary." I whispered.

"I… I can't help it." He replied, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against mine.

My heart was pounding in my chest. Part of me wanted him. Another, more logical, part told me it was better not to. Safer not to. That this boy was not worth the pain. That it almost would have been better to leave him in Happy Volts.

A pain shot through my chest at that horrid thought.

And yet, the truth remained: I would never be able to trust him… would I? No. I'd never be completely confident that I could leave our child in his care. I'd always have my doubts.

Which was why it was better for me not to fall for him. Why it was better to not let him his me. Not let him share my bed.

Love never flourished without trust. So, with a heavy heart, I let myself know once and for all, that I wasn't going to let that little part of myself keep wanting him. It had to stop.

For everyone's sake.

But I continued to stand there with him, unable to pull away.

-End Chapter 7-

So, what did you guys think? Sad, crappy, amazing, what? Hoping you guys loved it.

I've got a few questions (because I'm undecided on a few things).

Would you rather see them have a boy or girl?

Do you want this to end well and be done? Or would you rather it go wrong and get a sequel? I could go either way.

I'll get around to explaining the glazed eye thing eventually. There is a reason for it. Also, next chapter is Gary's POV, which will be a challenge for me *nervous*.

Also been thinking of completely re-hauling For You I Will. It just seems like plot less trash to me these days and I don't remember where I was going with it. Think I just wanted an excuse to write sex scenes and angst honestly.