Taking a Swig

EPOV

An outtake of what happened after chapter 15.

Damn it, she's gone.

I read and reread her letter, still finding it hard to believe that she was indeed gone.

However, the proof of her absence was glaringly obvious by the lack of her clothes inside her dress-cabinet.

And I was hours too late to catch up with her because I was a fucking coward after our talk and was holed up in my room.

Now the sun has already set.

I really couldn't recall what I did next.

I think I might have blacked out.

Hours later, Alice found me in my room with a drink in my hand, seated on the floor, and leaning on the wall.

She had her gun in her hand, and when she saw me, she jumped a little and lowered it.

"Damn it, Anthony! You almost gave me a heart attack. I thought someone found you here and took you out. What's with this place? Why was it wrecked? Where's Bella?"

"You can call me Edward now, Alice, it doesn't really matter anymore. Fuck being careful about my name … Fuck everything that has anything to do with who I am."

She carefully approached me – making sure she avoided all the objects obscuring her path – and came to sit beside me.

Oh, so that's what happened when I blacked out.

I broke furniture and some other items in the house.

I briefly scanned my piano and was a little surprised that it survived my outburst.

"Edward, what happened?"

Alice has that look again, as if she could see through me. It was the same look she gave me that night in New York when I rescued her from that animal of a guy forcing himself on her in an alley the first time that we met. It was as if she could see through me – the same way that Bella could sometimes do.

I take a swig of the alcohol and it burns my throat.

"Edward, come on. Tell me."

"Where's Em and Rose?" I asked instead.

"They wouldn't be back until tomorrow. Boss needs them." She rolled her eyes at this. It was no secret how boss always picks out Em for the most inane but time-consuming tasks. He always wants to make him more like me, but he never succeeds.

However, if there's one thing more that makes Boss a huge pain in the ass, it's his persistence and pursuit over what he wants.

"How did it go?"

Alice already knows what I was asking, and she merely shrugged, getting more comfortable in the way she was seated.

"Demetri got the paintings – fucking asshole was too cocky and he almost got caught – and then got to swap them with my paintings. Harold will be pissed when he gets back home to find his pieces swapped … If the idiot even notices."

She had a satisfied smirk on her face, probably imagining how the old hag would remain unsuspecting about his prized possession.

"Not a museum's painting, huh?"

"No. It was small scale this time."

I nodded, took another swig of my drink, and then rested my head on the wall.

"Alice, Bella is gone."

She wasn't surprised.

She probably already thought about that when she saw what I did inside my house.

I handed her the letter.

She read it for a few minutes in silence, and then gave it back to me.

I took another swig.

"So, she finally told you how she feels."

I looked over at her and realized something – Alice had been Bella's confidant.

"And you didn't tell me about this before? Why?"

"I thought you already knew. Bella was very easy to read and she really couldn't hide her feelings from you well."

"I did know. I just can't believe that she realized it." I shook my head.

How Bella could have fallen for me was beyond comprehension. It still didn't erase my incredulity that someone like her – so pure, innocent – was able to fall for me, and was bold enough to tell me how she felt.

What did she see in me?

"So, what's your plan now?"

"I don't know. Kill the dog; that fucking Jacob Black for threatening Bella?"

"He's not part of your plan. Don't do it, Edward."

I shrugged and drank again.

I'd gladly kill Jacob anytime of any day. However, Alice was right – he wasn't part of the plan.

Why is the fucking alcohol not hitting me yet?

"Bella wants you to change. She wants to save you – save all of us. Don't lose her like this, Edward. For the first time in your life, you could be happy with someone. I know you think you don't deserve her love, but why not be selfish and be with her? It's still not too late to walk away from this life, you know."

That irked me.

"It's fucking too late Alice! Don't you fucking see how fucking ruined I am? I am a fucking monster with a humongous fucking hatred and a fucking life."

Alice chuckled, and I grew angrier.

"Edward, if only you could see the changes we've seen with you these past couple of days. I am telling you, you're far from your previous self. I think your hatred has subsided, even a little."

I glared at her.

"Don't you do that, Edward Cullen; I know before, it seemed impossible to live with everything that had happened to you. Killing those people was the only way you could live, but right now, it's not the only way anymore. Think. If you're with Bella, is there any bigger reason to live than just simply to be with her?"

"I'm too close to my goal, Alice."

"I know you are."

Fucking Rosalie teaming up with fucking Alice.

Rosalie said the same things to me this morning, and I knew the two must have spoken about me again.

We were silent for a while.

I took another swig, and finally felt the much-needed heat from my head to my neck – an indication that the alcohol was finally doing its job.

"Why is every fucking person I care about leaving me, Alice?"

She put her gun down the floor to take my left hand with both of hers.

"I'm still here, we're still here. And Bella could be here if you change course."

"You know it's not that easy. Boss will be pissed – more than pissed – and will have a bigger excuse to get rid of me."

She patted the back of my hand.

"We'll find a way, Edward. However, right now, all you have to think about is what you truly want, and whether Bella means more to you than your past.

Are you willing to lose her like this?"

Fuck.

I need to drink more.

And then start thinking about what to do next.

Although I think, I know the answer already.

A/N: There you have it: a short outtake of Edward's reaction to Bella's departure after Chapter 15. I hope you liked it. I enjoyed writing this one.