Title: Beginnings
Summary: Prequel to ″Reconciliation.″ Jack's first time with each of his subs.
Rating: AO for graphic sex, violence, and mature themes.
Fic Word Count: 34,444
Fic Pairings: Jack Harkness/Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness/OFC, Suzie Costello/Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness/Suzie Costello/Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness/Owen Harper, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness/Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams
Fic Contains: biting, blood play mention, blowjobs, bondage, caning, canon character death mention, casual drug use discussion, clamps, cunnilingus, Dom controlling a sub's clothing, exhibitionism, Fetish clothes, fingering, first time with a man, gags, handjobs, one night stands, orgasm denial, PIV sex, sensory deprivation (blindfolds), sexuality discussion, spanking, threesomes, vampire gloves, violence mention, voyeurism
Fic Warnings: canon character death discussion, casual racism (outside of the main pairing), fetishization (outside of the main pairing), suicide contemplation, unwanted non-sexual touches (outside of the main pairing)

Chapter Number: Four
Chapter Word Count: 6,403
Chapter Pairings: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Chapter Contains: canon character death mention, spanking, handjobs, first time with a man
Chapter Warnings: casual drug use discussion

If Ianto had known that Jack was coming over, he would have put some jeans on. He hadn't worn less than a suit in front of Jack since Jack had hired him, and he felt oddly exposed in tracksuit bottoms and an old t-shirt. "Sir," he said, "It's eleven at night."

Jack nodded, and as he did, a drop of rain water fell from his hair and ran down his face. "It's also raining. Can I come in?"

Ianto stepped back and waved his maybe-boss into his flat. "Let me get you a towel..." He delivered on the promise while Jack slipped his coat off and hung it on the rack, Jack dried his hair, then hung the towel on the coat rack at Ianto's direction. Jack refused an offer of tea, and they sat awkwardly on opposite ends of Ianto's sofa.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Jack asked.

Ianto shook his head.

"Good." Jack sighed. "Ianto, do you want to come back to work?"

Ianto shut his eyes. Jack had put him on indefinite suspension with pay two weeks ago. He'd said they both needed time to cool off before they discussed Ianto's future with Torchwood. He'd been right. Still, Ianto had expected to be called into the base to have this discussion, not for Jack to turn up in the middle of the night soaked in rain water and expect a spontaneous chat on the sofa. This seemed highly impulsive, to Ianto. He did want to stay, though. Torchwood was all he had left. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and nodded. "Yes. I do, sir."

Jack smiled a little. "I want you back, too," he said. "We need to make some things clear, though. Nothing like this can ever happen again."

"Of course not, sir."

"There have to be rules. First of all, no more secrets."

"What could I possibly be hiding that's even close to what I was hiding?"

"Probably nothing. That's not the point."

"Oh?"

Jack sighed. "The point is that I can't trust you any more. So you are going to earn my trust back with complete honesty about absolutely everything. You are never going to lie to me again, and whenever you find yourself thinking that you'd rather I didn't know something, you will immediately tell me that thing. I don't care what it is: who you're fucking, a secret love of chickflicks, petty crime that you got away with ten years ago... You've lost the right to keep secrets. If you find yourself thinking even for a second that you'd rather I didn't know something, consider yourself obligated to tell me."

Ianto shifted uncomfortably, but nodded. "I deserve that. Alright. Er. At the moment, I'm not fucking anyone, I really don't care for most chickflicks, and the time that I got caught shoplifting wasn't the first time I'd ever done so, but it was the last. I also smoked weed." He shifted slightly. "Never got caught for that one." He stared at Jack with a blank face and internally assured himself that his ambiguous past-tense verb didn't count as a lie, or even a secret. He had just told Jack.

Jack smirked. "When?"

