"No. I refuse."

"Come on, he'll love it."

"I know he will, that's why I'm not doing it."

"You can't stay mad at him forever."

"You wanna bet?"

Kurapika sighed, giving Killua a disapproving look. After the previous day, Killua had refused to even talk to Gon. Of course, he'd helped him to the medical tent and taken the day off with Menchi's permission to make sure Gon's shoulder wasn't permanently damaged, but, as Gon had tearfully told Kurapika and Leorio, he hadn't said a single word the entire time. Kurapika understood his reasoning; what Gon had done had been utterly stupid. He'd dislocated his shoulder, and somehow by only the grace of God none of his muscles had been damaged.

"Killua, why did you join the ground forces instead of the special task force your family is in?"

Killua frowned, crossing his arms as he leaned against the pole outside of the medical tent. After Gon had been treated, he refused to go in but he wouldn't leave the tent.

"I didn't want to be like my family. I don't like what they're doing."

Kurapika nodded, understanding the situation somewhat. In many ways, Killua and Gon were polar opposites from their family situations to the way they handled things. But if there was one thing they had in common, it was a quiet stubbornness that was hard to break.

"If you really didn't want to be like them, why join the military at all?"

Killua shrugged, avoiding Kurapika's eyes.

"I don't like what they are but I guess there's a part of them in me. I was trained to kill since I was young, so it was really the only thing I knew. When I thought about it, it was the daylight of the military or the darkness of the underground assassination association. Both choices were tempting in their own right, but I ultimately ended up here. I don't know why. Maybe fate steered me here or something, I don't know."

Kurapika listened intently. It was the most Killua had ever said about himself. Kurapika was pleased he was finally starting to open up more, and there was no doubt that a large part of that was thanks to the boy sitting only a few metres away inside of the tent.

"What do you hope to achieve here?"

The question seemed to startle the young, silver haired recruit, as if it was one he hadn't thought of before.

"I understand you want to get out of their shadow, but after these last couple of weeks, I can't believe that's still your entire goal."

Killua nodded slowly, then kicked at the ground, his eyes thoughtful. Kurapika didn't miss the way his eyes flickered to the front flap of the medical tent.

"I feel like… there's something I have to protect. No matter what."

They both knew what—or rather who—Killua was referring to. Kurapika and Leorio had been honestly surprised at how fast the friendship developed, and they constantly wondered if maybe Killua and Gon weren't telling the whole truth about how long they'd known each other. But then again, both men felt a kinship and protectiveness for their younger squad mates that shocked them. If there was such a thing as reincarnation… Kurapika shook his head. If that was the case, it didn't matter anyway. It wasn't like they could change anything.

"Do you want to stay by Gon's side?"

There was no hesitation in Killua's voice as he answered.

"Yes."

Kurapika nodded; he'd thought as much. Although… Killua sure knew a lot, but when it came to his own affairs, he was a little naïve. It was alright, though. Kurapika and Leorio had discussed it in detail, and they knew exactly what to do to help their juniors out. Leorio had proudly declared that he would do everything in his power to help Killua (and hopefully Gon, but who knew what exactly the innocent kid thought?) realize his feelings.

"If you're planning to stay by his side, you should at least talk to him. The silent treatment is childish."

Killua finally held up his hands in defeat. Kurapika was a hundred percent sure he would've never even had a chance of convincing Killua if Killua hadn't wanted to go see Gon himself. Kurapika held open the tent flap, gesturing inside with a raised eyebrow. Killua took the hint and went in, making his way to the back where Gon had been kept for overnight observation to make sure the swelling went down completely.

"Killua!"

Gon's smile was unsure as he looked up, shifting in his squeaky bed. The sling around his arm made Killua wince. He had to wear it for one week, but even though the dislocation hadn't been bad, it would still take another three weeks to heal. He technically wasn't supposed to do any PT or weapons handling, but the military left that up to Gon's discretion, as the dislocation was minor.

"I'm really angry with you, Gon."

Leorio stood up slowly, smiling at Kurapika meaningfully behind Killua's back as he left, pulling the curtain to give them some privacy.

Gon, for his part, wasn't sure whether to be happy Killua had spoken to him for the first time since the obstacle, or worried about Killua had said. Killua took a seat on the edge of Gon's bed, ignoring the chairs.

"The doctors say that if you'd strained anymore, the bone would've damaged some of your muscles, and it could've been irreparable. What you did was really, really stupid."

Gon opened his mouth to speak but Killua held up a hand, shaking his head.

"I don't want to hear it. I know you'll say sorry, but that you would do it again if the choice was there. That's what makes me angry. Gon… you have a self-destructive personality."

Gon's head dropped heavily, as if the phrase self-destructive was a rock that was physically crushing him. Killua crossed his arms, waiting until Gon looked up again to speak.

