Greetings Internet! The Darkmoon has risen again, after yet another rather long slumber. Seriously, the season finished before we could put up another chapter. That sucks. I have so many sorries to give out now, so here is the list.
Sorry for this being so late. After the last chap, me and Timey went to college. Different colleges. So it has been hard to work on fanfic in general and this piece in particular.
Sorry to Timey for not letting him get his words in edgewise. I got three chaps of A/N, so the next three will be his.
Sorry, but unfortunately, there will not be a follow up chapter to my Halloween special this year. No matter what I do it doesn't come out write. Pun intend. I keep trying different things but nothing works. So no Halloween goodness from the Darkened Moon.
Sorry for any other stories I haven't updated. Again, college. I have some chaps partially written, and am hoping that the new Pokemon games can inspire me back to working on Genetic Sequence.
Well, now that the apologies are over, ON WITH THE SHOW!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" My scream of terror echoed across the ballroom, waking several students up with groans. My eyes opened, revealing the hell I had just lived through was nothing more than a nightmare.
I-I neeever want to sleep-p-p. Again.
"Shut up, I'm sleeping here!" My thoughts were interrupted by a well-aimed pillow from Krystal smacking me in the face.
After throwing her pillow back, Ruby seemed concerned about me—or at least why I woke her up—and asked me groggily, "y'alright there, Ben?" as she tried to blink the sleep from her eyes.
Still trying to catch my breath I told her, "Just a nightmare, nothing to worry about.
"Well, what was it about?"
"Whales."
"Whales?"
"Whales." Coming to grips with my fears, I began to explain the horror my brain had crafted for me, "The dream started out like the abduction. The portal popped open and the robot dragged me in. But this time, instead of the lab, i-it let out over the oc-cean. I just fell, straight into the sea. No land in sight. Doomed to a watery death. And then from below, from below, below..."
Dude! Snap! Dream's over!
Right. Breathe man. "A pod of gigantic whales came up from below, feeding. Each missing me by feet, taunting me with their gaping mouths. I looked down to see the largest mouth ever open up below me. Coming straight at me. Then I woke up."
"That was one scary dream" Ruby commented after a moment of silence.
"Meh, better than the one with cursed Cthulhu horror game." I jested to raise my spirits.
I still don't know whether that game would be scary or kinky if it was real.
Why wou-
Tentacles, that's why!
"So, uh, what's a whale?" Ruby asked innocently. Yay, I get to convert more people to my fear of whales! Beware the blubber!
"Whales are these ginormous creatures back home. Largest creatures ever on the planet. Some have teeth this big!" Again, I used my head as a meter stick, to which Ruby seemed awestruck a little, "and they could have more than fifty of them! But that one, Leviathan, is even worse cause they have sonic cannons in their head."
"Sonic cannons? These monsters sound cool!" Ruby seems too happy about something that could eat her whole.
"Leviathan isn't even the biggest one! The largest ones are so big that to eat they just open their mouths and swim forward. They can eat THOUSANDS of creatures in a single gulp." Leaving out the part that those thousands are typically microscopic.
"Woah." That is the response I wanted.
I'm starting to think whales are gonna be this story's aardvark.
Aardvark?
Come on. It was your gag! The joke creature you threw in every chapter of your Spider-Man fic? Juggling aardvark, come on!
I knew what you were talking about, but why are you referencing my old fic? No one is gonna get it.
They might if you actually work on it!
Sure. I'll get right on that. As soon as we get to a universe that has the Drake Belle version of Spider-Man in it. You know, cause we're kinda tra-
*gurgugrlaegleuuurg*
"Was that you stomach?" Ruby asked. "Wanna go get breakfast?"
"That wasn't my stomach. That was further down the GI tract. If you'll excuse me, I have to run to the nearest restroom."
To the toilet! AAAWAAAAAAAAY!
And so I ran at a speed to rival Ruby at full sprint to make it to the restroom before my bowels gave way. I rushed in and-
*WHAM*
I looked up from the tiled floor I had landed on to see I had collided with Nora.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry I ran into you! Crap is this the ladies' room!? I was just running to get to the bathroom, I didn't mean to sneak into the ladies room or anything I swear!"
We are going to get whacked into next week by this girl!
"Ohdontworryaboutitthisisactuallytheboysroombutijustkindafollowedreninherenotthatiwantedtoseereninthebathroomoranythingijustwantedtokeeptalkingisall!"
.
..
…
You catch any of that, Will?
Not without rewinding the video.
"Don't worry. She is the one in the wrong room." The stoic Ren answered through freshly brushed teeth.
"Well, um, sorry about that, again. Anyway I really gotta go, so nice meeting you!"
TOOOOOOIIIIIIILLLLLLEEEET!
I think I'll just edit to the breakfast, or maybe the locker room.
But why? The toilet offers the optimum place for an introverted conversation with your inner voices!
We can do that anywhere. And do you really think the readers want to read a discussion punctuated with the grunts of indigestion?
Well, they're going to be watching us when we get in bed with one of the girls, so why not while on the toilet?
THAT'S IT I'M EDITING YOUR SHIT!
Jump to: locker room.
