After the day with Gon, Killua was too frustrated not to do anything. If he'd ever felt like this before, it had been fine because PT would work him over until he was too tired for anything, but after that day, he just couldn't let it go. So now here he was, under the covers, flashlight in his mouth, holding a porn mag in one hand and… well, it was obvious what he was doing with his other. He'd made completely sure everyone was asleep, and he suppressed all of the sounds he made. It should've been fine—he had his mind completely focused on the task at hand (no pun intended) and he was thinking about the girl he was looking at. The girl, and nothing and no one else. He was about to push himself over the edge, when a small voice drifted up from the bottom of the bunk.

"Killua…"

He froze, his concentration shattering. Shit.

"Mm… Killua… are you okay? Your breathing is all funny."

Gon's voice was thick with the haze of sleep, and it had a hoarse tinge to it. The flashlight dropped from Killua's mouth and when he spoke, his voice was almost guttural.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

He closed his eyes, but nothing he could do could get his breathing back to normal. He was painfully caught between finishing and not, and Gon's voice was going to push him over the edge if he wasn't careful. There was no way he'd be able to convince himself his feelings were simply friendly if that happened, and no way he'd be able to look Gon in the face. He just had to wait for his raging desire to subside for a couple of minutes, then he'd leaf through the magazine. Yeah, that was—

"Alright. But if you aren't feeling well and you need help, you can tell me and I'll help you."

Help him… He couldn't stop the images flashing behind his eyes of Gon 'helping' him with this. His hips jerked and he turned his head frantically, biting down on his pillow as hard as he could to stifle his moans, riding waves of pleasure that made his head spin. Shit, shit, shit. Fuck, it felt so good though, and the image of Gon's hand replacing his own drove him completely over the edge. His breathing was ragged and shivery whimpers of pleasure barely stifled by the pillow spilled from his lips as he finished. Woah. That had been better than any time he'd ever done it. But… he clenched his jaw, banging his head softly against the bedframe. There was no denying it had felt so good because he'd been thinking of Gon.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

The covers shifted and Killua had no time to say a thing before he was face to face with Gon, who'd innocently lifted the covers off of Killua's head to make sure he was fine. Gon's eyes widened for a second and Killua thought he'd yell or get angry or make a big fuss. But he only leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Killua's. Killua drew in a sharp breath, his hips wriggling uncomfortably. He'd just gotten off, but if this kept up…

"Your head is hot. I thought your cheeks looked red. I think you have a fever! I should get you to the medical tent to check."

Gon attempted to lift the covers off of the rest of Killua but Killua grabbed his hand, shaking his head frantically.

"No! Don't! I'm… um… I'm fine. Really. If you still think I look bad tomorrow, I'll go with you then. I promise."

Gon hesitated, and Killua pleaded with whatever deity was listening to make his thick-skulled friend go back to sleep. If this kept up, he'd end up dragging Gon onto the top bunk with him and making sure the word 'friend' wasn't even a part of their relationship. Gon finally nodded, cracking a yawn.

"Okay. Just remember you promised."

He ducked his head back down and went back to his own bed, his breathing easily fading into slumber. Killua cursed himself in a hundred different languages as grabbed the tissues he'd prepared, cleaning himself up. This was bad. This was really, really bad. Because right now, the biggest solution to his dull, dark life was Gon. And, after this, he was undoubtedly also the biggest problem.

The recruits all lined up expectantly, idly chattering as they waited for their new instructor to show up. No one had any idea what he'd be like, they only knew it was a he. Gon was practically bouncing in excitement, wondering if it was someone who knew Ging. He beamed at Killua, who gave him a half-hearted smile back before averting his eyes. Gon frowned, his excitement dying a little. Killua had been like that all morning. At first, Gon had thought it was because he really was sick, like he'd seemed last night, but after Gon had insisted on checking his temperature and found everything was fine, it seemed that wasn't the case. Now, every time he looked at Killua, Killua almost refused to look at him. And when they made any physical contact, even if it was an accidental brush of hands, Killua would jerk away like he'd been burned. And he hadn't helped Gon get dressed at all.