"When someone you love is in danger, you don't always need to jump to sacrifice yourself. The way you immediately come to that conclusion without considering asking for help or other options… It really scares me. Gon, are you…"

Killua hesitated, before finally deciding to come out and say it. He only half meant it, though; he wanted to say something that would leave an impression.

"…suicidal? Should I be concerned? It's like you try to find a way to justify your death and then once you find one, you just jump right in."

Gon's eyes were as wide as saucers, and for the first time he was at a loss for words. He gestured madly with his one hand, then it dropped and he blinked. Finally, he spoke, his voice coming out in a squeak.

"All I did was pull you up."

Killua nodded. That was true. It wasn't like there had been any life risking involved, but he still wanted to get his point across and with Gon that meant being extreme. Besides, there was no doubt in his mind that Gon would've tried to save him even if it meant his own death on the battlefield too. Killua leaned forward, placing his hands beside Gon's hips flat on the bed, and spoke slowly, seriously.

"If this happens on the battlefield and you die, what do you think will happen to me?"

Gon looked at him for a long moment.

"You'll live."

ARGH! How had whoever had raised this boy dealt with him? Killua wanted to find that person and either beg them for help or throttle them for letting him become so dense. Well, if he was going to blame anyone, it was Ging. It was a father's job to tell his son the way things were, straight up. Come to think of it… he wondered what Gon's mother was like. He'd have to ask later.

"No, I won't. If you die, I die. So if your life is in danger, so is mine. If you have to save someone, save yourself, okay? Because you're a part of me."

He hadn't meant for it to sound so… so much. His words were embarrassingly intimate in a way he hadn't meant for them to be. And yet… he meant what he'd said. Gon's light was the air he breathed. He couldn't imagine going to back to a world without this guy he'd barely known for a couple of weeks. He'd never considered himself soft or vulnerable, always thought his weak points were physical. As it turned out, he was learning a lot more about himself than he'd ever thought there was to learn.

"…Okay, Killua. I didn't know you felt that way. Sorry."

Killua blinked out of his reverie, studying Gon. He looked honestly regretful, and… happy. He looked happy and relieved.

"Killua… is it okay to feel that way?"

Killua frowned, wondering what Gon was getting at. Was it okay to feel that strongly about Gon? He should be asking that of his friend. Did Gon think what he'd just said was weird? Now he was beginning to worry.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… we've only known each other for two weeks. But I keep thinking that I can't imagine not knowing you. And every time I think about something happening to you… it hurts. So much that I want to hide you so no one can hurt you."

Gon fiddled with the covers, looking like a child caught doing something wrong. Killua released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, feeling as if someone had lit a warm, cozy fire in his heart that was slowly filling him up from head to toe. Gon felt the same way? Even though they'd only known each other for two weeks, Gon felt the bond between them as strongly as Killua did? Killua didn't know what to say. He knew he needed time to try and figure out just what those feelings were, since obviously Gon wouldn't know. But… knowing he wasn't strange, wasn't clingy or weird, was wonderful.

"Remember what I said when we first talked? No one tells me what to do. I don't care what other people think, so if you feel that way and I feel that way, they can all go screw themselves. We're friends and nothing anyone says or does can change that."

Killua wasn't sure if it was friendship or something else he was feeling, since it was something he'd never felt before. But it didn't matter. No matter what he felt, what he'd said still applied. No one could change his feelings, and he didn't give a shit if anyone tried. He leaned back, satisfied as a slow smile spread over Gon's face. It wasn't his usual cheerful one, or his sheepish one. It was warm, content and truly happy, and it made Killua feel all of those things too. He sighed. Just as he'd thought, there was no staying mad at this one.

"I've also been talking with Kurapika, and we both decided that you need some clothes. I'm rich so don't argue with me. I'm taking you to town and we're buying you some casual clothes. Also, I'm picking them out Mr. Boots-and-Shorts."

Gon laughed.

"Okay. Sounds like a date to me."

A date? Kurapika hadn't made it sound like that originally, but now that Killua thought about it, it really did sound like a date. Damn Kurapika's way with words. But Gon had just called it a date, and he'd even agreed to it. So, although he hadn't planned it to be like that at all, it seemed that Killua and Gon were about to go on their first date. In a completely friendly manner, Killua assured himself. Right. A date with a friend.

"What do you think of this?"

"Gon… that's the SAME shirt you showed me five minutes ago."

"No, the one I showed you was green. This one is blue."

Killua rolled his eyes in exasperation. He didn't know what he'd expected, but he should've known to expect something like this. Gon's sense of fashion was even worse than he'd imagined. Gon was constantly picking out clothes that looked similar, and none of them flattered him the way certain other clothes could. In fact, they only managed to make him look fifteen rather than eighteen. Dressed right, Gon could look like he was about twenty.

