Chapter XI-

(20 out of 40 weeks)

The only sounds in Ellen's office was the clock ticking. We were sitting upon the sofa. Neither of us had said a word. Gary refused to look at me. I only glanced timidly at him. His nose and around his eyes were swollen and mottled black and blue with sickly yellow that faded into his skin tone. He had a bandage stretched across the bridge of his nose. Gary's face was devoid of emotion, but his eyes betrayed his anger.

Ellen was sitting on her stool, facing us with her notepad in her hand.

"So, let's get underway. Who wants to tell me what happened?"

Silence for a moment, then I spoke. "I hit Gary. Broke his nose… I didn't mean to! It… just happened." I sighed, looking down at my hands that rested in my lap. "I feel really bad about it. And I know Gary's mad."

Ellen turned to Gary. "Are you mad?"

It seemed like he wasn't going to answer her. He glared at her, his mouth turning down.

"You're God damn right I'm mad. He broke my fucking nose." He spoke coldly, hissing his words through clenched teeth.

"There's no need to curse, Gary. Have you been taking your new medication?"

He stifled a sigh. "Yes."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" She pressed.

"No."

She nodded and took notes. "Has the Connection been explained to either of you?"

"Yes." I replied, heart heavy. I had a feeling Gary really wasn't going to like the concept of something keeping us together by force, against his will.

"What's the Connection?" Gary asked, sounding reluctant but curious.

"The Connection is a force that binds you and Peter emotionally. Let's you know when the other is upset or happy. Doctor Abernathy could explain it better." She looked up and focused on me. "Why did you hit him, Peter?"

I gave a shuddering sigh. "I guess I… couldn't take his insults anymore." I could feel the sting of tears.

"Insults?" She asked.

"He called me stupid. Easy. Fat. A whore."

"And it hurt you." She kept her face as neutral as she could but her eyes showed her empathy.

I closed my eyes, fighting tears. "I can't even begin to try and explain how… angry it made me. I put up with it for two weeks, thinking he was still adjusting to his new medication. I don't know what happened."

"What do you remember from the past few weeks, Gary?"

He was silent. I (finally) chanced to turn my head to look at him. He seemed to be thinking, and paid no attention to me.

"Being a complete asshole. I really can't stand him anymore. It's like he's always trying to guilt trip me into shit."

My eyebrows shot up. What? Was that really what he thought? Did he really think I was trying to make him feel guilty, or was he lying?

"You think that gives you the right to be abusive?" She asked, continuously writing notes.

"I wasn't being abusive. He hit me." Immediately defensive.

"Fine, verbally abusive. I'm not saying that hitting you was the right way for Peter to react to the situation, but you are not exactly the victim either."

Silence loomed for a few minutes as she stared at Gary, who glared back at her.

"Gary." She spoke crisply. "I want you to apologize. I want you to say something nice to Peter. And please look at him when you do it. Please be sincere."

"Why do I have to start?!" Gary protested, his glare deepening. He was now defiant. We were losing him.

She seemed to realize this, because she reluctantly turned to me quickly.

"Peter, would you like to start?"

"I can, but… what am I supposed to say?"

"Anything nice. Something you like about him. Perhaps a quality he possessed when you first came that you haven't seen lately."

"Oh. Don't worry. He already did that." Gary interjected, sneering.

I lowered my head as a pang of guilt constricted my chest.

"Gary, as he speaks I want you to look at him and just listen to what he has to say."

"Fine." He grumped.

I thought for a moment. What could I say? There were so many bad things at the forefront of my memory.

I cleared my throat as I looked at him. I could clearly see the anger pooled in his eyes.

"Gary. I just… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. And I didn't mean those awful things I said. I was just so mad and… I hope you can forgive me for that. I… I really have enjoyed the time we spent here. I'm still really glad you agreed to come with us."

As I spoke, moisture had welled up in my eyes and my voice cracked a few times. The words had come out in a rush. Tears were now streaming down my face as I looked into his cold, unmerciful gaze. My eyes searched his face, hoping to see even a bit of forgiveness. His face, his eyes, betrayed nothing.

After a few moments, he opened his mouth to reply.

"I think you're pathetic. And I'm done. Send me back. I don't care anymore. Just stay away from me."

Pain erupted in my heart. He… cared? A lot of good it had done for us. I pressed my hand instinctively against my swollen stomach.

