Chapter 7- Passion

"He was in my room." I say as I walk into Kendra's room across the hall from mine.

"Who?" She asks.

"Angel. He was in my room last night."

"Are ya certain?"

"Positive. When I woke up, I found a picture he'd left under my pillow. We need to talk to Giles and see if there's any way to get the invitation thingy reversed, to make sure he can't get back in."

Kendra nods. "I agree. I don't like dat he can just walk right in any time he wishes."

"Me neither. It scares me to think that my nightmare could have come true last night while I was sleeping. If he wanted, he could have killed you and used your body to... I don't know... just... I don't want to think about it. But he had to know you were just across the hall. He would have smelled you."

Kendra kisses me softly. "It'll all be alright, Buffy. Obviously, he's not interested in killing me. Otherwise, he'd have tried to last night, or any night before, right?"

I sigh and nod. "Probably. But he knows you're one of the most important people to me. That means he must have other plans for you, and knowing how evil Angelus is... I really don't want to find out what that plan is."

...

After announcing my newest predicament to the group, and a spiel by a, as usual, self-absorbed Cordelia about how worried she was that Angel could get into her car any time he wanted, Giles agreed to look for a ritual or something to revoke Angel's invitation to the International House Of The Summers'. IHOTS.

We're interrupted by two kids looking for books in the library (go figure), and Xander signals for us to continue talking in the hall.

"So, apparently Angel has decided to step up his harassment of you." Giles says.

"By sneaking into her room at night and leaving tings? Not dat I'm complaining, but why doesn't he just kill her and be done wit it? Why de dramatics?" Kendra asks.

"It's a classic battle strategy, to throw one's opponent off his game. He's trying to provoke you. To taunt you... goad you into a misstep of some sort." Giles explains to me.

"The "nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah" approach to battle?" Xander asks.

Giles sighs and cleans his glasses. "Yes, Xander. Once again, you've managed to take a complex thought and boil it down to it's simplest possible form."

"Giles, Angel once told me that when he was obsessed with Drusilla, one of the first things he did was to kill her family." I say worriedly.

"Your mom..." Xander realizes.

"I have to tell her something." I say with a nod. "The truth."

"No! You can't!" Giles exclaims.

"Yeah, the more people who know the secret, the more it cheapens it for the rest of us!" Xander agrees.

"But... I have to do something. Angel has an all-access pass to my house and I'm not always there when my mom is. I can't protect her."

"I told you, I'll look for a spell-"

"What about until you find a spell?" I interrupt Giles.

"Until then, you and your mom are more than welcome to ride around with me in my car. You can protect her there." I roll my eyes at Cordelia.

"Buffy, we know you're wigged, but ya need to stay calm." Kendra says with a hand on my shoulder.

"Easy for you to say. You don't have Angel lurking in your bedroom at night." I counter.

"Ya can't let him get to ya, Buffy. As the Slayers, we both have to keep our wits aboot us. No matter how bad he taunts us, we can't let him trow us off."

"There you go. You zen, you win." Xander quips.

"Great, so what you're saying is, "Just ignore him and maybe he'll go away"?" I ask sarcastically.

"Precisely." Giles agrees.

"Hey! How come Buffy doesn't get a snooty little "Once again you boil it down to its simplest form" thing?!" Xander whines. "Watcher's pet." He grumbles at me under his breath.

...

"Okay, good. Earlier is good." I hear Willow saying to Ms. Calendar as Giles and I walk up to her classroom. "Will I have the power to assign detention? Or make 'em run laps?" She asks giddily. Giddy Willow can only mean one of two things. Something Oz related, or something school related. I'm going with school this time. Unless Oz is thinking about hiring Willow to be his Olympic track-and-field trainer, of course. Nah, I'm going with school.

"Willow?" I say as I walk in, and she and Ms. Calendar turn towards me and Giles. I meet Jenny's eyes, and ignore the apology still present in them, turn back to Willow.

"Hello, Rupert... Buffy..." Jenny says strainedly.

"Hey, Will." I say, ignoring Ms. Calendar. "I thought I'd take in a class. I could sure use someone who knows where they are." Willow glances towards Ms. Calendar, then sighs and walks over to me.

"Sorry, I have to talk to her. She's a teacher. And teachers are to be respected, even if they're only filling in until the real teacher shows up. Otherwise chaos could ensue, and-"

I interrupt Willow as we walk away, leaving Giles and Ms. Calendar alone.

"It's alright, I get it, Willow." I assure her.

"Really? I mean, you're not, you know, mad?"

