Catherine's POV
The next morning, I sit on one of the logs surrounding the fire and attempt to keep my gaze away from Pan as he calmly strolls about the boys as they eat, stealing the occasional bite of food and playfully jostling the boys when he's caught. I can't get the thought of our almost kiss out of my head. To reassure myself, I keep saying that we were tired and had lost our senses for a moment, but remembering how he had looked at me gives me cause for worry.
I can't fall in love with Peter. Not again. It hurt too much the last time after I learned what he had done. Learned that he had betrayed my trust.
I had specifically told him not to harm Lance, and that he hadn't meant to hurt me. At the time, Pan had agreed not to punish him too harshly and I guess I was satisfied with that. Later on, however, I learned from one of the other boys that Pan had taken Lance's heart and had drained all the life from it, killing Lance. I approached him about it later and he had said that if he didn't dish out a good punishment every now and then, others would begin to believe they could defy him as well. I had told him that it was a sorry excuse for taking someone's life and, enraged at my comment, he had struck me, saying that if I ever went against him again, Ethan's would be the next life he took.
The man had become a monster and I had no choice but to flee. Ethan had agreed to come with me and to make sure Pan couldn't find us, I erased his memory as well as those of the other Lost Boys so that they would never be able to remember us and wouldn't recognize us if they ever saw us again. It had hurt so much knowing the magnitude of my actions and how I'd never be able to look them in the eyes again and see recognition register on their faces that I hadn't been able to contain my tears for the first time in years.
Eventually, I was able to escape from Neverland. My brother hadn't returned to the real world with me because he couldn't imagine living anywhere other than Neverland, we had been here so long. But I could not stand staying here with Pan being so close by.
I guess Ethan got lonely a while after I left and rejoined Peter and the Lost Boys. Things have obviously been pretty good considering he is now Pan's right hand man.
Throughout the entire experience, however, I learned a very valuable lesson. You can't place your trust in others because they will only end up letting you down and eventually you'll end up getting hurt.
The thought brings tears to my eyes and I feel a lump form in my throat. I force my emotions down refusing to let them show. I refuse to cry over him again.
I feel a set of eyes on me and I glance up. Pan's eyes meet mine and I see that he has a concerned look on his face. I quickly look away, thankful when I see Michael Darling coming over to sit with me. He is a sweet boy and his brother is a bit shy but otherwise is very kind. I remember both of them from the last time I was here and I think that deep down, they sense that they know me from somewhere. I think this is why they, along with some of the other boys that I recognize, have warmed up to me so quickly. I vaguely remember that the Darling brothers had a sister. Wendy, I think is what they called her, but she left so early on due to homesickness and fright that I can't be sure. Her departure certainly supported the fact that Neverland isn't a place for the faint-hearted.
"What cha thinkin' 'bout, Cat?" he asks me sweetly. I can't help but smile at my new nickname. Apparently 'Catherine' is to hard for some of the younger boys to say, so Michael asked if they could call me 'Cat.' He had asked so innocently that my heart practically melted and I just couldn't bring myself to tell him no.
"Oh, nothing that important. Just daydreaming I guess," I reply, smiling at him.
"Well, what were ya dreamin' 'bout?" he asks, curiosity filling all his features.
"About something that happened to me before Pan brought me here," I reply with a half truth.
"Was it sad? Because you looked kind of sad. That's why I came over here. I wanted to see what was wrong so I could try and make you happy again," he explains. looking up at me with those large brown eyes.
My smile fades a bit as I answer, "Yes, Michael. It was sad."
"You wanna talk 'bout it?"
"Not really."
"If its a secret, its okay. You don't have to worry 'bout me tellin' anyone. I'm a good secret keeper," he says pointing to himself as he proudly puffs out his chest.
I can't help but laugh at his antics. "Don't worry, Michael. Its nothing. I'll be fine," I say giving him a half-hearted smile as I tousle his hair.
He giggles, then becoming very serious again, asks me, "You wanna know somethin' I don't understand?"
"What don't you understand?"
"What I don't understand is why people think sad thoughts. Wouldn't everyone be happier if they thought of happy thoughts instead?" he questions.
"Yes, everyone probably would be happier if they thought of happy thoughts. But sometimes people can't help but think of sad thoughts, especially if someone has hurt them," I explain to him.
"Well I think that people need to stop hurtin' other people so that you won' have ta think sad thoughts and can smile more," he says.
"I think that's a good idea, Michael," I say as I pull him into my lap and wrap him in my arms, squeezing him tight.
"Hey Michael! Come on! We're gonna play hide and seek!" Noah, the kid I knocked out the other night and Michael's best friend, calls from where he stands by the outskirts of camp.
Michael quickly hugs me back and once we separate, he scrambles from my lap to go join Noah, John, and the twins, Pierce and Damian, as they head off into the woods to play their game, grabbing their weapons as they leave.
