In their first days of courting, Naruto and Hinata tried on three separate occasions to be a normal, post-war, newly-matched couple. They tried, like Goldilocks, three bowls of the proverbial porridge, except for them no relief came with their third try. They attempted, to no avail, to sleep comfortably in the proverbial beds, and unlike the human girl of the classic fairytale, Hinata and Naruto were quite relaxed; they quite ready to eat the cold, hot, and just right porridge. They relished in their too hard, too soft, and just right beds…But like the little girl of Grimm storytelling, Naruto and Hinata were indeed interrupted in their bliss by annoying, indignant, and pissed off bears.
But it was…Every. Single. Time.
Attempt Number One: Ichiraku's
Naruto Uzumaki and Hinata Hyuga walked side by side through Konoha on a bright Saturday afternoon. It was their first date, and even though professions of love had already been made on both sides, there was no sign to passerby that the two considered themselves anything more than close friends. There was no handholding—Hinata was far too shy about that sort of thing at this point in time and Naruto was too worried about savoring and marinating over his time with Hinata, not at all eager to move things quickly. There was no stopping on random street corners to risk pecks at cheeks and lips. Hinata had decided against the territorial fad of girls putting their hand in their significant other's back pant pocket. Naruto had cast his vote in favor of not draping his arm around his girlfriend—they could call themselves that, now, right? Girlfriend and boyfriend?—the Uzumaki actually found that gesture to be awkward, especially when Hinata preferred to keep her arms clasped at her sides. Professions of love were already made—and they made them over and over again habitually—what did they have to prove to anyone?
The only indication that any random passing individual would have of the couple's status was that the two of them did plenty of staring at each other. Glances here, peaks there, and when the clearly animated conversation got to an especially high point, there was plenty of staring. Longing, passionate, odd staring. Each time as if they were falling in love with each other all over again.
"Are you hungry?" Naruto asked during a low point of discourse. He had just before the question been discussing his favorite types of meats and spices—regularly inquiring to Hinata about her own—as if he were Choji disguised, and so Hinata picked up on the cue that he must be in want of a meal. And as he chattered on about pork and what—whatever the hell—cardamom is, the Hyuga began to realize the depth of her own hunger.
Hinata smiled at her boyfriend—she could call him that now, right? Boyfriend?—and nodded.
The couple was sat down on stools in front of Ichiraku's food stall. Naruto was too busy slurping down his bowl of ramen to engage in a conversation now, and Hinata didn't mind that. She had never been much of a talker and all of that chatter, no matter how exciting and interesting and that sometimes showcased how terrifyingly similar their belief systems were, somewhat exhausted her. Conversation with Naruto, she was starting to see, was like an S-class mission. And so she ate her meal in silence, content with just being with him.
"Hey it's Hinata!" a loud and unfortunately recognizable voice called from somewhere across the market square.
Kiba Inuzuka and Shino Aburame walked up to the stall and Hinata turned in her seat to happily greet them. Naruto sucked up what noodles remained in between his chopsticks and frowned.
"What are you doing here, Hinata?" Naruto heard the dog-boy ask. His eyes narrowed.
As if that wasn't obvious, Kiba, he thought to himself impatiently.
"Well," Hinata began slowly, "Naruto and I are—"
"We're on a date, Kiba," Naruto interjected, now facing Hinata's teammates with her. He shifted his eyes to Shino, who had remained quiet by Kiba's side—"Shino," he greeted with tight lips. Shino said not a word in reply.
"Wait," Kiba said whilst scoffing, "Are you serious?"
"Kiba…" Hinata quietly chastised, knowing Kiba wouldn't listen to her anyway.
"Yeah," Naruto replied with a quizzical, almost insulted brow, "why wouldn't I be?"
Kiba laughed out loud this time, but felt a jab at his side from Shino and a decidedly icy glare from Hinata, "Never mind, Naruto…"
"Anyway," Shino finally spoke, "Hinata, I'm sorry but you're kinda needed…We've been looking for you all day. Hokage orders; we're meant to leave out for a mission in a few hours."
