Fred waited for her outside of her last class. He skipped his just so he could confront this girl.
She was the very first one to exit the classroom. Once her eyes laid sight of him she froze. It has been 3 days since he left the hospital. 3 days of no communication at all. She was planning on finding him today as well. But she was unsure if she was ready. Unsure on the right words to say. For once she had no idea what to do.
It was him who said the first words they seemed to pain him just as much to say the words as it pained her to see him.
"Can we go on a walk together?" He asked her.
She only nodded. For some reason tears began welling up inside of her that she had to choke back. What was there to even cry about? Everything was alright wasn't it?
No everything was a mess. A ruddy mess. She hated things being so complicated with him. Things never used to be this way. They were so happy, they were so simple. She wanted that once more. She yearned for it. But if she wanted Fred from now it would never be easy. Ultimately she'd suffer through any circumstances for him.
Because he was Fred and that was enough.
They reached outside and the snow crunched beneath their feet. That was the only sound that filled the air. The crunching of snow like whips of pain on Hermione's back caused by the pain that silence caused.
Perhaps it wasn't the silence that hurt, but because there was awkwardness and uncertainty containing in that silence.
They had moments of silence before but that silence was surrounded with love and stability. This wasn't the case today.
So for each crunch of snow beneath their feet interrupting the painful silence Hermione was only reminded of how uncertain they both were on what was soon to come.
Fred led them to a tree and sat right down in the cold snow not caring that his pants would get soaked from the white substance.
Taking off his top jacket he laid it on the ground next to him and gestured for Hermione to sit.
She forced a smirk on her face and sat down. An act like that used to be taken for granted. Used to mean nothing to her because he did them so often. But now it meant the world to her. These moments happened so rarely she cherished each time they did happen.
Silence enveloping them like a thick storm that only tormented them before Hermione's thoughts began suffocating her, "I hate this." She simply stated It came out so exasperated. As though she were on the verge of tears.
"I have so much I want to say. So many things I want to do. I have no idea how to say it or how to do it though." he wouldn't look at her. He only looked up at the grey sky. There were a few dark clouds in that sky covering up the sun.
It was as if the sky was as undecided as their relationship. Like It Didn't know if it wanted to storm or pass by letting the sun melt all this cold and bring forth warmth. Like it could go either way.
"Just do your best Fred. I'll understand what you mean either way." She said. That was once true. She used to know what he was thinking before he thought it himself. Now, he was so unpredictable if he screamed something at her and wrote it out on a chalkboard she wouldn't comprehend what he meant. There was no use telling him that though. It would only make things harder for him.
He nodded and sighed as if the sigh itself pained him. Like there were knives in his throat and with each intake of breath they stabbed him deeper.
He closed his eyes now completely turned away from her.
"My head hurts so bad. I have these dreams of you and me. They hurt me a lot. It's as if every time I feel like I'm getting answers the pain triples. Sometimes it's unimaginable. When I think about you my heart and my stomach go all kinds of crazy, but my head hurts so bad like I shouldn't think about you."
He sharply took an irregular breath then continued, "I used to think that maybe it would be easier if I never thought about you perhaps if I avoided you things would get better for me. But they don't. It makes my heart hurt so much more than I ever thought possible so no matter what I do there's this giant pain."
Hermione started crying silently hoping he didn't notice the drops that emulated all their sorrow falling down her face leaving behind streaks of red down her face. She could see his breath in the cold weather.
"But… Then I'm with you. Then I look at you and see how much pain I'm giving you. I think of your heart feeling the kind of pain that mine does. I hate myself when I see you in so much pain. I will see how you look in these dreams I get and compared to now…." he shook his head and balled his hand angrily in a fist.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you so much. I'm sorry I can't remember what happened. I know I forgot a lot. I know that the old me would rather die than put you through so much pain. I know one thing for absolute certainty. I know I love you. I know that when I am with you the pain in my head becomes manageable. It feels like the only reason I'm here is to prove to you I love you. I know that you don't love who I am now. I know you loved me so much and I ruined it by forgetting. It must be hard looking at the face you used to love so much but not loving what's on the inside."
He put his hands over his face to hide the tears now falling from his face rolling off his long pointed nose and falling onto the snow melting it just a smidge before disappearing.
Hermione stared at the spot his tear fell at waiting for him to finish his speech to her.
"I wanted to tell you it was okay for you to leave me. That I know it might be easier to move on from me because it's all my fault. But I don't want to tell you that. I want to find the most romantic words in the world to convince you there is still some hope in me. To convince you that one day you will look at me with those shining beautiful caramel eyes I see in my dreams. One day you will be My own again."
That last sentence made her eyes go wide. That name. That stupid name he always calls her. That name only he could call her echoing throughout her mind like bells ringing in a church.
