The Unique: Chapter Two
"Yondah lies da castle of my foddah. That's got to be the most boring castle ever," she decided. "Square, grey stones, round towers make for the most utterly dull, flat Platonic ideal of a castle in the whole universe." The battlement-topped walls protected a round keep in the middle.
Daria sat down on a log at forest's edge and took her time looking at the castle a half-mile or so ahead. Her faithful stream diverged from her path to flow on the other side of the castle. She could see the water had been diverted at one time to fill the brackish moat which predictably protected the fortress. Branching off the path was a wider gray lane which ran to the drawbridge.
"I could walk on by. But the requirements of a proper quest dictate that I challenge whoever resides in yonder castle. He will come riding out on his charger, lance couched when I come in view. But as I am a fair maiden the lord of the manor should offer me succor."
"I'm sick of eating raspberries and squirrels without Dad's curry sauce. The lord of yon Castle Cliché shall feast me tonight."
"Get a grip, Morgendorffer, just go knock on the damn door."
She stretched before slipping her bow off her shoulder and into her left hand. She strode out of the trees.
"Cement? It's a sidewalk?" She turned onto the wide stretch of smooth concrete. "Oh well, another little slice of home."
Daria paused before stepping onto the drawbridge. Pennants snapping in the breeze were the only sounds. No one challenged her from the battlements or the arrow slits on the towers.
She made her heavy boots echo loudly on the drawbridge. She contemplated the thick iron ring bolted on the door set into the heavy wooden gate.
Daria shook her head. "Okay, now I'm going with the I am lying in a coma and having weird dreams theory. But I thought I was more imaginative than this."
Nobody seemed to be coming out to greet her with platters of suckling pig and flagons of ale so she smacked the iron ring down three times.
"Quinn!?, eh, Quinns?"
"Daria," the two red-tressed girls greeted her emotionlessly.
"I like your threads but are you sure it's the right season to wear white?"
The long-robed Quinns only smiled and closed the door behind them. They turned and walked off down a torch-lit corridor apparently expecting Daria to follow.
"Have you two had your coffee yet? You guys look half-asleep, well more brain-dead than usual, I mean. Wait, I forgot, you don't drink coffee. Bad for the complexion. Do you call each other 'Quinn'? 'Quinn One. Quinn Two.' Who gets to be which? Hey? Better question: you got coffee for me?"
Daria realized she was prattling like her sister, at least, like a sister she had somewhere and not like these two silent girls who only smiled at her as they led her into the courtyard surrounding the central keep.
Quinn and Quinn waited serenely while Daria began to fidget. She wished for her quiver to hang at her hip instead of being strapped over her right shoulder. It would have been more natural and less-conspicuous to rest a hand on an arrow at her waist than to reach over her shoulder to draw, nock and loose. She kept a hand on her long knife.
"So, are we waiting for Prince Valiant or King Artie? I'm really kind of hungry; I could go for suckling pig pizza. Or with my luck you'll probably make me a scullery maid."
Quinn and Quinn smiled at her calmly. Two figures in long red velvet gowns stepped out into the wan sunlight from another door.
"Jane!" Daria exclaimed and stepped towards them happily. Of course, neither of the two Janes in black and red gowns were her Jane. They smiled as serenely and impersonally as Quinn and Quinn as they beckoned for Daria to step through the door.
Quinn and Quinn tightened rank behind her and she was herded. Since she had been yanked out of Lawndale, Daria had learned when to act quickly and when to wait and go with the flow and she was winging it at the moment, waiting for some new information to act on. The Janes looked about as responsive as the Quinns.
"A bath!" Daria could not help exclaiming at the wide marble pool full of inviting, steaming water. This would be a wonderful change from the welcome but cold water of her stream. Racks of towels stood around the edge of the pool. Silver trays held colored salts. She turned to the girls happy now to go with the obvious flow of the situation.
"Okay, you can all go now. I'm a big girl. I can do it myself. Give me, oh, about an hour. Then you can lead me to that suckling pig pizza."