"Oh…" Hinata said, extremely disappointed.
Of all the days! she cursed the gods.
Naruto nodded in understanding when Hinata looked at him. Sensing Hinata's rising unease about kissing the orange ninja on the lips in front of Kiba and Shino, Ichiraku and his daughter, he opted to kiss her on her cheeks. It would have to do until he saw her off at the gates. In that moment, insecurities and embarrassments be damned. He was going to kiss the love of his life on her pretty, soft, and irresistible lips, dammit!
As she walked away with the rest of her squad, Naruto prayed the next attempt would be without interruption.
Attempt Number Two: His House
Of course, it wasn't. Of course something had to happen, because that was just, apparently, the luck Naruto and Hinata had. They tried again immediately after the Hyuga came back from an unbearably long two-week mission and Naruto was ushered off to Suna a week after Hinata left for an insulting and malicious month. A month! That was five weeks having not laid eyes on her. That was five weeks of her not feeling his lips against hers. Unforgivable!
When they were both back, Naruto had sent Hinata a letter a week before his return to meet him at his apartment. Hinata initially blushed at the idea of waiting for Naruto in his apartment, thinking of the impropriety of the idea, but then she shook that thought off. She was nineteen years old, damn it! Hyuga custom and strictness did not have to rule her choices, especially since she was not heiress any longer. So she found his key hidden behind a loose board—which Hinata reasoned was probably letting in a draft—and let herself in and waited.
They were on his sofa, innocently viewing some kind of situational comedy show and later some sexually-charged soap opera. When the bombshell character began passionately kissing the Byronic hero of this cheesy display for entertainment, Naruto got it into his head to make some television-worthy moments with his own beautiful love interest. And soon he and Hinata were busy making out on his couch, the plot of the next show on Naruto's television set lost on them as dialogue and background music were drowned out by the smacking of lips latching and unlatching from one another.
Naruto and Hinata both heard a key turn the formerly locked doorknob of a door that lead directly to this display in the living room, but neither really registered the impact of what they were hearing, too lost in each other to care. So when Sasuke Uchiha, returned again from yet another journey of philanthropy and atonement, saw hisusuratonkachi feeling up and madly kissing a kunoichi he no doubt recognized, but wished he hadn't….
Well, Naruto and Hinata only had themselves to blame for this little impromptu show…and the utter embarrassment that followed. Normally, Sasuke would just leave situations like this before they even became something, but seeing as he'd never been in a situation like this, he was paralyzed by uncertainty. And by curiosity. It was the kind of curiosity that people felt when there was a car accident. People want to look away, to speed ever faster down the highway, but they can't.
So, slack-jawed, Sasuke stood there like a deer in headlights, completely unnoticed by Naruto and Hinata, who lay beneath the blond. (Who was also about an inch and four more kisses into getting her breast fondled by an eager wannabe lover.) As they continued. To go at it. Like horny, insatiable dogs in heat. Sasuke would have colored himself impressed. They went a considerably long time without coming up for air. So he would have, that is, if he wasn't absolutely destroyed by what he had witnessed.
When Naruto finally looked up from his girlfriend, and felt a presence not their own, both he, Sasuke, and eventually Hinata screamed in abject and disgusted terror.
Attempt Number Three: Her House
Sasuke demanded an explanation. Hinata looked like she was about to gag. Naruto stammered his way through an embarrassed and angry tirade on the importance of knocking. Sasuke commented that he announced his arrival outside the door and Naruto had already told the Sharingan user that he could enter whenever he damn well pleased…And that time just happened to be when Naruto and Hinata were swapping spit.
After Sasuke said he came just because he didn't want to traipse around Konoha for any length of time, being subject to angry stares and whispers and such, Naruto told his best friend to stay with him then. He practically begged Hinata with his eyes to forgive him for putting Sasuke above them and Hinata made a concerted effort show Naruto that she wasn't mad and that she understood, which she did. She knew Sasuke's situation and how important he was to Naruto and so she went home, until next time…
The next time, was the scariest of all. At least, to Naruto. Hinata assured the blond that when Naruto came to the compound two days after their last fiasco that no one but she and a few staff and branch family children would be home. She promised Naruto that her strict and taciturn father, Hiashi, would be out of sight and therefore out of her nervous boyfriend's mind.
