A/N: Hey everybody I have to apologize for this taking so long. I promise I haven't forgotten about this story. I have to thank every single one of you who have stuck by me and read this story. I swear I will finish it I'm just super busy so I won't make any promises about how soon it will be finished but it will get finished. Just hang in there with me this story is just getting started. I also have just been having some trouble writing like my motivation just up and flew away but your guy's reviews are what inspire me to keep going so thanks to all!

Now I'll stop rambling on with the story. READ & REVIEW :)

Ch.9

Dean didn't know what was wrong with him. How in the hell did he allow himself to break down in front of his dad like that. He needed to be strong for Sammy just like dad said. Dean felt sick to his stomach but that was probably just due to this whole situation. But now that he thought about it Dean did feel a little dizzy and his head was pounding as if santa's elves had taken up a permanent residence. Maybe he should say something about that oh yea and that sharp pain in his side should probably be brought up but none of that mattered when Sam was even a little bit off and especially when he was hurt this bad. Dean would just have to push back his own discomfort until Sam was a-okay again.

Dean couldn't stop thinking about the surgery Sammy was going through and about all the what-ifs. His father had finally drifted off into a fitful sleep which surprised Dean, but maybe more time had past then he realized. Thats when Dean heard the alarm for someone coding. Dean jumped to his feet, his stomach dropped, and his heart flew into his throat. He didn't know how but he knew. Dean knew that his baby brother was dead. His Sammy had flatlined and all he could do was let out a gut retching cry as he aloud himself to drop to the floor.

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John was drifting in and out of sleep when he heard a heart broken sob. John immediately flew out of his chair ready for a fight, hunter training making him react offensively. John knelt down next to his oldest son as soon as he saw him on the floor. It was deja vu from earlier but now Dean was- well he was doing absolutely nothing. No crying no hitched breathing Dean was on his side and simply had his knees pulled to his chest and was staring off into who knows what.

"Dean..." John tried to remain calm and keep his voice level. But when he got no response not even an acknowledgement he started to panic. "DEAN! Hey hey come on Dean say something buddy you're scaring your old man and thats saying something." John's hands started to pat his sons face and shake his curled up body. Nothing. John, scared his son was injured quickly began to check his son over. John cursed when he noticed a couple bruised ribs and spat out obscenities when he found blood coming from the back of his sons skull. How had he not noticed this. The half of the back of his son's shirt was caked in blood. Why did Dean not say anything earlier. Crap and double crap with the adrenalin and the worry over Sam of course Dean wouldn't say anything. John should of checked his goddamn son for injuries straight away but being the crap father that he knew he was he neglected his son too worry stricken for the other. John, knowing he had to get Dean off the floor and some medical attention gently scooped his son off the floor and laid him out on the hospital bed in the center of the room.

John gently ran his fingers through his son's short hair as he leaned down and whispered into Dean's ear. "Hey buddy I'm gonna go get some help." Again getting no reaction John rushed to get some help.

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Sammy, his Sammy was dead. The boy that he raised, the boy that was only six months old and entrusted into his care was Dead. Dean remembered the moment when his father entrusted a six month old Sammy into his care. He could smell the smoke and the brunt flesh. The heat was intense and the tiny baby in his arms was screaming. Dean could remember looking down into watery hazel eyes and just knowing he had to protect this tiny life at all cost. He remembered all those bullies and how Sam, after starting kindergarten came home crying for his Deanie. Dean remembered wiping Sammy's tears and holding him close promising to take care of it. He remembered when Sammy had a fever of 103.8 and dad was no where to be found or contacted, out hunting a pack of were-wolfs. Dean remembered being so scared for Sam who was only seven years old. He remembered putting Sam in an ice bath and staying up with a delirious Sam for 24 hours until his fever broke. Dean remembered Sam and himself crunched up in the back seat of the only home they ever knew tying to get some sleep and stay warm because they couldn't afford a motel for the freezing January night. Dean remembered helping Sam with all those late night projects that were due the next day at school. Sam was his everything. Sam was his hope, love, innocence, family, his reason for living. Dean could feel that connection he had to his brother severed. Now he couldn't find the will to do anything but let go. Dean knew since that horrible night that if he failed in his duty to protect that tiny life and Sam died Dean would cease to exist. Nothing mattered without Sam.