The Janes and Quinns only infuriatingly, sweetly smiled as they gestured to the bath. Quinn stood behind her, Daria realizing she was waiting to pick up Daria's clothes.
Daria bit her lip in embarrassment. She wanted to bathe but she was also a modest thing. More going with the flow, she thought as she stripped. Jane took her hand and unnecessarily helped her down a couple steps into the steaming water.
"Ahh," she sighed. "Yeah. You're not much company but I owe you for this."
Daria was grateful that the Janes and Quinns made no move to disrobe. Quinn gave her a sponge and bar of soap. Daria moved to the center of the pool and submerged herself several times. The sponge scrubbed off grime from a dozen worlds.
Daria felt like a little girl again. She missed her nuclear attack submarines and aircraft carriers which she had ready to sink Quinn's yellow rubber duckies in the old Highland house. She let herself frolic and splash under the disinterested gaze of the four girls.
Jane waved her over. She smelled her usual citrusy shampoo as Jane poured a generous amount into her palm from a silver ewer. Jane's fingers lathered and massaged her scalp.
"The Master will sup with you soon." Daria jumped as Jane said her first words. Jane and Jane both held out their hands to help her out of the pool.
She accepted a wide, fluffy white towel from Quinn. Daria brushed away hands attempting to help her dry herself but let Quinn help her into a soft, white robe. Jane and Jane brushed out her hair with soft bristles. Daria stiffened as they leaned in very close to set her hair with emeralds and cut black onyx.
Her dusty ripped jeans and tee-shirt had disappeared along with her weapons she noted as Quinn and Quinn held out a green and black gown.
"My favorite colors." She let them dress her. "I could get used to this. Almost."
She was being herded again as Jane and Jane led the way with Quinn and Quinn following. They took her through a door in the round, central keep and climbed a spiral stair. Daria's stomach growled as savory food smells wafted to her nose. The room her escorts herded her into contained two chairs set facing each other across a table spread with fruit, bread, salads and…"Pizza!" Daria exclaimed happily at several pies arranged on the table. Even the cheeseless, vegetarian pie looked thoroughly appetizing.
Daria was about to sit and consume slices when another door opened and in walked…"TOM!"
Tom Sloane approached with his usual confident half-smile. She held out her hand as he was about to embrace her.
"One question, no two," Daria began drawing back a step. "Are you the 'Master' of this joint and did you drag me through hell and high water from my boring Lawndale to this boring and hot and dry place?"
"Yes and yes," Tom began. "I can explain, Daria. We two are…"
Smack! Daria's impulsive slap stopped any exposition. Tom was the third man she had ever slapped and she noted it still felt satisfying. She also noted she was still not doing it right as Tom was still standing.
Tom held his reddening face and regarded Daria with an admiration which frightened her a little.
"'I can explain, Daria.' Yeah. You'd better believe you're going to explain but first I want something besides the dry roasted squirrel and raspberries I've been eating for the last three days."
She sat as Tom held out her chair then scooted it under her. Without preamble or permission Daria tucked in. Tom smirked and joined her. Quinn and Jane and Jane and Quinn filled goblets with cold water and red and white wines. Daria noshed and smacked not bothering with manners but keeping Tom under wary surveillance. The wines were wonderful; she was very careful not to overindulge.
"This castle is on the dull side, Tom," Daria told him abruptly as she accepted warm wet towels from Jane to clean her fingers and face. "Didn't your decorators learn anything from King Ludwig II?"
"Neuschwanstein was tres gauche, my dear. Now that we're together we can make a better fortress. But that's too small a plan."
The mock ups of her sister and best friend begin clearing the table as she and Tom sat back.
"We're together only in the sense of being in the same universe and same room. With what I've been through that doesn't sound nearly as crazy as it should. Now you better explain why I should believe you aren't the figment of an IV painkiller drip in Cedars of Lawndale."
Tom stood and moved to look out a window and mused. "What kind of guy would drag an old flame through the multiverse?"
"That sounds both rhetorical and incredibly cheesy, but go on. I have all the time in wherever the hell I am."
