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Am I meant to have said something about these characters not belonging to me...?
Chapter 3 – Self-Doubt:
Constance skittishly paced up and down the length of her bedroom, anxiously flexing and unflexing her casting fingers. She'd had the whole week to think about this but now she was starting to lose her nerve.
She knew she wanted this, she knew she wanted Imogen. A year ago, Constance would have run a mile from even entertaining the idea of expressing her feelings towards the P.E. teacher, but she'd made the decision to allow love into her life before it was too late. That was of course if Imogen did actually feel the same way as her.
The niggling thoughts of self-doubt started to creep back in. Constance tried to push them to the back of her mind by again mentally listing all the evidence to the contrary.
"She spends every Saturday night with you. She has had a relationship with a woman before. You have caught her starting at you many times. She touches you all the time even though she knows you are NOT a demonstrative person. She has complimented your appearance several times, she once even said your hair was beautiful", her internal voice rattled the list out.
Even so, Constance knew what type of person Imogen was and how polar opposite they were. Imogen would think nothing of resting her hand affectionately on a friend's arm or paying a compliment, she was just like that. Constance however was more reserved with her affections, she would only do and say those things if she felt strongly attracted to someone, and even then she'd find it difficult. But why? Why did she find it so difficult?
She had had precisely three "relationships" in her life, if you could call them that, and each one had ended in failure - one with a young man when she was 18 and the other two with women. Each time the other person had been the one to make the first move. It's like she was forever waiting for life to happen FOR her as opposed to making things happen herself.
It's not like the she didn't want to find love again after the last relationship had ended, but the opportunity had merely not presented itself and Constance had resigned herself to the situation. No one could ever accuse the potion mistress of being lazy, but when it came to her personal life, she most certainly was. It was a laziness born out of an innate lack of self-confidence and self-worth.
She marched over to her dressing table mirror to check her hair. It was in her usual Saturday night plait, the style she'd had it in when Imogen said it looked beautiful. She pulled a few ebony strands out to make her appearance seem more casual.
"Who are you trying to kid Constance?" she scowled at her reflection, "You do NOT DO casual!"
She rested her head in her hands, tears stinging her eyes. "You do want this remember", her internal debate resumed, "Stop making excuses".
"If only there was a potion for giving one a sense of self assuredness, like the kind I have when teaching", she mused. That was an act though, a very good act, but not the real her. She scrunched her face up and took a deep breath.
"If she does feel the same way, then she will love you for who are", she spoke out loud as she gave herself one last wide-eyed look in the mirror.
She snatched a blanket and left for the kitchens.