As a precaution anyway, Naruto transformed into Hinata's little sister, Hanabi, just before rounding the corner to the Hyuga compound. He knocked on the window to Hinata's room and she answered, struggling to stifle her growing laughter at the sight of her "sister" looking nervous outside her window.
"Hey," Naruto said in a prepubescent, feminine voice, "it's me."
"I know," Hinata replied as the girlish figure climbed into her bedroom.
In a poof Hanabi's form dissipated and was replaced by a much taller, much more masculine, and much more goofy looking Naruto Uzumaki.
"Hey, I didn't want to risk being seen coming here, just in case someone saw me and decided to tell your father." Hinata chuckled that thought to the side.
"You, Naruto Uzumaki, war hero, and future Hokage," Hinata said playfully, touching his cheek gently as she did, "are afraid of my father?"
Naruto leaned down to kiss Hinata, and when he came back up, he said, "Yeah, but my feelings for you outweigh the fear."
After their last date, Hinata figured if someone did happen to walk in on them, it wouldn't matter. They'd learned their lesson about make out sessions and assuming they'd be private, and they certainly weren't about to hop on her bed and have sex. No, kissing was about as far as they were both willing to go, and now not even that.
Today, they resumed conversation and after a few hours, they went into the kitchen and cooked together, the conversation never lulling. Naruto had never known too much about Hinata before they started dating, but since then, he knew so much. He knew she loved to do flower pressing, that she had a dog once named Ahiko, she loved using her hands and making things, and so much more. He learned more about her each minute, each hour, and each day they were together.
"So did you end up trying it?" Naruto asked Hinata as he was peeling potatoes.
"Y-yeah," Hinata confirmed cheerily, "Except…that's when my sister blurted out that I was eating bull testes, and I kinda threw up. Really, they didn't taste bad, it was just the idea of eating cow balls…"
Naruto laughed out loud and Hinata followed suit, unbridled bliss filled the living space.
"Hinata?"
Beside herself with joy, Hinata replied unthinkingly, "Yes, Hanabi?"
Hinata's laughter ceased. Her eyes grew wide as she spotted her little sister and father in the doorway.
"Wh-what are you guys doing home so early?" Hinata questioned, slightly paler. She was more afraid for her boyfriend than anyone else, "I didn't expect you home un-until later tonight."
"My training went shorter…than expected…What—"
"Naruto," Hiashi interjected, greeting with a smile the boy who seemed to retreat inside himself, "it's nice to see you."
"Uh…" Naruto was practically sweating, "Yeah, same, Lord Hiashi."
"Uh…maybe I should get going," Naruto thought he whispered this, but apparently not, as Hiashi spoke up assertively as he removed his sandals.
"Of course not," he says, "Stay! You've clearly made plans to stay. Don't let our arrival hinder that."
"O…kay…" Naruto agreed hesitantly.
"Hanabi and I will leave you two to your…date?" Hiashi ended the his statement with a question, clearly not imagining a date to be two lovers cooking together…that was called marriage.
"But, Father," Hanabi objected, but was silenced by her father's glare.
"Let's go, Hanabi, you still have a few forms I'd like to see you perfect today."
Naruto watched them leave the room. He was relieved. Hiashi didn't glare at him angrily or chase him around the village with swords in hand. He seemed…welcoming and completely okay with—with this. With them. Maybe third time's the charm.
Naruto tapped Hinata with his elbow, who continued to chop vegetables beside him.
"Hm?" she asked, not looking up from her skillful knife work.
Naruto Uzumaki bent down to kiss Hinata Hyuga—his love and his everything.
He stopped kissing her when he heard a clearing of the a throat. It was Hanabi Hyuga.
"Keep it clean, kids," she warned, grabbed her kunai set off the kitchen table, and left.
Naruto kept his distance the rest of the night.