Chapter 5- Innocence
I wake up to sunlight streaming through the window, but Kendra is nowhere to be seen. I crawl out of bed, smiling as I feel an ache between my legs that reminds me of exactly what happened last night. It was amazing, everything I'd ever hoped it would be. It was perfect, and I wouldn't change a single second of it.
But then... where's Kendra?
"Kendra?" I call out, but there's no answer. I put on the pair of pajamas Kendra had pulled out for me last night and walk out of my room, then go across the hall. Maybe Kendra woke up last night, and for some reason decided to go back to her own room. Maybe my mom came home last night while Kendra was in the bathroom, and Kendra didn't want to arouse her suspicions, so she went back into her own room. It's perfectly logical.
I knock on Kendra's door, but when there's no answer, I open it to find her bed neatly made, her room spotless as usual. She's not in here. I look down the hall towards the bathroom, but there's no light on under the door, so no one's in there. I walk downstairs to find my mom sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee. Alone.
"Hey Mom, have you seen Kendra?" I ask.
"I'd imagine she'd be up in her room, sleeping off last night's activities." Mom says.
"No, she's... Wait, wha-... What activities?" I ask nervously.
"The surprize party." She says, and her tone all but screams "Duh!". "Mr. Giles told me he and all of your friends were planning on throwing a surprize party for you down at the Bronze."
"Oh..." I say. "R-r-right. The s-... Surprize party. No, I already checked, Kendra's not in her room. Or the bathroom, either. The light was off."
"Huh... Well, anyway, I'm sorry I wasn't at the party last night, but there was a new shipment of Ancient Mesopotamian pottery that arrived in LA yesterday evening, but they needed me to sign for it. I told them to hold it until tomorrow, but they said there would be all these fees, and, well, long story short, it was too much. I figured maybe you and me could have our own little party here at the house tonight, and you can invite all your friends, if you want. Or, it could be just you, me and Kendra, if you'd prefer that. Whatever you want."
I smile at her. "That sounds great, Mom. I'll talk to the guys about it. But first, I definitely need to find Kendra."
My mom shrugs, as if to say "I don't know where she is." Which is funny, because I didn't ask her again.
"Mom?" I ask, and she looks up at me while still taking another sip of her coffee.
"Hmm?" She asks.
"Where's Kendra?"
"I don't know, Buffy."
"Mom!" I exclaim, because she obviously does know.
She sets her cup down in defeat, knowing I have her figured out. "Alright, alright! She told me not to say anything, but she went to get you a birthday present. She said she was so busy yesterday keeping you occupied and away from the party planning that she didn't have time to get you anything.
I smile. "But... She already gave me my present..." I say out loud before I can stop myself.
And somehow, just from that, my genius, overanalytical, extremely nosy mom figures it out.
"Buffy?" She asks with wide eyes.
"Mom?" I fire back instantly, trying to avoid the unasked question.
"Buffy?!"
"Mom?!"
She pauses and takes a deep breath. And I know this is that horrifying moment that always happens on tv when the mom or dad finds out their son or daughter had sex for the first time. That moment when they'll react one of two different ways: they'll either get pissed and lecture the kid on responsibility and maturity, saying they did it way too soon... or even more terrifying, they'll ask how it was.
Knowing my mom, she'll probably lecture me on maturity and timing. But then again, knowing my mom's tendency to surprise me... it could really go either way.
I wait for the words.
"So... How was it?" She asks, a slight smile.
I groan. Of course, she would choose to go for the last thing I wanna hear from her.
"I mean... was she... gentle and patient, or... I mean, I don't want, like, details or anything, but... God, what am I supposed to say?" If at all possible, my mom is freaking out just as bad if not worse than I am right now. "I mean, I watch parents on tv go through this situation all the time, but I still have no idea how I'm supposed to react!"
Finally, she stops herself and takes a deep breath. "So...?" She doesn't have to ask it again. I know I'm gonna have to talk about it.
"It was... nice." I say finally.
"Oh, honey... I'm sorry." She says, and I quirk an eyebrow.
"Why?"
"Well... isn't that what teenagers say when it wasn't what they'd been hoping for?" She asks.