Gon kicked at the ground, wondering if it was his fault. It seemed like Killua was really upset about something, and the only thing he could think of was the incident that had happened in the dressing room. Killua could read him too well, so he must've figured out what Gon was going to ask. Gon didn't know why he'd wanted to ask, but he'd felt strangely warm and exhilarated with Killua standing so close, and the question had sprung to his lips before his mind had even had time to filter it. 'Do you want to kiss me?' He'd wanted to know, because at that second he'd really, really wanted Killua to. And then they'd kiss for a long time, and then they'd press close together, and then… He frowned thoughtfully. They'd be naked in bed? It was much more boring than kissing, the whole sex thing. No, that couldn't be it. He didn't know would happen next. He only knew that was what happened with girls. But it had never seemed as exciting with them as it did when he thought about Killua.

He bit his bottom lip worriedly, wondering if Killua hated him now. Killua probably liked girls more. Killua probably liked girls like Aiko, who could dance and who were really pretty. Gon reached up and pressed his hand over his heart, surprised at the slightly nauseous feeling. If Killua knew, he would definitely think there was something wrong with Gon. Or maybe he already knew, and that was why he was being so cold. So what should he do? Should he try to convince Killua he could be normal again, that they could go back to being friends? Should he give Killua space? He had no idea; he'd never felt this way about anyone, especially not another boy. His hand tightened into a fist over his heart. He couldn't lose Killua.

"Hi. I'm going to be your new instructor. I'm Major Kaito. I uh… I normally don't do training, but the war is almost over so I thought it wouldn't hurt…"

Gon's eyes widened more and more and more, then a smile grew across his face that shone like the sun. He'd only spoken to Kaito for a bit, but he'd felt an affinity with the man he'd never felt with anyone before. It was different from Killua, it was more… well, family like. Kaito had told him about Ging, and how he'd found Kaito in a worn-torn village during one of his battles, and he'd seen something in Kaito he'd liked so he brought him into the military. He said he'd actually met Gon once, though he doubted Gon would remember, when Gon was a small baby. But Ging had been completely tight lipped about who the mother was.

"Kaito!"

Everyone stared in surprise as Gon ran up to Kaito and leapt, throwing one arm around the white haired man's neck and hugging him with ferocity of a little bear. Kaito blinked a couple of times, before reaching up to deftly untangle Gon from his arms. Gon didn't catch the look of surprise, then deep, horrible worry on Killua's face, as Killua felt a sense of foreboding worse than he'd ever felt before worm its way into his bones.

Then Kaito smoked Gon. Right across the face with his fist, sending Gon flying, rolling for a good few metres before he came to a stop. Everyone gaped in shock, then quickly stood at attention, all saluting. Menchi had been scary, but she'd never physically struck someone. Kaito had punched Gon so hard that when Gon sat up, there was a nice stream of blood coming from a cut in his cheek. Killua took a furious step forward, but Gon's laugh stopped him.

"That punch feels really familiar. I think I do remember you!"

His smile didn't dim even a little. If anything, it grew bigger, though he clutched his wounded shoulder with one hand and his fingers were digging into it in obvious pain.

"Gon, you still don't seem to understand that doing stupid things will get you and other people killed."

Gon looked down reflectively for a second, nodding before leaping up and making his way back to the line as if nothing had happened. Kaito gazed at him for a second longer before nodding in satisfaction and turning to the rest of the recruits.

"Weapons and martial arts. That's what I'm going to be teaching you. Everyone pair up with someone in your squad for the next couple of weeks."

The pairs were almost instantaneous. The only people who weren't immediately paired up were squad three. Killua opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything Gon walked over to Leorio and looked up at him seriously.

"Leorio, do you want to be my partner?"

Leorio swallowed thickly, his eyes finding Kurapika's. Killua turned away haughtily and marched over to Kurapika.

"I guess Leorio will have to be Gon's partner, since there's no one else left for Gon to pair up with."

The way he said it was hurtful. As if no one wanted to team up with Gon anyway, and he was the last choice. The kid no one wanted to pick. Gon bit his lip and turned away, his shoulders hunching up like a kid about to cry. He'd been too scared to ask Killua. He'd thought Killua might say no, and might even end their friendship then and there because he thought Gon was too weird to be friends with. Gon had no idea that he'd hurt Killua just as much by asking Leorio, so Killua had lashed out in fear and anger. Kurapika sighed lightly, nodding to Leorio, who took the hint. Get information about what the hell is going on.

"No."

Kaito was watching their group, and his quiet word made everyone turn to stare.