"How many Quinns and Janes did you meet since you left our Lawndale?"
Daria noted the 'our' and decided she could play along socratically. "Counting these four, dozens. I lost track just attempting to survive in some worlds."
Tom nodded infuriatingly. "And how many Darias and Toms?"
Daria tamped down a nagging panic she which she had suppressed frequently. "None." she declared. "Assuming you are 'my' Tom. And please note the air quotes."
Tom smirked. "I asked you, 'What kind of guy.' The answer is a unique one. Unique, Daria. You and I. The multiverse, God, whatever, Daria, made only one of each of us. You and me. We're the culmination of the development of the human race."
Daria could not tell why but her blood began to run colder. "How do you know that?" she challenged. "From what I can tell there are infinite universes. Even a Sloane can't look at each one."
"I've been through thousands of universes, Daria. And I've had the greatest minds in the multiverse work on the problem. No, we are unique, kid. There's only one Daria Morgendorffer and one Tom Sloane and it all started in that Lawndale we share. That's one end of the human multiverse and this world is the other."
"My response is a big, so what? Yawn, I need a nap. I hope you have a decent bed in this joint and something besides my quiver for a pillow."
"Daria, you and I together have a chance, a duty to make the multiverse right. One of us alone is very powerful. I made this castle in one day, the first day you were here. Two of us, two uniques, I can teach you how to use powers you don't know you have. It took me many trips to odd worlds to figure out myself how to use my abilities and many more trips to figure out what to do. We can make the world over the way it needs to be."
"I'm glad you took our discussions of Stalin to heart, Tom. It wasn't wasted. But why the hell, if you can make this castle just by thinking of it or whatever, did you have me walk three days to get here? Not that I didn't appreciate the finer points of learning to hunt, butcher and cook squirrel. And why not just give me a backpack of pop-tarts instead of a bow?"
"The multiverse is a peculiar place, Daria. Now that we're together we can bend it to our will but when I was alone I was limited. I could only make you enter the world where you did. This castle is at the best spot for the both of us to have max power."
Tom smirked slyly. "And I thought the bow and arrows would be a familiar comfort, Daria. Hunting would teach you some self-reliance."
"We can be the power behind every throne, Daria." He returned to his theme. "We don't have to be worshipped. I know you well enough."
"Know what I think, Sloane?" Daria asked angrily. Softer then, "We're broken, Tom. You and me. We're defective. That's why there's only one of each of us. The universe made us and God said, 'Okay, big mistake. Don't need even one more. Break the mold.' But Jane, Quinn, Elsie? God saw they were good and let the multiverse have as many billions of each as it wanted."
Tom hesitated then replied firmly, "No, we're the ultimate completion and culmination of the multiverse. Don't say 'universe', it's thinking too small, Daria, for its future queen. What kind of guy would I be if I didn't offer you the chance to run things the way you want, the way things should be?
"Tom, you were always terrible at giving gifts or inviting me to stuff with your family. You don't have to give me the multiverse now to make up for it. Well, maybe just a warm, sun-drenched small continent or two."
"Tom, you've dragged me through a couple dozen worlds now. I've seen enough of the multiverse to know things are the same everywhere and any when. People try to get along and get by as best they can and hold themselves to whatever standards they can fulfill. I started to accept that a couple years ago in Lawndale. Getting dragged through cross-dimensional portals behind Chinese restaurant dumpsters to getting spit out here made me realize I'm not smart enough to rule the multiverse or even one tiny world. Tom, no one is. That's okay. I just want to get home and write and help people hold themselves to the highest standards they can reach. God, that was almost longer than my graduation speech and even cheesier. But I have to thank you, Tom."
Daria paused and Tom looked expectant and hopeful. She continued, "This is the biggest story in the history of history. Maybe no one will believe it but at least I know it. Assuming I'm not lying mangled in a coma back in Lawndale."