"No. I'm not mad." I decide to change the subject. "So how're you and Oz doing?"

"We're doing fun." Willow says excitedly. "We went to the Bronze last night, and we had fun."

"I'm glad." I say sincerely. "So, any furthering of the relationship?"

"Oh... No, no furthering yet. Just smooching here and there. I like it. Oz isn't like other guys. He's not a dog." Willow furrows her eyebrows. "Well... except for three nights out of the month... when he kind of is a dog."

I smile at that. "He house-trained yet? Because I don't want you bringing him over only to have to pull him away from his humpfest with Mr. Gordo."

Willow blushes. "Buffy!"

"Kidding." I chuckle.

"Well... what about you and Kendra?"

"No, not much furthering left to do. I mean, you're talking engagement-marriage-baby stuff. Stuff that, unless you're in a poorly written and highly inaccurate romance novel about a girl falling for a sparkly vampire, I don't wanna worry about while I'm still in my teens. That's more a mid-to-late-twenties kind of thing."

"Probably a good idea." Willow agrees.

...

Mom and I are sitting down to dinner now, alone since Kendra decided to take over patrol solo that night so I could kinda/sorta fill my mom in on the happenings that are recent.

I'm just about to bring it up when my mom brings it up first, and I chicken out.

"Okay, what's wrong?" She asks.

"Nothing." I say immediately. See? I chickened. Bok bok bok.

"Come on, you can tell me anything. I've read all the parenting books, so you can't surprise me."

Oh, wanna bet? I think to myself, but don't say it out loud. I give in, though. "Do you remember that guy, Angel?"

"Angel? The college boy who was tutoring you in history?"

"Right, well... He's... and I'm." I re-iterate. Bok bok bok. "We're sort of dating. WERE dating, I mean." I correct myself. "We were dating, as in, we're not now, which is obvious because... I'm gay now, and with Kendra, and am happy being gay... with Kendra. Anyway, Angel and I... were dating, before I met Kendra, and-"

"Buffy, just... I understand." Mom interrupts me. "I know what you're saying, so just say it already."

"He's... different." I finally get out.

"Let me guess. 'He's changed. He's not the same guy you fell for.'" Mom says, using air quotes and everything.

"That's about the "it"." I agree. "Anyway, ever since... he changed... he's kind of been following me around. Having trouble letting go, I guess. I mean, I'm pretty much going Rockwell over here."

"What?" My mom asks, and I gape.

"Rockwell? As in... "Somebody's Watching Me"?" I ask. She shrugs. "Come on, don't make me sing it. Please don't make me sing it."

"Sing what?"

"Okay, aren't I the one supposed to be making you feel old?" I counter. "Anyway, Angel's basically going all stalker-mode on me now."

"Buffy?" She asks in concern. "Has he... done... anything?" She asks.

"No, no, no!" I wave off the question. "He's just been hanging around... a lot. Leaving me... notes... I just don't want to see him right now. I mean, if he shows up, I'll talk to him, just... just don't invite him in."

...

"I agree with Giles." Willow says after I call and fill her in on what I said to Mom. "You need to just try and not let him get to you-"

"Okay, lemme stop you right there, Wills. I'm tired of everyone saying "Don't let him get to you". He's, like, a thousand years old, and is famous for being the master of mental and emotional torture. I get the memo, okay?"

"Technically, he's only 271, even if you do count his life as a human before he was turned."

"Wills... Not the point."

"Right, sorry. Anyway, he's just doing this to try to get you to do something stupid." She scoffs in disgust at what I presume to be the entire male species, for some reason. Is she and Oz fighting? "I swear, men can be such jerks sometimes... dead or alive."

"Why do you think I play for the other team now?" I joke, then sigh. "I just hope Giles can find a "keep out" spell soon. Maybe something that comes with a "Beware of dog" sign. Then Mom will have to let me get a puppy. But I know I'll sleep easier once I can... sleep easier."

"I'm sure he will. He's, like, Book Man. Until then, just try to keep happy thoughts and..." Willow trails off.

"And... what?" I ask. "Willow?"

"B-B-Buffy... can I stay over tonight?" Willow whimpers. "My, um... My fish are dead."

"What?"

"My fish are dead." She repeats.

"Oh... Oh!" I say as it hits me. ANGEL! "Sure Will, see you in a bit." I agree.

...

"Thanks for having me over, Buffy..." Willow says as we sit on my bed, neither of us even remotely tired. Remember what I said about sleeping easier when I'm able to sleep easier? Yeah, not happening yet. "Especially on a school night and all."