"Gon and Killua are a pair."

There was no room for questioning. His eyes said they had no choice. Gon nodded and made his way over to Killua, avoiding his friend's eyes. Killua did the same, and the two stood stiffly beside each other, not speaking or looking. It was worrying to everyone, to say the least. What could have possibly happened to make the two closest recruits in the camp fight like this?

"We'll do martial arts in the morning, then weapons in the afternoon. All while you're still taking classes, of course. Pairs, get together. I'm going to demonstrate how to defend a physical attack from behind."

The week passed slowly. It would've been extremely fun, had Killua not seemed so mad at Gon. He tried to get Killua to talk to him a couple of times, but ultimately gave up and decided to give Killua one more week. One more week, and then Gon would ask Killua if it was because Gon felt strangely towards him.

The weapons training wasn't bad, since they'd been learning a lot in class. Kaito's weapons training had some swords, but for the most part it was hitting targets with guns. Machine guns, pistols, sniper rifles, normal rifles… they practiced with everything. Gon managed to keep up by ignoring the pain in his shoulder, and the weapons training was more individual than anything so he didn't have to deal with Killua's foul mood towards him.

Actually, Kaito often came over to help him during weapons training, offering tips on how to lighten the load on his shoulder. It was selfish and Gon knew it, but he began ignoring Killua and dedicating all of his energy to Kaito. He wanted to see if maybe that would make his feelings go away, so he could go back to being just friends with Killua. That was what he told himself, but he knew deep down it was because Killua's scorn was hurting him more than he could admit, and he just needed someone to make him feel better.

"Kaito, can I stop by your tent and talk about Ging after supper?"

That had been the second day. Kaito had agreed, and Gon had stayed chatting with him well into the night. Until there was no way Killua could be awake anymore. After that, he was talking with Kaito every night. Despite the fact that he was sort of using Kaito, he really was enjoying himself. Kaito was becoming more and more like a surrogate father to him. Finally, the night before their day off, Kaito brought up something that had been bugging Gon all week.

"Gon… why are you and Killua so vicious during martial arts training?"

Gon looked down at his hands, twisting them together and apart over and over. It was true; they were vicious. But Killua had been the one who'd started it. The first day, they'd had to flip each other over their shoulders, and Killua had flipped Gon onto the ground with gentleness, sitting on his waist and pretending to plunge a fake knife into Gon's chest, as the training called for. But when he was done the exercise, his face had taken on a really strange look and he'd quickly clambered off Gon. Gon had a little more difficulty flipping Killua over, but he'd eventually managed to do it. The problem started when he'd sat on Killua's hips and pretended to stab him.

Killua had made the strangest noise, kind of like a growl, and he'd shoved Gon off of him with a force a hundred times harder than necessary. It had hurt much more than Gon let on, so Gon had retaliated, not thinking straight through the pain of his injury. They'd gotten into a huge fight and Kaito had to separate them. After that, Killua's use of martial arts had been rough, cruel. He'd kick, punch or flip Gon with an incredible speed and stand back afterwards and look away as if Gon wasn't worth the time of day. Minimal touching, minimal interaction. Just takedown. Gon had been determined to prove himself equal, so he did the same. But… it hurt. Every time they executed a move, Gon felt like a piece of him was dying.

"I don't know… Killua's just…"

Gon twisted his hand together painfully.

"He's just…"

He sniffed, pressing his lips together.

"Killua…"

Then the tears started to flow. He wiped his eyes furiously, but they wouldn't stop. He was just so frustrated at not being able to understand what was going in his best friend's mind. Killua acted the same around Leorio and Kurapika, so why was he so cold to Gon? Even when they'd first met, he hadn't been this cold. Gon pressed his hands over his eyes, trying to calm himself. He felt a warm hand rubbing his back, and then suddenly he burst into tears, sobbing.

"Killua hates me and I don't know why! I think he thinks I'm really weird because I wanted to kiss him once, and now he won't even look at me. He doesn't talk to me ever, and he doesn't sit near me. It's all my fault! I ruined everything because I wanted to kiss him, and now I don't know what to do. I can't stand it, because he looks so sad all alone! But he won't let me be with him. I'm stupid so I don't know what to do."