Shit. Okay. Jack really didn't trust him any more. Or maybe he just knew. Ianto had never consented to a drug test, so he'd assumed one hadn't been done, but Owen had taken blood as a standard part of Ianto's physical, when Ianto was first hired. Ianto didn't really know what tests Owen had ran on it or what he'd found, intentionally or accidentally. (Owen had told him that it was "Mostly just to make sure you're actually human, and so that we have your DNA on file if we ever need it." He'd never said anything more about it to Ianto, so Ianto had assumed he was in the clear.) Ianto hadn't exactly gotten high that morning, but how long were traces of marijuana detectable in the blood? It had to be at least a week, and that would have done it. Ianto really didn't smoke often any more, but if anything ever counted as 'extenuating circumstances,' the fall of Torchwood One and Lisa death had to.

Ianto swallowed to wet his suddenly dry throat. "Every day, as a teenager," he said. "Then... occasionally, these last few years. But it'll never happen again if—"

"It clearly isn't affecting your job performance," Jack said. "So I really don't care. Just don't come into work high and don't hide it from me."

Ianto sighed with relief right in front of Jack, before he realized what he'd done and felt stupid for it. It was probably a bit premature, too. This rule had been in place for thirty seconds and Jack had already caught Ianto in a not-quite-lie. "I'm sorry, sir," Ianto said.

Jack smiled, a little bit. "Don't be sorry. That was painless." Then he wiped the smile off and cleared his throat. "Second, nothing living and nothing more technologically advanced than your cell phone enters the base without my knowledge and consent. That includes you. If you're at the base, I'd better know, and I'd better know exactly what you're bringing inside."

"Understood." That one was easier. Much easier.

"Good," Jack said. Then he looked down, sighed, and looked back up to meet Ianto's eyes. "Do you blame me for her death?"

"No," Ianto said. He'd tried to. He'd really tried to because he'd been very angry and Jack Harkness was a much easier target than the cybermen or the universe in general. It hadn't stuck. If there was a human being alive that Ianto still blamed, it was himself.

"Can I trust you?" Jack asked.

"You just said you couldn't, any more."

"Do you want me to be able to trust you?"

"Yes."

"And do you trust me?"

Ianto nodded. "Yes." Jack deserved that. He'd never lied to Ianto, that Ianto knew of, and even when Ianto was betraying the team and risking the destruction of the entire human race, Jack had saved Ianto's life more than once.

"Good. You're suspended for two more weeks."

Ianto hesitated, but decided it probably wouldn't hurt to ask: "Why?"

"Because I need the records to show that I've done something, and because I think these last two weeks apart have been good for us both and I think two more where we don't see each other every day will be good for us too."

"... That's fair," Ianto said, though he noted the wording. Was Jack planning on seeing him again before he returned to work? "And thank you for the second chance. Really."

Jack nodded. "A girl that I loved... Well, I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same thing, in your position. And it doesn't seem like the sort of situation that's ever going to come up again."

"I can't imagine so," Ianto said.

Jack nodded again, then sucked his teeth. "How do you you feel about the whole thing? Honestly."

Ianto shrugged. "Empty. Guilty. Angry. Trapped. Hopeless. Terrified. Empty. It all comes in phases."

Jack nodded. "I'm sorry." Then he appeared to be considering something, straightened up a bit, and said, "Ianto, you've got your job back. That's settled. So just answer my next few questions honestly. Do you know what my relationship with Tosh and Owen is? My... non-professional relationship, I mean?"

"I understand that you're all having sex. And Suzie too, before she died?" Jack nodded. "And that it's... kinky?" Ianto paused. Jack nodded again. Then Ianto smirked, looked away from Jack, and blushed furiously.

"What?" Jack asked, smiling a bit himself.

Ianto hesitated. "You said I have to tell you anything that I don't want you to know, but do I have to tell you things that you probably don't want to know?"

"What kind of things?"

"... Rumors that were going around at Torchwood One... kind of things... Just... They said you'd converted an entire floor of the base into a sex dungeon."

Jack's face froze for a second.

"You didn't, did you?! Because I looked and—"

"You looked?" Jack asked, laughing. "For a secret, under-ground sex dungeon?" He took a deep breath and got his laughter under control. "What would you have done if you'd actually found one?"