"Look, try this out."

Gon accepted the outfit Killua had picked up, frowning. A designer shirt with khaki shorts. He held it up to himself, shaking his head.

"You keep picking out clothes you would wear. I don't think they suit me."

Killua snatched the outfit back in annoyance.

"You're too picky!"

The woman behind the counter laughed. Killua's ears coloured, and he wondered not for the first time what other people saw when they noticed two young soldiers arguing over what clothes to wear. The woman behind the counter made her way around it, looking Gon up and down with a professional eye.

"Hi, boys. It's nice to see soldiers trying to develop a sense of fashion, so I'll help you! I'm Cutie Beauty, and I help out around the base sometimes."

She smiled, and Killua shuddered. She looked garish with the amount of makeup she had on, and the clothes she wore were way too over-the-top. But Gon nodded vigorously.

"Yes, please. Killua keeps picking out clothes that aren't comfy."

Killua bristled, wondering why he'd even agreed to this in the first place. But still… it was fun. Arguing over clothes, walking together, joking around. It felt like they'd done it before. But that was crazy. He kept having these strange feelings, sometimes even catching glimpses in his mind like memories, of things he'd done with Gon before. He shook his head; they made his mind hurt.

"Oh, I see the problem. Yes, your friend picks out clothes that would complement you, but you want clothes that are comfortable. I think I have just the thing."

'Just the thing' from her was probably a dress or something. But Gon let her drag him away, while Killua waited with crossed arms. He heard an excited exclamation from Gon, then the gaudy woman's chirping voice. If Gon liked it, it must be bad. He tapped his foot impatiently, wondering if Gon would actually try something on. Then he heard a mutter and the woman peered out from behind a rack of clothes, gesturing Killua over.

"Your friend needs help changing. His arm is hindering him."

Oh crap, he'd totally forgotten about that. Leorio had helped Gon dress himself before, and he'd said Gon would need help getting dressed for the next couple of weeks. Killua sighed and made his way over, opening the dressing room door. Cutie Beauty giggled, raising a mocking finger.

"And no hanky panky in there, boys."

Killua's face flushed; so people did think they were a couple.

"It's not like that."

He quickly shut the door behind him after his mutter, not wanting to get into an argument. Gon looked up, wincing.

"Sorry, Killua. I forgot about my injury. "

Killua shrugged; let bygones be bygones. As long as Gon didn't do something stupid again, he'd let this one time slip.

"I only need help with my shirt. I think I can get my pants off by myself. It's just getting the sleeve off of my arm."

"Okay, I'll take the sling off. Do you need me to hold your arm up?"

"No, I can hold it up, you just need to help me get my shirt over my head."

"Okay."

It was a much bigger ordeal than Killua had thought. He removed the sling and Gon held his arm stationary as he tugged at the bottom of his shirt and Killua tugged at the top. Actually getting it over his head made Gon gasp out as his shoulder shifted. Killua grabbed his hand, moving it away.

"I got it, I got it, don't strain yourself."

Gon nodded, and Killua was surprised. It must hurt more than he'd been letting on if he didn't insist on helping Killua take his shirt off. Once he'd gotten it over Gon's head, it was just a matter of sliding it as gently as he could off of Gon's injured arm. Man, if this was what it took just to get the shirt on and off every time, they should've waited for a couple of weeks to go clothes shopping.

"Are you sure you don't need help with your pants?"

"No, but I may need help putting the new shirt on."

Killua leaned against the door, waiting to make sure Gon really could get out of his pants. Now that Gon's shirt was off, he could clearly see the swelling on his shoulder, and it looked really painful. He'd have to make Gon ice it when they got back.

Gon struggled with his pants, shoving them down with one hand and wriggling, kicking his feet. It was comical, but… Killua looked away, suddenly feeling awkward. He was in a dressing room, on a date, helping his date get out of his clothes. If it had been anyone else but Gon, and if it had been any other situation but this one, he knew exactly what that would've meant. But it was Gon, so those thoughts were just stupid. Gon hopped up and down, trying to get his one trapped leg out of his pants, then he stumbled forward and fell.

"Shit!"

Killua caught him by his good shoulder and, not knowing where else to put his other hand, he grabbed Gon's waist. Woah. Gon's skin was really warm. And smooth. He'd never actually seen Gon with no clothes—it wasn't like he looked when they showered—but now that he did, he realized Gon had a nice body. Like a really, really nice body. His abdomen was solid muscle, and every muscle from his shoulder to his calf was toned and tanned. He'd always thought Gon was childish, but this was most definitely not the body of a child. This was the body of a man.

"You can let me go now, I'm fine."

