AN: I apologize for the delay, I had major hip surgery and the recovery process has been brutal thus far. For simplicity's sake, I decided to continue the story as if episodes 3-7 never happened. Episode 7 shattered my heart sooooo I am a big fan of pretending it doesn't exist! Once again, I have simply borrowed the characters for my own amusement. They belong to the creators of the show, though I want to take them away for a while until those creators learn how to treat my baby Tamsin right!
Tamsin pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the bus window. Each bump in the road jarred her, causing her head to bump against the glass. Far from minding, she embraced the distraction. The motion prevented her from focusing on the winter scenery outside. She didn't want to see the barren trees, cold gray skies, lack of all color. She had seen too many winters come and go in her lifetimes and the lackluster nature of the season reminded her too much of her past. She had spent years in a dreary haze, rarely catching even a glimpse of color, of emotion, of anything memorable or vibrant.
Until she met Bo.
The blonde sighed and closed her eyes, forcing her attention to return to the sound of the glass rattling in its frame. The noise was annoying, yet oddly soothing. It made it difficult for her thoughts to stream on continuously. She let herself slip into a trance and welcomed the numbness that accompanied that state.
Time slid by. Tamsin only dimly registered the driver announcing her stop. Still in a daze, she wrapped her jacket tighter around herself as she stepped down onto the sidewalk. The leather offered marginal warmth and she could still feel the wind seeping in around the edges, numbing her senses even more.
The valkyrie's feet carried her to the front of a Victorian style house. She hesitated before continuing up the path and knocking on the door. After a moment or two, the door swung inward.
"Would you look what the cat dragged in?" Acacia said with a smirk. "What brings my protege out of her happy nest with the succubus?"
"I could use a drinking partner. I figured you'd be up for it, unless old age has turned you into the kind of person who sleeps before eight. You've certainly been around long enough for that." Tamsin forced a fleeting smirk of her own.
"Cheeky bitch. I may be old but I bet I can still drink you under the table."
Tamsin tossed her hair over her shoulder, jumping on the challenge as a welcome distraction. "Wanna bet?"
"Fifty dollars."
"Deal."
Tamsin marched straight to the bar and downed three shots of vodka in rapid succession, ignoring Acacia's questioning look as the older valkyrie snagged them each a bottle of dark belch.
"Someone's getting an early start." Acacia chuckled before continuing. "So I hear you didn't make it through a single visit to Valhalla before getting on Freya's bad side again."
Tamsin snorted. "I guess Stacy has been sharing stories again."
Acacia nodded. "Something about you racing to the rescue of that succubus bitch, betraying your sisters, and failing to complete your mission. Again, I might add."
"Well," Tamsin drawled as she leaned back in her chair and surveyed the other dark fae in the bar, "I'd have thought you'd long since learned not to believe everything you hear. Bitch always loved to gossip. I guess some things never change. Enough about me, tell me about the latest adventures in the life of Acacia, Valkyrie extraordinaire."
"Cut the crap Tamsin." Acacia said, downing a shot of her own. "Valkyries don't make social calls and you loathe small talk. Stop with the bullshit and tell me what's going on."
"Well excuse me for trying to be polite." The mention of small talk brought back vague memories from the night Tamsin had made those mortifying drunken confessions to Bo. Heat blossomed in her cheeks and she began peeling back the label on her beer, keeping her face turned downward so Acacia wouldn't see her flush.
Acacia raised an eyebrow. "You don't do polite."
"It's my last life. Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf before I kick the bucket for good."
The older valkyrie snorted. "Oh you've definitely changed, but the day you become polite is the day I quit drinking or getting into bar fights and settle into an easy retirement. We both know that's never going to happen."
After a long pause, Acacia sighed. She grabbed Tamsin's hand and forced her to quit picking at the adhesive streaks left by the label. "I'm only going to say this once, so you had better listen up."
Tamsin's stomach quivered. She felt detached from the world and couldn't decide if it was from nerves or the alcohol beginning to take effect. She took a swig of beer and met Acacia's gaze with a quick nod of acquiescence.
"Valkyries have one purpose in life. Live, serve, expire. From the time we enter this world, we see nothing but death and pain. The first time we take a soul from the arms of their broken and sobbing widower, we understand that getting attached to others means loss and loss means weakness, incapacitation. So we adapt. We carve out every trace of caring, empathy, and compassion because we believe it is the only way we can remain strong enough to serve in a world full of so much darkness.