"Don't know; never did."

"You wouldn't have," Jack said, smiling. "I don't actually have enough toys to fill one. I have enough toys to fill one drawer of my dresser. That's it."

"But you do... actually physically hurt them sometimes? Whenever they do something you don't like?"

"With their consent," Jack said calmly. "And within boundaries that we've already discussed, and if it's a big punishment then generally only if they accept it."

"... Oh."

"What do you think of that?" Jack asked.

Ianto squirmed a little bit. "It's not my place to judge, sir... It doesn't make me uncomfortable at work. I've known the whole time and if they're okay with it..."

"I wasn't asking what you thought of it for Tosh and Owen."

"... Oh." Ianto squirmed a bit more. "I think... it's interesting? I never gave it much thought before coming here, but then seeing you with Tosh and Owen and Suzie... It's raised a few questions?"

"What sort of questions?"

Ianto hesitated again. Lots of questions. Questions about how it worked. Questions about whether or not it was really so pleasurable. Questions about why it was so pleasurable, if it was.

Jack sighed. "I didn't actually come here to talk about your job. That was just something we needed to get out of the way first, so you wouldn't feel like I was offering you a deal or anything. The truth is, Ianto... you're cute."

Ianto swallowed hard. "I'm so cute... you'd like to try some of your toys on me?"

"No," Jack said soothingly. "You're so cute, I'd like to get you involved in the more fun group activities. That said, you've recently done something that I know you can't feel good about, and that I don't feel good about, and I think a good spanking might make us both feel better and give you a chance to test the waters for this sort of relationship before you dive in."

"Tell me more," Ianto said. He wasn't ready to make a decision about whether or not to do anything, just yet, but he wanted to keep talking about it. "What do I do? What do you do? How much does it hurt? What happens after? Do I have to call you 'Master'? Do I have to have sex with Owen? Do I have to know the first thing about how to give a blowjob or how to have anal sex, because I've never actually—"

"Can you take a deep breath, please?" Jack said.

Ianto obeyed. There we go. Obeying Jack. That wasn't so bad, was it? And he did it at work all the time. He just wasn't sure how he felt about it when the consequences for disobedience were getting hit rather than getting fired.

"Let's start with tonight," Jack said, and his utterly calm voice helped Ianto relax. "What I'm picturing is you getting naked, me touching you and kissing you a bit to warm you up, then you lying down over my lap, probably on this sofa for the sake of both of our comforts, and me hitting you with my bare hands. I would like to make you cry, but that's pretty intense for your first experience."

Ianto's stomach did a back-flip, but something within him wanted to see this out. Tonight, at least. He'd regret it if he didn't at least try it. "Why?" he asked. Then he swallowed hard and tried again. "Why do you want to make me cry?"

"Fair question," Jack said. He thought about it for a moment. "Because I'd make Tosh or Owen cry, first of all. It's an appropriate level of severity for what you've done. Second of all, because it's not just about pain. Humiliation and vulnerability are important too, and you'll experience plenty of both when you cry." Ianto squirmed. When he cried. Jack was perfectly confident of his ability to make Ianto do so. Ianto was pretty confident of Jack's ability to make Ianto do so, too. "Finally, it's about domination. If I can make your body do something you don't want it to do... Well, it sends a message home."

Ianto nodded. "So what do you get out of this? Do you just like hurting people?"

"No," Jack said. "I like being in control, and I like the trust my subs put in me by letting me hurt them sometimes. I inflict pain to maintain that control—and sometimes for fun because some subs like it—and they trust me not to abuse my right to hurt them. It's a power trip. I won't pretend otherwise."

"So... what would abusing that power actually look like? Sorry about all the questions."

