I Will Not Fall For Mulder

Part 2

by Trycee

Time frame: Season 1 thru All Things.

Disclaimer: I do not own the X files, it's owned by Chris Carter and Fox. I wrote this for fun not profit. Scully's Innner Dialogue.

Diana...ARGH! Diana was the worst of 'Mulder's Women'. Unlike Dr. Bambi and Detective White, but very much like Phoebe, Diana had been with Mulder in a way I can only dream of and they knew it. Women know these things about eachother. Diana could sense it and she rubbed it in my face. But she also gloated about helping Mulder discover the X-Files. Check Mate! My game was over! And no matter what I did, Mulder seemed to only care about her opinion. I don't think I've ever hurt as much as I did knowing that Diana was in my way. She had his heart, she had his mind, she had his body, and all I was, was his partner. I was the annoying voice that buzzed at his ear. He didn't see me, he didn't hear me. There was nothing for me but to hold on to his coattails and hope he knew I was there. And then there was the almost kiss in his hallway. I saw it the look in Mulder's eyes and for a short time, I believed that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He had gone to Antarctica to save me. And when we came back, I thought once again we were on the right track, things had changed, he had almost kissed me. But, no, Mulder told me that my questioning and need for proof and ability to not give in to his crazy theories was not enough for him. Not anymore. And like that, we were back to square one. Not only that, but he left me to fend for myself with a hurt and feverish Gibson Praise while he ran off into the dark with her. I swallowed the pain and did my job.

So then, Karen Berquist came along. She was the woman in which Mulder chatted online. Chatting Online!I knew what people did online. I knew about chat-rooms and how you could go into a 'private room' which usually ended up in phone sex or even worst, actual meet-ups for sex. It was the perfect escape for Mulder who was an insomniac anyway. While all over the U.S, mother's were having their children taken away because of spending hours or days online chatting away on AOL with strangers, I knew that if Mulder were chatting with her, that it had to be more than just 'two professionals exchanging information' as he put it. I call bullshit on that! But I meant what I said to him, women were trickster's too. I didn't believe Karen's motive's were pure and that's why I confronted her. I knew she had just seen through me just as I'd seen through her! She said she 'lacked my feminine wiles.' But, I knew she had lured Mulder out there because she had developed feelings for my partner and I wanted her to know that I was watching her! But, then Karen had sacrificed herself and I was confronted with my guilt at hating a dead woman. She had even sent Mulder a replacement I want to Believe poster at the X-Files office probably at the time he had told her we were coming to investigate the supposed "Wanshang Dhole". And all I could think about was how did the conversation of the poster come about between them. Just how long had they'd been chatting online?

And then everything for me changed when Mulder became sick. He had massive pounding in his head he attributed to the alien ship fragment. And I was scared, worried and enraged because when I went to see him at the mental hospital, She was there. Diana told me with a sly look on her face that she had spent the night with him before having him committed. I can only assume she slept in his bed with him! I can imagine that he was in too much pain to have slept with her. That's my only comfort. But, I can't even tell you how sick I am to my stomach with the thought of Diana being in bed with Mulder. She had been comforting him as he withered in pain. It makes me feel empty, defeated. Just as I did that day I saw Mulder holding her hand when she first appeared, disrupting my life. Mulder had stood there, holding her hand and looking at her lovingly. I died a hundred deaths at that moment. I died again when Froehike told me she had been Mulder's 'chickadee.' I stared at the monitoring screen overlooking Mulder in a padded room screaming up at the tv screen and my heart broke at the sight of him. I wanted to yank him out of there. I wanted to hold him and rock him in my arms. I wanted to heal him with my touch the way he always healed me but I couldn't see him or touch him. Both Skinner and Diana told me that Mulder was physically dangerous but I told them he would not be with me! And there was Diana with a smug grin on her hideous face as if she were in charge with his care. I wanted to hurt her! I wanted to beat her within an inch of her life! Evil Witch! My only solace was that Mulder was screaming my name not hers. And so I went to Africa to try and save him. I came back enlightened yet defeated. Mulder was unresponsive to even my cries and tears which always brought him back to me even at the brink of death but not this time. I wept at his bedside. I loved him so much but I had failed him. And then suddenly, Mulder was gone, disappeared from the his hospital bed, stolen away from me. Some type of collaboration between Mulder's mom and CGB. I had a hunch that Diana too was involved. I could practically smell the Morleys smoke like a cloud of doom on her skin and clothes. I confronted her, letting her know that I knew she was involved in Mulder's kidnapping. I wanted her to know that Mulder would never have done to her what she was doing to him. He would've given his life trying to save her. I could see it in her eyes that she knew it was true. But now I feel an enormous amount of guilt because Diana died helping me save Mulder.