"Hey, no problem... Sorry about your fish."

"It's okay. We hadn't really had time to bond yet. I just got them for Chanukah. Although, for the first time, I'm glad my parents didn't let me have a puppy."

"It's so weird... Angel being like this... I can't believe he's the same person. He's the complete opposite of what he was."

"Well...sort of... except..." Willow trails off.

"Except what?"

"You're still the only thing he thinks about." Willow points out softly. We're silent for a minute as I digest that, then... "So are you using that?" She asks, pointing to my crossbow.

Kendra walks in. "Hey, Ms. Summers told me dat you were here, Willow. What's going on?"

"Dead fish." I say simply, and Willow whimpers.

...

"Well, good morning, ladies." Xander says as he walks up to me, Will, and Kendra, as we all walk towards the school. "What did you three do last night?"

"Pajama party." I answer.

"Sleepover." Kendra adds.

"With weapons." Willow finishes.

"Ah. I don't suppose either of you had the presence of mind to locate a camera to capture the moment?" He asks hopefully.

"I have to go." Willow says, smiling. "I have a class to teach in about five minutes, and I need to get there early to glare disapprovingly at the stragglers." Then, she looks ahead disappointedly. "Oh, darn. She's here...Five hours of drawing up lesson plans yesterday down the drain." She pouts.

I look and see Ms. Calendar walking across the grounds. I also see Giles staring at her, wanting to go up to her and talk, but I know he's keeping his distance for my sake. He sees me, then heads inside, looking guilty.

"I'll see you guys in class." I say as I walk towards Ms. Calendar.

"Hey." I say when she stops in front of me.

"Hi..." She replies, confused. "Is there... Did you want something?"

I struggle to find the words for a minute, then, "Look, I know you're feeling bad about what happened, and I want to say... Don't be. It's not your fault Angelus came back." I say grudgingly, and she looks at me in surprise. "I mean, yeah, you lied to us all... but I guess... technically, I lie to my mom every day, so I can't really be mad at you for hiding your real identity if you had a reason. I guess... what I'm trying to say is... I forgive you."

She nods gratefully. "Thank you, Buff-"

"And, um..." I cut her off. "Uh... He misses you." She raises an eyebrow in confusion. "He doesn't say anything to me, but I know he does. I don't want him to be lonely. No one should have to be lonely. So, um... Just... Just talk to him..."

She nods.

"We're good here." I say softly, then I turn around and start to walk away.

"Buffy?" She says, and I turn to face her. "Thank you."

I nod, then continue walking away.

...

I walk into the library and, as usual, I don't get five steps before someone talks to me. I swear, for one of the most unpopular girls in school, everyone seems to wanna talk to me.

"Buffy... So how was your night?" Giles asks.

"Sleepless. But no fatalities." I confirm.

"I found a ritual to revoke the invitation to vampires."

"Oh, thank goodness!" Cordy exclaims, once again making it about her. "I actually had to talk my grandmother into switching cars with me last night!"

Giles rolls his eyes and turns back towards me. "The ritual itself is fairly basic, actually: recitation of a few simple rhyming couplets, burning of moss herbs, hanging of crucifixes, sprinkling of holy water..."

"Great." I agree. "All things I have in my room."

We walk away, hearing Cordy whine something about leather in her car.

...

"I'm gonna have a hard time explaining this to my dad." Willow sighs as I finish bordering her window with crucifixes.

"Will it bother him?" Kendra asks. She decided to help us un-invite vampires from Willow's room.

"They're Jewish." I explain to her, though she's still confused. "Crucifixes are more Catholic than Jewish." Still confused. "Jews and Catholics don't get along..." Still confused. "Never mind. Willow's dad'll have a conniption."

"Oh..." She says, feigning understanding.

"Hey, Willow, why is your aquarium empty?" Cordelia asks, and Willow whimpers.

"You know, Cordelia, we've already done your car. You can call it a night if you want." I say, trying to keep my irritation out of my voice. I think I succeeded... for the most part.

"Sure, three's company, four's... not... And you know I'd do the same for you if any of you had a social life." She says enthusiastically, then picks up her jacket and finds a manila envelope. She hands it to Willow before leaving.

Willow opens it, takes a piece of paper out, and looks at it, then pales as she hands it to me. "It's for you..." She whispers.

I look at the paper in confusion, then throw it down as I rush out the door. "Mom." I growl, and Kendra and Willow immediately follow.

...