Killua's cheeks flamed as he released Gon, looking anywhere but at his friend. He should've known from experience that not keeping an eye on Gon was a bad idea though. He felt fingers at the bottom of his stomach and he jumped, turning back to see Gon lifting his shirt and peering at his abdomen.

"W-what the hell are you doing?"

Gon looked disappointed.

"We're even tied in the muscles on our stomach. I thought I might be able to beat you at least in that."

Killua jerked his shirt down, hiding his discomfort with annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and get those new pants on so I can help you with your shirt."

Gon grabbed the pants Cutie Beauty had given him, frowning. He looked up at Killua pleadingly. Don't look at me like that. Don't make that face at me. Killua pretended he hadn't seen it, but Gon kept staring at him like a lost puppy. Finally, Gon spoke.

"Can you help me put my pants on?"

Was he paying for crimes in a past life? He shouldn't be feeling this strange at just helping his friend put his clothes on, but his face was warm and his heart was pounding as he crouched down and held Gon's pants so Gon could slip into them. Gon wavered, then sunk his fingers into Killua's hair to stay upright as he stepped into them. Why oh why was sliding Gon's pants up his legs making him react so much? His throat was dry, and he wanted to bolt, but Gon's hand on his head held him steady.

"What kind of shampoo do you use? Your hair is really soft."

Gon's fingers traced shapes on his skull and he could scarcely stand it. He finally got Gon's pants up and then he had to do the belt up. His fingers trembled and he could barely speak; Gon was still playing with his hair as if he were some sort of cat. He was just helping a friend get dressed! It shouldn't feel this weird! But getting Gon's belt done up was destroying pieces of him in ways he didn't know they could be destroyed.

"Stop! Don't!"

Gon's shriek made him freeze. His fingers had been shaking so hard they'd brushed against Gon's abdomen. Gon bit down hard on his lip, his face red, shaking.

"That tickles."

Oh lord. This was torture. Killua finally got the belt done up and he stepped back, his breathing shaky and his head spinning. But there was still more. He had to get the shirt on. Gon's hand had dropped from his hair, so there was that at least. But he couldn't get the feeling of the strong fingers moving across his head out of his mind. He closed his eyes for a second, taking in deep, calming breaths. There was no way he'd admit to anyone, especially himself, what exactly it was he wanted to do with Gon at that moment.

"Can you just… not move? It's making things hard."

Christ, he'd meant to say difficult. This situation was crushing his self-control and mental health. He fumbled with the tank top as quickly as he could, sliding it over Gon's injured shoulder then head, pulling it down, his fingers unintentionally trailing down Gon's back. Gon shivered, and then the shirt was on… but they were face to face. Killua was frozen, unable to move away. Gon didn't move either, he seemed to be searching Killua's eyes for something. Gon's mouth opened and when he spoke, his voice sounded strange, his breath hot on Killua's face.

"Do you want to—"

"Are you almost done in there?"

Cutie Beauty interrupted whatever Gon had been about to say. Gon quickly stepped back and grabbed the vest, the last part of clothing Cutie Beauty had given him.

"Yeah, just the vest left! I got this, Killua, you can wait outside; I'm okay."

Killua swallowed, turning away. Did he want to what? What? What was Gon going to say? Stupid, stupid woman, he'd really, really wanted to know what Gon was going to say. Well, it was probably something innocent, like 'Do you want to get ice cream after this?' No use worrying about it. He glanced over his shoulder at Gon as he opened the door. Gon looked at him, and for second, the look his friend gave him made his heart speed up. Then Gon blinked and gave Killua his usual grin as he gingerly shrugged on the vest.

When Gon exited, the clothes he wore were surprisingly good for him. Dusty green cargo pants, a tight white tank top, and a green sleeveless vest edged with orange. It was really… him. A style that suited him perfectly. Killua bought it on the spot so Gon could walk out wearing it, completely unprepared to help Gon dress and undress again. After that, the day continued normally—Gon did end up asking for ice cream and they flicked it at each other, laughing and trading jokes. But Killua felt like something had changed, just the smallest bit, between them. He couldn't decide if it was good or bad. Only time would tell. For now, though, either Leorio or Kurapika was going to have to dress Gon, because there was no way Killua's mind or body would be able to handle it even one more time.

A/N: Yeah, when Kite's around (or, ya know, not around) Gon tends to do some crazy things :'( I wanted to put a nice, kind of light chapter in before Kite (ahh I never know whether I should write Kite or Kaito the manga vs anime thing is messing with my head) but the next one is going to start getting into some crazy stuff. As for their memories... we'll have to see ;D Don't worry, I'm rooting for the best too so it should turn out alright if the characters don't try to take the story away from me. Anyway, thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed!