A/N: So when I said that I would have a new chapter up in a few hours I meant 14 :) Sorry I was going to write it in my car ride and then upload it once I got home but I guess that didn't happen. Anyways I really like this plot that I came up with so hopefully I will be posting at least one new chapter every two ish days at least. Enjoy.
When I woke up in the morning I yawned and stretched in bed. When I stretched my wrist out I felt a slight pain and was reminded of what I had done last night.
Goddammit, why did I do this? Why was it so relieving? Does that mean I'm some sort of cutter now.
My thoughts were painful and so I tried as hard as I could to push them out of my brain. Then something even darker popped up.
God, Justin, could you get any gayer.
"I'm not gay!" I shouted to myself, "I'm not gay," I whispered to myself, trying to reassure myself.
Just then Alex burst into my room.
"Hey dork, get up." she called.
I quickly grabbed my wrist, thankful to find that it wasn't exposed. Alex gave me a look.
"Wrist cramps. I was up all last night working on some homework due in three weeks."
"Like I said, you're a dork." she laughed at me then walked out of the room. I got out of bed and then walked into the bathroom. The two cuts had already closed together and had scabbed over. They were both red and puffy.
Pathetic...
I wanted to cut again, do it deeper. But I couldn't. What would that make me? I quickly brushed my teeth and got dressed. When I got downstairs my mom was cooking blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes. I tried to walk by as unnoticeable as I could. When I got to the door I heard my moms voice but I continued out the door without looking back. When I was out on the street I decided to walk around the city and not worry about my family. When I got to the park my stomach growled audibly and I realized I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday.
I walked to a man selling lemonade and hot dogs. It was a little early, not quite eleven, to be selling hot dogs. My stomach growled once more and the aroma of the hot dogs was enticing. But for some reason I felt like I shouldn't eat that. I ordered a lemonade and sipped on it as I sat on a park bench. I was getting lost in my thoughts when I noticed that someone was sitting next to me. I jumped as I turned to face the stranger. A very attractive man was sitting next to me. He chuckled slightly at me and his laugh was so damn sexy.
I felt myself blushing. God this man was hot. He had a gorgeous head of chocolate brown hair and he had piercing blue eyes. His jaw was beautifully sculpted and I could tell that under his clothes he liked to keep fit. I started stammering like an idiot which made him laugh harder. He held a hand out.
"Hello there, I'm Allen." I shook his hand and he had a firm grip.
"Hi, I'm Justin."
"Well aren't you a cute young thing, Justin. How old are you?"
"Seventeen, almost eighteen." he seemed pleased with the answer though I didn't understand why.
"I'm twenty-one. So do you go to Tribeca Prep?"
As we continued talking I felt myself slowly warming up to him. I didn't feel so awkward and after talking for a little bit I felt as though I could relate to him better than anyone else. Oh how I wanted to know more about this guy. When it started to get around noon my stomach was positively starving. The lemonade had only kept it satisfied for a short amount of time.
"Are you hungry? I know this great vegan place around the corner. We could go grab a bite."
"Umm, I only have three bucks on me."
"Don't worry, it's on me."
When we got to the restaurant the waiter took us to a booth and Allen walked in front of had a nice butt.
God Justin can you get any gayer?
That immediately made me realize what I was doing. I was going on an almost date. With a guy. But I trusted him and suddenly didn't care.
"So, uh, what's good here?"
"Pretty much everything. Don't worry, I understand, it's intimidating. My boyfriend had to order for me the first time." he sensed my slight disappointment then added, "too bad that flame ended a few years ago." I breathed out a slight sigh of relief and he grinned at me. While eating a bowl of sweet and spicy peanut soup I felt him playing footsies with me. I got butterflies in my stomach and couldn't be happier sitting here with this guy. When we finished eating we walked around and then I noticed the time. Almost three.
"Oh my god. I- I have to get home. I'm so sorry Allen. I kinda stormed out this morning and my parents must be worried sick."
"Oh it's ok don't worry. But we will have to do this again soon. You were delightful company this afternoon."
I recited my number to him twice and had him repeat it to me. While walking away my phone started to vibrate. I picked it up and turned around. Allen was grinning at me again. God his smile was so beautiful.
"Just makin' sure you weren't gonna try and cheat me of my date. I'm looking forward to it." he then hung up and continued walking. I got butterflies in my stomach.
My parents were furious when I got home.
"Justin we were worried sick about you. You couldn't at least bother to pick up and let us know you were ok. Also, it was completely rude and unacceptable the way you stormed out on your mother this morning." my dad was practically shouting at me from across the kitchen. I slumped down on the couch.
"Sorry, I guess I got a little side tracked." I couldn't help but let a grin spread across my face when I remembered about the afternoon with Allen. I started to tune my parents out. When I wasn't with Allen the thoughts started to come back.
So, does that mean your gonna start driving around a rainbow car and be a faggot all the time. No wonder you have no friends. They can all sense how gay you are.
I couldn't take it anymore and I ran upstairs and into my room, making sure to lock the door when I got in. I felt my dad's fists on the door.
"Hey Justin, open up!" I didn't reply and he sighed and left the room. When I was sure he had left I quickly walked into the bathroom and grabbed the razor blade still on my counter. This time I just slashed the blade into my skin. The wound quickly started to release blood and a few drops dripped into the sink. I moved up and down the length of my arm leaving little cuts all over it. Horrible thoughts wouldn't leave my brain and I couldn't make them shut up. I pushed the blade into my flesh, slowly building up pressure.
"Just shut up!" I screamed as I ripped the blade across my arm. It was quiet, finally. I looked down at the huge gash I had left. Blood was streaming out of the wound. I examined it a little bit, and thankfully it looked like I could get away with not having to get stitches. It would, however, need bandages. I didn't mean to go so deep. I just needed all of the thoughts to go away. I hesitated for a second to see if they would come back. Thankfully they didn't. I used some butterfly strips to keep the large cut from opening then wrapped it in several layers of gauze. Then I gingerly pulled the sleeve over it.
I felt a little dizzy so I flopped down on my bed then started to think about Allen. In a few short hours I felt myself starting to develop a crush on him. It was different than any crush I had ever had on a girl before. I started to realize that any kiss I had shared with a girl, such as Miranda, always felt a little odd. Perhaps that was why it was so hard for me to share my first kiss with a girl. I heard the door knob jiggle a little then open.
"I thought I locked that," I said as Alex walked in.
"Oh no, you did," she grinned mischievously at me. I just rolled my eyes.
"What do you want?"
"Your boyfriend, Allen, is calling you," I felt my cheeks redden as she tossed the phone at me.
"Alex, you're so full of shit sometimes." I called to her. She gasped, obviously shocked that I would ever say something like that to her.
"Hey, Allen," the sound of his voice was comforting. He wanted to do something tomorrow. I couldn't wait.
A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this. Also I had to write this while dealing with a very needy rottweiler who was trying to sit on my hands and kept whining at me. Since it was so hard to produce this chapter you guys should definitely leave a review. I just love to hear feedback from people so I know how to produce better chapters for everyone to enjoy. Also, like I said, I live off of them so yeah ;)