"No!" I exclaim. "I just... Bit uncomfortable with this topic of conversation, mom. But... It was. Nice, I mean. It really, really was. She was sweet, didn't pressure me into it... It was... perfect."
She smiles. "And you have no regrets?"
"No. None." I don't even hesitate to answer that one. I don't even have to think about my answer for it.
"Well then... I suppose... I suppose the Maternal Inquisition is over." I sigh in relief.
"Oh, thank god."
Of course, just then, Kendra would decide to walk in. Mom and I turn towards her and she sees our blushing. She knows instantly what's going on, and she gently sets the bags in her hands down on the coffee table and groans.
"Oh boy." She says, and the look on her face is almost comical. I'd be laughing if I wasn't so mortified from the questioning.
"Kendra, won't you have a seat?" Mom asks, and I whip back around to face her.
"Mom, you said it was over!" I whisper.
"And for you, it is. Now, why don't you go get ready for school? I want to talk to Kendra alone now."
"Mom!" I hiss, but she just glares at me. Finally, I cave. I stand up and look at Kendra apologetically. I start to walk past her, but first, I pull her to me and kiss her gently for luck.
...
I walk into the library just in time to literally bump into Willow and Xander.
"Buffy!" Willow exclaims.
"We were just going to rescue you." Xander explains.
"Well, some of us were." Willow says, looking at Cordy, Giles and Ms. Calendar out of the corner of her eyes.
"I would have..." Giles says defensively.
"Where's Kendra?" Ms. Calendar asks.
"At home, needing a kind of rescuing none of us can provide." I answer, and everyone looks at me funny. "As in "mom talk" in progress." They seem to get it from that.
Well, not get "it" from that, because I'm making sure to keep everything about "it" out of what I'm saying, but they understand that Kendra's beyond our help now.
"What happened?" Cordy asks.
"Is the Judge...?" Giles trails off. Guess it's time to work.
"No assembly required." I confirm, nodding. "He's active."
"Damn it." Giles curses.
"He nearly killed us. Kendra got us out." I admit.
"Why didn't you call?" Giles asks. "We thought-"
"Well, uh... we had to hide... stuck in the sewer tunnels... and with the hiding..." I say nervously. I really should have thought to come up with a better back story than that.
"Buffy, the Judge... We have to stop him." Giles says, bringing us back to the original topic.
"I know."
"What can you tell us?"
"Not much. I just touched him... kicked him... and it was like a sudden fever. If he'd gotten his hands on me..."
"In time he won't have to." Giles says softly, sitting down. "The stronger he gets... he'll be able to burn us all with a look."
"Also, not the prettiest man in town." I quip, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.
"I'll just have to keep researching, look for a weakness. You should all get to your classes." Giles says, not taking the bait.
...
After school, I meet up with Kendra on the front lawn.
"So how'd it go?" I ask. She groans.
"Three hours. She asked me questions and lectured me for three hours." Kendra whines. "Oh, starting tomorrow, I have to come to school with you."
I look at her in surprise. "What?"
Kendra nods. "Your mom does not want me staying home all day every day anymore. So she said she wanted me to either get a job or get enrolled in school." She smiles at me. "I tought I'd choose school because it would mean spending a little more time with you every day." I return her grin and pull her in for a searing kiss.
"Hey... Listen... I want to talk to you about last night." I say as we start walking.
Kendra tenses up.
"Oh, no! It's nothing to be tense about!" I assure her, and smile for effect. "I just wanted to say that last night was... in a word... amazing. I don't think I've ever slept so well as I did last night. And I just wanted to say... thank you."
She lets out a breath in relief and smiles at me. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, Buffy. It was... amazing... for me, too. And I know for a fact dat I've never slept so well before."
"I feel so close to you. I mean, even closer than we already were." I put my arm around her waist and my smile grows when I feel her arm drape around my shoulders.
"I love you, Buffy."
"I love you, too, Kendra."
Then, something catches my eye. No, not something. Someone. Standing in the shade of a building, blocking out the sun. A long black leather coat covering black slacks and a black t-shirt. His brown hair kind of messy.
I freeze as I recognise him, and Kendra looks where I'm looking, and she gasps.