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It was weird. Darkness was everywhere. It felt as if he were floating. Then was a small light off into the distance. He could feel himself going towards it. The last thing he remembered was pain and...Dean. Dean where was Dean. He needed Dean. Dean said he wasn't going anywhere. He promised! Now where was he? The light began to expand and envelop him. It was warm and felt like love. But he didn't want to go into it! He wanted Dean! Suddenly He found himself standing in a never ending field of green grass. He looked up at the never ending sky in awe. It was strangely beautiful. The sky wasn't your everyday blue, it was filled with color. It seemed alive as the purples and blues and greens twisted turned and twirled. The sky was dancing.

"Sam" a velvety angelic voice spoke softly tearing Sam's gaze away from the dancing sky. There a good hundred feet away was a woman in a white gown with golden hair flowing down to her waist. The woman didn't scream she simply spoke softly but yet Sam could hear her perfectly. She was beautiful and somehow looked vaguely familiar. Suddenly she was standing a few feet in front of him. "Samuel." she said softly. Thats when it dawned on him.

"Mommy." He whimpered.

"It's okay comere baby." His mother embraced him. Sam felt completely loved and protected in his mothers arms, it felt just like it did when he was in Dean's embrace.

"I- I don't understand whats happening. Where am I? Where's Dean? Why are you here? How are you here?" Sam rambled.

"shhh shhh. It's alright I'll explain everything baby." Mary smoothed down her baby's hair. "Honey you were in surgery and weren't strong enough. You lost a lot of blood and you flat lined."

"Does that mean I-i'm... d-dead?" Sam stuttered.

"For right now it does. I am here to either take you the rest of the way to heaven or to help you back into your body. This place is like the road to heaven and now you have a difficult decision to make."

"I- well I want to go back to Dean."

"Honey you need to think about this. Before you make your decision I have to warn you." Mary once again ran her fingers through Sam's chestnut colored locks.

"Warn me of what?"

"If you go back it's not going to solve everything. I can't heal you thats not in my power. Going back will not guarantee you will make it through all of this. I hate to say it but we may find our selves here once again and I can't promise that you will have a choice next time. There will be pain. Physical as well as emotional for not only you but your father and especially Dean is in turmoil over all of this."

"What! Is Dean alright?!" Sam cried.

"No baby he isn't alright but it isn't guaranteed that he will be fine if you go back either. You are extremely hurt and not only from that hunt." Mary said disapprovingly.

"Wha- what do you mean?" Sam stuttered.

"Honey you have been sick since way before that hunt." Mary spoke softly.

"I- I it was nothing." Sam mumbled.

"No baby it wasn't nothing you are very sick and the doctors don't know that. They think it is just the injuries you procured from that hunt. Now if you go back you have to tell them. Okay baby?" Mary stroked her baby boy's hair lovingly.

"Okay." Sam said softly just enjoying his mothers touch. Then Sam thought about Dean, he would be so worried. Sam didn't want to leave his mom but he knew he couldn't leave Dean. Sam's mind was made up. "I have to go back." Sam whispered dejectedly.

"I know baby I know." Mary pulled her baby into a tight embrace. "If you make it through this baby there is going to be more hard ships but you have to fight you have to keep going. When it gets to hard to bear just remember that I am watching over you and remember you and Deanie will always find each other no matter what." Mary hugged her baby boy close not wanting to let go for she knew what was to come but she also knew Dean nor John would survive if baby Sammy, the glue of the family were washed away.

Sam didn't know what Mommy was talking about but he would remember what she said forever. He held onto His mother's white gown tightly and cried. "Ma-mommy I la-love you." He would miss her so much.

"I will always love you baby boy."