There was fear and sadness in my heart, knowing that I had to tell him about Diana's death. I thought Mulder would run out immediately and try to find her murderer despite his need for healing from his forced surgery. I thought he'd weep and be inconsolable because of her death but I was wrong. Instead Mulder made me feel so loved, so secure, as if I were the most important person in his world. I love him so much. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I kissed his forehead. I had nearly lost him from the brain surgery left to die after they had finished with him. I would've lost the other half of me on a metal slab had it not been for Diana's help, giving me the key. I still felt anger at Diana, a dead woman, because I hated that she was the one I was forced to go through to save him. I wanted nothing more than to find Mulder but it was Diana that ultimately lead me to him. I was grateful that she had because I had no idea where he was. But I was in fact sad that Diana paid for her final act of loyalty towards Mulder with her life. It still didn't stop the twinge of jealously that flowed through my veins albeit muted. I still hated her but she was now gone and what I feared was that Mulder would carry her in his heart forever. I was surprised that he didn't. He never mentioned her again, not even on the day of her funeral. Mulder sat in the office with me, peering over the report he was supposed to be reading, watching me as he always did as I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that my heart didn't skip a beat a mile a minute whenever he did. I ignored the way my stomach flipped every time his touch lingered on my skin. And that was how that day went, just him and me.

And then there was Jade Blue Afterglow! A trampy woman with curves and boobs for days. She had an extremely revealing cleavage and enormous breasts, she was dressed like a stripper or a whore or an internet porn sex kitten without even the decency to wear underwear. She had not only the full attention of the hoard of cops that stood outside the interrogation room door like a mob waiting for a glimpse of her but she had my partners' full attention as well. I tried shielding his view of her, childish, maybe but he was mine and I wanted him to look at me the way he was drooling over her. It was ridiculous but I didn't care. She noticed my agitation and said that she seemed to be making people nervous. I told her she didn't make me nervous. No, she made me want to shoot her! Mulder was practically giggling from delight and I was more than a little unnerved especially when Trampy Afterglow tempted Mulder with the shuffling of her legs, revealing skin beneath her tight skirt. I was incised! As she left, Mulder sat down in her seat to get a good look at her rear end. I couldn't help it, I leaned to block his view so all he saw was me. Mulder was high on adrenaline and his little comment about needing to blast something, was like icing on a crap-filled cake for me, reminding me of my rather large problem, Mulder's wandering eyes! And I feel like I had told myself before, I refuse to fall for Mulder, I chanted, even though I was deeply and eternally in love with him. I would not allow myself to fall deeper than I already was with him. I can't, I refuse.

But here I am lying in Mulder's bed, my naked body snuggled up against his muscular chest, breathing in his scent and sweat after making love to him for the very first time, and I am in heaven. He told me over and over how much he had always loved me since the day we met. He told me he tried to move on and regulate me to the status of co-worker, just as I tried with him but it never happened. I couldn't get over Mulder. He was apart of my skin, my breath, my soul. I love him in a way that's indescribable. He is my other half, my reason for living, my everything and I am his. He laughed when I mentioned the women before me. He told me before me there was nothing. No air, no sunshine, no trees, no earth. And as I looked into Mulder's eyes, I knew he meant every word and that it was the truth. Mulder called me adorable as he stared at me, his face still flush from our love-making. He told me that secretly he had always loved seeing me jealous. I giggled and snuggled in against his chest. covering my face with my hands. He pulled me up to his lips and planted a heavy kiss. I laid back down on him feeling content and happy for the first time in my entire life knowing that no matter what, no other woman would ever get in the way of what we have together. He is mine and I am his, forever. Just as it should be.

The End

Please Leave Feedback: Thanks!