"Angel?" I say. Someone walks past him right then, blocking him from my view for only a split second, but when the person is gone, so is Angel.
...
"Will, I know I saw him!" I say into the phone. Mom is at work, and Kendra and I are talking to Willow and the others via phone, since they're all at the library, still doing homework for Big-Blue-Demonology 101.
"Buffy, we all know he's gone. And you saw-"
"Yeah, I know that! I know what I saw that night! I saw him turn to ashes. Kendra saw him turn to ashes! But I saw him today! And Kendra saw him, too!" I turn to Kendra. "Tell her!"
She sighs. "Unfortunately, it is true. I did see him as well. It was definitely Angel."
"But that's... That's impossible!"
"Yeah, Will. I know. But it's true. Angel was there!" I look at Kendra and see she's fighting off tears. "Look, Will, I gotta go. Um... Kendra and I'll come back to the library, and we'll figure out where to go from there."
"Okay, Buffy. Just... be careful. Spike and Drusilla might not be able to walk in sunlight, but the Judge might be able to."
"You got it. Bye." I hang up and turn to Kendra. "I know what you're thinking." I say.
"What?"
"I know what you're thinking, and stop it. It's not gonna happen. Just because Angel is back does not mean that I'm going to go back to him. I love you, Kendra. Okay? I love you, and I'm not going to dump you just because my vampire ex-boyfriend is back in town. In fact, the next time I see him, I'm going to make sure he knows that I'm with you, and that I intend to stay that way."
Kendra relaxes slightly, but doesn't seem convinced.
I get an idea. "Come on." I say, grabbing Kendra's hand and leading her out the front door.
"Where are we going, Buffy?"
"You'll see."
...
I lead Kendra back to Angel's old apartment, thinking maybe we'd run into him there.
"Angel?" I call out as I walk inside.
"Hey." He says, and he hugs me when I turn to see him. "Oh, God, I was so worried." he said.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you, if I did." I apologize, pushing him away gently.
"What's going on?" He asked. He looks at Kendra. "I saw you earlier. I thought you were going back to Jamaica, or something? Unless... Was the situation with Spike and Dru not resolved?"
I look back at Kendra. "Kind of... They, um... They succeeded. They won. Dru got better, and she and Spike ran away, went into hiding. You... You died..."
Angel's eyes narrow. "You... You don't seem too broken up about it."
"Well... I've had a bit of time to adjust." I explain.
"How long? If it's long enough to just get over my death, I'd figure that you'd have had enough time to finish Spike and Drusilla."
I recoil at that. I don't remember Angel being so blunt. "Um... It's been a few... It's been a few weeks."
"Weeks? That's all? That's all it took you to get over me? A few weeks?"
"Hey, just back off, Angel." Kendra says, putting her hand on his chest and pushing him away slightly. He takes a deep breath to calm down.
"You're right. Sorry. I guess... I've just been in a Hell dimension for about ten years, is all. Only a few weeks have passed here, but to me it's been a decade. I'm just glad I'm back. I, um... I guess we can't just pick up where we left off, can we?" He asks me, ignoring Kendra.
"No." I admit.
"Well... I'll wait. I'll do whatever it takes." He says.
"I'm sorry, Angel, but that's not going to happen." I say, and he looks at me in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"You and me... We're not going to happen. I'm... kind of involved with someone else."
Angel looks like he's just been sucker punched.
"I see... Who is he?"
"Actually... He's a she."
And sucker punch again.
"Oh... Willow?" He asks.
"No!" I exclaim, and shudder at the thought. "Willow's more like a sister to me, and that's just... eugh! No... Her name's... Kendra." I say, and he furrows his eyebrows.
"Kendra?" Kendra crosses her arms, and we wait, expectantly. Finally, Kendra loses patience.
"It's me!" She says. "She's with me, got it?"
I smile at Kendra's possessiveness, and I swear, the frown Angel's wearing now somehow doesn't make it to his eyes. His eyes almost... smile.
"Huh... Who'd have thought that old Buffy would be so hurt by my death that when she rebounds, she turns into a dyke?" Angel asks aloud. Kendra tenses up and pulls back to punch him, but I grab her fist.