We start in my mom's room, because she's not home yet. For once, I'm grateful that she's a major art guru, or whatever they call it. She probably won't have a problem with a crucifix being nailed over her window, especially since it's a pretty one. Well, pretty in the sense that it's pretty old, and my mom tends to go for stuff like that. Giles gave it to me.

After I nail the cross, I start burning sage around the perimeter of the room while Willow chants something like "His verbs con senses resuscitation". Which sounds weird, I admit, and is most likely what Willow is not saying, but whatever she's actually saying, if it works, I'm game.

We move to my room next, and do the same thing we did in my mom's room, then again with Kendra's room, the second guest room, then we start to move downstairs as we hear my mom fumbling with the keys at the door. She sounds freaked.

"Heeeeeeeeeere's Angel!" I quip.

I hear Willow chanting behind me as Kendra runs downstairs to nail the last crucifix above the front door just as it opens and Mom rushes inside.

"His verbes, consensus rescissus est." Willow finishes the chant just as Angel slams into the new force field.

"Sorry, Angel. I changed the locks." I say coldly before calmly closing the door in Angel's face.

My mom is waiting for me as we relax. "Buffy." She says, and I know it's time for some serious talking to.

Kendra and Willow look at me sympathetically, and I nod gratefully as I hand Kendra the sage, then follow Mom upstairs, where she has me sit on my bed while she puts in some serious pace time.

We stay silent for the longest time before I finally break it.

"That stuff with the herbs and the Latin... that's, um... He's just real superstitious." I explain, wincing.

"Oh." She says simply, and we fall back into silence.

"I... I figure if we're careful not to-"

"Was he the first?" She asks, and I look at her in confusion. "No, wait. I don't want to know. Or, I don't think I want to-" Mom's uncomfortableness with this topic of conversation clues me in on what she's talking about, and I realize what Angel must have told her, trying to freak her out. Which worked, of course.

"No." I assure her. "We never... you know."

She nods, looking somewhat appeased, though I'm not sure if she one-hundred percent approves that we actually dated for a while. Well, if you can call what we did dating, anyway. I mean, sure, we shared some very heated slay/kiss sessions, but I don't think there were ever any actual dates involved.

"He's older than you." She says.

"I know."

"Too old, Buffy. And he's obviously not very stable. I really wish... I thought you would show more judgement."

"Mom, I... He wasn't like this before."

"Are you in love with him?"

"No!" I say immediately, thinking of Kendra. "But... I was."

"Were you careful?"

"Mom!"

"Don't "Mom" me, Buffy. You don't get to get out of this. You had sex with a boy you didn't even see fit to tell me you were dating!"

"I told you, we never... did anything."

"Why would he say you did?"

"To freak you out!" I exclaim. "That's all! He likes these kind of mind games, Mom."

"You talk about him like he's some kind of... of... serial killer!" She exclaims back.

"Say 'understatement of the millennium'." I mutter under my breath. "Look, mom, I promise, nothing ever happened between us like that. Kendra was the only one." I blush. "You need to trust me on that, because it's true. He was lying, just trying to get you to let him inside. He thought that was the way to do it, probably."

"Even so, you still never even told me you were seeing each other! Or was that a lie, too?"

"No... That part was true... Look, I made a mistake-"

"Don't just say that to shut me up, because I think you really did-"

"I know that!" I say with tears in my eyes. "Mom, my life is so... I can't tell you everything."

"How about anything?!" She counters. "Buffy, you can shut me out of your life, I'm pretty much used to that, but don't expect me to stop caring about you, 'cause it's never gonna happen. I love you more than anything in the world." I don't say anything as the warm fuzzies start taking over, and I can't help a slight smile. "That would be your cue to roll your eyes and tell me I'm grossing you out."

"You're not." I admit. "I'm glad."

The uncomfortable silence becomes slightly less uncomfortable between us, and Mom chuckles slightly. "Well... I guess that was the talk."

"How did it go?" I ask, as if I hadn't been witness, let alone a participant.

"Well what did you tell Grandma when you...?" I trail off.

"Nothing!" She says after a minute. "I, um... I don't think she knows..." We both laugh at that, and the awkwardness is pretty much gone. Gladness.

...

"So was it horrible?" Willow asks as the three of us non-old people sit in the living room, my mom in the kitchen.

"It wasn't too horrible." I admit. "It could have gone worse if something had actually happened between Angel and me."

"It is lucky, den, dat nothing did happen." Kendra replies, a possessive look in her eyes that sends shivers down my spine.

Luckily, I'm spared having to reply to that by the ringing of the phone.