Partypooper. Hehe, poop.
Yeah, no one needs to see us pooping. Your humour is getting more coarse every day.
Thank you.
Dear lord! Just shut up! You know what, nevermind! Go on and spew your nonsense! I don't give two halves of fuck anymore!
And I quote from the majestic Morgan: "Weiner slot."
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! I am leaving this conversation! You can joke all you want, but I am going to go plot now. I won't even write down your nonsense!
I entered the room of rocket propelled lockers along with every other freshman on campus. I traversed past various conversations of side characters as I made my way to my locker to fetch Temp's weapon. Before I could get to my locker however, I was stopped by the most imposing and formidable utterance ever spoken on the show.
"I don't need people to help me grow up! I drink MILK!" Ah, what youthful innocence. But of course Yang had to spoil Ruby's precious milk, I mean naivety.
"But what about when we form teams?" The look on Ruby's sweet face dropped so much a heart could break just from that.
Hey, that reminds me. Who do you think we are going to get partnered with?
I am only going to speak to you if you act as sane as you were last night. I don't need mentally stable, but no more obscene sex and/or poop jokes.
FINE! I'll be SLIGHTLY saner, alright! Just talk with me!
Ok, ok, I'll talk. What was the question again?
Partners! Who?
Who knows, it's pretty much random. It could be anybody. Although I do kinda hope it is Ruby or Blake. That'd be sweet. But for all we know, it could be Velvet.
Nope. Velvet is an upperclassman. I think we have a 65% chance of getting partnered with Yang.
Uh, dude you had like no interest in her the other day. Why do you want to be partnered with her now? And how do you know Velvet is an upperclassman?
I not interested in Yang, that much, but that is how the math and spelling works out.
Math… and spelling?
Come on man, its simple. This is a self-insert, so we are going to be in the main group no matter what. But we got here with the cast, so there is no way we can fuck with the system and land as a fifth member, like those nonsense fics, so somebody is getting booted. And since we went with your name, Ben, the only person that we can logically replace is Blake.
Um… aside from the self-insert logic, why the hell could we only replace Blake?
B! The fucking B! The show is RWBY! If we as BEN are put on the team, we will be the B and replace Blake. If we had just gone with my name, we could have kissed Weiss' ass out of here.
So you are saying, we are going to be partnered with Yang, because the show has to spell out the protagonist's name?
Yup.
You really are an idiot.
Can you even think of a name we could make with two Bs in it.
Um… how about Barbary/BRBY?
We might as well have Yang be the leader and call it "Why Barbara?" (YBRB)
Ok that was a good one, but what about Velvet?
Sorry, no spoilers for you!
Wait, spoilers? What?
Um, nothing. Uh, hey look, Jaune! To the comic relief character! Wait no! Weiss is going cross-eyed! Run for your life!
Sure enough, Weiss had gone into her evil maniacal mode, purple thunderclouds emanating off her, an evil smile and lazy animat—I mean eye—adding to the picture. Yeah, I don't want to touch that with a thirty nine and a half foot pole.
"This will be perfect! The smartest girl in class combined with the strongest girl in class! Together we will be unstoppable! I can see it now! We'll be popular! We'll be celebrities! We'll get perfect grades! Nothing can come between us now!" Weiss schemed through her cloud formation.
.
..
...
Wait, how did we hear that? Isn't that internal monologue?
I'll explain later. Just grab our gear and watch Jaune make a fool of himself.
Yeah, let's just leave them be. We made enough bad blood with Weiss. Jaune can take some humiliation. Plus now we don't have to write how the conversation changed cause Jaune knows her name.
And BTWs, that Pumpkin Pete cereal was delicious this morning! Why did you have to edit out Breakfast! We could have made SOO many pancake jokes with Nora!
You were still trying to make poop jokes.
So? It could have been a lo- hold up! Hot catgirl at 9 o'clock!
Sure enough, Blake was retrieving Gamble Shroud out of her rocket propelled locker. Maybe we ought to apologize?
She should have taken the starring as a compliment! But yeah, that might get us back on her good side.
So with an affirmation from my insanity, I approach the lovely booky with as much grace as I could muster. That is to say, none. "Um. Hi Bla-"
"YO! Ben!" My attempted apology was interrupted before Blake even noticed I was attempting to talk with her.
Story of my love life. Interrupted. Why won't sempai notice me?
I turned to see Nate 'chillaxin' up against his personal rocket-locker, with two large orange swords across his back. I responded back, voice surging with annoyance "oh, hey Nate."
"I'm telling you, that girl ain't worth it after the put down you got last night," he virtually taunted me with the epic fail of last night.
"1, you're not helping that in the slightest now, and 2, I wasn't going to ask her out or anything. I was just going to apologize." I stated my case, and awaited Nate's response, only for the response to surprise me from behind.
"Apologize? What for?"
Oh, Jesus, Blake was listening!
I whipped around to see Blake look at me with curious eyes. God those golden eyes.
Quick man! Recovery! Now!
"Iwantedtoapologizeforbeinganassbystaringatyourass" I spurted out in a bout of awkwardness that would give Ruby a run for her money. My head was bowed, half in fear of seeing her face, half in worry I'd get slapped in mine.