"Don't, Kendra. He's just lashing out. He's hurting." I say, and she nods. I know he's just lashing out, but that actually kind of stung.
"Maybe you've been a dyke all along, and never even knew it. Maybe that's why you never let me touch you." Angel says to me.
"Angel..." I warn.
"So how long did it take you to jump her, Buffy? Or did she jump you? Were you just so desperate for someone to love that you just gave it up to the first person who'd actually be willing to take it?"
Tears well up in my eyes. I knew he'd lash out, but I didn't know it would be this bad. I thought he cared about me.
"Why are you saying these things, Angel?" I ask. "I thought you-"
"What?" He interrupts me. "You thought I loved you? That I'd never wanna do anything to hurt you? Well, newsflash: I only acted like that to get in your pants!"
I stop breathing then, and I can't react in time to stop Kendra from hauling off and punching him in the face. He falls to the ground and catches her next punch, throwing her across the room to land on his bed. He stands up.
"'Cause obviously, that's all you're good for." He continues. "Don't you know? I mean, your dad left you. None of your friends from LA have even bothered to contact you. Your parents locked you up in a loony bin a few years ago. Obviously, no one loves you. I'll bet the only reason she's stayed with you this long..." He nods to Kendra, who's holding her shoulder and groaning as she slides off his bed. "... is 'cause you let her screw you. Maybe that's the secret to making people love you, huh? You should just sleep with everyone you meet, and then everyone'll love you!" The son of a bitch laughs. I'm in tears, crying over everything he's saying, and he's laughing.
"Get away from me." I sob. Angel laughs and takes a step towards me, but I flinch back. "Get away from me!" I scream. Kendra is suddenly right beside me.
"Ya heard her, Angel. Get away from her." She growls.
""Ya got it, Kenny."" Angel says.
"That's original. Make fun of me accent." Kendra fires back. "And here I tought you were supposed to be some genius when it came to mind games. Seems dat de records have overestimated ya, Angelus."
Then, it clicks. That's what's going on. I don't know how Angel's alive... or undead, rather, but somehow, he is. And whatever brought him back brought him back without a soul.
Angelus is back...
Angelus turns to look at me, and he grins, fangs shining in the candle light.
"Well done, Buffy. You've figured it all out. Took you long enough."
"Angelus..." I whisper.
"The one and only." Angelus grins. "And I owe it all to you, Buffy!"
Kendra turns to look at me. If I were someone else, I'd be turning to look at me, too.
"What? What did I do?" I ask.
"Her." Angel said, amused, nodding to Kendra. We both look at him in confusion. "Oh, you meant about the whole resurrection and finally losing that pesky soul thing? Remember that little ritual Spike did to heal Dru? Needed the blood of the sire, and needed to be performed in a church? Well, it turns out, the church part was just to keep the sire, that'd be me, from rising again after the ritual was performed. So you see, when you burned down the church, you also guaranteed my resurrection! So thank you, so much for that, Buffy. I really owe ya one." He grins at me, then clicks his tongue and winks.
"No... The church is still standing!" I protest.
"Oh, yeah, about that, no it's not. Geez, Buffy, if only you'd watch tv, or read a newspaper or something. You'd have learned that the church ruins were torn down yesterday morning. But they wouldn't have needed to be torn down if you hadn't gone and burnt the thing down. So thanks again. COuldn't have done it without ya. So just keep that in mind while I go kill all your friends." He says as he dashes out the front door.
Kendra and I chase after him. Two Slayers against one vampire, he doesn't stand a chance. Unfortunately, when we get outside, Angel's nowhere to be found.
"Where are de others?" Kendra asks.
"The library." I say, and we take off towards the school. That's where Angelus is headed.
...
"Wrong. I am Angel. Angelus. At last." Angelus says to Ms. Calendar. She, Xander and Willow are facing Angelus in the hallway right now as Kendra and I walk in.
"Oh my god..." Xander gasps as it sinks in.
"I've got a message for Buffy." Angelus says.
"Then give it to me yourself." I growl, and Angelus whirls around to see me.
"Well, it's not really a message you can tell. It sort of involves finding the bodies of all your friends... Then having to slay them all one... by... one... as they rise."