"Hello?" I ask chipperly as I answer it.

"Buffy?" I hear Giles' voice.

"Giles! Hey, we finished the spe-"

"Jenny... Ms. Calendar... she's been killed..." He interrupts me, his voice void of emotion.

"What?" I whisper as I slump to the ground.

"It was Angel..."

The phone hit's the ground, but I don't register the sound.

I don't notice Willow and Kendra kneeling in front of me. I don't register Willow's cries of grief as Giles tells her what he told me. I don't hear the sound of Kendra's fist going through the wall when Giles tells her, either.

I don't even notice when Mom wraps her arms around all three of us to comfort us.

...

The three of us run out to meet Cordy and Xander as they pull up in Cordelia's car. They get out of the car and meet us at the curb.

"Well? Where's Giles?" I ask.

"No luck." Xander says sadly. "By the time we got to the station, the cops said he'd already left. I guess they just wanted to ask him some questions."

"I still don't get it. Why Ms. Calendar?" Cordy asks, pained, showing that she does occasionally think about someone other than herself. "She was so... harmless."

"Because Angel's a blood-sucking coward. They pick on the harmless." Xander says harshly.

"And we're sure it was Angel?" Cordelia asks.

I nod. "It was Angel, alright."

"Did Giles say... Is she going to... you know... be a...?"

"No." Willow answers.

"Cordelia, will you drive us to his house?" I ask.

"Of course." She says sincerely.

"But... do you think... maybe he wants to be alone?" Willow asks me.

"I'm not worried about what he wants. I'm worried about what he's going to do."

...

"Hello? Giles?" Xander asks as we walk into Giles' house. We duck under the "Do Not Enter" tape "Xed" across the front door. Funny how teenagers tend to do the opposite of what they're told.

We fan out and search the place for any sign of Giles. I know it's fruitless. He'd have answered us if he was home, whether he was in the mood for company or not. He's too British not to.

I could say we're searching for a sign of where he might've gone, but I know where he's gone. To Angel. Angel's wherever Spike and Dru are. And they're most likely at the Factory.

"Looks like Giles had big plans for the night." Xander says as he looks at a romantic set up on Giles' desk.

"Giles didn't set all this up." I say as I put a charcoal drawing of a dead Jenny Calendar on the desk in front of Xander. "Angel did. All this is the pretty gift wrap he wrapped Ms. Calendar's body in."

"Oh, man... Poor Giles." Xander says softly.

"Look, all his weapons are gone." Willow says, and I walk over.

"But I thought he kept his weapons at the library?" Cordy asks.

"Dose are his everyday weapons." Kendra explains. "Dese are his good ones. De ones he only breaks out for company. "Big bads" and de like. De ones he polishes and sharpens twice a day."

"So it is what we were afraid of." Willow says. "Giles isn't here."

"Well, then, where is he?" Cordy asks.

"He'll go wherever Angel is." I confirm everyone's suspicions.

"De Factory." Kendra nods. "So, he's going ta try and kill Angelus."

"It's about time somebody did." Xander growls.

"Xander!"Willow exclaims.

"I'm sorry. But let's not forget that I hated Angel long before all of you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve something for not saying "I told you so" long before now. And, if Giles wants to go after the fiend who murdered his girlfriend, I say "Faster, Pussycat. Kill. Kill."."

Kendra nods hesitantly, then looks at me.

"You're right." I agree with them both.

"What?!" Willow exclaims.

"Thank you." Xander nods at me, though he's still slightly confused himself.

"There's only one thing wrong with Giles' revenge scenario." I continue.

"What is it?" Kendra asks.

"It's gonna get him killed." I answer bluntly. "So we need to make sure he doesn't get to Angel."

Kendra and Xander nod. "What do we do?" Xander asks.

...

I arrive just in time to see Giles beating Angelus to a pulp with a flaming Louisville Slugger. Drusilla moves to stop him, but Spike holds her back. "Ahn-ahhh... No fair going into the ring unless he tags you first." He quips, and Drusilla pouts, but nods.

Unfortunately, Angel stops Giles' next swing and swings around before getting my Watcher in a choke hold.

"Alright, you've had your fun. But you know what it's time for now?" Angel asks.

I punch him hard in the kidneys when I run in, and he drops Giles in surprise. "My fun." I answer.

I hit him again, then give him a powerful kick to the chest to drive him away from Giles.

Angel recovers quickly and decks me, but I chase him up to the gangway and tackle him before he can get away.