"No! I love that you're asking so many questions! I want you to understand this completely. Even if you decide that you don't want to join us or even try it, I think it's best if you understand the nature of the relationship I have with Tosh and Owen. What constitutes abuse depends a lot on what the function of pain is in the relationship or even the specific encounter. If a sub isn't a masochist and the only function of the pain is to punish disobedience, it would be abuse of my power to inflict more pain than was necessary or called for. That's why I try not to resort to violent punishments when I'm angry, beyond a couple of swats on the ass to make the sub understand that they really are in trouble, and if they're still doing the thing that's upsetting me, that they need to knock it off immediately. Non-violent punishments can be taken too far too, of course, but I find it easier to pace myself and calm down when I'm not being violent. Now, when a sub likes pain and I'm hurting them for fun, then it's just a matter of making sure they're still having fun as the situation escalates. I have to know their pain threshold and I have to know how to read their reactions. If they're supposed to be having fun and they're not, I've crossed the line and it's an abuse of the power they've given me. Of course, no matter what the pain is for, though, I have to make sure I'm not injuring them and that the encounter is fully consensual. That means that they have to be both physically capable of using a safeword, and emotionally comfortable doing so. If they're not both of those things, I'm abusing them. I also pay attention to body language and make sure my subs aren't freezing up."

"And you'd do all of that for me? You'd make sure I was okay?"

"Of course. My most important job as a Dom is to always be sure my subs are okay."

So Ianto could stop it at any time if he tried it and decided he didn't like it, and Jack would be concerned by negative reactions rather than encouraged by them. Good. That was a comfort. "Why is the safeword necessary? Why can't I just say 'Stop'?"

"Because context changes meaning, and that creates confusion unless we invent new language to accommodate our circumstances. For example, if I were having vanilla sex with someone and she said 'Please don't scratch me,' she would mean 'You do not have permission to scratch me,' and I would have a moral obligation not to scratch her. However, if Tosh says 'Please don't scratch me,' in the context of our relationship, the meaning is much closer to what she means when she says 'Please give me next Friday off so I can visit family in London.' It's a request for a favor. I'm well within my right to refuse the request. Even though Tosh might not necessarily want me scratching her, I still have permission to do it. I might scratch her anyway, if I'm punishing her, and that's fine because she's not supposed to like her punishments and I have no moral obligation to honor her preferences when I'm punishing her. However, if she says 'Hirano-ku,' her safeword, that means 'You do not have permission to do this,' and I have a moral obligation to stop. We need safewords because even something like 'No, don't!' or 'Stop!' does not necessarily mean 'You are not allowed to do this,' if our relationship is built on you surrendering bodily autonomy to me. That said, if you start yelling things like 'Stop!' and 'No!' I will pause and ask you if you need your safeword."

"Okay... How do we pick a safeword?"

Jack shrugged. "Do you follow football?"

"Not really."

"What's your least favourite football team?"

"The robins."

"That'll work."

"Really? 'Robins'?"

Jack shrugged again. "Just don't suddenly get into football. Or tell me if you do and we'll pick a new one."

Ianto shrugged. "Alright."

"So. Back to what actually happens if I spank you. Once I've got you really crying, I'll stop and touch you gently until you calm down a little. Then you're probably going to want to move out of that position, so I'll let you do that. I will want to cuddle with you at least a little to make sure we're okay. If you took the punishment well, I'll thank you and praise you for that. If you didn't take it well, we'll calmly talk about what went wrong."

Ianto nodded. "That doesn't sound so bad." None of this did, honestly. Every time Jack Harkness had been called to London for a meeting, the rumors had exploded. None of them had mentioned cuddling.

"It shouldn't. That part is all about calming down after the punishment."

Ianto shifted in his seat again. "... and then sex?"

"My preference is to have sex either during or immediately after a significant punishment, yes. But don't worry! That should never be the scary part. I'll teach you how to do anything new we decide to try. You're not the first lover I've ever had who's never sucked a cock or had anal sex before. Tonight, though, I think we can just stick with handjobs. It's easier."

"Alright," Ianto said, and he really did feel more at ease about it. It was good to know he wasn't expected to already be an expert in cock-sucking. He hadn't revised for that exam.