"This can't be you..." I say softly.
"We already covered that subject!" He says, exasperated.
Xander takes the crucifix from Ms. Calendar and sneaks up behind Angelus.
"Angel... there must be some part of you inside that remembers who you are." I say. Kendra looks at me, hurt that I'm actually putting love in my voice, but I squeeze her hand to let her know I'm just trying to keep him distracted so Xander can get him.
She nods at me slightly.
"Dream on, schoolgirl. Your boyfriend is dead." Angelus says, grinning. "You're all gonna join him."
"Just leave Willow alone. Deal with me. I'm the one you want, anyway, right? Sever the things that tie you to humanity? Well that's not Willow, that's me."
"But she's so cute and helpless. It's really a turn on-" Angelus hisses as Xander thrusts the crucifix in his face, and he drops Willow, backing away quickly.
I charge, stake at the ready, but he disarms me easily and grabs me.
"Things are going to get very interesting." He says, then he kisses me. Not like Angel kissed me. Not like Kendra kisses me. This kiss is hard, rough, and violent, and not at all enjoyable. He throws me down on the ground like I'm nothing but a doll to be discarded, then he runs away.
"Buffy, are you okay?" Xander asks.
"Buffy?" Willow's voice seems distant now. Why is everything so dark? It wasn't this dark, even with the lights all turned off. Oh... I'm blacking out...
...
Everyone around me is talking about stuff. I'm not really paying attention, I'm still recovering from my blackout episode. Kendra's sitting beside me.
"Are ya okay, Buffy?" She asks. I shake my head no.
"No... Not really. I mean, I can't really think straight right now, you know? It was just... God, I used to be in love with him. It's... so hard for me to see him like that, because I'm so used to the kind, caring Angel that I was in love with. That's all I see any time I look at him. But to see that Angel... as Angelus instead..."
Kendra winces, and not because of her shoulder, which we found out was dislocated when she slammed into Angel's wall. We got it back in place, but it's still bothering her.
"Kendra, I told you earlier, I'm in love with you now, not Angel. It doesn't mean I don't still care about him, but even if that was Angel, and not Angelus, I wouldn't leave you. I'll never leave you."
She nods. "I know... But it doesn't mean I have to like it."
I smile. "I know."
"Is there anything I can do?" Willow asks as she walks up to me.
I shake my head. "I should have known. I saw him back at his apartment, and he... he said things. He was different."
"What things?" Giles asks.
"It's... It's private." I say, and Kendra nods.
"Yes, I'm not too keen on hearing dat again, either." Kendra agrees.
"Oh? Then he attempted to rile you up as well?"
"No. He focused on Buffy. But still. De tings he said... I wanted to take a crucifix, sharpen it to a point, then drive it trough his stomach and watch it burn him to death... slowly."
Willow gulps as she takes a step or two away from Kendra.
"But you didn't know he'd turned bad?" Ms. Calendar asked.
I shake my head. "Not until he was walking out the door. Something Kendra said, it triggered something in my head, and I figured it out then. But he'd already gotten to me." I admit.
"How did you?" Willow asks Ms. Calendar.
"What?"
"You knew. You told me to get away from him." She accuses.
"Well... I saw his face..." Ms. Calendar answers.
"And Buffy, you're sure you don't know how all this happened?" Giles asked before any of us can really think about her answer.
I shake my head. "Not really. I mean, he said it had something to do with me burning down the church that Spike did the ritual to cure Drusilla in, but I think he was just playing mind games with me, making me think that it's my fault he's back."
Giles pulls out the Duloc manu-whatsit and starts reading. "Um... er... Ah, yes... Unfortunately, he was telling the truth on that account. The part that the ritual is to be performed in a church was to prevent the sire from rising again after the ritual's completion. But if the church is destroyed, then the sire rises again." He sets the book down and cleans his glasses. "But still... I still don't know why Angel would rise again without his soul. He died with a soul, he should have risen again with it as well."
"Or what if the ritual did the same thing for Angel that it did for Drusilla?" Willow suggests, and we all turn to look at her. "I mean, the ritual removed Drusilla's sickness, the thing that was keeping her weak. What if the ritual removed Angel's soul, too, and turned him back into Angelus?"
