By the time Dean finally stepped out of the shower he was lovely and warm again. Grinning at the fact the water was now what could only be described as lukewarm, he switched the shower off and dried himself with the towel. Checking out his knee he saw that the gash had almost stopped bleeding and although the area around was starting to turn a lovely shade of purple, it didn't hurt too bad when he bent it. Given the way his luck was lately, it could have been much worse.
Opening the bathroom door and letting out a cloud of steam, he grabbed some clothes from his bag and shut the door again as he got changed. When he emerged a second time, Sam was sat on the bed watching him a little warily.
"Hey. Feel better?" he said cautiously.
Dean raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm warm again. Wouldn't necessarily go as far as better." he said dryly.
Sam winced. Yep – definitely still pissed.
"Look, I'm sorry I laughed before ok? It's just you're never normally clumsy and I got the image stuck in my head and.." he tailed off. Dean's expression wasn't changing and he was aware he was somehow digging himself an even bigger hole. Mentally throwing down the shovel, he decided on a different approach.
"How about you let me take a look at your knee," he said trying to sound contrite.
Dean shook his head. "There's no need, I told you – it's just a scratch."
"Please?" said Sam, not above turning on the puppy dog eyes.
Dean rolled his eyes at Sam's hopeful expression, but he never had been able to resist it.
"Fine, go ahead." he said grudgingly, sitting down on the bed.
Sam flashed him a grateful smile, and Dean recognised that part of Sam was probably trying to make it up to him for laughing at his misfortune. Not that he was in the mood to forgive just yet.
Sam knelt on the floor and pulled Dean's trouser leg up, wincing as he saw the gash and the bruise that was quickly developing.
"Ouch. That looks pretty painful." he said sounding guilty.
Dean shrugged. "It's not that bad."
Sam raised his eyebrows, knowing Dean would give that patented response even if he was sat there with his leg hanging off at the knee. Reminding himself that they did not need another argument right now, he let it go and instead concentrated on taking care of things.
A few minutes later the gash had been cleaned with antiseptic, smeared with cream and Sam had insisted on wrapping it, much to Dean's chagrin. Muttering about 'overreactions' Dean got up and went over to the coffee machine. The pot was stone cold, so he set about making some fresh, all the while aware of Sam's gaze following him round the room.
As he waited for the water to boil he finally turned round to face Sam.
"You want to take a picture, Sammy? It'll last longer." he said exasperatedly.
Sam flushed but didn't look away.
"I was just waiting for you to finish" he said, indicating the coffee.
Dean glanced from Sam to the pot and back again.
"You that desperate for caffeine, Francis?" he said.
Sam glared at the nickname. "No, I wanted to talk to you." he said.
Dean rolled his eyes.
"Oh God, kill me now would you? Whatever it is I am not in the mood for talking, Sam." he said firmly.
"You're never in the mood for talking, Dean. But we can't just leave things as they are."
"Why not? Works for me."
"Yeah, well it doesn't work for me! We always let this stuff build up and build up, until we end up with this big blowout and you doing something stupid like hiking off into the snow without a jacket!" said Sam, heatedly.
Dean blinked at him. Sam replayed the last sentence in his head and winced as a little voice helpfully told him this was not a good way to get Dean in a caring and sharing mood. It was however a good way to get himself a smack in the face.
"Ah, when I say stupid I mean of course perfectly understandable under the circumstances." said Sam quickly.
Dean snorted. "Sure, that's what you meant. I can see how easy it is to confuse the words 'stupid' and 'understandable' when you haven't got a dictionary in your hand."
Sam closed his eyes briefly, wondering why trying to talk to his brother always made him feel like someone was drilling into his skull.
Dean turned his attention back to the coffee, giving Sam a chance to try and work out how to get things back on track before one of them ended up throttling the other.
Dean for his part was happy to just wait until Sam let the whole thing go. He so was not in the mood for one of Sam's 'Dr Phil' moments.
Pouring out two cups of coffee he turned round and handed one to Sam. Sam glanced at him in surprise, half expecting to be wearing the thing instead of drinking it, but then he realised that was Dean all over. However mad he got at Sam, he could never switch off that whole 'taking care of' thing that he'd been doing for so long.
"Thanks." said Sam genuinely and Dean just nodded. It was just a cup of coffee, it wasn't permission to start talking.
Unfortunately Sam didn't appear to have received that memo.
"What I said before, about when we were kids," he began.
Dean groaned and dropped his head back against the headboard with a thud.
"Sam!" he said, warning clear in his voice, but Sam ignored it.
"It came out wrong, ok?"
Dean sighed. "Fine. You didn't mean it. Wonderful. Now can we drop it?"
Sam shook his head. " No, because I know you're just saying that to get me to shut up." he said.
"Not working though is it?" muttered Dean, just loud enough for Sam to hear.
Sam just looked at him, patiently waiting to get Dean's full attention. His expression made it painfully clear he could do this all night if he had to.
Dean finally threw his hands up in the air in frustration.
"Fine! God you are so annoying. You wanna talk, go ahead – you have my undivided attention, Sammy."
Sam ignored the name that he knew was designed to annoy him into forgetting what he was about to say, and sat forward with his arms resting on his knees.