"But I suck at words. I'm not a guy that can manage to do that. I'm just a pathetic guy who's really confused. Who doesn't know anything other than I love you. I love you so much and don't even know why. I don't understand how it happened, but I feel it and it's the truest thing I ever felt. It's the realest emotion that ever happened to me. I love you Hermione Granger."
The silence took over again although this time it wrapped them like a blanket of uncertainty, but something else. It wrapped her with love.
Malfoy's words from yesterday rang in her mind. What was she doing this was Fred. This was her Fred. The fact that he fell in love with her all over again is a miracle. He has sacrificed so much and this was all her doing. She did this to him it was her fault and here he was apologizing.
"Please say something." Fred begged her not looking at her still.
"Look at me." her voice cracked and he obliged her request.
Crystal blue met the swirling complicated brown. They were mere inches from each other. His eyes were filled with so much love she could see it the sparkling comfort she used to know. The eyes that she found a home in. He was still Fred.
"When you called me that. My Own… How'd you feel?" She asked not knowing why those were the words that came out. She wondered why she didn't wrap her arms around him and tell him she loved him too.
He furrowed his eyebrows and muttered under his breath, "My.. Own… My Own." he took in a shaking breath as the back of his mind twining with pain and his heart fluttered.
"It's good. My Own is good."
She smiled a little not breaking his gaze, "A man of few words."
"I wasted all the good ones earlier. I have none left." He chuckled.
It was a sincere chuckle like he used to a small little act he always used to do. It made her heart flutter and she giggled, "I wouldn't say wasted. You had a just cause."
"The cause matters not only the effect they had M'dear."
Hermione thought it was time to easy his uncertainty, "Its okay. "She said looking at the vulnerable face that searched and pleaded to find love in her response.
She could feel it. The love he had for her. For the first time it felt like it used to be.
"It's okay because I love you. I don't want you to try to remember. I don't want you to be hurt. I want to tell you I don't love you and that things aren't the same I want you to be at peace and I want you to be happy. Really happy. But I'm selfish and I want to be happy too. I was selfish since the accident happened. I did this to you. I hate myself for doing this to you and I thought I deserved all my pain and crying. But what's the point of two people who love each other to be in so much pain. It's stupid for me to expect you to search for a memory that's impossible to find. It was stupid of me to expect you to fall in love with me all over again, but you did anyways. How could I push you away Fred? You were always my weakness. The only thing that can make me stupid. Maybe the logical answer is for us to stop our pain and never speak again, but Dammit. No, I won't let that happen."
She refused to look away from him even when the tears were flowing more rapidly down her face, " And don't you for one second think I don't love what's on the inside of you. Don't let that thought cross your mind. If you think it ever again I'll hex you so fast… I love you. I love everything about you. If you don't remember so what. You are still Fred. The Fred I love. You are the carefree prankster that stole my heart. Never for one second believe that I don't love any part of you inside or out."
He reached up for the first time making contact his touch burning her skin as he wiped away the tears from her eyes that were now sparkling just as much as they did in his dreams.
"You're too beautiful for tears, My own. Your eyes can't shine behind such dark clouds." his face drew nearer and she smiled through her tears.
"You are so sappy, Fred Weasley."
He grinned just before he closed the space between them and finally their lips touched in the most innocent way at first, but the emotion behind it was nothing innocent at all.
It soon turned into a heated passionate kiss and she fell on top of him as they kissed and battled with their tongues caressing the others.
The pain in his head completely subsided at least for the moment and they were happy despite him lying in the snow and the snow melting and making him completely soaked.
When they broke apart just barely he opened his eyes to find her looking at him with such a love he finally felt okay. It felt familiar like this was how they should be.
"To put it simply I love you. You love me. That's all we need. We will be okay as long as we love each other. Let's stop playing these games that we've been playing. Stop trying to remember and I'll stop pretending you remember. Let's finally be happy together Fred."
She smiled at him and for the first time ever the smile met her eyes in a jovial expression that made his insides swell.
"Alright." Was what he said and it was all that was needed to be said. She stood up and shivered slightly, "Oh I'm cold now would you like to go back in and warm up?"
"Yeah. I'd like to change out of these clothes. Heh."
She got a wicked grin gracing her features and she said, "I'll race you." then she was off.
"HEY! No fair I'm not even up yet!" He sat up and realized there was something poking into his back he looked at the ground finding that he melted the snow away completely and there lying in the dead of the grass was a glimmering ring. It was a gold ban with a huge diamond and small sapphires and emeralds surrounding it.
He stared at the ring for a good moment before picking it up. This ring meant something it was important. He didn't know what it was or what it meant, but he knew he had to keep it. Slipping it into his pocket he got up to run after his beautiful girlfriend who was probably over halfway there. He'd have to take all his shortcuts to beat her there.