"It's certainly possible... But I don't know. I very well may be thinking too much into it, but I think there might be something larger at work here... Perhaps some... unseen force with plans that revolve around Angelus returning."
"Man, and you say I read too many comic books." Xander quips.
"This is great..." Cordelia says sarcastically. "There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, and the big brain behind our little team is now using Xander's reading material as a reference. I'd say we've hit bottom."
"I have a plan." Xander says, ignoring Cordy.
"Oh, no, here's a lower place."
He glares at her for a second, then continues. "I don't know what's up with Angel... But I may have a way to deal with this judge guy."
"What do we do?" Willow asks coldly. Is it me, or could the tension between Xander and Willow be cut with a broadsword?
"I'm gonna need..." He looks at Willow pleading. "I think I'm gonna need... Cordelia on this one."
Wait... what?
Willow doesn't seem surprized.
"And we'll need wheels." Xander continues.
"Well, my car-"
"Bigger." Xander interrupts Cordelia.
"No problem. I'll get Oz. He has a van."
Xander looks wounded when Willow says that, but he nods.
"Good... Okay..."
"Care to let me in on the plan that I'm a part of?" Cordy asks.
"No." Xander answers.
"Why not?"
"'Cause if I tell you what it is, you won't do it. Just meet me at Willow's in a couple hours. And wear something trashy... er."
...
I sit up in bed, confused. I just had the weirdest dream. For some reason, there was Angel, the real Angel, and there was me. And there was... clotheslessness. Then, Angel said he loved me, and it flashed to a graveyard scene. It was Angel's grave, and there was a woman in black there. When I lifted the veil, I found out that it was Ms. Calendar! Weird, right? But then, even weirder was when I heard Angel's voice saying something along the lines of "You're looking in the wrong place", or something like that.
But out of all that, I know what it means. And I realize now why Ms. Calendar has been the star of so many of my dreams lately.
...
"What do you know?" I ask Ms. Calendar calmly as I walk into her room. She's talking to Giles about something, and she's in the middle of a class, but I ignore all of that.
Ms. Calendar and Giles look at me in confusion.
"Buffy?" Giles asks.
"What do you know?" I repeat myself, ignoring my Watcher. I let a little of my anger leak into my voice.
"Should I get the principal?" One of the students asks hesitantly.
"I'll handle this. You're all dismissed." Giles says, and everyone leaves without another word.
"Did you do it? Did you make sure he'd come back without a soul?" I ask her, and she swallows.
"Buffy, you can't just go around accusing everyone around you of-"
"I didn't know exactly..." Ms. Calendar interrupts him. Giles looks at her in surprize. "I was told... I was sent here to watch you. Then they told me to keep you and Angel apart, they never told me what would happen."
"Jenny..."
"I'm sorry, Rupert... Angel was supposed to pay for what he did to my people."
"So you didn't even warn us that he'd come back as Angelus? You didn't even warn us that he'd come back at all?" I ask.
"I didn't know, okay? I didn't know Angelus would come back. When you didn't get there in time to save him, we all thought it was over. I was told that your relationship with him would eventually make him lose his soul because if he achieved even one moment of true happiness, then the curse would be broken. But when you failed to save him, we thought it was over. None of us had any idea that he could come back, or I swear, I would have warned you."
I nod grudgingly. So she didn't know what would happen, but she had been lying to us the whole time. I'm mad, and I can tell Giles is mad, too, but there are more important things right now.
"Can you curse him again?" I ask. "Give him his soul back again?"
"Those majicks are long lost, even to my people." She admits, shaking her head.
"But you did it once. I mean... it might not be too late to save him..."
"Buffy?" I turn to see Kendra standing in the doorway, a hurt expression on her face.
"Kendra?"
"I... I heard some students saying dat you interrupted their class... I came to see if you were okay."
"Kendra... It's not what it sounds like, okay?" I plead with her.
"I... You promised... You told me..."
"I know, and I meant it!" I say, trying to get her to listen. "I-I-I mean... I mean it! No past tense, I swear! I mean it, Kendra, I just-"
Kendra puts her hand up to silence me, then she walks away, leaving me in tears.