"Well, apology accepted," she replied with her lovely faint smile before She turned and walked off.
I know it doesn't count, but I'm still gonna say it: SCORE!
"Well, never mind then," Nate laughed back. "Looks like you've got a chance yet!"
"Would all first-year students please report to Beacon Cliff for initiation? Again, all first-year students report to Beacon Cliff immediately." The disembodied voice of the Goodwitch of Beacon rang across the locker room, ensuring all the freshman could be plummeted to their doom off the side of a cliff.
I will still insist on calling her Goodbitch.
"Come on man, let's get to initiation," I offered Nate and we made our way to the suicide cliffs before his sister showed up and hit me in the head again.
Every freshman was lined up along the cliff face, each standing on their own springboard, like cattle to be sacrificed to the god of the sky.
Mmm, human sacrifice. But Eerion doesn't like sacrifices silly. And what are you so scared about?
We are about to be thrown off a cliff, and in case you forgot, we don't have magic natural force fields to keep us from going splat!
Don't worry man, I have a plan. Just go on with the narration.
Ooooooookaaaaaaaay. To my right, the bullies of team Cardinal. Why must they desecrate my beloved state bird? To my left stood Nate, talking with his sister, beyond her was the ever beautiful Blake, and beyond her was what I could only presume to be an extra OC to even out the teams before the characters faded into silhouettes.
Wait, I think I can make out Nora... No, that's a dude, false alarm.
"For years, you have trained to become warriors," The coffee wielding Ozpin began to say to the students who actually did train, "and today, your abilities will be evaluated in the Emerald Forest."
Then GOODBITCH-
Would you just quit it! Anyway, Prof Goodwitch moved up for here Spheal about teams. "Now, I'm sure many of you have heard rumors about the assignment of 'teams'." No, not really. "Well, allow us to put an end to your confusion. Each of you will be given teammates… TODAY!" Cue collective gulp from nervous students.
"These teammates will be with you for the rest of your time here at Beacon. So it is in your best interest to be paired with someone with whom you can work well." Which would be good advice, if it wasn't for the part where we can't choose. Which will be right now. "That being said, the first person you make eye contact with after landing will be your partner for the next four years." That seems like the most logical way possible to determine teams. Hashtag sarcasm. Even the prepared students couldn't help but gossip at this.
"We could be stuck with someone for four years just cause we looked at them?!" Krystal started complaining "That is cheap."
"Then don't look at people if you have that much of a problem." I quipped back.
"And run through a Grimm infested forest blind? Yea-NO." Before any more banter could come anymore banter could come along, Ozpin continued his Spheal.
"After you've partnered up, make your way to the northern end of the forest. You will meet opposition along the way. Do not hesitate to destroy everything in your path... or you will die."
Well that got dark. Think we can find some bodies?
Dude, if anyone is going to die, it'll be us. We don't even have a landing strategy.
Don't worry man, I got that covered. Just get out Deadshot and leave the rest to me.
Letting you lose in a forest full of monsters and armed teenagers. Why does that not sound like a good idea?
Through my mental conversation, Ozpin was still talking. "You will be monitored and graded through the duration of your initiation, but our instructors will not intervene. You will find an abandoned temple at the end of the path containing several relics." AKA, your old chess board, "Each pair must choose one and return to the top of the cliff. You will guard that item, as well as your standing, and grade you appropriately. Are there any questions?" And cue stupid Jaune moment.
"Yeah, um, sir?" Jaune wagged his hand around like mad, but was promptly ignored.
"Good. Now, take your positions." Weapons were raised and everyone crouched, others apparently knew they were going to be catapulted of into oblivion. A pulled out Deadshot and flung it out in kusarigama form. You got a landing strat yet?
Don't worry, I'll tell you in the air.
That seems like a little late to me.
"Uh, sir? I've got, um... a question" Jaune begged as Weiss the the first to be launched into the chasm.
Flying girls in combat skirts = win for guys on ground.
Goddammit Will! Really?! And with Weiss? Why must you always make me look like a perv?
Because we are one. And oh, looks like it will be our turn soon.
As Jaune was asking about landing strats, I turned to see Blake get launched elegantly into the air, followed Ice bitch #2 and then Nate flew off. Oh, god here it comes…
*Boing*
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Well there it is. Finally, the next chapter of our adventure in Remnant. I hope you enjoyed watching us squirm. But now, I have some very special announcements.
You, the reader will now be given a semblance of control over our fate! Up on my profile now is a poll for who our split personality hero gets partnered up with. Go vote, and the one with the most votes will then be joined to us for the next four years of school!
The video project we were working on has been delayed a bit. I know you want to know what it is, but still, no spoilers. But you can still check out the channel it'll be on; Fan of Fiction. I have videos of my reactions to RWBY v2 up there, editing and commentary by thetimewalker2237. Speaking of which.
I finally got Timey to look at his old stuff again. He is currently reworking his old superhero stories, so if you like Young Justice or Spiderman or similar, check my better half out. He will, eventually, get reworks of his old stuff up.
But with that I bid you adieu. GO VOTE! The Darkmoon has set!