Jack took a deep breath. "What haven't we covered yet? Oh! Calling me 'Master!' No. Don't do that. I would prefer that the way we address each other not really change. I might occasionally say 'Good boy!' or 'Bad boy!' to let you know whether or not I'm happy with you, but for the most part, I'm not fond of pet names or titles or anything. I'm going to keep calling you 'Ianto,' and you should feel free to call me 'Jack.' Tosh and Owen both do."

Ianto nodded. "Do I have to have sex with Owen? Am I allowed to have sex with other people? How does this relationship work when we're apart from each other?"

"What I would like to do," Jack said, "Is spank you, cuddle you, and have sex with you, and not think much farther than that right now. Once we're through that, we'll see how you feel about making this a full-time relationship, and if you're interested in doing that, we'll work out the specifics. Sex with anyone but me is optional, I promise, but I wouldn't make you do it until you were ready, even if you agreed to it. One new cock at a time is probably enough right now. I get that. I've got a whole list of stuff we'll need to talk about later, should you decide to join Tosh and Owen, and that's on it, but I don't want to worry about it right now. Sound reasonable?"

Ianto laughed. "I was prepared for a sex dungeon filled with Medieval torture instruments. This sounds incredibly reasonable." Even having sex with Owen wasn't really terrifying for him, if he had some time to get acclimated to having sex with men first, though Jack.

"And you do want to try it tonight, bearing in mind that saying 'No,' will not affect your job in any way?"

Ianto took a deep breath. "Yes. I do."

Jack smiled. "Good. Now, the first thing I need you to do... is kiss me."

Ianto grinned and blushed ridiculously. He'd been trying so hard to wrap his mind around letting Jack spank him, it hadn't fully registered with him that Jack was going to kiss him. "Right. That's... probably the best place to start." He took a deep breath. "I've never done this before, either."

Jack laughed a little and slid across two sofa cushions to close the space between them. "Ianto," he said calmly, "It's okay. I know you've kissed women before. It's exactly the same."

"Are you sure about that?" Ianto asked. "I have a friend who... Well, he'd know, and he says it's different." Ianto hadn't had time to ask his 'friend' to elaborate on just how it was different, but the fluttering in his stomach was all Ianto needed to know that he definitely believed that it was, and it would make sense for Jack to tell him that it wasn't even if it was, because Jack was trying to calm him down.

"Your friend is full of shit," Jack said, and he looked perfectly sincere.

Well, Ianto's 'friend' was Owen Harper. The chances seemed higher than normal that he was full of shit. Ianto took a deep breath, leaned in, and pressed his lips to Jack's. Jack took over from there, and Ianto relaxed and enjoyed letting Jack dominate him gently, for the moment. This really was better than if Jack's very first act of domination over Ianto had caused Ianto pain.

Jack pulled away and smiled at Ianto. "Good," he said. "Do you want me to undress you, or would you be more comfortable doing it yourself?"

"I'd be more comfortable doing it myself," Ianto said.

He decided it was best not to give himself too much time to think about it. His hands were steady as they lifted his shirt above his head, and perfectly steady still as he shoved his bottoms and his pants down to his ankles and stepped out of them. He kicked them off to the side and stood before Jack, completely naked. For the briefest second, he got the urge to cover himself or turn away, but he fought it, held his ground, and let Jack look. And Jack did look, slowly and lustfully. He didn't look like he was judging Ianto or comparing him to other lovers, and that made Ianto feel a bit better about doing this.

When Jack had seen all he wanted to see, he slid toward the center of the sofa and patted the cushion next to him. Ianto sat down, so close to Jack that the outsides of their thighs were touching, and waited to be grabbed and pulled over Jack's knees.