"Mr. Smith!" Ms. King's voice was only slightly raised, but she sounded mortified.

Gary wasn't listening. He was too busy walking out of the door. Yeah, I thought as more tears escaped my eyes, we're done… there's no way we're fixing this.

Ellen moved from her stool to sit beside me on the couch. She handed me tissues and gently rubbed my back as I sobbed.

Jamey, Ellen's receptionist, came in some thirty minutes later to announce that her next appointment wasn't going to show up. Michael had gone into labor.

I looked at Jamey.

"Does that mean Dr. Abernathy won't be able to see me today? I had an appointment." I trailed off, sniffing.

"I believe Michael and Larry are Doctor Sarah Parris' patients."

Doctor Sarah Parris was the only other doctor on staff at the Estate. After all, at the most, the Estate only had six or seven patients in at a time. Even if there were no expecting couples, there was always a steady trickle of patients (Mother's and children who were born on the Estate) coming in for their yearly check-ups.

I nodded absentmindedly as Ellen thanked Jamey and sent her back to her desk.

"When is your appointment?"

"In…" I glanced at the clock. "Two hours."

"How about you go and freshen up. I'll send along a report to Dr. Abernathy shortly." We stood from her couch. "And I'm sorry things didn't go well today. Try not to take Gary's words to heart." She gave me a small comforting smile as she patted my shoulder.

I sighed. "I try not to. Thank you for seeing us today, Ms. King."

I left her office and returned to my apartment. I had been locking my apartment door behind me as I left and entered. It was a suggested precaution.

I entered and locked the door behind me, then went into the living room to collapse onto the couch. I lay on my side. After a few moments of deafening silence, I picked up the remote and turned on the television. For the next hour and a half, I amused myself with mindless sitcoms. Or pretended to anyway. My mind really wanted to just focus on Gary.

Despite the fact that I really don't want to, I let it. I had done something really mean. I hated it, but that was a fact. Telling him I preferred him depressed had been incredibly cruel. More so than breaking his nose.

I really regretted the way things had turned sour. And I wondered if perhaps it was my fault. Was I really guilt tripping him into staying with us? Should I just let him leave?

These questions haunted me. But before I could figure out any answers for myself, it was time to head to the Clinic.

My wait in the reception area was mercifully short. And before a nurse, whose name was Tiara, showed me back to a room to take my weight and blood pressure, I had to drink my pink sugar sludge and piss in the cup, as per usual.

And then I was sent to Lesley for another ultrasound. She greeted me with a smile.

"Hello Petey. How are you today?" She asked.

"I could be better." I admitted, climbing onto the bed and laying down on my back.

She nodded, knowingly. "I've been informed about the situation. Hopefully you'll feel better after today. You get to learn the gender today!"

I looked up at her in wide-eyed surprise. "I do?!"

She smiled. "Yes. Exciting, isn't it?" She was booting up her equipment.

"Yes." I breathed, pulling my shirt up and the hem of my pants down. I had known I would be learning the gender at this ultrasound, but it had slipped my mind. I stifled a sigh. I really wanted Gary here. This was important.

I pushed my disappointment out of my head as Lesley put the frigid goop on my ever expanding stomach.

"Do you want to place a bet on the gender?" Lesley asked, pulling the radar wand out of its storage space.

"Hm… I'm going to guess… girl." I replied, after brief consulting with my instincts.

"Gut feeling?" She asked.

I nodded. "How often are the Moms right?"

"Quite often, actually. But of course it can only go one of two ways, so it's a fifty percent chance of guessing right.

I smiled and nodded. "True."

She pressed the wand against my tummy. The screens again showed the image of my child to me. I smiled. Baby was looking much cuter this time around. My heavy heart ached. I wanted to fix things with Gary for the baby. I didn't want to have to tell my child that its father would have preferred an Asylum to my company.

"How does baby look this time around, Mommy?"

"Incredibly adorable." I admitted, smiling as I fell in love with the little one on the screen all over again.

The image on the screen moved and shifted. I saw feet pressed against the wall of my uterus briefly before the image shifted a bit. I waited as Lesley maneuvered the image and studied it for a few minutes.

"Looks like a little girl. You were right."

"Oh." I breathed. A daughter. I was going to have a little girl. To my complete surprise, I found myself fighting the pin prickles of tears as I smiled.