She mused. "Butchering squirrels; getting mugged for a lousy bologna sandwich; nearly dying a war fought with giant robots, running from the cops because I tried to pass United States of America cash in the United Republics of America. I'm nineteen years old with two-hundred years of experience."
Tom took her hand. Daria's heart melted as he looked into her eyes. She tamped down the flood of memories his kiss brought on and just enjoyed being a woman held by a man. Her left foot rose as she leaned into him. After a long moment they broke the kiss. She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heart and soft breaths.
"You always were a great kisser." She said at last. "I can't be your queen consort either, Tom."
"I've watched you with guys and girls," he said.
Daria pulled away, holding him now at arm's length. "You pervert!" The reaction was more reflexive than heartfelt. She had been through so much that she wasn't sure she had the energy for outrage.
"What kind of guy would I be if I tried to keep you from what you are and who you want?" He went on quietly. "Daria, I've seen you with the Jane from Universe 234-37-A, the United Republics one. Let's build a castle with fairy spires and towers for both of you."
Tom broke their embrace. "Let me at least take you on a little tour of some interesting worlds," he offered. "We can go some places where it's easy for you to learn to use your powers. I had to drag you here quickly, cutting some corners and I know it wasn't always comfortable. Once you feel the power, you'll start to know what a shame it is to waste. What a duty we have to use each other for better worlds."
Tom took her hand and led her out the door. He made a shooing motion when the Janes and Quinns started to follow. He led her to the very top room of the keep.
"You need an Igor and an Igor," she opined when he motioned her into a room done in mad-scientist, wizard decor. A stuffed crocodile even hung from the ceiling.
Tom headed for the contraption in the room's center: three high intersecting bands of steel with LED like projections. The multi-colored LEDs flashed after Tom flicked a switch and set controls on a console. He gestured politely for Daria to enter the contraption.
"Uh, you first," Daria responded.
"This transporter only works with the two of us in it. Once we're in together we don't need to find and get jerked around in portals anymore. I think it'll be a much more comfortable way to travel."
"You think? So this is the test run? How about we run a squirrel through first or better Quinn and Quinn."
"Well, yeah. Come on, Daria. A little trust here. It's built for us." Tom appeared to suffer no ill effects as he stepped under the lights and extended his hand. She bit her lip and took his hand stepping to his side.
Tom gave her a huge grin and took a remote control from his pocket. He turned away from her and confidently pressed a button.
Tom disappeared. Daria jumped out of the device and began panting fast and hard letting off a band of stress she only then felt. She turned at a zapping sound in time to see a perplexed-looking Tom wink into sight under the lights. Then he was gone again.
Quinn and Jane and Jane and Quinn entered the room. They all grinned at Daria. Jane and Jane stepped up to embrace her followed by Quinn and Quinn.
"Daria," Quinn started uncertainly. "Do you really believe what you said? That you're defective, I mean?"
Daria heard but could not answer. She was watching at a perplexed, angry-looking Tom Sloane blinking in and out of the containment field every few seconds. The mesmerizing scene never changed. Jane put a gentle hand on her shoulder then firmly pulled her away, turning her to face them.
"You saved the multiverse by believing us, Daria Morgendorffer," Jane said.
"Tom was a good guy," Daria said ignoring her. "A little spoiled, sure, but he was working on that. Still a decent guy. What happened? How'd he go all multiversally megalomaniac?"
"We think traveling through the multiverse too many times too fast puts a strain on people's sanity." Quinn answered.
"So I can look forward to wanting to rule Lawwwwndale High when I get back home? Assuming I do wake up from this fever dream."
Jane sucked in a breath. "Probably not, Daria. We think it's a cumulative effect sort of like smoking."
"Smoking? Ewww." Quinn and Quinn grimaced.
Jane and Jane cast them a glance and went on. "You sort of had the equivalent of two packs of ciggies."
"Coffin nails." Daria interjected.
"Cancer sticks. Heaters." Jane went on. "We hope it's not habit-forming and once you get back home your moral little lungs will clear themselves out and you won't want to go traipsing through the multiverse enslaving lesser beings. Ever again."