That didn't happen, right away. Jack's hand went to his face, first. Ianto held still and held Jack's eyes. Then Jack ran his hand down Ianto's neck, over his shoulder, and to his upper arm. Ianto flashed an awkward smile to assure Jack that he was fine. Jack felt Ianto's muscles, for a second, then he moved over to Ianto's chest, ran his fingers over one of Ianto's nipples—Ianto's breath hitched, but he flashed Jack another smile—then the other. Then Jack's hand moved south. He went smoothly down Ianto's stomach and even touched a bit of Ianto's public hair. Ianto shut his eyes and took a slow breath, but Jack's hand didn't go where Ianto thought it was going. It moved at the last possible second over to Ianto's thigh, and caressed it gently before completely leaving Ianto's body.

"Good," Jack said softly. Ianto wasn't really sure if it was a statement about his body or his behavior, but it was reassuring. Jack tilted Ianto's chin slightly and leaned in to steal another kiss, and Ianto relaxed and gave it to him. It was easy, when he didn't think too much about it. Just like kissing a woman.

"Now," Jack said, "Lean over..." He nodded to his own lap.

Ianto took a deep breath, and as he bent over, he felt Jack's hands on his chest and back, guiding him into position. That was kind of nice. It at least helped him be sure he was where Jack wanted him.

Then he was there, completely naked, with his face buried in own arm rest and his arse propped up on Jack's legs.

"Ready?" Jack asked.

Ianto laughed a little. No. He really wasn't. "Yes, sir."

He wished he had a mirror on the wall or something so that he could see Jack hit him. Instead, he just had the sound of skin on skin and then the pain. He jumped and gasped as soon as contact was made, but the pain actually worsened after Jack lifted his hand. The throbbing that followed felt harder than the hit.

"Shhhhhh," Jack said, and he rubbed two small circles into Ianto's back. "Yeah, it actually does hurt. Do you still want to do this?"

Ianto swallowed hard. "Yes," he said. This time, he actually felt like he was ready. He now knew exactly what was coming, and he knew that, even though it would hurt, he'd survive it.

The next couple of hits got gasps from Ianto, but nothing more, and then he clenched his teeth and started taking them in silence. Jack was not gentle, and nor was he particularly slow. Just as the first painful throb came, Jack's hand would fall again, and soon Ianto's entire arse was a warm mass of pain and he could hardly distinguish the throbs from the actual blows. That was when he noticed his breathing getting heavier, and Jack had to grip him firmly on the thighs a few times to remind him not to wiggle so much. Jack asked twice more whether or not Ianto really wanted to go on, once the first time he had to correct Ianto's squirming and the second time as Ianto started to whimper, and both times Ianto assured him that he did and the blows immediately resumed without a hint of mercy. When Ianto caught himself blinking hard, he half-hated himself. Crying. He'd agreed to that. It was a relief to feel the tears finally coming. This would end when he cried. He'd take humiliation and vulnerability over pain. He felt weak for being so willing to cry, so quickly. It was childish and humiliating, and Ianto had never been more ready to be humiliated in his life.

He'd swear Jack's hits got harder when Jack realized he was about to break. That was probably good. It made him break even faster. He pulled his head out of the armrest and let Jack see as the first of the tears fell, and Jack's hits got harder still until the tears were rolling down Ianto's face at a rate he couldn't have controlled if he'd wanted to. The beating stopped, though the throbbing did not, and true to Jack's word, his hand return to Ianto's back to gently stroke and rub it until Ianto got his tears under control. Once his eyes were dry, he got up onto his knees and Jack pulled Ianto into his chest.

It all felt good in a way that getting spanked shouldn't have. It was painful, yes, quite painful, but it also felt like the closure that Ianto had desperately needed for weeks now. He'd been punished for everything that he'd done wrong and someone else had complete control over the situation and now Ianto was just crying and it wasn't really about the pain. He buried his head in Jack's shirt and enjoyed the feeling of Jack's hands stroking his sides and his back and running through his hair.

When the tears stopped completely and his breathing evened out, Jack kissed his head. "You took that really well," Jack said quietly. "Thank you. Good boy."