"I... I'm sorry... It can't be done... I can't help you..." Jenny says softly.
"Then take me to someone who can." I growl, not looking back at her.
...
We walk into the room of the man Jenny keeps calling her uncle, supposedly a wise gypsy guy. But as soon as we entered the house, I knew he was dead. I could smell him.
Sure enough, when we get to his office, we can see his body, flies buzzing around him.
I look up at the wall and see a message written in blood.
"TOO LATE, AGAIN..." It reads.
"God..." Jenny whispers, crying.
"Buffy, he's doing this deliberately." Giles says. "He's trying to make it harder for you."
"He's just making it easier." I say coldly. "I know what I have to do."
"What?"
I sigh before I answer. "Kill him."
...
Xander and Oz carry a large rectangular box into the library and set it down on the desk in front of me.
"Happy Birthday, Buffy." Xander jokes. "Hope you like the color."
Giles grabs a crowbar and starts to pry the crate open.
"Giles, we'll hit the Factory first, but we may not find them. If they're on the offensive we need to figure out where they'll go." I say.
"Agreed." Giles nods, grunting as he finally gets the box open.
I look in and smile slightly.
"This is good." I say to Xander, who nods.
"Book said no weapon forged, right? I figure that back when the baker was cooking Big Blue up in his demonic over, he was worried about swords, spears, bows and arrows, the works. But warfare has evolved slightly since then." Xander says. "Do you want me to show you how to use it?"
"Yes I do." I nod.
...
"I knew it." I sigh as we walk into the Factory, finding it empty.
"And we haven't a bead on where they would go?" Giles asks.
"I don't know. Somewhere crowded. The Judge is gonna need bodies."
"The Bronze?" Willow suggests.
"Closed tonight." Xander replies.
"There's not a lot of choices in Sunnydale." Cordelia points out. "It's not like people are gonna line up to get massacred."
"Uh, guys?" Oz says suddenly. "If I was gonna line up... I know where I'd be."
...
We walk into the mall through the back entrance, thinking Angelus and the other baddies would have taken the front. Since everyone was gonna die, they didn't need to worry about leaving any witnesses, so Angelus would want to make a dramatic entrance.
"Everybody keeps back." I order. "Damage control only. Take out any lesser vamps if you can. I'll handle the smurf."
We walk to the main portion of the mall, and sure enough, the Judge is standing there with his arms outstretched, bolts of energy going through every human in range, killing them all slowly.
I aim my crossbow and fire. The bolt flies true and sinks into the Judge's chest.
He stumbles back, losing concentration enough to stop anyone from dying, then he pulls the bolt out, pissed.
"Who dares?" He roars.
"I think I got his attention." I quip.
He sees me and throws the bolt down. "You are a fool. No weapon forged can stop me."
I toss the crossbow to the ground while Xander gets out my birthday present.
"That was then." He hands me my present. And it's a nice present. "This is now."
It's a rocket launcher. A big, bad gun to take out the big, bad blue guy.
Drusilla, Spike and Angelus see the rocket launcher, and they scramble for cover as I flip the switch.
The Judge doesn't know how to react. he's never seen one of these before.
"What's that do?" The Judge asks as I fire.
BOOM!
The rocket explodes on impact, sending bits and pieces of Judge all over the place.
Drusilla flees, whimpering, and Spike and the henchvamps follow close behind.
"My best present ever." I say.
"Knew you'd like it." Xander says.
"Think he's dead?" Willow asks nervously.
"You guys pick up the pieces. Keep 'em separate." I say, and I hear Cordelia's voice saying something, probably a complaint about how she always gets the sucky jobs, but I'm focused on something else. Angelus. I see him, sneaking around a corner to escape.
I jump down from my perch atop a popcorn machine and chase after him.
Smoke from the explosion sets off the sprinklers, so this is beginning to look just like every other dramatic fight scene from the movies.
I turn another corner, still trying to find him. I listen for him, then hear him sneaking up on me. I whirl around to face him, only to connect my face with his fist.
I hit the ground hard, and he laughs.
