Maybe it's okay now. Maybe I really am safe. Maybe I can sleep without worrying I'll wake up in Hell and that will be what's real. I don't know. Sam said that nobody could actually help me figure it out, but I sure wish they could. Nothing is clear, but they seem to see everything so clearly. Is that because they are just part of my dream?

It'll take time, I know. I can't work this out in a day or two. It could take years, I suppose. Or it could never happen at all. Or I could be back in Hell, or I could die.

Huh. I never thought about that. Where will I go when, if, I die here as a human? Angels don't go anywhere when they die, not that I know of. We don't exactly have souls that can have an afterlife. Humans go to heaven or hell. Monsters go to purgatory. But an angel that lost his grace? Well...I just don't know. That's interesting. Because, I mean, no race really, surely knows what happens after death. There's rumors, there's beliefs, but there is never real proof or facts.

Well, then. That's an interesting train of thought. It scares me a little, to be honest. Because if this is real, and I'm stuck on Earth as an archangel with a faded grace, no chance of recovering it, then I will live and die as a human. Hopefully that means I will go to heaven. But just like humans, I don't know. I sort of like not knowing.

I fall asleep in the room that the Winchester boys are lending me. Castiel has promised that he wouldn't go far. If I have nightmares and shout for him, he should be able to hear me.

For the first little bit of sleep, it's nice and dark and dreamless.

Then I am freezing again. It is so cold, but I'm on fire. The fire is pure white. Wait, there aren't any flames. It isn't fire at all.

It is my grace. It is leaving me.

The light pours out of my eyes and mouth, out of every pore on my skin. It is so cold that it burns me. The pain is so intense that I can barely scream.

"Castiel!"

It's just a dream.

"Cas! CAS!"

Just a dream, just a nightmare.

"CASTIEL!" Please. Wake me up.

It's just a nightmare.

"CASTIEL!"

Or am I not dreaming anymore?

THE END