Good. Ianto had been good. Jack was happy with him, and knowing that felt like something wrong with the universe had finally been righted. It was just one thing, one small thing in a sea of flaws in Ianto's reality, but he could feel the difference now that it had been righted. He wanted Jack's approval. He'd been telling himself for months now that he needed Jack's approval to save Lisa, but lying in Jack's arms right now, it was clear that it was so much more than that. He wanted Jack's approval for his own sake, because he liked Jack and wanted Jack to think highly of him. This feltnice.

Ianto didn't know if he was supposed to answer or not. He didn't know how to answer. He just held Jack tightly and hoped that Jack would get the message.

Jack kissed his head. "I know that was hard," he went on. "But you were very good. I would love to see you after a little bit of training..."

Ianto made a non-committal noise, because he wanted Jack to know he was listening but he still wasn't sure what to say and he was only about 65% confident in his ability to actually form coherent words anyway.

Jack held him a bit tighter and kissed him again. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

Ianto pulled away from Jack enough to look up at him, but not enough to break out of his arms. He opened his mouth to answer, but... fuck. How was he feeling? How was he supposed to be feeling? What were his options? He was in pain. He didn't necessarily wish he weren't in pain. He didn't want Jack to let go of him. He didn't have the vocabulary for this. He felt... "Better," he said.

"Better?" Jack repeated.

"Than before you came over," Ianto clarified. "I... I'm glad we did this." Quickly, he added on, "I don't know what that means."

"Shhhhh." Jack kissed him, on the lips again. No tongue. Just soft and comforting. "You don't have to know, right now. I just wanted to be sure you were okay."

Ianto nodded and rested his head against Jack's shoulder again. "I'm okay."

"Good," Jack said softly. "Do you want to go on?"

Ianto hesitated. Sex. Going on meant sex. He did want to, but—

"It doesn't have to be right now," Jack said. "You can have as long as you want, and we can go as slow as you want, when we do get started. I just need to know if you feel up for it at all. Just tell me what you need."

"A few more minutes," Ianto said. "Then slowly."

"Good boy," Jack said, stroking down Ianto's neck. "Thank you. I'll get better at reading you, I promise... If you want to do this again, I mean."

Ianto wanted to do this again. He didn't want to say that right now. He didn't want to talk right now. He wrapped his own arms around Jack's waist and hugged Jack back as he buried his face in Jack's shirt. Jack held him tight started talking to him again:

"I'm really glad you wanted to try this... And glad you'll be back at work soon... I've missed you."

Ianto froze for a second, then nuzzled Jack a little. He didn't really believe that, but it felt nice to hear Jack say that. They cuddled for several minutes, Jack stroking him and whispering soothingly to him all the while, until Ianto was calm, and then, even though his arse was sore and his skin felt dry from all the salty tears, he was ready to go on. He shifted so that he was supporting more of his weight than Jack was, though he was still straddling Jack, and he looked up at Jack.

"... Slowly," he said again.

Jack nodded. His hand went down to Ianto's thigh, carefully avoiding the tender areas on Ianto's arse. He ran his right hand down the outside of Ianto's left thigh. Ianto stayed calm, and at that, Jack went over Ianto's knee, up Ianto's inner thigh, and then, with one more look at Ianto to make sure everything was okay, he touched Ianto's cock.

Ianto's breath hitched. Jack paused for a moment, until Ianto released the breath and nodded slightly, and then Jack's hand slowly closed around Ianto's cock and stroked down. Ianto sucked in a breath and his cock reacted instantly, stiffening in Jack's hand. He stroked up and then down once more, then he stopped, grabbed Ianto's hands, and put them on his own trousers.

"Together," he said. "Just get me out, and then it's easy. Just like touching yourself, only from a slightly different angle."

That sounded simple enough. Ianto was able to undo Jack's belt buckle without any problems, but he noticed that his fingers weren't exactly steady as he undid the button on Jack's trousers, and then he fumbled with Jack's zip pathetically for a moment because he couldn't get a literal or a proverbial grip.