His rant was dispersed with sobs, and understanding of the situation finally dawned on Kaito. The way Killua only glanced at his friend when he knew Gon wasn't looking, then caught himself and seemed angry. The way his face coloured and he practically bolted away every time he touched Gon. The awkward, messy way they both tried desperately to hide their feelings despite the fact that they shared the same ones. Kaito let out a long sigh. He'd expected to do many things, but giving his best friend's son love advice for a requited love towards a Zoldyk boy wasn't one of them.

"Listen, Gon, I think I understand. Killua is—"

The conversation was interrupted by a scream. Kaito bolted up immediately, his hand flying to the pistol he always kept on his belt. Then came the sound of gun fire. Gon's eyes widened and he leapt up as well.

"It's coming from the bunks… Killua!"

Kaito's hand just missed Gon's top as he flew out the tent flap, running as fast as he could to his bunk. There were tons of dark shapes swarming through the base, and Gon was forced to hide himself in the shadows as more shapes came out and suddenly there were brawls and gun shots and screams and shouts. Somewhere on the base, a bell started ringing and he heard a huge, booming voice yell, 'We're under attack!'

Killua. Killua had to be alright. Leorio and Kurapika too. Gon slipped through the shadows, his heart pounding. At one point, a man ran up to him, a crazy look in his eyes, swinging a machete. Gon's body had reacted before his mind even processed what was going on, and then was a sudden spray of warmth across Gon's face. He glanced down to see the machete in his own hand, darkness dripping down it. Oh. He'd just killed someone. But there was no time to dwell on it—this was a war and what had to be done had to be done.

There was a huge blast and Gon was blown off his feet, launched approximately twenty feet from where he'd previously been. He lay on the ground for a moment, his ears ringing and his body feeling strangely numb. Kaito… was Kaito alright? Gon glanced back just a red flare lit up the sky, and his eyes widened. There were… those twitching things on the ground were… He closed his eyes for one second, allowing himself to feel a brief twinge of horror, disgust and pity for whoever the limbs had belonged to. But they weren't Kaito's and they weren't any of his squad mates, so he didn't have time to mourn for them. He stood up, one of his legs wobbling.

He glanced down and drew in a sharp breath; a piece of shrapnel was buried into the meat of his thigh. His mind told him to think rationally. Okay, he was in shock so he wouldn't feel it. Next… it hadn't hit a major artery, so he wouldn't bleed out right away. He took his shirt off, tearing a long strip out of it and tying it around the top of his leg tightly. He'd deal with it later. Right now, his first priority was his friends. He leaned down with a wince and scooped up the machete, thanking god that the adrenaline also made his shoulder's ache fade. He limped back to the bunks as quickly as he could, but it was too late.

He arrived in time to see soldiers painted camouflage from the other side herding recruits out from the bunks. He hid in the shadows, his eyes wild as he searched among them. His breath stopped. There. Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika were being led out of the bunk, shackles tight around their wrists. Gon crouched low, his fist tightening around the cold steel of the machete. There were about seven soldiers, total. But they were all spread out. He'd have to wait until he found a good chance if he wanted to take them all on.

They moved out quickly, dragging a line of shackled recruits with them. A couple of the recruits had yelled and tried to struggle, but they'd taken bullets to the head. Gon didn't allow himself to see which of his comrades had been killed—he kept his eyes on Killua, Leorio and Kurapika, following with the stealth of a wild animal. He would save his friends, no matter what.

It seemed like the trek lasted hours, when in reality the most it could've lasted was an hour. The recruits were exhausted, stumbling along meekly. But Killua… Killua kept turning his head every couple of seconds, searching the line frantically. His eyes were filled with fear, but it wasn't just fear for himself. Gon's heartbeat was painful.

"Eyes forward, you little shit."

One of the soldiers cracked Killua on the side of the head with the butt of his gun. Killua dropped his head, blood running down his face like crazy, streaming down his chin. Leorio, who was behind him, looked extremely worried, and Kurapika did as well. Gon felt something shift within him. He went from scared, frantic, and worried to calm in about a second. He drew in a deep breath, and stepped out from his cover.

"Die."

His arm moved in one smooth, graceful arch, slashing across the jugular of the soldier who'd hit Killua. The soldier didn't even have time to scream as he fell, and Gon faded back into the shadows. None of the recruits had recognized Gon, so they all stared in horror as the soldier fell, shocked at whatever had come out of the bush. It had looked like a monster—blood splattered across its face, its eyes deathly calm, a slight quirk of disgust on one side of the mouth. Killua looked up, his eyes widening. He hadn't seen Gon, but he'd heard the voice. He could've sworn it was Gon's… but it had been slightly different.