"The urge to rule over Quinn is strong but the responsibility conflicts with my innate laziness. I think I'll pass."
"And just in case," Jane's voice hardened. "Know that we will hunt you down and take you down. Tom was becoming more powerful and knowledgeable and now we are too. I'm dedicated to protecting reality, Daria. Well, that and painting really cool stuff."
Daria shuddered at the earnest look in Jane's eyes. She fully believed them.
"Science and sorcery," Daria said as she began taking the green and black gems from her auburn hair handing each to Jane.
"I don't know why I believed you when you whispered in my ear as you set these in my hair. I don't know why I didn't jump sky high either. 'Trust us. Just get him in the pretty, flickering lights with you.' Jane, I guess I'm just a sucker for your stories."
"Jane actually talked to you," Jane said gesturing at a smirking Jane. "It was our last and only chance. If you had joined with Tom we're not sure we could have overcome you two uniques working together."
"It's time for you to go home, Daria," Quinn interrupted. "Every second of your presence here distorts realities."
"I've long felt that way about you and the fashion zombies, Quinn. But please you owe it the multiversal savior to answer a few questions. Why's my Lawndale so different that it spawned me and Tom? And what's this place?"
"Your Lawndale and this Lawndale-we've heard you call it that-we think are the two poles or ends or whatever of human existence," Jane began.
"Just one reality on either side," Quinn picked up. "And the air gets really yucky. There's no naturally occurring people and you don't want to meet the THINGS there."
Quinn and Quinn shuddered coldly and Daria noted that even Jane and Jane cast nervous glances at the floor. "Ewww. We think too much driving around and distorting the realities like Tom was doing opens up our human worlds to those THINGS."
"We don't know if you two were and are the first and only uniques. Somehow Tom discovered what he was and how to travel through the multiverse. It jolted things just enough for the scientists and wizards in our realities to figure out some things and discover what a danger Tom was. Tom was way ahead of us and more powerful than we can imagine. But a few people on our worlds came up with this last ditch plan to try to stop him."
"Ahhh...it was nothing," Quinn and Quinn said beaming.
"You?" Daria said in surprise. "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean it that way."
"Oh, Daria. You're not the only smart Morgendorffer, you know." Quinn said.
"Really," Quinn continued. "When I first saw you on my world I thought that emeralds and onyx would look great in your hair. I came up with the idea to put spells and store energy in the stones to keep you out of the trap we set for Tom. But we had to trust you to go along with it. We only could get enough energy to trap one of you. Now we think you need to go home and sort of anchor that reality. That reality created you and we think all the human worlds need you to stay there."
"Okay, I'm ready," Daria said turning to take one last look at Tom. "But where is he going on the other side of his far out trip?"
Jane chewed her lip. "Again, we don't know. Daria, you can't believe how much of this we had to pull out of our asses on the fly. There's probably some powerful wizard or scientist or group somewhere lobbing Tom the tennis ball back to us here."
Daria thought a moment. "So you four are the only humans in the universe?"
Quinn shook her head. "No, there's a few thousand primitive hunters and gatherers on a continent a couple thousand miles away. They make really nice warm fur coats. I'm taking a few back to my place for Tiffany and Stacy."
"Me too, only I have only a Tiffany and Sandi to shop for," Quinn continued. "The weird thing is, on this world all the humans are born as twins. Maybe that balances you and Tom at Lawndale."
"But you really have to be going now," Jane cut in.
"You can send me straight home?"
"No," Jane said. "We can get you on the way but you'll have to revisit and find the portals in some worlds which are nubs in the multiverse."
"Nodes," the Quinns corrected. "It should be a faster trip back to your home than the one here."
"Okay, little Daria's ready to go home and be a boat anchor for the safety of the multiverse."
The four closed a circle around her. They took out dopey-looking ray guns and aimed at her. Daria was about to yell, "Don't shoot." when she felt the now-familiar tingly, buzzing sensations of entering a portal. The Quinns and Janes became indistinct although she thought she saw Jane and Jane smirking appreciatively at her.