"I didn't say we had the worst childhood in the world, Dean. And that wasn't what I meant to imply. I just wish it could have been a little different, that's all. I can't help it, I missed having a permanent home, staying in one town for longer than 5 minutes. I missed being able to stand up and tell the class what we'd really done at the weekend, instead of having to make something up because telling a class of 8 year olds that you'd helped your Dad and Brother exorcise an evil spirit would have got me taken away by the men in white coats."
Dean sighed. He understood what Sam was saying, he might even agree with him about some of it, but wishing things had been different was a waste of time. You couldn't change the past, so what was the point?
Before Dean could say anything though, Sam continued.
"I know Dad did his best, and despite what I said before, I do kind of understand. But it shouldn't have been like that, Dean. It wasn't fair, and to you most of all."
Dean looked at him in surprise.
"What are you talking about?"
"You said it yourself, you were the one who practically raised me. And you were just a kid yourself. When did you get a chance to just have fun, mess about with your friends, do what you wanted to do? You were always looking after me, or helping Dad with the hunting. You never got to be a child, Dean, and that's what makes me sad." said Sam quietly.
Dean sighed and rubbed his neck, looking uncomfortable.
"Look, it wasn't that bad you know. I liked hunting, remember? It felt good, being able to help Dad out. And I didn't mind taking care of you either, even when you were a pain in the ass. You were my brother – it's what I'm here for." he said simply.
Sam felt a rush of emotions at Dean's simple statement. Taking care of his brother was not all that Dean was there for, but a lifetime of having 'take care of your brother' drilled into his head meant Dean couldn't see that.
"That is not what you are here for, Dean. You deserve a life of your own, man. You always put everyone else first, especially me and Dad. Who takes care of you, Dean? Who puts you first?"
Dean flushed. "Come on, Sam! I don't need anyone to take care of me, I'm fine." he said.
Sam looked at him with a mix of exasperation and affection.
"I never said you needed it but just because you can take care of yourself doesn't mean you have to. I wish you'd understand that that's what I'm here for too. This brother thing is a two way street, Dean. I can't possibly repay you for everything you've done for me over the years, but now I'm older I can at least return the favour. But you're so stubborn, you won't let me. And that's why I get frustrated. It hurts me watching you try and deal with everything on your own. Can you understand that?"
Dean sighed. He could understand it – he'd felt the same way watching Sam trying to deal with Jess's death on his own. But that didn't mean he could just change the habits of a lifetime. He did appreciate what Sam was trying to say though.
"Look, I get it ok? You want to help, and I appreciate that, but you gotta understand Sam I'm used to dealing with stuff in my own way. You can't just expect me to suddenly change that."
"I'm not. I'm just asking you to let me help, even if it's only now and again."
Dean thought about it. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad.
"Fine – I'll do my best. That's all I can offer." he said.
Sam grinned at him. "That's all I'm asking for."
"Wonderful. Now can we please change the subject?" said Dean desperately.
Sam chuckled. It was almost amusing how Dean would rather face an army of demons than actually talk about anything with his brother.
"Fine. There was just one more thing though."
Dean groaned. "You're trying to kill me aren't you?"
Sam ignored the comment and moved so he was now sitting on Dean's bed. His brother eyed him warily.
"I wanted to say thank you. For everything. All the stuff when we were kids, everything you've done for me. I know I can get a little wound up about stuff sometimes, but I don't want you to ever think that I don't appreciate what you've done for me. Because I do. I wouldn't be who I am today without you and I need you to know I understand that."
Dean held Sam's gaze, blinking to clear vision that was suddenly blurry. Sam's words washed away the hurt he'd felt earlier and gave him a warmth that settled deep inside. Not trusting his voice, he nodded and Sam smiled, his own eyes suspiciously bright. Dean's next words effectively killed the moment stone dead though.
"Don't even think about hugging me, Sammy. I'm not kidding – I have a knife under my pillow, remember? A big knife. A big, sharp knife. It would be a shame for me to have raised you this far only to have to kill you now."
Sam snorted and rolled his eyes. Trust Dean to stop things getting too deep. He pushed Dean's knee with his elbow, making sure it wasn't the bad one.
"Hey, who said I even wanted to hug you? You're the one who brought that up, not me." he said smugly.
Dean stared at him in outrage. "Oh, only because you had that sappy look on your face!" he said indignantly.
"Yeah, yeah – whatever, man. You can deny it all you want but you were totally after a chick-flick moment there." said Sam.
Dean briefly considered the throwing distance between him and Sam, then forced himself to dismiss the idea.
"In your dreams Sam. You're the emo-Winchester, not me."
"Whatever."
Silence briefly reigned for a moment, Dean busy plotting all the ways he could get back at his brother and Sam enjoying how annoyed Dean was getting. It was a little payback for the cold shower he was about to have.
As Sam grabbed some clothes from his bag, he realised his toiletries bag must have found it's way into the other one.
"Hey Dean – could you throw me my wash bag?" he said, not looking up from what he was doing.
That was of course his first mistake, as seconds later the bag came flying through the air and hit him smack on the head.
"Ow! Hey!" he said, looking up at Dean who was grinning innocently at him.
"What? It's not my fault you got slow reactions there, Princess."
"Jerk" said Sam, shaking his now aching head.
"Bitch" said Dean, still grinning.
As Sam went into the bathroom, an idea occurred to him. Suddenly looking forward to the next day, he smiled. This was gonna be fun..
Author's note: So that's the deep stuff over with! Next chapter will be onto the fun.. Thanks for sticking with it:)