"You know what the worst part of our whole thing was, Buffy? Pretending I loved you. If I'd known you'd jump the first girl that looked at you cross-eyed, I wouldn't have bothered. I'd have set up a video camera and just told you to have at it."
"That doesn't work anymore. You're not Angel." I say calmly.
"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? Doesn't matter. The important thing is, when I'm done with you, I think I'll pay your little girlfriend a visit. Show her what a real good night is like."
That gets me. I charge him, but he uses my momentum against me. He tosses me into the wall, then picks me up and punches me in the face. I stumble back, then whirl back around and return the favor, my right fist connecting with his lower jaw.
He recoils, but recovers quickly, bringing his right leg up and thrust kicks me in the stomach.
We go back and forth like that for almost ten full minutes before it's apparent that he's going to win.
"Not quitting on me already, are you? Come on, Buffy. Your girlfriend will probably put up a bigger fight than that. Still end the same, but at least I'll enjoy winning."
I stand up and look him in the eyes. My rage fuels me. I clothesline him in the stomach, then I stand back up, pick him up and slam him into the side of a glass case, then pull up and smash his head through the top of it as well. He goes down hard, but I don't let up.
I punch him in the face, then plant a nice crossblow to his jaw, and just start wailing on him, venting every ounce of rage I have in me, and pouring it into a fury of punches.
I stand up and pull out a stake, ready to end him, then I hesitate for some reason. I can't do it.
I know why I can't do it. Some part of me, deep, deep down, so small that I can barely even feel it anymore, still loves him. I'm not still in love with him, but I'll always love him. Which is why, for now, at least, I can't kill him.
"You can't do it." Angelus rasps. "You can't kill me."
So, instead, I bring my right leg up, pouring every ounce of Slayer strength I have into a swift kick to his testicles.
He doubles over, his face turning purple with the pain, and he starts gasping for air.
"Give me time." I say as I walk away.
...
Giles pulls up in front of my house, driving me home. We sit in silence for a couple minutes.
"It's not over. I suppose you know that." He says finally.
I nod in response.
"He'll come after you especially. His profile... well, he'll strike out at the things that made him the most human."
"You must be so disappointed in me." I whisper.
He shakes his head. "No, I'm not."
"But... I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill him."
He shrugs. "Do you want me to wag my finger and call you a sentimental fool of a failure? I'm afraid I can't do that. I know you loved him, and some part of you will always love him. And he has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known that he would come back by destroying the church, and you especially couldn't have known that it would be as Angelus as opposed to Angel. The coming months are going to be hard, I suspect, on all of us. But if you're looking for guilt, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will have from me is my support... and my respect."
I don't say anything for a while, I just sit in silence. Finally, I break my silence. "What am I supposed to tell Kendra? She was so mad at me when she heard me say that I still wanted to save Angel. She's going to be even more mad when she hears that I couldn't kill him. Not even after what he said... Not even after he threatened what he threatened."
I finally break down into tears.
"I'm scared, Giles. I'm scared that he's going to hurt her. I'm scared that she's going to go after him by herself. I'm scared that I'm going to lose her because I couldn't kill him."
"Perhaps that's what you should say to Kendra. Tell her what you just said. I won't guarantee that it will fix everything, that she'll just up and forgive you. But it may begin to set things straight if you tell her what your true intentions were. Why you wanted to save him."
I nod, and we return to silence. Eventually, I thank Giles for the ride and, well, everything, and I get out of the car and walk up the steps.
...
I'm sitting down on the couch, watching an older movie. My mom just went to get something from the kitchen.
"Did I miss anything?" She asks as she sits down beside me.
"Some singing. And some running around."
Mom puts a candle in one of the three cupcakes she has on the plate and lights it.
"Here we go... I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you a real cake."
"This is perfect." I assure her. Well, almost perfect. I glance up to the ceiling, knowing that right above me, on the second floor, Kendra's locked herself in her room.
"So, did you have a fun birthday?" Mom asks. "What did you do?"
"I got older."
"You still look the same to me. Happy birthday." She hands me the cupcake. "I don't have to sing, do I?" She jokes.
I shake my head as I watch the flame dance on the candle.
"Well, go on. Make a wish."
I'm silent for a few moments before I answer. "I'll just let it burn."