"Ianto," Jack said, putting a hand on Ianto's shoulder and smiling. "Deep breath. It's okay."

Ianto took a single deep breath, then pulled down Jack's zip. He opened up Jack's trousers, slipped his hand in, and located Jack's cock easily. He didn't pull Jack's pants or trousers down. He just lifted Jack's cock out. He managed not to actually sigh with relief when he realized that Jack was uncircumcised, like Ianto was, though the impulse was there. He stroked Jack, and the grunt of pleasure Jack gave in response was reassuring, as was the immediate return of Jack's hand to Ianto's member. Ianto leaned forward and rested his head on Jack's shoulder, which seemed to be the easiest way to give them both plenty of space, to keep the feeling as intimate and romantic as possible, and also to keep all weight off Ianto's stinging arse but still not put too much pressure on his knees.

Jack was right; It was a lot like touching himself (the same basic principle, anyway) and actually better, in some respects. Ianto didn't find his own moans nearly so encouraging, and it was nice to have a hand on his cock that could actually surprise him. Jack let Ianto set the pace for both of them, which Ianto recognized as the easiest way of both honoring Ianto's request that they go slow and encouraging Ianto to speed things up. As Ianto stroked Jack's cock and reflected calmly on how slight the difference in tactile sensations resulting from this strange angle and Jack being slightly larger than he was were, all of the terror for Jack's body melted away. The idea of having Jack's cock inside of him was still a bit... well, Jack had said they wouldn't do that tonight, and Ianto supposed that what he was feeling right now couldn't be any worse than what any of the women he'd slept with had felt before their first times. Ianto was even struck by the thought that Jack was being a much more careful and attentive lover than Ianto probably had been with either of the virgins he'd fucked, though he didn't think he'd exactly been cruel or selfish.

Their hands glided over each other's cocks smoothly until finally Ianto grunted into Jack's shoulder and came into Jack's hand. Ianto finished Jack off with a few more tugs, and they lied there panting in each other's arms. Jack reached up with his clean hand and ran his fingers though Ianto's hair while he whispered a few more praises. Ianto relaxed against Jack's chest in an odd combination of pain and contentedness.

This was weird. He didn't want to stop. He didn't want to question it.

Jack kissed his head. "It's getting late," Jack said. Technically, it had been late when Jack showed up. Now it was getting early.

Ianto took the hint, though. He climbed off Jack, and Jack tucked himself back into his pants and trousers, accepting the mess for what it was.

"When can we meet again?" Ianto asked.

"In a few days," Jack said. "I'll text you with specifics." He stood up and kissed Ianto gently, one last time. "Don't rush into this, okay?"

"Okay," Ianto said, because he didn't feel like he had much choice.

"Have you been sleeping?" Jack asked.

"Not through the night," Ianto admitted.

"Try to sleep through the night for me, please," Jack said as he pulled his coat back on and buttoned it up to help hide the mess on his trousers. Ianto glanced over at this sofa and was pleased to see that the mess he'd have to clean up was relatively small. "Have you been eating?"

"Yes," Ianto said. He'd been good about that one, really. For the first couple of days after her death, he'd needed to be high to eat, but he'd wanted to be high anyway so that hadn't been much of a sacrifice. Around the forth day, his eating habits had returned to normal even when he wasn't high.

"Good," Jack said. He paused for a moment, then said: "Let me know if you miss any meals or find that you can't sleep." Ianto must have looked distressed by the command, because he quickly added, "You won't be in trouble! I just want to know."

Ianto relaxed. "Yes, sir." He'd try to sleep. He really would. He felt oddly as if he could sleep, right now. He hadn't felt that way in while. Not just since Lisa's death, since... really, since the Battle at Canary Wharf. He'd slept since then, of course—Canary Wharf had been months ago—but it hadn't been easy. He felt, for the first time in months, as if sleeping might be easy, and even enjoyable.

"Thank you," Jack said, smiling. "Good night!"

"Good night!" Ianto said, and it had been and it was.