I watch them long after they disappear into the trees and wonder if I could go join them. A throat clearing behind me interrupts my thoughts and I turn slightly where I sit to face Peter.
"You ready?" he asks, arms crossed over his chest.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I reply shrugging.
We walk side by side in silence for a while until he finally says, "They seem to like you. The Lost Boys, I mean."
"What makes you say that?" I ask keeping my eyes trained in front of me.
"Well, I've never seen the boys take to anyone so quickly, especially John," he answers.
"Ah," I reply and silence descends upon us once more.
"They seemed to like your story," Pan tries again to engage me in conversation.
"Them or you?" I ask teasingly, then internally scold myself. I shouldn't be teasing him like that if I want to be able to keep him at arms length.
"Both," he replies chuckling. Its such a deep, strong sound that my heart begins beating rapidly.
I feel his eyes watching me. I know he wants to ask about what I was so upset about earlier, but thankfully he hasn't attempted to pry. I'm not entirely sure how I would answer any of his questions. I flash him a quick, and hopefully reassuring, smile and we continue our walk in silence.
Before I know it, we've reached the clearing where Pan nearly killed me yesterday and lied to me about starting my magic lessons.
"You are actually going to teach me magic today, correct?" I ask.
"Yes, I am actually going to teach you magic today," he answers, coming around to face me. "The first thing that all magical beings should learn is the protection spell," he begins. "That way, if you get into any form of a magical duel, you will be able to protect yourself. You remember that wall I placed around myself for protection from your curse yesterday, right?"
"How could I forget?" I reply and he smirks.
"Well, today I'm going to teach you how to make one of your own," he says. He then takes both of my hands in his and faces them palms outward, towards himself. "Eventually you will be able to do this without needing to put your hands up, but while you're learning it will help you conduct the flow of your energy."
"Okay," I say.
"Now, I want you to think of the happiest moment in your life," Pan instructs.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because magic is created though strong feelings of emotion and if you are thinking of the happiest moment in your life, your magic tend to be more dependable," he explains. "Now think," he repeats.
I close my eyes and try to picture the moment that made me the happiest. The memory I choose startles me, but I can't deny that it was the happiest moment in my whole life. Its one of those memories that feel as though they happened only yesterday. It was the time when Peter asked me to become the very first lost girl and was the first time I had ever felt accepted by anyone, actually loved.
"Do you have it?" Pan asks, a hint of a smile in his voice.
"Yes," I say, my eyes still closed.
"Good. Now I want you to imagine yourself building a wall with the happiness you are feeling. A wall of warmth and protection that no one will ever be able to penetrate."
I do as he asks and soon, a feeling of calm envelopes my entire being.
"Open your eyes, Cat," he says and I do as I'm told. Its then that I see a shimmering wall surrounding me that normally you wouldn't be able to see if you weren't looking for it. Pan is smiling from the other side of the wall and its not one of his playful smiles. Its a genuine one that reaches all the way to his eyes.
I can't contain my excitement. "I did it! I actually did it!" I yell. I then remove the wall and Peter comes and stands next to me. Before I know whats happening, I am lifted into the air and am spinning in circles. A giggle bursts from my mouth and he laughs along with me.
He slowly sets me down and says with a hint of pride in his voice, "You did it."
I look down bashfully only to notice that I'm still wrapped in his embrace. I take a step back from him, the heat rising in my cheeks.
"Well that was definitely enlightening, but shouldn't we be getting back to camp?" I ask.
"Why? You've only done the spell once. And besides, its not even noon yet, Cat," he says and I catch what he calls me.
My head snaps up and I ask him, "Who gave you permission to call me that?"
"You gave your permission to the boys to call you Cat and I'm leader of the boys so I just assumed..." he trails off and I can see where he's coming from with his reasoning. "Can I call you Cat or would you rather me keep calling you Catherine?" he asks.
"I guess Cat is ok." He smiles at this. "Just please try to keep it to a minimum," I ask.
"Whatever you desire madam," he says, mockingly bowing to me. "Now, milady, might we continue practicing your protection spell?"
"But of course, my good sir, for what else is there to do out here?" I reply continuing the charade.
He grins up at me as he comes out of his bow. "Very good, milady. Let us continue then, shall we?"
We continue practicing until noon, my magic walls of physical protection becoming stronger and my metaphorical walls of emotional protection gradually beginning to crumble.
Hey guys! So sorry that it's been so long since my last update. I've had so much that I've had to do over the last couple weeks for school and getting ready for Christmas that it's been a while since I've actually gotten a chance to really breath. I've also been sick the last couple of days and haven't even really wanted to move, so today I was finaly able to get this chapter up. Yay! I hope you'll let me know what you think of it and I'll try to get the next chapter up in the near future. Hope y'all are having a great weekend! :D