"What's your point? I've lived many lifetimes. Don't you think I already know this?" Tamsin retorted before being distracted by a scattering of peanut shells on the wooden floors. For some reason I always saw peanut shells. A wave of nostalgia swamped Tamsin's body as the words echoed in her mind and her stomach was seized by an intense ache.
"You were right." She whispered at a volume barely audible to her own ears over the country music blasting in the background. Moisture welled up in the corners of her eyes. "Sometimes there are peanut shells, I just never noticed them before."
Tamsin blinked rapidly, refusing to cry in front of her mentor. What the hell was wrong with her? How could a peanut shell affect her so strongly? A peanut shell, a song, a scent wafting on the breeze; it was always the little things that captivated her attention and reminded her of the damn succubus. She took a deep breath. When had she realized how special Bo was to her? Was it that day in the bar? Was it that kiss in Brazenwood? Did it happen when they rescued Kenzi from the Kitsune, or did it happen a millennia before when she first learned of an impossible woman with eyes both brown and blue.
She had lost herself in those eyes. Long before she ever witnessed them in person, they had sapped her of very essence. Those eyes had stripped her walls away, laying her bare and eliminating the qualities that made her the badass Valkyrie she had always prided herself on being. What had Acacia said? Feelings brought incapacition. She had been weakened, tamed, her wings clipped by the emotions that swamped her senses and forced her to take any action necessary to keep Bo happy.
"Tamsin?" Acacia asked, noticing her protege's wandering attention. The younger Valkyrie's green eyes were clouded with pain, her brow furrowed and mouth tight as she looked up from the floor.
"I've seen you in action, before and after you joined the happy sunshine gang. You're different, but that difference has not made you weak. You've always been strong, but I have never once seen you as full of vitality as you are since you met the succubus."
Tamsin opened her mouth to correct Acacia but was instantly cut off as the older Valkyrie continued. "Yes, I know her name is Bo. Maybe we have judged those grieving widows too harshly. Tamsin, I've seen you take on impossible odds beside this woman and come out victorious against all expectations. When we focus on that moment of weakness brought on by great loss, we neglect thousands of moments of incredible strength that precede it. We don't realize the strength a person is capable of when they fight beside someone they care so deeply about."
Tamsin started at those words and took a huge gulp of her beer as she struggled to comprehend what the older woman was trying to tell her. Her voice sounded ragged as she forced out a single question. "What are you suggesting?"
"It's time you stop running, Tamsin. It's devouring you."
Tamsin drained the last drop of beer. She felt the alcohol mixing with her blood, giving the world a dreamlike quality. She seized that feeling with her mind and let it loosen the filter she lived through.
"She brought home a cat and I watched the light return to her eyes for the first time since Kenzi left. She's smiled again, even laughed when she got the little demon to chase a laser pointer. She found out about my allergies and asked why I hadn't mentioned them before. I...I lashed out. I didn't want her to realize that..." Tamsin's voice dwindled to nothing. She blinked a few times and swallowed, struggling to quell her fears. At last she met Acacia's gaze and finished her sentence. "...that it's worth any amount of misery to see her happy again."
Acacia nodded. "I trust you know what to do. Now, about that bet?"
As the older Valkyrie stood up to collect a bottle of vodka, she suddenly froze. "Tamsin," she began, forming each syllable deliberately, "I've seen you around Freya's cats. We've ridden in her chariot many times. Not once did you have an allergic reaction."
"Shit."
Before Acacia had time to process the curse that had exploded from the younger woman's mouth, Tamsin was up and sprinting towards the door. Acacia caught a glimpse of feathered wingtips streaking across the corner of a window and the younger Valkyrie was gone.\
AN: As I said before, this is my first fanfic. I am a perfectionist and not entirely happy with this chapter, as I feel I have yet to fully get into the characters' heads when it comes to dialogue. Please review and let me know how I'm doing. Constructive criticism is awesome and I would especially love input on anything that seems out of character! I'm also still deciding where I want the story to go, so please let me know if there is anything you would like to see happen! :) I hope you all have a good weekend!
PS: I already have a personal Tumblr and am considering creating a secondary blog for questions, comments, and posts about when to expect updates. Is that something you all would like me to do?