"So, what's her name?" Lesley asked.

"I have absolutely no idea." I confessed. "We only had a boy name picked out."

"There's still time. A good twenty weeks. Any ideas at all?"

"None that we're agreed on. I'll have to start looking tonight..." I trailed off. How was I going to tell Gary? Would he be happy… or just get angrier when he knew we were having a girl? I bit down on my inner cheek. He had given the impression he wanted a boy, but maybe he didn't care.

And maybe he's already gone. He could be on a bus heading back home by now.

Lesley came around her equipment with a clean towel to help clean me up.

"Dr. Abernathy is probably waiting for you."

I nodded as I cleaned the goop off myself. Then I righted my clothes and followed Lesley to an exam room. I went in alone.

"Hello, Peter. How are you today?" Dr. A greeted me.

"I'm alright. It's been a long, long day."

"I'm sure. I received Ellen's report. Shortly after Gary left my office. I refused his… colorful request to leave, which he was none too pleased with. I told him I wanted him to give it a few more weeks. Not surprisingly, he told me where I could shove it." She rolled her eyes, a good natured smile on her face.

I sighed, exasperated. "Sorry. I tried to apologize. He wasn't for it though."

"That's perfectly alright. So, what was the verdict on the little one? All well?"

I smiled shyly as I nodded. "I'm going to have a girl."

She returned my smile. "That will certainly be very different for you." She listened to my heart through her stethoscope. I breathed as she instructed.

She felt my stomach. "Has she been moving around?"

"Oh, yeah. Stretching too. It really uncomfortable when she does. I mean, I know it's cramped, but she likes to press her head into my kidneys. And it's like, come on!"

"Walking around helps. Or you could try poking at her. Also try a flashlight. She'll turn away from the bright light. Just some things to give a try."

"I will. Hopefully something helps. Ah. There she is." I smiled, feeling my daughter frantically kicking at the Doctor's hands.

"She's got good force." The Doctor removed her hands and looked at me. "Any concerns, questions?"

"I would like to let Gary know we're having a girl. How do I get in touch with him?"

She gave this some thought. "Would you consider giving him a few more weeks to cool down? I'd prefer you wait to tell him. That's my advice."

I considered my next words carefully. "And if I don't feel the need to take that advice?" I ventured.

She chuckled as she picked up her notepad. She wrote something, ripped out a page and handed it to me. "His apartment number and phone number, if you prefer not to be face to face."

"Thank you." I said, sheepish, as I folded the paper and slipped it into my pocket. I would call him later. It was probably the wiser way to go.

So, here I sit. On the couch. Contemplating the phone and who to call first. My mom or Gary? Gary would usually be my first choice, but we were avoiding each other. So my mom? I sighed, confused. Why did this have to keep getting more and more complicated and difficult?

I sat for a few more minutes and just picked up the phone. I was hoping I wouldn't regret calling Gary first.

I got the machine twice before he answered on my third attempt.

"What?!" He snarled.

I shuddered, his anger making me shrink back internally.

"We're having a girl. I just thought I'd tell you." I rushed, not knowing how else to tell him.

There was a very long pause. "That's… great, I guess." He sounded annoyed.

"Should I… call your mom?" I ventured.

"Do whatever you want." He huffed.

"Alright. Um…"

"Bye." Click.

I rolled my eyes. But truly wasn't really surprised by his behavior. If that's how he wanted to be, fine. Fine. Fine… Just peachy. I sighed, dialing my mother's number.

I ignored my feelings. I didn't want to be upset anymore today. I knew crying wasn't going to help anything.

Our mother's ended up being thrilled by my news. Which brought a smile to my face. I was glad someone besides me was happy about the daughter I was going to have.

It's refreshing.

After I had the calls out of my way, I slumped back against the couch and let my hand rub my expanded tummy. Halfway through, I remembered. I wondered if the next half of my pregnancy would be any easier than the first.

"We'll have to wait and see, won't we?" I asked, feeling little nudges against my hand.

-End Ch. 11-

So. I keep giving myself deadlines and not meeting them. I claimed this would be done before Christmas… and that was obviously a lie. I'm not shooting for February. Hopefully. Anyway. Happy Holidays everyone. Hope you have a wonderful and safe holiday season.