I woke up in the morning with my thigh throbbing in pain. I rolled over in bed and instantly cringed in pain. The feeling of fabric rubbing against raw exposed flesh was painful and probably opened up a few of the cuts again. But at least it was only a slight consequence of giving myself a clear head. And I still managed to keep my promise to Allen. I once again cringed, because I knew it was still going to disappoint him. I was face down into my pillow, breathing in the wonderful scent of Allen. When it wasn't being masked by cologne, his natural smell was kind of like when you're going camping and it starts to rain and the forest and trees just all smell so wonderful and you wish you could keep the scent forever.

It was sweet but not too sweet. It was foresty but not too strong like a pine air freshener. It was safe. It was comforting. A blanket of fragrant security. I wished that I could have the real deal right there with me but if all I had was a pillow with him on it, it would have to suffice. I could have stayed there forever except that it was hard to breathe with your nose in a pillow and there was the interruption of Max knocking frantically.

"Justin, Santa came! Santa came!" I laughed silently in my head. He was in middle school, but somehow he hadn't realized the improbability of a magic man delivering presents to millions of children if they're good.

"All right, buddy, I'll be down in a minute."

After laying there for a minute I finally rolled my body out of bed. That's when I realized that I was noticeably lighter. It took less effort for me too lift my upper body to sit up. I didn't realize that a few missed meals here and there was actually causing a change. When I flooded my room with fluorescent light I noticed that there was a huge red blood stain where I had cut. Thankfully this week was my turn to do the laundry. I slid off my pants and replaced them with some blue flannels after carefully cleaning of the dried blood. Thankfully these weren't nearly as bad as the ones that almost needed stitches.

When I made my way downstairs Max was already opening presents and looking through his stocking. I sat on the couch and tried not to react to the fabric on the cuts. My dad sat awkwardly beside me and said quietly into my ear, "Sorry about last night. I'm not saying I'm one-hundred percent ok with this, but I still love you and respect you." He gave me a half hug.

That was a slight relief but then that struck my memory of my dream and Allen being dead. But it wasn't real. I had to remember that. It wasn't real. It didn't matter how real it felt. But I needed a little reassurance. I quickly made my way to my room and grabbed my phone, sending a text to Allen. His reply was all I needed to remember that it was all ok.

It was New Years eve and after a little (ok a whole freaking lot) of convincing, I got my dad to agree to let me go out with my friends to celebrate. Of course I only had intentions to hang with one (boy) friend. I stared at myself in the mirror a little bit trying to decide how to get ready. After taking a shower and drying my hair I tousled it a little with some hair gel. Then I put on some aftershave and cologne. Then I put on a red striped shirt and a leather jacket over it as well as some cargo pants and Vans. The look was not too bad. A bit of a stretch from my usual style but I wanted to impress Allen.

Then I grabbed my phone and some cash and walked out of the door. The dry, winter air nipped at my face a little bit but under the jacket I was warm. I walked into the subway and got onto a train to some club downtown. I was a little worried that they might ID but Allen reassured me that he had me covered. The train was quite crowded, half of the people already drunk and making out with people. I wasn't really into the whole in-your-face display of affection and it made me a little uncomfortable. But I knew that if I were a little drunk and with Allen that I could probably do that. Funny how your perspective can change so drastically when the role is reversed.

When I got to my stop, I pushed my way though the people and emerged back onto the streets. It was starting to get dark and more crowded. I walked around looking for the club. Luckily, Allen was already waiting outside of the club in the middle of a line waiting to go in.

"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked. He turned around and a smile grew on his face.

"Hey. I'm good, I'm good. How are you? I hope things are better with your dad." He gave me a hug.

"Christmas morning he told me he was sorry for how he acted but that he wasn't ok with it but would still love and respect me. It took me forever to get him to let me go out tonight. He thinks I'm out with a bunch of friends."

"Justin, lying to your parents? How scandalous." We both started to crack up. The line slowly moved up and when we got to the entrance Allen showed his ID. The bouncer gave me a look but Allen reassured him that I was with him and couldn't be a problem.

When we got inside there was a group of people around the bar and on the dance floor. It was pretty impressive. A group of people who were strangers and friends and lovers and family and they were all dancing around each other and in and out of each other and it was just an ocean of bodies tuning everything out and having a good time. When was the last time I went out and let go of all my cares to have a good time? Had I ever even went out and been social and had a good time? The club was built around a large dance floor with tables in a corner and the bar on the opposite. I thought that was a little silly. Wouldn't it make more sense for the bar and seats be closer together and not past a bunch of drunk spasming people?

"Why don't you go sit down while I get us some drinks. Vodka and coke alright?"