I roll out of the tackle first, and end up on my feet, turning to face Angelus as he stands up. I push on him and bend him backwards over the railing.

"You really going to let your girl and Watcher die?" Angel asks with a smirk, and I look past him to see several of Angel's minions surrounding Kendra and Giles. Giles is out cold, so it's just Kendra against six or seven vampires alone. Spike and Dru are nowhere to be seen, probably escaped in the confusion.

I curse and let go of Angelus. He takes the opportunity to run, and I jump down from the gangway, staking a vamp as I fall. Kendra takes advantage of the vampires' surprise and stakes two of them before they go all attack-o on us. I kick one in the stomach and stake another one at the same time, and Kendra jumps up and wrapped her legs around another vampire's head. She twists as she falls to the ground and uses her momentum to throw the vampire into the flames that are spreading around the Factory from Giles' Molotov cocktail.

Three down, four to go. The vamp that I kicked in the stomach recovers and throws a punch at me, but I whirl around and backfist him across the face, avoiding his punch at the same time. The backfist disorients him, but one of his buddies is on my back before I can finish him off, and I have to throw myself backwards to slam him off on the ground.

I roll off of him and start to thrust my stake down to dust this vamp, but the other one is back, and he twists my wrist, getting me to drop the stake. He starts to lean over to bite me, but I pop my head back and smile as I feel his nose break. I twist around and grab the waist of his pants with one hand and his shirt collar with my other. I pick him up over my head and throw him into the flames, where I hear him scream in agony as the fire dusts him.

The one on the ground kicks up and my head snaps back as he gets me under the chin. My neck erupts in pain, but luckily, he didn't break it. It's mainly just surprise. My neck wasn't ready to bend, so it's bitching at me about it, but I straighten up and punch the vamp in the face as he stands up. He stumbles back, then tries to sweep my legs out from under me, but I jump over his sweep and land on my feet as he whirls around, catching me in the midsection with a full-spin roundhouse.

It's my turn to stumble back, and he takes advantage by clotheslining me, sending me to the ground, then he jumps into the air and lands with his elbow in my stomach.

Holy crap, was this guy some kind of professional wrestler or something? I wonder as I struggle to catch my breath.

He pins me down and goes for my neck. I open my mouth to scream, knowing my end is coming, but instead, I get a mouthful of dust. As I spit the dust out, I'm relieved to see Kendra standing above me, my stake in her hand, and her other hand extended to help me up.

I take her hand and pull myself up.

"Giles." I say, and she nods. We both walk over and drape one of his arms over our shoulders, then we carry him out of the burning Factory.

"Buffy! Kendra!" Willow exclaims as we walk outside.

"Are you okay?" Cordy asks as Giles comes too.

"Why did you come here?" Giles asks, angry at me. "This was not your figh-"

POW! The sound of my fist connecting with Giles' face echoes as he hits the ground.

"You bastard!" I scream at him.

"You don't understand." He says weakly as he gets to his knees, shaking.

"How could you do that?! You're trying to get yourself killed?!" I sob, not bothering to stop my tears. "You can't! You can't leave me alone! Not now! I can't do this by myself!" The last sentence comes out desperate and lost, which is exactly how I feel right now.

"Jenny..." Giles says in despair.

...

"In my years as a Watcher, I've buried... too many people." Giles says after we place flowers on Jenny's grave. "Some I knew... most I didn't. But Jenny is the first one that I've loved."

"Sometimes, I wonder if any good ever comes out of it." I whisper.

"Comes of what?"

"Falling in love." I admit. "Letting your emotions call the shots for you. Because if there is an upside, I sure haven't come across it."

"What about Kendra?" He asks.

I shrug. "I don't know. I mean... back at your house... before we came to the Factory to rescue you... Xander said it was about time someone tried to kill Angel. And Kendra agreed."

"You're upset because Kendra wanted to kill Angelus?"

"No." I say. "I'm upset because, even after what he did... even after he killed Ms. Calendar... I still wanted to speak up in his defense. I still wanted to try and find a way to save him. Because... a part of me still loves him. I think maybe I'm not really in love with Kendra. Loving her is just... easier. But I still love Angel."

Giles stays silent.

"You're right, you know. About that rule of yours. You're the Watcher, I'm the Slayer... we don't have the luxury of passion. It just gets in the way. Life's easier without it."

"Yes." Giles agrees. "Easier... It's just not... life."

"I'm sorry I couldn't kill him for you... for her... when I had the chance... But I think I'm finally ready... because I know now that there's nothing that's ever going to change him back to the Angel I fell in love with."