Love

We have lived in America for several months. Tao works for my parents as I predicted he would. He's picking up English quickly, which I did not anticipate. Somehow my mother managed to convince Z.G. to come with us to Hong Kong to be with May. Rabbits rarely fight for what they want. They choose the easy path everytime. My mother, the determined Dragon, had to practically pave the way for this reunion between May and Z.G. or it would have never happened, but once they saw each other, the love between them was so glaringly obvious that we all just melted. It was better than anything I have ever seen in the movies, even the ones I starred in. Z.G. dropped everything to join us, and I'm glad, not just that my biological parents love each other and are together again, but that they are near me.

I asked my mother not to tell Auntie May about our terrible secret, simply because I want at least one person in the family to not hate Tao. (I now feel it is our secret since we are jointly agreeing to keep it from Sam as long as possible). Of course she told Auntie May anyway. I knew she would. We come from a family of blabbermouths. Auntie May acted scared of Tao at first, but once she realized Tao loves Sam now and that we are working towards reconciliation, she opened up to him. I think seeing Tao willingly change a diaper without being asked to is what eventually won her over. She asked me where she could, "Get one of those handsome man slaves".

I smiled and shook my head. "He's not for sale."

Tao is not accepted in my family. He is simply tolerated. He seems content with that, although he still tries to earn Z.G.'s respect above all else, even though Z.G. can no longer give him the benefit of all his sophisticated friends and connections now that he is out of the high culture loop.

My Auntie May once joked, "I can almost understand why those people were going to do it. Sam's so cute; I could just eat her up too!" Then she pretended to nibble Sam's toes. It was supposed to be funny, but the room filled with a few fake laughs and many nervous stares.

"Tough crowd," May replied when she didn't detect one sincere laugh in the room.

One day after our shifts, we sit on a swing set and gaze at our small backyard. I look over at Tao. He's so content. I don't understand it. This isn't Shanghai. This isn't his dream. Then again, sometimes we make new dreams. People don't always live up to our expectations. Auntie May and my mother lied to me almost my whole life, but we move on from betrayals and lies and build from the rubbish left behind. Sometimes an entirely new miracle is born as a result, such as me not only being able to tolerate Tao's touch, but embracing it. I have actually welcomed his touch for a few weeks, but I have yet to tell him everything is fine or that I am happy with him as my husband. I have yet to tell him that I love him. The feeling has been building inside of me since we began to establish our little home for us and Sam. So while on the swing, watching Tao and his contentment in our simple way of life, I kiss him on the lips and finally say it.

"I love you."

"Good. It's about time."

I elbow him in the ribs. He laughs and grabs my arm. Then he pulls me into his lap, and we stare at our tiny backyard, both of us satisfied to relax in each other's arms and enjoy the luxury of idleness.

When night comes, he takes me inside and we make love. I tell him to go slow. I'm scared it will be like the last time when we did it in the village – frantic, hurried, just going through the motions to remind ourselves that we are alive and capable of reproducing, even though we were both too sickly to be fertile. He whispers assurances in my ear and is more gentle than ever before. Maybe it's because there is no obligation to produce a dozen offspring to please Mao or bring China to glory. The act isn't about mere reproduction to produce more of China's hardworking outstanding citizens, nor is it about the animalistic lust and desire we turned to when we had nothing else to make us feel alive. It means something this time. For the first time, our lovemaking is actually a reflection of our love, and I, to quote my mother, "See what all the fuss is about".