"Uhh, sure." I had never experimented with alcohol let alone ever even tasted it. But if I had Allen to watch over me was probably a better situation to start drinking.

I went to an empty booth and sat down, fumbling with my phone in my hands. After about ten minutes Allen texted me.

A: Ha, I'm still at the bar. There are a ton of people over here. Don't think of trying to sneak out ;)

J: I wouldn't dream of it:)

Another five minutes passed until Allen approached with two glasses clinking with ice swirling around in brown liquid and a small plastic red straw. He sat down and slid one of the drinks to me. I sipped tentatively at the drink. It was slightly bitter but for the most part it wasn't horrible. After a few more sips it wasn't half bad. And after a few more sips I felt myself loosening up.

"You like it?"

"Yeah," I replied after taking a slightly larger sip.

"Well take it easy. The first time is always the worst."

"But it's making me feel so good and warm inside." My lips started to curl into a smile. This stuff was great. I wouldn't say I was quite drunk but definitely tipsy.

We made some light conversation about nothing really important. I mostly focused on Allen and how beautiful his was and how fine his jaw was sculpted and how his slight stubble was so damn sexy.

"Hey did I mention how absolutely sexy you look tonight? You clean up nicely." I got butterflies at the compliment.

"Well you're not too bad yourself," I replied.

When I finished my drink I decided that I really wanted to dance with Allen. I dragged him to the now very crowded dance floor. I slowly squeezed to the center with him. Nobody seemed to care, they were all absorbed in themselves and the new year. We started to dance simply just bouncing and swaying around and as the song changed to a faster paced one we started jumping and bouncing and having a good time. I started to get a little sweaty but I was now mildly drunk and I didn't care. I didn't care one bit. I was just focused on jumping and dancing around and having a great time with Allen.

After a little while I noticed that it was only a few minutes away from the new year.

"Hey, let's go outside." I suggested.

We exited the club and walked to a more private place. It ended up being about a block away from the club. Some people were walking by but most of them were inside or in Times Square and watching the ball drop or stuck in the not-moving line of cars on the street. Allen immediately started to kiss me and gently push me against the wall. I felt a little uncomfortable but tried to relax and remember that it didn't matter who saw. His tongue pushed into my mouth and rubbed against mine. I never really thought that someone using their tongue to deposit spit into your mouth was sexy but damn it was intoxicating. Or maybe it was the actual alcohol that was intoxicating. I giggled int phis mouth slightly at that. Ok I was definitely drunk.

His tongue left the taste of alcohol and mint on my tongue. It was delicious. I moaned slightly into his mouth. His tongue felt so amazing in my mouth and running along mine. It was an intricate tango. Ha, or tongue-o. I giggled once again into his lips. They were so soft and gentle against mine. Honestly I was so lucky. Allen was probably one of the jocks, definitely one of the nicer ones, but popular and cool none the less. And I'm the nerdy kid that loves to solve difficult equations and build highly sophisticated robots. But somehow, this handsome man sat dow next to me in a park one day and started to talk to me and then strangely, we fell into a beautiful love. I really was lucky.

My thoughts were interrupted by loud cheering and screams and party toys buzzing and blaring. It was the new year. And I had the perfect ending of a year and start to a new one. God that was cheesy. Once again I was laughing into Allen.

"What is so damn funny?" He asked.

"Just my thoughts." I replied, laughing even harder.

"Wow, ok, we should get you home. Actually, no, it would not be wise for me to return you to your parents in this shape."

I just kinda nodded and tried to kiss Allen, missing and kissing his ear. He carefully led me to the subway and let me fall asleep on his shoulder while we rode to his apartment. I woke to his gentle pushing and once again he led me and took care of me. We got to his apartment building and after I almost tripped and ate concrete steps, Allen resolved to carry me up the stairs. I cuddled against his chest while he chuckled slightly at me. Suddenly there was a bed under me and I was in only my boxers. He brought me some sort of orangish pills and a glass of water.

"Take this. Trust me, it'll help with the hangover in the morning."

"What's isn it?" I asked grabbing the pills and gulping them down with the water.

"Just some ibuprofen." He then climbed into the bed next to me. I gave him sloppy kisses. "Hey, stop right there mister. You're drunk."

"But I want to. I really want to feel you. C'mon, we've already done it before. Let'sh doo it again. It'll feel sho good."

"Yeah, but you're still drunk, baby. I'm not going to take advantage of you, even in the slightest tiniest amount." He gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead and then started to spoon me, wrapping me up in his warm arm and radiating his body heat all over me.

"I love you so much, Allen."

"I love you too, Justin. Now go to sleep."