"C-Christ! Takashi's been killed!"

The rest of the six soldiers stopped as the one near the end found the body. He blinked, his face paling.

"It wasn't one of these greenhorns… the weapon was one of ours."

The soldiers all looked at each other now, mistrust growing between them. Gon's boots barely made a sound as he stepped out, and then he was swinging the machete as hard as he could. It hit skin, bone, other parts, and then there was blood, shooting, screaming and choked gurgling noises. No one knew what was going on, but Hanzo had managed to conceal a lock pick in his uniform and he'd slipped out of his shackles. He quickly ran along the line, freeing recruits as fast as he could.

"The prisoners are escaping!"

The shout drove everyone into a frenzy, as reinforcements with weapons from the opposite side began spilling into the clearing.

"Now!"

The chaos was multiplied by a thousand at Kaito's shout, and suddenly there were swarms of soldiers from both sides. Everyone was so packed together that using guns was impossible if you didn't want to risk hitting your own side, so everyone was using knives and machetes and swords.

Gon, who was now absolutely coated in blood, hacked his way through the throng as he searched for either Killua or Kaito. He narrowed his eyes as he saw someone creeping up behind Kaito. It looked like a woman, with short white hair and dangerous pink eyes. She grinned as she lunged, placing a hand over Kaito's mouth and dragging him away. Gon's furious scream was so loud it even cut through the din of the battle, but only one person paused to search for the source of the scream.

"If the leader falls, so do the troops."

The woman giggled as Kaito twisted out of her hold and pulled out a knife. She made a fist and knives slid out of her gloves, long and sharp. Kaito turned and ran, drawing her away from the battle. Gon only just managed to catch a glimpse of them and he hurried to catch up.

They fought through the trees as if they were doing some sick, twisted dance, until finally the trees opened up into a small clearing. And there was nowhere left to run—the trees were behind them and in front of them was a huge gorge, home to a swelling, frothy monster of a river. Kaito glanced back for a second, getting his bearings, then resumed the fight. Despite his incredible skills, the cat-like woman was getting the better of him and they both knew it.

"Kaito!"

Gon's voice was a gasp as he burst into the clearing to see the two fighting dangerously close to the edge of the gorge.

"Gon, stay back! This woman, Pitou, is a Lieutenant General for the other side!"

He hadn't meant to make it sound so obvious, but Pitou instinctually recognized what he was implying. She was irreplaceable on the other side, but he wasn't. So if he could take them both off of the gorge, it was their side that would ultimately benefit. She snarled in annoyance, her attacks increasing in pace and strength. Gon gripped the machete as tightly as he could, and started running. He had to save Kaito, no matter what the cost. Closer, closer, closer…

"Not this time."

The quiet voice made everything else fade to the background. Gon's head turned as if in slow motion to see Killua moving past him, faster than he'd ever moved before. Killua glanced at him for just one second and it was as if the world had been paused.

If Kaito died, Gon would turn into a husk of darkness and there was nothing Killua or anyone else could say to help him. So Killua would just have to make sure the man didn't die. He'd made a promise to be Gon's light, and he would. Gon had all the support and family he needed here. He would be okay.

Pitou screamed in fury as Killua wrapped his arms around her and shoved with all of his might. She tried to grab onto the edge as they flew out past it, but he held her arms firmly as if embracing her. When he was sure they were far enough out, he released her. And they both fell down, down, the water swelling up to swallow them. The last thing Killua saw was Gon's face high, high above him, Gon's arm reaching out as if he could still catch his friend.

Oh yeah. That's right. I guess I made another promise, didn't I? I promised I'd always be by your side… Sorry, Gon. It looks like this is one promise I won't be able to keep.

Then he hit the water with enough force to bounce his brain off the side of his skull, and the world was lost to him.

A/N: Fin.

...No just kidding, haha I'm cruel but not that cruel. On the down side, my week off is almost over so I'll be doing school and my part time job again soon so I won't be uploading nearly as often. :( Oh well, I'll do what I can. Maybe try to get in the next chapter so it won't be such a cliffhanger. As always, thanks for favourites/follows/reviews, you guys are awesome!